Thank Grog It’s Firday!
Last week, I made a bit of an inference that when “God shows up, that can’t be good!” regarding the lifespan of TSTO. Actually, that was more of a direct quote from myself than an inference. I quote myself a lot. I might even go so far as to say, that what I have to say is worth repeating…almost God-Like. But, I would never go that far.
Because, the fact is, now that I have God, I am pretty satisfied with the way things are going in TSTO. Yep. I have found new contentment in watching God do his thing. And, he does a lot of things. I do have a question that may or may not be easy to answer…and it certainly bears repeating.
For those of you, like me, who looked at that last phrase and had to go look it up to see if it was actually correct to use bears or bares (this happens a lot when you get older), thankfully there are innumerable websites that cover this weird and challenging word use. Here’s one of them.
But, back on topic (finally), the real question as to whether God was worth the price, if He (you always capitalize God pronouns) can save the game, and why He doesn’t seem to go where He really should be able to go, will all be laid bare below. And, if you are currently bare below…you may want to go put on pants. And, that bears repeating. Put on some pants!!
I got God.
I told you I would, and you certainly don’t lie about something like that. I farmed my 777 donuts. I didn’t feel bad about it. The fact is, no matter what anybody says, when the loophole for farming is so freakin’ huge, that you can drive a rat trap truck through it, it can’t be a sin. It’s kind of like the current corporate tax structure, where huge mega-corporations pay less Federal Tax than most average Americans. That should be a sin. But, it isn’t. But, I won’t go there.
The fact is, Donut Farming is clearly a “sanctioned sin” by EA, or they would have killed it years ago. It’s like some of the “lighter sins” of the “Big Ten,” like “coveting thy neighbor’s wife.” That seems like a pretty weird sin to have right next to “thou shalt not kill.” But, maybe if you covet too much of your neighbor’s wife, the next one becomes more obvious. But, I digress.
I farmed. Get over it. And I got God…which in life should offset the original sin. Right? After all…isn’t the whole reason we are supposed to get God, or maybe just his son, is to be absolved of our sins? So, there you have it. Farming for God is pretty clearly a far less deadly sin than the other “deadly sins.”
And, I’ll be damned if God isn’t hilariously worth every bit of the sinning I did to get Him. Unlike every other character in the game, 4 out of 5 of his tasks are outside! And that is pretty damn amazing…even for GOD!
|Ignore Flanders’ Prayers||1hr||$105, 26xp||Flanders’ House|
|Smite Indiscriminately||4hrs||$260, 70xp||Outside/Visual|
|Work His Day Job||8hrs||$420, 105||Outside/Visual|
|Appear In A Burning Bush||12hrs||$600, 150xp||Outside/Visual|
|Open Flood Gates of Heaven||24hrs||$777,777, 225xp||Outside/Visual|
See what I did there? I used a “swear” in that last sentence…almost taunting God to smite me. But, I am not worried. As you can see above, he only “smites indiscriminately.” Which frankly, explains a lot.
I have had a large number of close friends die this year, all good people…while a load of crud-buckets continue to take up space. That seems wildly indiscriminate. I know…I know…God has a plan. Well…sometimes plans suck. Ask the Yankees how their plans for their pitching rotation worked out. Plans can suck. But, I digress again…
The fact is, I’m not really worried about upsetting Him. Because at least in this game, He seems seriously conflicted as to His role in creation.
And if you go to check him out in the Town Census…he is wedged between two pretty unmemorable characters, and his font size isn’t even larger…which seems wrong for God.
I’m sure that Gloria and Governor Mary Bailey are honored to be next to God. I’m not sure God feels the same way.
However, two of His tasks make me laugh at God every time. And let’s face it…laughing at God didn’t used to work very well, at least in the Old Testament. But, laugh I did.
There is a funny little twist in His “Appear in a Burning Bush,” routine. He turns into a ball of flame…which is expected. But then, Doves (known as the symbol of peace) fly into his sphere, and are instantly incinerated.
The first time I saw it, I gasped. The second, third, etc. I just laughed. Of course God hates peace. At least the Old Testament God. He was always slewing and smiting and “tumbling down the walls” and flooding stuff. Let’s face it…some of the most beloved Bible stories in the Old Testament are about mass annihilation of a lot of people.
I was relatively traumatized in Bible class as a youth by the story of Sodom and Gamorrah. I mean, Holyfeakinshirt! What did they do to bring about such wrath? And Lot’s wife? A pillar of salt? Man…”never look back!” became my credo in life because of Lot’s wife.
Of course, only later on in life did I learn what the Sodomites were up to…and how the Gamorrahites must have deserved the destruction by heavenly fire (scientists actually think it was a meteorite) as the angels who were sent to check things out, couldn’t even find ten righteous men in either city. But damn…that didn’t make God seem any more benevolent. Boom! Poof! Salt with your fried Sodomite? That was one mean-ass God!
Which should have made me nervous as I laughed at God in our game. But, I wasn’t. Because I watched him closely as he “Opened the flood gates of Heaven” on a poor, unsuspecting member of the Flanders family. I laughed because I realized that God is a “baller” when it comes to “making it rain.” If you watch the animation closely, you’ll see that the way he turns a basic cloud into a rain/storm/lightning cloud is by “making it rain” with money. Hilarious. Buckets and buckets of money.
I’m not going to go into the correlation between modern religions and wealth, but if anyone can “make it rain,” it is God. I mean, even Warren Buffet doesn’t have “more money than God.” Nobody has more money than God. Which may explain the one anomaly about our TSTO God, that should be obvious to anyone paying attention.
God never gets to go to heaven. Ever.
And yes. I find that weird. Even though it says right in the Bible that “”it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Isn’t God’s Kingdom Heaven?
We have heaven in our game. In fact we have a variety of heavens…with a variety of flavors. Jesus, the son of God, or God incarnate, depending on which flavor you believe, gets to hang out in Heaven all day. He has a swing set (does that make him a swinger?). He get’s to play in “Dad’s” office…and he gets to sit on a cloud and “Cast Judgment.”
This is confusing in a lot of ways, because as I remember it, Jesus was to be “at the right hand of the Father,” and it was God who did all of the judgement casting.
And now…in our game, God doesn’t get to go to heaven? Really? What’s up with that? Did I miss something? Is EA being lazy, or are they casting God out of his own residence, because he clearly has unlimited buckets of wealth? Camel through the eye of a needle indeed!
All I know…is that this makes me laugh. It’s an uncomfortable laugh, like one does, while looking around a room to make sure others are laughing as well. But, it is a laugh nonetheless (which is still one of my favorite weird English words ever).
It seems weirdly fair, that with the world in a mess, with almost sadistic levels of craziness, that God wanders around, doling out money, burning up doves of peace, and smiting indiscriminately, while being locked out of Heaven. That seems like a reckoning that makes sense to me.
But, while we watch “his plan” unfold…I will take solace in the fact that I didn’t have to pay REAL money for God. He has enough. Farming was given to us as a gift. And, no amount of player shaming will make me stop at this point. At least as long as He is locked out of Heaven.
Where did YOU place YOUR Ten Commandments?
Mine went right next to my Skyfinger monument…because the REAL God in this game, is Me!
And as long as there is a God, and a Femme Fatale to dance for the Finger…I will watch, and laugh, and farm. And, that bears repeating…
And as long as we are repeating themes….as promised, here are the latest developments in the “Giant Remodel of 2019″… Les portes françaises (French Doors). Deb has wanted the opening expanded between the kitchen and the family room for years. I am not a fan of the rooms being wide open, when people are watching TV, or someone (Deb) is having a loud conversation in the kitchen while I am trying to watch TV.
Solution? Doors that open up the space…but can be closed!
A bit of “hole making” in the wall…and some bracing for the new door header…and BOOM! Les portes francaises.
Ready for final finish…trim, and maybe stained glass over the transom.