Holiday Whodunnit Premium Dialogue: Nutcracker

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

In our games, the snow is falling and TSTO is calling yoo hoo!  It’s the most wonderful time of the year Tappers, Christmas in TSTO!

Act 4 of this event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this holiday whodunnit. The Nutcracker is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the full dialogue questline for the Nutcracker…

More details on the Nutcracker can be found here

Nuts to That Pt. 1
Nutcracker starts

Lenny: It’s just a costume. There’s no way you can actually crack nuts with it.
Carl: Yeah, I’m with Lenny. It’s not like you’re a real nutcracker.
Nutcracker: Real or not, I am a method actor. I seek to embody my character whenever possible.
Moe: I’ll bet your tab tonight that you can’t crack one of these walnuts.
Carl: Why do you care, Moe? You afraid he’s gonna ruin your nuts scam?
Moe: The bar code says I have to put out nuts. It doesn’t say what kind of nuts. It’s not my fault you guys can’t crack ‘em.
Lenny: Well, if this guy can crack these, then I’m eating my weight in walnuts tonight.
Nutcracker: Enough banter. You have a wager, Moe.
Make Nutcracker Try to Crack a Walnut- 4hrs
Make Moe Watch Nervously- 4hrs
Make Lenny Cheer Him On- 4hrs
Make Carl Cheer Him On- 4hrs
Moe: Ha! I knew it! You’re paying double tonight.
Nutcracker: I’ve been hoodwinked!
Moe: I didn’t wink no hoods. You lost the bet fair and square.
Nutcracker: Not by you, by the maker of this costume. I was told it could crack nuts.
Lenny: You gonna get a refund?
Nutcracker: And abandon my role? Nuts to that!
Carl: You were drunk and can’t remember where you bought it, huh?
Nutcracker: That’s beside the point!

Nuts to That Pt. 2
Nutcracker starts

Nutcracker: I’ve been told you’re the one in town to go to when you need some engineering done.
Frink: You were told right. Looking for a personal space laser? Maybe a mind-control device? A shrink ray?
Nutcracker: I need this nutcracker costume to actually crack nuts.
Frink: Hmm. A bit pedestrian by my standards. Can I at least use lasers?
Nutcracker: Uh, sure.
Make Frink Design the Nutcracker 9000- 4hrs
Make Nutcracker Test the Nutcracker 9000- 4hrs
Nutcracker: *coughs* I wanted it to crack the nuts, not vaporize them.
Frink: The shell was destroyed. It fully meets the client specifications.
Nutcracker: Can you design something that will crack open a nutshell but leave it mostly intact?
Frink: Classic scope creep. You wanna move the goalpost, I’m doubling my fee.
Nutcracker: I have to pay for this?

Nuts to That Pt. 3
Nutcracker starts

Jesus Christ: So you want me to grant a miracle so that your costume can crack nuts?
Nutcracker: No, no. Not looking for any miracles.
Jesus Christ: I mean, it’s not as nuts as some of the requests I get. See what I did there?
Nutcracker: Yes Jesus, you’re hilarious. But I’m not here for your comedy stylings, or a miracle. I was hoping to avail myself of your carpentry skills.
Jesus Christ: Oh, sure. It’s nice to be asked to do something besides turning water into beer.
Nutcracker: So you’ll do it? I need you to upgrade the costume so it’ll crack nuts.
Jesus Christ: Sure, I’ll take a crack at it.
Nutcracker: Ha.
Jesus Christ: You know, you don’t have to laugh if you don’t think my jokes are funny.
Nutcracker: You won’t smite me?
Jesus Christ: No, that’s more my dad’s speed.
Make Jesus Attempt Carpentry- 4hrs
Make Nutcracker Test Jesus’ Handiwork – 4hrs
Nutcracker: Well, that was a bust. I thought you were a carpenter!
Jesus Christ: I haven’t done carpentry in two thousand years. I’ve been a little busy with the whole “dying for humanity’s sins” thing.
Nutcracker: This sucks. I’ll never amount to anything as an actor if I can’t even embody this one role.
Jesus Christ: Whatever, you owe me thirty bucks.
Nutcracker: I have to pay for this, too?!
Jesus Christ: Consider it a tithe. You can write it off on your taxes, for…some reason.

Nuts to That Pt. 4
Nutcracker starts

Nutcracker: Hello, Santa. I’d like to turn in my resignation.
Santa Claus: Oh? Why?
Nutcracker: I just don’t feel like I’m truly embodying the character. I can’t even crack nuts.
Santa Claus: Well, if you’re not happy playing the Nutcracker, I guess you should find something more suited to you.
Nutcracker: Oh, but I do enjoy it very much! Except for the times when people hit me in the groin to make a stupid pun.
Santa Claus: And do you not see all of the faces light up when you march into a room?
Nutcracker: It’s hard to see out of the mouth hole.
Santa Claus: I think you should stay. The nutcracker may have started out as a tool, but he quickly became a symbol of Christmas that brings joy to millions, and you certainly do embody that spirit.
Nutcracker: Wow, you made me feel better just like a parent is supposed to.
Santa Claus: They don’t call me Father Christmas for nothing.
Make Nutcracker Tear Up His Resignation- 4hrs
Make Santa Be Proud – 4hrs
Nutcracker: So, if you’re Father Christmas, why don’t I get an allowance?
Santa Claus: You do my boy; it’s called a paycheck.
Nutcracker: It was worth a shot.

And that’s it my friends, the Nutcracker’s premium dialogue.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy the Nutcracker?  Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

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