Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Grab your Santa hats and break out the tinsel because it’s Christmas time in Springfield! Yes the annual TSTO Christmas event has arrived in our pocket-sized towns, covering our usual perfect weather towns with a fresh blanket of bright, white, snow!
While the Christmas event, and snow, are annual the structure of this event is anything but! This is the first major event in Springfield that’s structured like a mini-event. Christmas consists of 4 parts (or Acts), with each part lasting a week and taking us through a new part of the Simpsons Christmas Special!
Act 1 tells the tale of a Christmas Pageant that almost wasn’t! Lisa is the narrator for this Christmas tale, so let’ take a look at what she has to say…
As promised, let’s first start with the synopsis from EA of week 1…
The Simpson family has gathered to watch Christmas specials on TV, when they discover the TV is on the fritz. Homer tries to declare Christmas cancelled, but Marge suggests that instead of watching TV the family all take turns telling a Christmas tale.
Lisa tells the story of a little girl, played by Lisa, who auditions for a holiday Christmas pageant at her school and is cast as the lead alongside Ralph and Milhouse. The pageant gets off to a rough start when the handyman, played by Homer, announces he squandered all of Principal Skinner’s funding to build the stage, and there is no stage for the play. Principal Skinner wants to cancel the whole thing, but Lisa convinces him that the children can work together to fundraise and build the stage. The children create a fabulous Christmas Market, and are finally successful in raising the funding needed to finish the pageant stage. However, Lisa is appalled to discover that she’s expected to kiss Milhouse in the play. Lisa tricks Ralph and Milhouse to avoid being kissed, and they put on a successful production.
And now we’ll jump into the week 1 dialogue…
Where ever you see the story italicized indicates the story that Lisa is telling. The regular font indicates real-time Springfield
Christmas is Canceled Intro
Marge: Homer! The Krusty Kristmas Special is starting, and we can’t get the new TV to work.
Homer: Switch to HDMI 2. Or HDMI 5. It’s one of those.
Bart: We tried both! You set up the TV wrong, genius.
Homer: Aren’t you kids supposed to be good with technology? That’s the whole point of us making you.
Lisa: This TV uses apps, right? Maybe if I download one…
Homer: For the love of God, don’t!
Lisa: “Downloading. Time remaining: one hour, fifty-three minutes.” Ew, boy.
Bart: Homer set up the Internet wrong.
Homer: It’s not my fault! I never asked to live in a smart home, surrounded by a million fragile devices I can’t, and/or won’t, learn to set up.
Marge: Well, who needs TV? Maybe we can sit around and tell each other Christmas stories.
Homer: …Let’s try HDMI 4. That might work…
Marge: Who wants to go first?
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 1
Lisa: Once there was an old billionaire who loved nothing but money, and thought Christmas was a humbug.
Make Lisa Tell Cliche Story- 6s. Earns $35, 1xp
Homer: Wait. Is this a take on “A Christmas Carol”?
Lisa: Well, I’m going to update it. I’ll make Mr. Burns the lead, and have all the ghosts and side characters played by Springfield regulars.
Homer: Lisa, sweetie, if Daddy has to sit through one more adaptation of “A Christmas Carol”, Daddy will blow his brains all over the wall. You don’t want that for Daddy, do you?
Lisa: Not really, no.
Homer: Then let’s all agree, as a society, that “A Christmas Carol” is a lemon that’s been squeezed dry. It’s given up everything it has to offer, and should be fed into the disposal and obliterated from memory.
Lisa: Fine. I’ll tell a different story.
Homer: Atta girl. And just a warning: at the mention of ghost one, or anything resembling a Tiny Tim, I run screaming from the room. ‘Kay? Great.
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Intro
Skinner: This afternoon we will hold auditions for our annual Christmas Pageant! See you there, budding thespians! As participation is mandatory for all students, we will see you bullies, jocks, and burnouts there, too.
Lisa: Excuse me, Principal Skinner, but-
Skinner: You object to the word “Christmas” because of its exclusionary religious connotations? Very well. We’ll call it the “Holiday Pageant”.
Lisa: Great. But–
Skinner: The word “Pageant” evokes beauty pageants, which are sexist and outdated? Fine. Then we’ll call it the “Holiday Thing”.
Lisa: You fold pretty quick in the face of controversy, huh?
Skinner: It’s my main qualification for this job.
Make Lisa Audition for the Holiday Thing- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Milhouse Audition for the Holiday Thing- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Ralph Audition for the Holiday Thing- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Skinner: The cast list will be posted later today. Your part will be assigned according to the degree of stink your parents will raise if you have few lines.
Homer: Hello, sir. I am the handyman you hired to build your outdoor stage. My name is Roger.
Homer: Roger? I want a cool name!
Homer: Like I said, my name is Jackhammer Machinegun.
Skinner: What a very cool name. So have you finished building the stage?
Homer: No. Instead of doing my actual job, I became a snow plow driver, or an astronaut, or something. Happens all the time. Plus I lost the money you gave me for supplies.
Skinner: Mr. Machinegun, how could you! The Holiday Thing is ruined!
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 1
Skinner: Children, the play is canceled. We have no stage. And if I’m being honest, we never really found our Petey the Reluctant Elf, either.
Milhouse: I’m doing the best I can. Petey is a complex character!
Lisa: We can’t give up! If we need more money to finish the stage, there must be a way to get it! Maybe we could hold a fundraiser. A winter carnival!
Skinner: Good thinking, Lisa! You truly are the hero of this story that you made up yourself. Now go fold some programs while I ponder Lisa’s amazing idea!
Make Skinner Brainstorm Moneymaking Schemes- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Homer Use a Saw Like a Hammer– 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Programs- x100. 4hrs.
Skinner: Lisa, your upbeat problem-solving has truly saved the day. Hooray for Lisa!
Bart: Oh, come on. Is this whole story nothing more than a love letter to yourself?
Lisa: It’s my story, I’ll tell it how I want.
Marge: Sweetie, your brother’s right. For a story to be interesting, the hero needs to experience setbacks.
Maggie: *agreeing sucking noises*
Lisa: Well, I LIKE stories where I’m doing amazing things and everyone says how great I am.
Lisa: Fine. One setback, coming up.
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 2
Skinner: I’ve found the perfect centerpiece for our winter carnival fundraiser — a roasted chestnuts cart!Oh, how the children will line up for the earthy, mild flavor of warm chestnuts!
Lisa: Uh, kids today don’t really think of chestnuts as “yummy”. Or even as “food”.
Skinner: Nonsense! Chewy, nondescript chestnuts are the ultimate holiday treat!
Lisa: We could coat them in sugar, I guess. And serve them on a bed of sugar, with sugar sauce on the side…
Skinner: Fine. Yes. Do that. And ruin my delightfully bland chestnuts.
Place Hot Roasted Chestnuts Carts– x3
Make Children Sell Chestnuts- x3. Can send Lisa, Milhouse & Ralph. 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Programs- x300.
Skinner: In a development no one could have possibly predicted, today’s children have zero interest in hot chestnuts.
Skinner: It’s time to give the kids the Christmas treats they crave — figgy pudding and steaming bowls of wassail.
Lisa: Sir, that’s a horrible idea.
Skinner: I’ve spent the last thirty Christmases alone with my elderly mother. I THINK I know what kids want!
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 3
Lisa: Ralph, have you been working on your line for the play?
Ralph: I like pretending where I’m a Dracula driving a bulldozer.
Lisa: Me too, Ralph. Me too. But in THIS play, you’re playing a mouse, right? And when you come on stage, your line is…?
Ralph: “Hello! I have pointy teeth and a cape and have you seen my bulldozer?”
Lisa: Focus, Ralph! It’s a very important line. You explain the true meaning of Christm– I mean, the Holidays — to everyone. Try again…
Ralph: “A robber who doesn’t like Draculas stole my bulldozer and now I’m sad.”
Lisa: Okay, everybody. Take five. I need to think. Let’s all… ride the carousel… or something.
Make Lisa Ride the Carousel- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Ralph Ride the Carousel- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Milhouse Ride the Carousel- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Homer Ride the Carousel- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Collect Programs- x300. 4hrs.
Lisa: This whole play is riding on Ralph! If he doesn’t explain the true meaning of the Holidays, it’s ruined!
Skinner: I’m confused. What exactly IS the meaning of the Holidays? I mean, I get what Christmas is about. But “the Holidays” just seems kind of… nonspecific.
Lisa: I’ve never been entirely clear on that, myself. Something about brotherhood and good will?
Skinner: No, that’s Christmas.
Lisa: It can be the meaning of non-denominational, inoffensive pseudo-celebrations as well!
Skinner: You know, we could just cancel the–
Lisa: We’re not canceling the Holiday Thing! The holidays aren’t the same without the Thing! Let’s just do another dress rehearsal. I’m sure all our problems will be solved through some inexplicable, non-denominational holiday miracle.
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 4
Milhouse: Behold! An angel has appeared to tell us all the meaning of the Holidays!
Angel Lisa: Lo! I bring tidings unto thee! But to clarify, I’m not comfortable with the word “angel”. Think of me as a non-religious “spirit”.
Milhouse: So… you’re a g-g-g-g-ghost?!
Ralph: I’m a Dracula!
Angel Lisa: Forget it. Call me an angel if it’s so important to you. Just shut up and harken to my stupid message of hope.
Make Angel Lisa Give Proclamations on High- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Collect Programs- x300. 4hrs.
Angel Lisa: Hear me, Springfield! We celebrate the Holidays because on this day a child was born. A child who, depending on your belief system, was either the son of God, or a prophet, or just a really nice guy. And either to celebrate his birth, or because it’s Hanukkah, or maybe the Winter Solstice is important to you, we should all be nice to one another right now.
Skinner: That’s it! The angel has saved the play! She’s a hero!
Bart: She sure is! What a gal, reminds me of that amazing sister of mine!
Bart: Whoa, whoa! Hold on a minute. In what universe would I ever say anything nice about you?
Homer: Yeah, I’m not buying it, Lis.
Lisa: It’s my story! Let me tell it how I want.
Marge: Lisa, you can’t just change an established character’s personality whenever you want. It’s sloppy writing.
Lisa: The point of the story is, a holiday miracle saved the play.
Bart: Phew. I am so relieved. I was really worried the boring children’s play would have to be canceled.
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 5
Skinner: Lisa, the play’s message has been saved, and it’s sure to be a colossal smash. But we still don’t have a stage.
Homer: I’m working on it!
Skinner: Are you?
Homer: No. But I AM swinging this hammer, which sure makes it LOOK like I’m working. To me, at least.
Skinner: Lisa, we need more money, which necessitates a large Christmas Market, which you are now in charge of setting up.
Bart: Hah! That’ll teach that do-gooder to do good!
Homer: So Little Miss Perfect gets her comeuppance. I take back what I said, Lisa. This is a great story!
Skinner: I know it’s a lot to ask, but you ARE, strangely, the only character in this tale with any intelligence. So…
Lisa: *sigh* Okay fine, I’ll see what I can do.
Make Lisa Setup Fair Booths- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Ralph Ride the Carousel-8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Milhouse Ride the Carousel-8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Make Homer Ride the Carousel- 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Collect Programs- x300. 4hrs.
Homer: Good news, I got the stage all fixed. I’ll just be taking my last paycheck.
Milhouse: He’s lying! The stage has been fine all along, he’s just been spending all our money on eggnog!
Homer: *burp* I have no idea what he’s *buuuurp* talking *buuuuuuuurp* about.
Skinner: The curtain goes up in five minutes, children. I hope you all remember your lines?
Ralph: Hello! I am not a Dracula, and I don’t have a bulldozer!
Skinner: Better, Ralph. Still terrible, but better.
‘Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 6
Milhouse: Now Lisa, when we do our kiss scene, make sure you don’t get TOO caught up in it, okay? Because I have a feeling I’m a really good kisser. That’s what Puppy Goo Goo says.
Lisa: WHAT kiss scene? I’m playing a ballerina, and you’re a soldier.
Milhouse: Love can blossom in the strangest places, huh?
Lisa: If you try to kiss me, I’ll push you off the stage.
Milhouse: How did you know that was one of my recurring nightmares?!
Make Children Act in an Ensemble- 12hrs, Earns $1,260, 300xp
Sideshow Mel: I declare Lisa’s Holiday Thing the finest theatrical event ever!
Skinner: Thank you all for your three-hour-long standing ovation. We owe everything to Lisa Simpson! Let’s hear it for her!
Bart: Boo! Boooooo!
Marge: Bart, be nice. The story’s almost over. It IS almost over, isn’t it, Lisa?
Lisa: No. Next, the play goes to Broadway, sweeps the Tonys and goes on tour.
Lisa: …but I guess we can safely skip that part.
Christmas Is Canceled Pt. 2
Marge: What a lovely, interesting, un-tedious story! Don’t you agree, Homer?
Homer: *banging on the TV* Work, damn you! Show me a show! I don’t care which one! Anything is better than this family sharing and caring!
Homer: What? Oh, uh right. Loved your story, Lisa. Five stars. I laughed, I cried… I somehow got through it…
Bart: I’m afraid Dad is right, Lisa. Your story was objectively awful. Christmas may never recover.
Lisa: Like you could do better?
Bart: Naturally. Because I know the three elements of a good story: action, violence, and mild cursing. Gather round, chumps, as I spin a tale of such Christmas delight, you’ll throw Lisa out on the street and forget she ever existed.
Marge: Hmm. I hope it’s not THAT good.
And this concludes the full dialogue version of the Christmas 2018 Week 1 questline!
What are your thoughts on Lisa’s story? Did you enjoy it? Did you miss out on the dialogue the first time around? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!