Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
First up a reminder…Act 4 of Clash of Creeds is slated to start tomorrow (January 5th) at 9am ET. Act 3 won’t be going anywhere, but Act 4 will start up tomorrow morning. And a full reminder, the entire Clash of Creeds Event ends on January 13th…so finish everything up by the 13th or you might missout!
And now on with the Clash of Creeds Act 3 Dialogue…
Tire Fire and Brimstone Pt. 1
Ned: Can you help us bring Homer back home for Christmas, Rabbi?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Enough with the C-word already. No guarantees, but I will pray for divine blessing on your quest. Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu.
Ned: …Melech ha’olam.
Rabbi Krustofsky: How do you know this prayer?
Ned: I try to follow Christ in every way I can — and since he had a bar mitzvah, I had one, too!
Make Rabbi Krustofsky Pray for Divine Guidance-4hrs
Make Ned Out-Pray Rabbi Krustofsky- 4hrs
Collect Menorahs- x150
Moses: Holy Me, where am I?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Springfield, your Mosesness.
Moses: The one in Egypt, the Sinai, or Palestine?
Rabbi Krustofsky: America. Don’t ask.
Moses: Phew. I was wondering where the pyramids were. I mean, I know it was involuntary, but we put a lot of work into them. You’d kind of hope they held up.
Tire Fire and Brimstone Pt. 2
Ned: Our neighbors have been seduced by a cult. We need your help setting them free.
Moses: I can see this city has an acute case of idolatry. I’m going to prescribe immediate smiting for everyone who worships the baby god.
Ned: What, no! That’s not a cult!
Rabbi Krustofsky: Called it.
Moses: If symptoms continue, take their two first-born sons and call me in the morning.
Rabbi Krustofsky: That’s not the cult we’re worried about right now. There’s a new one that set up a compound and lured all our people with promises of rides in a spaceship.
Moses: Ah, the old spaceship promo. We tried that with Ezekiel. It gets dusted off every so often. I will deliver Homer and Baby Jesus out of captivity. Follow me to the cult compound!
King Herod: Did you say Baby Jesus? Keep your hands off him. He’s mine!
Ned: Oh, no, we prayed too hard! That’s King Herod! What will you do with Baby Jesus when you find him?
King Herod: If I answered that, you’d say I was OUT OF MY MIND! But if you’re not completely satisfied with the results, then YOUR BABY JESUS IS FREEEE!
Ned: That’s a pretty good deal.
Make Moses Wander in the Desert-4hrs
Make Ned Follow Moses Into the Desert- 4hrs
Make Marge Follow Moses Into the Desert- 4hrs
Make King Herod Follow Tiny Footsteps Around- 4hrs
Collect Menorahs- x150
Moses: Behold, ye doubters and grumblers and directions-wanters, for we have reached unto the cult compound!
Marge: That’s the outlet mall!
Moses: Then verily let us go back to Route 60 and try the other exit.
Marge: When are we going to get there?
Moses: Based on my desert-wandering experience, I foresee an arrival time of roughly thirty years from now, forty tops, depending on traffic.
Marge: *annoyed murmur*
Moses: Be patient, thou blue-haired Jezebel. I am the foremost prophet of the Lord — his uber prophet, you might say — and I have a five-star rating for getting my fares to their destination.
Marge: Who gave you a five-star rating?
Moses: The Israelites. But I think they were trying to butter me up after I caught them practicing idolatry in the back of my caravan.
Tire Fire and Brimstone Pt. 3
The Leader: Jello? The Leader speaking.
Marge: I have a VIP who wants to join your cult. You need to come pick us up.
The Leader: How VIP are we talking about?
Marge: V V V!
The Leader: It’s not Lovitz, is it? I mean, I guess he’s famous, but…
Marge: No. This VIP says he’s a divinely-appointed prophet of the Lord.
The Leader: Kanye! I’ll be right there!
Make Marge Tell Moses to Act Like Kanye-4hrs
Make Moses Look Up the False God Kanye- 4hrs
Make The Leader Bring the Spaceship- 4hrs
Collect Menorahs- x150
The Leader: You look familiar. Have we met?
Moses: It depends. Have you read…Leviticus? *begins warming up fire and brimstone*
The Leader: Hmm, don’t think I have. Is that the new Grisham?
Moses: No, but I’ve been wanting to read that. A courtroom drama? How does he come up with that stuff? Say, where’d you get that sweet spaceship?
The Leader: Right? Pretty cool, huh? It’s a special treat for all Movementarians.
Moses: So wait, I join and I get to ride that thing?
The Leader: All the way to planet Blisstonia.
Moses: Just tell me where to sign!
The Leader: Well, I’d say let’s get you some robes, but then it looks like you’ve already got that covered. Follow me back to the compound!
Moses: Finally, someone’s leading ME!
Tire Fire and Brimstone Pt. 4
Baby Jesus: You seen this new guy? What a suck up.
Homer: Pfft, who does he think he is, the second coming of Moses?
Moses: People of the movement! I have inscribed the Leader’s laws onto a tablet. And you’re not going to believe what his first commandment is!
The Leader: Your boosting of our commandment click-through is most impressive, Moses. You have earned top ranking and an immediate ride in the spaceship.
Baby Jesus: Ah, c’mon!
Homer: Yeah, he just got here!
Make The Leader Give Moses the VIP Treatment-4hrs
Make Moses Do the Movementarian PR Circuit- 4hrs
Make Homer Clean Moses’ Socks and Sandals- 4hrs
Make Baby Jesus Clean Moses’ Bathroom- 4hrs
Make Patty Inspect Homer’s Work- 4hrs
Make Selma Inspect Baby Jesus’ Work- 4hrs
Collect Menorahs- x150
Marge: Homer, there you are.
Homer: Marge? Are you joining The Leader and going into space with me and Baby Jesus?
Marge: Homie, it’s time you stop with this Movementarian silliness and come back home. It’s almost Christmas and I don’t want yet another holiday ruined.
Homer: Aww, you’re right, Marge. How could I have been so stupid? Let’s go home.
The Leader: Oh, Homer… Want to come test out the new rocket boosters on the spaceship?
Homer: Ooh! Spaceship! *runs off*
Marge: *annoyed grumble*
The Leader: Did you really think it would be that easy, Marge?
Tire Fire and Brimstone Pt. 5
Marge: Your Moses was a complete dud. I wanted to one-star him but I was afraid he’d one-star me.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Yeah, you gotta be careful. Moses is as good as it gets. If he can’t lead someone out of captivity, maybe they don’t want to be led out of captivity.
Marge: Not to be a “Karen” or anything, but I’d like to speak to Moses’ manager.
Rabbi Krustofsky: How is that not being a Karen? That’s the definition of being a Karen!
Marge: I’d like to speak with your manager, too.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Let me see if he’s available.
Make Rabbi Krustofky Entreat Yahweh-4hrs
Make Marge Worry That She’s a Karen- 4hrs
Collect Menorahs- x175
Rabbi Krustofsky: Alright, look. I’ll call Yahweh, but no promises. …
It’s ringing. …
Yahweh: *click* YOU DARE SUMMON ME FROM THE GREAT BEYOND WITH THE UNLAWFUL UTTERANCE OF MY NAME??!!!
Rabbi Krustofsky: I – I’m sorry – I just – there’s a woman here–
Yahweh: Heh, I’m just messin’ with you, Hyman. Tell her I’m out of the office.
Marge: I can hear you!
Yahweh: Say I’m on a call.
Marge: I heard that too!
Thoughts on the Act 3 dialogue? Looking forward to Act 4 starting to continue the story? Have you completed Act 3? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!