Hell on Wheels Premium Dialogue: Kliff

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Rev those engines Tappers because Hell on Wheels has arrived! Which car will be the king of the derby?  Well, it’s up to you to find out in TSTO’s latest update…Hell on Wheels!

Act 1 of this event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Kliff is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Kliff, here’s the full dialogue for A Cheap Kar Named Desire…

More details on Kliff can be found here…

A Cheap Kar Named Desire Pt. 1
Kliff starts

Kliff: Here is the final paperwork, Mr. Van Houten. Financing agreement, transfer of ownership, and, of course, dealership fraud liability waivers.
Kirk: Are you sure a new car will really make me look more impressive?
Kliff: No doubt! People are sure to look at you and say, “Now there’s a man who’s not afraid to accept the first offer on a car loan”! Someone from our finance department will walk you through everywhere you need to sign.
Kirk: I don’t have a pen.
Kliff: No problem. What kind of a pen were you in the market for? We sell all kinds.
Make Kliff Advertise Krooked Deals- 4hrs
Make Kirk Sign Financing Papers- 4hrs
Kliff: Another dope, another dollar. Kliffy, my boy, you are a sales genius!
Fat Tony: Hello, Kliff.
Kliff: Fat Tony! I thought we weren’t supposed to meet in…you know, daylight.
Fat Tony: I have an urgent need for an automobile.
Kliff: Oh. Can I interest you in a 2018 sedan with barely 200,000 miles on it?
Fat Tony: No. No, you cannot.

A Cheap Kar Named Desire Pt. 2
Kliff starts

Fat Tony: The automobile for which I have an urgent need is one that I previously asked you to offload.
Kliff: I’ve already sold every car you ever brought me. Just like we agreed.
Fat Tony: And I am telling you I need one of those cars back, Kliff. A certain individual from our organization left something, shall we say, “perishable” locked in the trunk of the car in question.
Legs: I’m really sorry about that, boss. I was in a rush to get home so I wouldn’t miss the Succession finale.
Make Kliff Search Sales Records- 4hrs
Make Legs Loom Menacingly – 4hrs
Make Louie Loom Menacingly- 4hrs
Kliff: I’m afraid I sold the car you’re looking for.
Fat Tony: It’s good that you’re afraid. Because that fear will inspire you to retrieve it faster.
Kliff: I sold it very recently, so I’m sure I can get it back for you, Tony.
Fat Tony: I hope so, Kliff. You wouldn’t want Legs to earn his nickname breaking yours. And you really don’t want Louie to earn his nickname.
Kliff: W-what’s Louie’s nickname?
Fat Tony: Nuts.

A Cheap Kar Named Desire Pt. 3
Kliff starts

Kliff: Thank you for meeting with me, Mister Van Houten. As I said on the phone, I am prepared to make a generous offer to buy back your car.
Kirk: Well, if you want the car back, you’re going to have to do more than offer me money. I want you to make my wife happy.
Kliff: You can’t possibly mean that the way it came out.
Kirk: I need to impress Luann. So, I want you to hire me and make me your Employee of the Month.
Kliff: Whew! That’s a relief. Candidly, I can’t even make my wife “happy”.
Kirk: That’s good to know. Now I’m going to have to come up with a new Plan B.
Make Kliff Award Employee of the Month- 4hrs
Make Kirk Accept Employee of the Month- 4hrs
Kliff: Here you are, Kirk. Employee of the Month!
Kirk: See, Luann? This is a pretty big deal. Awards like this don’t get given out all the time.
Luann: Right, Kirk. Only every single month. Is that everything? Can we go now?
Kirk: Um, just one minute, honey. I need to talk to Kliff for a second. It didn’t work, Kliff. I can’t believe overt deception didn’t work.
Kliff: Neither can I. But then, I’m a used car salesman.

A Cheap Kar Named Desire Pt. 4
Kliff starts

Kirk: So, here’s the new plan: I’ll be walking along, minding my own business, and you run into me.
Kliff: You want me to run into you…with a car?
Kirk: Uh-huh.
Kliff: *sigh* I suppose I’ve done worse things to make a sale. But you’ll give me your car back whether this works or not.
Kirk: Oh, it’ll work. Once Luann sees how pathetic I am, she’ll remember why she married me.
Make Kliff Perform a Hit-And-Run- 4hrs
Make Kirk Fake Getting Hit by a Car- 4hrs
Kirk: Oh, my leg! I can’t believe you hit me with your car!
Kliff: Good, you’re alive. Now if you’ll kindly sign over the car, you’ll be the only one with a broken leg.
Kirk: Sure. But Kliff, could you keep my Employee of the Month award on your wall?
Kliff: You don’t even work for me, Kirk.
Luann: Wow. You are so pathetic… *starry eyed* …my darling Kirk.
Kirk: *satisfied wink*

A Cheap Kar Named Desire Pt. 5
Kliff starts

Kliff: Here’s the car, Fat Tony, just like I promised.
Fat Tony: You have honored our agreement, Kliff, and you can therefore continue living with all of your leg bones intact. *opens trunk* Ah, there it is. Six loaves of my mother’s homemade bread. A few days old, but still a satisfying reminder of home.
Kliff: And I thought your “perishable” was going to be a dead body.
Fat Tony: Is that what you thought? I find that an offensive stereotype. You can expect a visit from my new associate, Kneecaps.
Kliff: *nervous gulp* Hey, Tony, why not just keep the car as a form of an apology.
Fat Tony: Thank you, Kliff. I like this car. It has lots of trunk space to conceal
Make Kliff Swindle Another Customer- 4hrs
Make Grampa Shop for a Kar- 4hrs
Make Moleman Shop for a Kar- 4hrs

And that’s it my friends, Kliff’s full dialogue!

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Kliff? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!