Helloooooooooooo High Rollers! How’s the City of Simp-sin treat treating you?
In our silly lil game, we sometimes see things pop in that we have no clue as to their Origin. They seem familiar, but we just can’t pinpoint from where. So that is why we decided to make a fun lil reminder out of it. To let you know just Where Did THAT Come From?
So EA did it again and threw a big ol’ mega event our way to use up our free time. This round of event goodness centers around casinos and gambling but what’s a trip to Springfield Vegas without some drunken accidental marriage? I’m loving all the new glitz and glamor in my town and even better, there’s a ton of new stuff to write origins for. For the installment, we’ll take a look at the Vegas Wives offered for 115 donuts.
“Viva Ned Flanders” (S10:E10)
At first it may seem strange to have two premium characters in town with the same last names as Marge and Maude but that’d only be because you hadn’t seen this episode. At a car wash, Homer finds out that Flanders (aka Churchy LaFemme) is actually a senior citizen… he’s 60. “Clean living, chewing thoroughly, and a daily dose of vitamin Church” are the key. He’s resisted all the major urges including splurging and eating an entire birthday cake and blaming it on the dog, licking maple syrup off his lover’s stomach, or sneaking out of church to break into cars. You name it he hasn’t done it. Sixty years old and he’s never lived a day of his life. Heck… even Grampa and Jasper are living up their senior days. Ned feels like he’s wasted his life on plain white bread with a glass of water on the side for dipping.
He turns to Homer to spice up his life. Flawless Flanders needs help from Stinky Pants Simpson. Homer takes Ned to Las Vegas to teach him how to have fun. “The lights, the sounds, the letter X, it’s all designed to inflame the senses.” Vegas has lots of funny stuff and apparently likes shows featuring lesbians. Lance Murdock and his Suicycle, the dog doo stick, gambling, blood lust… all to be found at Nero’s Palace. The two imperial conquerors enjoy their libations and the cocktail waitresses should look familiar. Bring on the morning and the realization that both Homer and Ned got married.
It’s even all been caught on video. While we never see the outside of the Impulse Wedding Chapel, the video is clearly from there (so the new original building is sort of from this episode too.)
The men try to explain that they are already married but Ginger Flanders and Amber Simpson are not too keen on the idea of losing their new husbands. The boys end up running away when it seems there’s nothing that can be done. The chase ensues through the casino. They’re finally stooped by security, Gunter & Ernst, Drederick Tatum, and The Moody Blues.
Homer and ned try to escape in a car you can win in the casino but are caught and beat down. The gaming commission throws them out of Nevada. Amber and Ginger decide to stay in Vegas opting be with Gunter & Ernst instead of the husbands who want to abandon them. Homer and Ned decide that the official story is they were out buying their Springfield wives gifts and were abducted by aliens. Homer saved the world by blowing them up but unfortunately Ned was gang-probed.
But that’s not the end for Ned and Homer’s polygamy. In “Alone Again, Natura-Diddily” (S11:E14), Ned is super down after Maude is killed in a freak t-shirt cannon accident. But Ned shouldn’t be down on himself… “Those floozies we married in Vegas were crazy about you.” Pretty great that Marge has no idea what Homer is talking about. Ned and Homer are good secret keepers apparently.
But this origin isn’t only random mentions in episodes and a secret can’t keep forever. Ginger and Amber reappear in “Brawl in the Family” (S13:E7). The repeal of all environmental laws by the Springfield Republicans results in acid rain. Nothing like some Star Wars Monopoly for an evening in with the family. Monopoly-related violence ensues and the whole family is arrested. Rock bottom isn’t too bad… at least they get a social worker with a calming voice. Who else to analyze “Marge, Bart, the girl Bart, the one who doesn’t talk, and the fat guy”? Gabriel tries to cure them with an outdoor retreat and cooperative teamwork ideas. Sure his plan goes awry and the family has to save him from hungry wolves and cougars but that’s okay. The Simpsons are just special like that.
The gang is happily united as a family but the honeymoon phase of their new family bond is over once they get home and find Amber and Ginger looking for their husbands. Marge says it’s the worst thing Homer has ever done and that’s saying something. I agree… marrying a floozy and then abandoning her is pretty bad.
At the Flanders house, Ginger is trying to fit in. No Wet Ones showers for her… they’ve got a bathroom upstairs. Too bad Ginger doesn’t dig the Flandereeno way of life. No Irish coffee, no cigarettes.
Homer goes to get an annulment from his Vegas marriage but bigamy aka “Mormon Hold-em” is legal in Nevada and he’s stuck supporting both of his wives. (NOTE: In “Barting Over” (S14:E11), we learn that half of Homer’s paycheck goes to Amber Simpson. No wonder she’s at the bottom of Homer’s family rankings in “Old Yeller Belly” (S14:E19).)
Homer is in big trouble with Marge and is stuck with Amber in Bart’s treehouse. At least she makes one tantalizing sandwich. Who knew making one could sound so sensual? Well… I guess Homer and Marge knew. Amber has unpacked her delicates and is all ready to teach Lisa make-up and Bart how to count cards. What a role model. Marge ends up kicking Homer out of the house for good. It’s just Homer and his Vegas wife now.
The couple go to Moe’s and Amber gets super drunk. Turns out it’s all part of Marge’s plan. Amber wakes up married to Grampa. “You crapped out Vegas mom.”
So Ginger can’t stand the goody goody Flanders clan and Amber’s not too keen on being Mrs. Abe Simpson (or maybe that she’d be her own mother-in-law?) so the two Vegas wives run away back to Vegas. There’s always poker games they can be won in.
Truly, there’s no need to worry about the complicated marital status of Amber and the Simpson men. In “Jazzy and the Pussycats” (S18:E2), we attend her funeral right at the beginning. “Malt liquor mommy” died when she overdosed right in front of the rollercoaster sign that tells you not to stand up. Amber Paigow Simpson was a gifted cocktail waitress with an eight grade education who longed to someday learn computers.
And that’s it friends. Vegas wives to join the TSTO fun. One joins the ghost ranks of Mona, Dr. Monroe, and Maude, and the other is still technically married to Ned I suppose. Weird that two of Abe’s widows joined the game so recently… let’s hear it for Abe! Did you buy the floozies? Sound off in the comments and happy crappy (as in craps the game, not the losing dice roll) tapping.
TTFN… Wookiee out!