Treehouse of Horror XXXII Act 2 Full Dialogue: This Means Dino War

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we prepare for Act 3 of the Treehouse of Horror XXXII event to start on Sunday, it’s time to wrap up Act 2 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!

So here’s a look at the full dialogue for This Means Dino War…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

This Means Dino War Pt. 1
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Helen Lovejoy: Dinosaurs are destroying this town…not that it wasn’t already in ruins!
Grampa: Don’t blame me. Blame dinosaur me! And while you’re at it, could you put dinosaur me out of its misery?
Quimby: There’s no need for anything rash! City Hall has contingencies for situations like this.
Superintendent Chalmers: The Springfield National Guard?
Quimby: Something with even more firepower…the Springfield Militia!
Bumblebee Man: Son solo cinco hombres en camiones monstruo!
Sideshow Mel: Translating for our English-speaking audience: “That’s just five guys in monster trucks!”
Cletus: YEE-HAW! Translating for our non-Hillbilly-speaking audience: “YEE-HAW!”
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Quimby Unleash the Springfield Militia- 2hrs
Make Sideshow Mel Dramatically Rev His Engine- 2hrs
Make Homer Wish He Had a Monster Truck- 2hrs
Make Grampa Demand Dinosaur Him Be Killed- 2hrs
Make Grampasaurus Chase Monster Trucks out of Town- 2hrs
Collect Hilarium- x155.
Grampasaurus: My dinosaur posse will never be stopped by a bunch of yokels!
Cletus: Hey, I resembles that remark!
Sideshow Mel: And I take offense! But I shall not be vexed, for I am no yokel!
Grampasaurus: Fine, four yokels and one pretentious Shakespearean-trained blowhard.
Sideshow Mel: That’s better.

This Means Dino War Pt. 2
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Quimby: Maybe we can, er, negotiate with this monstrous Grampasaurus.
Superintendant Chalmers: This is America. We don’t negotiate until AFTER we’ve dropped bombs. It’s time to mobilize our army base.
Marge: What is this “army” you keep talking about?
Superintendant Chalmers: We previously equipped an advanced military base to fight off the hideous, slime-ball Rigellians. No offense.
Kodos: We’ve been on Earth long enough to know that “no offense” means we should very much be offended!
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Chalmers Demand a Military Response– 4hrs
Make Homer Chant “USA! USA!” – 4hrs
Make Quimby Concede to Chalmers’ Demands– 4hrs
Make Kodos Be Deeply Offended– 4hrs
Make Kang Try to Settle Kodos Down- 4hrs
Collect Hilarium- x115. 

This Means Dino War Pt. 3
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Quimby: Springfield doesn’t have a formal military, so who’s leading this operation? I’d be happy to lead from my hidden command bunker at 1223 Cowards Lane in Shelbyville. Damn it! Wipe that address from your memories.
Superintendant Chalmers: The Springfield town charter specifically designates all military operations be led by a descendant of Jebediah Springfield, and that means me!
Homer: Is Chalmers really a descendant of Jebediah Springfield?
Carl: He does kind of look like the statue — stone-faced, always up on a pedestal, has pigeon poop on his shoulders…
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Chalmers Take Command– 4hrs
Make Springfielders Enlist in the New Army– x3. 4hrs
Make Lisa Review the Town Charter– 4hrs
Collect Hilarium- x115.
Mecha Chalmers: Listen up troops…and trolls.
Moe: Callin’ a troll a troll ain’t very nice.
Mecha Chalmers: Sorry, that’s the school superintendent in me.
Homer: When is it going to be time to blow things up?
Mecha Chalmers: We’re not blowing things up. We don’t want to destroy the town.
Homer: *fires rocket into the library* Oopsie…
Mecha Chalmers: Maybe you should sit this one out.
Homer: Ohhh, I want to shoot more boom-booms!

This Means Dino War Pt. 4
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Bart: Chalmers couldn’t lead those clowns to defeat Ralph Wiggum, let alone the dinosaurs — although Dad blowing up the library was cool.
Lisa: No, it’s not cool. It’s very NOT cool.
Bart: Okay. Here’s something “cool” — a monster from a trans-dimensional space called the “Over Under” is at the mall. In order to scare away the monster dinosaurs rampaging around town, we’ll use a bigger monster like that to rampage around town.
Lisa: There is nothing that resembles logic in that plan.
Bart: You have something better?
Lisa: I’m working on it.
Bart: Until then, let’s get us a big, scary monster to fight for us!
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Lisa Go to the Mall With Bart– 2hrs
Make Bart Try to Recruit the Over Under Beast– 2hrs
Make the Over Under Beast Try to Eat the Kids– 2hrs
Collect Hilarium- x155.
Bart: Hey, there’s my guy, Mr. Over Under Beast.
Over Under Beast: REAAARAGH!
Bart: Right. I have trouble with “hellos” too. We were wondering…could we talk you into chasing some raging dinosaurs out of town?
Over Under Beast: Grohlorg?
Bart: Payment? Uh, I’ve got…like four dollars.
Over Under Beast: RHYEAARGHAR!!
Lisa: He’s going to eat us!
Bart: Maybe you should chip in a couple more bucks?
Lisa: SHUT UP AND RUN!

This Means Dino War Pt. 5
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Homer: Go, Team Springfield! Blow those dinosaurs back to the Flintstones age!
Mecha Chalmers: Do what the bald lout says! Attack!!
Skinner: We’re doing it, sir! They’re falling back!
Mecha Chalmers: One more push and we’ll have won the— Why is my mech suit shutting down?
Barney: And my machine gun just stopped working!
Bumble Bee Man: ¡Ay, ay, ay! ¿Por qué mi tanque no se mueve?
Barney: I agree with whatever the bee said. *burp*
Femme Fatale: Quimby’s running away!
Quimby: No, I’m not. I’m er…going on a fact-finding trip to Aruba!
Collect Dinosaurs- x15
Make Springfielders Battle Dinosaurs– x3. 4hrs
Make Mecha Chalmers Watch Equipment Fall Apart– 4hrs
Make Quimby Try to Duck Out on the Battle– 4hrs
Make Grampasaurus Lead Dinosaurs to Victory– 4hrs
Make Chalmers Watch Equipment Fall Apart- 4hrs
Collect Hilarium- x195.
Mecha Chalmers: Not so fast, Quimby! What happened to all of our anti-Rigellian military equipment?
Kang: Awkward! Rigellians in the room.
Mecha Chalmers: Uh, sorry. I mean, what happened to all of our “anti-dinosaur” military equipment?
Quimby: Well, er…I, er…may have, er…diverted some equipment funds to, er…build hotel rooms for, er…Geriatric Park, er…
Mecha Chalmers: That’s a lot of “ers” Quimby!
Quimby: Hotel rooms are very important to my, er, constituency outreach efforts.
Miss Springfield: Am I a constituency effort, Joe?

And that’s it my friends, the full dialogue for Act 2 of Treehouse of Horror XXXII!

Thoughts on Act 2? Dialogue? Where do you think the story will head in Act 3? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!