Hell on Wheels Premium Dialogue: Crazy Vaclav

Just a side note: I was hoping to have a prize post ready for you guys today, but work has been a bit hectic and I haven’t had the chance to get that written up.  So I’ll have the first prize post up tomorrow, followed by the Fancy Duffman breakdown, and the full Act 2 dialogue over the rest of the week.  Remember Act 3 starts on Sunday (yes, I’ll still have a reminder post up) so still lots of time with this one. 

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Rev those engines Tappers because Hell on Wheels has arrived! Which car will be the king of the derby?  Well, it’s up to you to find out in TSTO’s latest update…Hell on Wheels!

Act 2 of this event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Crazy Vaclav is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Crazy Vaclav, here’s the full dialogue for The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold…

More details on Crazy Valcav can be found here…

The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold Pt. 1
Crazy Vaclav starts

Crazy Vaclav: Third quarter of low auto sales in row. Is no good. Maybe things get better with new models.
Rex Banner: The only new thing you’ll be modeling is stripes. In the slammer.
Crazy Vaclav: Stripes? Slammer? You talk like old movie cliché.
Rex Banner: Bottle the sauce, Yakov, you’re under arrest.
Crazy Vaclav: Is Vaclav. Yakov is cousin. Why is under arrest?
Rex Banner: Tax evasion. You owe federal, state, county or city taxes, and your neighborhood watch dues are late, too, but that’s not my jurisdiction.
Crazy Vaclav: How can Vaclav pay income tax if Vaclav has no income? Is just honest businessman suffering in hard economic time. Yet you treat Crazy Vaclav like spy!
Rex Banner: You’re saying you’re a spy?!
Crazy Vaclav: No! Absolutely not!
Rex Banner: Exactly what a spy would say!
Make Rex Banner Grill Vaclav- 4hrs
Make Crazy Vaclav Insist He Loves America- 4hrs
Rex Banner: What exactly do you do here?
Crazy Vaclav: Vaclav buy, sell, and trade within ring of Eastern Europeans.
Rex Banner: A spy ring, eh?
Crazy Vaclav: Okay, Crazy Vaclav could have worded better.
Rex Banner: Listen, Vaclav. You help me take down your spy ring and I can promise you immunity.
Crazy Vaclav: Okay, you buy car from Vaclav and Vaclav gives you names of other members of ring.
Rex Banner: Sounds reasonable.
Crazy Vaclav: Vaclav doesn’t know that word but you got deal. You like car with roof or no?
Rex Banner: You have convertibles?
Crazy Vaclav: Ah, no. Just some cars have no roof.

The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold Pt. 2
Crazy Vaclav starts

Crazy Vaclav: Who is fancy man in dinner jacket?
Agent Bont: The name’s Bont. Agent Bont.
Rex Banner: I sent for him because he has experience busting up spy rings.
Crazy Vaclav: Is true? You buy car from Vaclav and add to your experience.
Agent Bont: Do you have an Aston Martin?
Crazy Vaclav: Sure. Keys in pig farm outside town. Buried under a trough. You dig them up and I give you good deal.
Agent Bont: But I might get…dirty.
Rex Banner: Oh, big shot spy doesn’t want to get dirty. C’mon Bont, go get the keys and let’s bust up this spy ring.
Make Crazy Vaclav Send Bont to Dig Through a Pig Sty- 4hrs
Make Agent Bont Try to Keep His Suit Clean- 4hrs
Cletus: I caught this here British feller rootin’ in my pig trough. He says you sent him. *cocks shotgun*
Agent Bont: He got the drop on me. Please tell him something to get him to put down the shotgun.
Crazy Vaclav: No problem. Cletus is long lost brother from the old country, right Cletus?
Cletus: I do have a lot of brothers who are old and from the country.
Crazy Vaclav: Is right! Now is perfect time to buy a new pickup truck from Brother Vaclav.
Cletus: I reckon it is.
Agent Bont: Nice work Vaclav. But he still has the gun pointed at my head.

The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold Pt. 3
Crazy Vaclav starts

Crazy Vaclav: Hat cop and tuxedo man still here?
Rex Banner: Yes! You told us you would give us the names of your spy ring confederates if we bought a car from you.
Agent Bont: And we’ve each bought three cars!
Crazy Vaclav: Is good. Okay, here is new plan: Vaclav call spy comrade Zutroy and you watch us talk spy talk from van.
Rex Banner: Van, what van?
Crazy Vaclav: Van with video recording equipment and tinted windows.
Agent Bont: We don’t have a van like that.
Crazy Vaclav: Oh, then Vaclav has a deal for you! Right this way…
Make Crazy Vaclav Sell a Surveillance Van to the Feds- 4hrs
Make Rex Banner Buy a High-Tech Surveillance Van- 4hrs
Make Zutroy Watch- 4hrs
Rex Banner: That was a complete waste of time! You two didn’t say anything about spying.
Agent Bont: Or a word in English!
Crazy Vaclav: Vaclav doesn’t think Zutroy speak English.
Zutroy: I speak perfect English.
Rex Banner: You do? Then what did you two talk about?
Zutroy: Vaclav said he would give you the identities of the members of the spy ring if you buy one more car from him.
Agent Bont: But we’ve already bought a fleet of cars!
Zutroy: He said ONE MORE car. Don’t you understand English?

The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold Pt. 4
Crazy Vaclav starts

Agent Bont: We’ve been outside Lugash’s Gym for hours and I haven’t seen a single Russian.
Rex Banner: Quit whining, Bont! You’re the one who insisted on coming along.
Agent Bont: Yes, but I’m all scrunched up in the tiny back seat of your new car!
Rex Banner: It’s not MY new car. It’s the government’s new car. At least it will be if they approve my expense report.
Crazy Vaclav: Quiet! Look and use microphone.
Rasputin: Good day, Lugash!
Agent Bont: A Russian! He’s even got the requisite red beard!
Lugash: Good day, Rasputin! I have your item ready for pickup.
Rex Banner: It’s a pickup! Good work, Vaclav.
Make Rex Banner Bust Lugash- 4hrs
Make Lugash Get “Busted”- 4hrs
Make Agent Bont Search Rasputin- 4hrs
Make Rasputin the Friendly Russian Suplex Agent Bont- 4hrs
Make Crazy Vaclav Watch Comical Spy Bust- 4hrs
Agent Bont: You suplexed me!
Rasputin: Was honest mistake. Man in tuxedo is very out of place. Is best to suplex and ask questions later.

The Salesman Who Came in From the Cold Pt. 5
Crazy Vaclav starts

Rex Banner: Wait, what is this item you were picking up? Is this…underwear?
Rasputin: Is Rasputin’s new wrestling singlet. I ask comrade Lugash to order because he get discount through gym.
Agent Bont: Did we just bust a tighty-whities handoff?
Rasputin: They are actually tighty-reddies.
Agent Bont: I think that suplex gave me a concussion. That’s the only logical explanation for this nightmarish experience.
Rex Banner: I’ll call an ambulance.
Crazy Vaclav: No need to call. Vaclav will sell you ambulance.
Make Rex Banner Back Out of Deal- 4hrs
Make Crazy Vaclav Pay Back Taxes- 4hrs
Rex Banner: I’m not buying any more cars from you!
Crazy Vaclav: Is fine, Agent Banner. Crazy Vaclav already make plenty of money from cars you buy, pay back taxes now.
Rex Banner: That deal is off, too!
Crazy Vaclav: Oh no, Crazy Vaclav remember citizenship classes! Protected by most sacred American value.
Rex Banner: And what’s that?
Crazy Vaclav: “All Sales Final”!

And that’s it my friends, Crazy Vaclav’s full dialogue!

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Crazu Vaclav? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

2 responses to “Hell on Wheels Premium Dialogue: Crazy Vaclav

  1. So what you are saying is,
    Work is more important than we.
    I’m glad we got this out in the open.

    Enjoy lunch, second best thing that will happen today, being Monday
    The best is yet to come – in about four or five hours.

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