Springfield Enlightened Premium Dialogue: King Gautama and The Master

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Are you ready to reach true enlightenment?  Feel an inner peace you may have been missing in your life?  Inner peace might be nice after the Robots tried to destroy Springfield… Get ready as Siddmartha comes to Springfield to bring us all a little calmness in the latest event to hit our pocket-sized towns…Springfield Enlightened!

Act 2 of this Enlightened event has ushered in one new premium character to help navigate our way to true enlightenment and one new character as part of the Gil Deal.  King Gautama is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a questline.  While The Master is the character offered with this event’s Gil Deal…and will not earn event currency, but will likely make you giggle with his questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Siddmartha’s father and Apu’s boss.  Here are the full dialogue questlines for Daddy Daughter Division and Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich…

Let’s start things off with some royalty…King Gautama

More details on King Gautama can be found here

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 1

King Gautama starts

King Gautama: I just don’t get it. I shower the girl with fancy gifts, and I gift her with fancy showers, but she’s still as distant from me as ever.
Advisor Frink: I don’t think it’s about you, per se, your highness. Siddmartha wishes to find her own way. She’s not your typical princess, to say the least.
King Gautama: I don’t pay you to say the least. Say the most!
Advisor Frink: Well…Siddmartha did confide in me that she feels smothered. She needs space.
King Gautama: Space, huh?
Make King Gautama Buy Siddmartha a Spaceship- 4hrs
King Gautama: *smacking roof of spaceship* The salesman says this baby’ll hit Alpha Centauri in twelve parsecs.
Siddmartha: Dad, that doesn’t make sense. A parsec is a unit of distance, not speed.
King Gautama: That’s the last time I go to a used magic carpet lot.
Siddmartha: Besides, don’t you remember when I sang that song about wanting LESS, not more?
King Gautama: Honey, you sang a song? Was it a breakaway hit?
Siddmartha: Not even a MENTION at the Grammys.
King Gautama: What about the music categories at the Emmys?
Siddmartha: Pfft, not that I’d care, but no.
King Gautama: Hey, I could put it in the end credits of a movie and make it Oscar-eligible.
Siddmartha: Really?! That would be— Wait, no I’m not letting you buy me another award. I already had to learn the hard way that I was not, in fact, “the people’s choice”.

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 2
King Gautama starts

Advisor Frink: Your highness, I’m so sorry that my counsel proved unsuccessful.
King Gautama: You’ve led me astray for the last time. Guards! Throw this man to the lions!What’s that? The lions went on strike? Well what else have we got?Monkeys?! Monkeys aren’t striking fear into the heart of anyone. Wait, are they the big muscle type monkeys or the little swingy screechy monkeys?
Advisor Frink: Sir, who are you talking to?
King Gautama: *points to his ear*
Advisor Frink: Oh, sorry, didn’t see the Bluetooth earpiece. Carry on.
King Gautama: Giraffes?! Seriously? Have you ever heard someone say, “Throw him to the giraffes”?!
Advisor Frink: I’d be okay with it.
Make King Gautama Review Alternative Punishments- 4hrs
Make Advisor Frink Hide in a Closet- 4hrs
King Gautama: Seeing as how the the giraffes will only attack you if you dress up as a high branch leaf, it’s your lucky day to not get torn apart by wild animals.
Advisor Frink: Oh, thank you so much, sir. You won’t regret it, I promise.
King Gautama: I expect contract negotiations with the lions to be wrapped up by tomorrow, so this is your last chance to advise me wisely and bring Siddmartha back into my good graces.
Advisor Frink: Yes, of course. You want Siddmartha to love you just like when she was four years old and you were the most interesting person she’d ever met.
King Gautama: Are you saying I’m not still?
Advisor Frink: Homina homina…

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 3
King Gautama starts

King Gautama: What’s your last chance suggestion to fix my relationship with Siddmartha?
Advisor Frink: Well sir, if I know anything about pre-tween princesses, and boy do I for some reason, then I can assure you that the way to her heart is with a pony.
King Gautama: Hmm, it SOUNDS plausible. And under pain of death you swear this will work, so help you Buddha?
Advisor Frink: Who’s Buddha?
King Gautama: It’s a nickname I’ve been trying out for Siddmartha.
Advisor Frink: Well, let me put it this way…buy Siddmartha a pony and she’ll be literally eating out of your hand. I mean the pony, not Siddmartha. Well maybe Siddmartha, too, but then I mean it only figuratively.
Make King Gautama Buy Siddmartha a Pony- 4hrs
Make Advisor Frink Pray to Every God He Can Think Of- 4hrs
Siddmartha: Really, Dad? A pony?
King Gautama: It’s what every little girl wants!
Siddmartha: It WAS what I wanted until you bought me fifty ponies for my birthday. I haven’t even finished learning all their names yet.
King Gautama: Well at least I have a new animal to throw that lousy advisor to.

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 4
King Gautama starts

Advisor Frink: Again, my most humble of apologies, your highness.
King Gautama: Save it, you’re out of excuses. The pony didn’t work. The spaceship didn’t work. The pony driving a spaceship didn’t work.
Advisor Frink: That one was all you.
King Gautama: I would throw you to the lions but we’re at an impasse with their union leaders. Who happen to be gorillas, so they’ll be no help either. No matter. I’ll just lock you in the tower and torture you for the rest of your life.
Advisor Frink: Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective to just kill me?
King Gautama: Like I’d take advice from you!
Make King Gautama Lock Advisor Frink in the Tower- 4hrs

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 5
King Gautama starts

Advisor Frink: *sigh* I suppose this is my life now. Locked away in a tower, like a piranha.
Siddmartha: You mean “pariah”.
Advisor Frink: No, I meant “in a bathtub of piranhas”. Wait — Siddmartha? What are you doing up here?
Siddmartha: I come up here when I’m sad.
Advisor Frink: Is it because of the pony driving the spaceship?
Siddmartha: No, that was actually my favorite gift of all. At least it made me laugh.
Advisor Frink: *gasp* Your highness! Let me out! I know what she wants!
Make Advisor Frink Bang on the Tower Door- 4hrs
Make King Gautama Get Woken Up From a Nap- 4hrs
Advisor Frink: I swear, your highness. She said it herself. She just wants someone to make her laugh.
King Gautama: This isn’t gonna blow up in my face like almost every other piece of advice you’ve ever given me?
Advisor Frink: What are the odds it could happen that many times in a row! Plus it has all the advantages of random chance.

Daddy Daughter Division Pt. 6
King Gautama starts

King Gautama: Oh, Siddmartha! Look what Daddy has… He has big clown feet! *jumps around like a clown*
Siddmartha: What…are you doing?
King Gautama: I’m being objectively hilarious.
Siddmartha: Debatable.
King Gautama: Knock-knock…
Siddmartha: *sigh* Who’s there?
King Gautama: Interrupting cow.
Siddmartha: Interrupting cow who? …
King Gautama: Wait, I forgot to say “Moo” sooner. Say it again.
Make King Gautama Tell Terrible Jokes- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Find Her Dad Endearing- 4hrs
Siddmartha: Dad, are you doing this to make me laugh?
King Gautama: No! I mean maybe. I mean, is it working? Because I’m not seeing it.
Siddmartha: It’s all on the inside. *hugs him* I think you’re a pretty great dad.
King Gautama: *gasp* I wonder if I can call off that horde of rabid hyenas.

And now onto everyone’s favorite head of the KEM…The Master…

More details on The Master can be found here…

Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich Pt. 1
The Master starts

The Master: Hello. Do you have time for a quick survey that’ll take just two minutes?
Miss Hoover: No.
The Master: Then we’ll do the one-minute version. I see you are carrying a meditation mat. I take it that means you have recently converted to Buddhism.
Miss Hoover: Yes, it’s really helped me deal with the stress of teaching. And the after-work stress of thinking about teaching again tomorrow.
The Master: Ah, yes, meditation is very helpful for stress. You know, the Hindu faith also uses meditation to align ourselves with the gods.
Miss Hoover: But I just like the little Buddha statues. When the kids get out of hand it makes a really loud noise when I throw it at the wall.
The Master: I see. Then you may want to consider Hinduism. We have thousands of gods of which they make statues, some VERY heavy.
Miss Hoover: Okay… And where do you guys stand on wine?
Make Miss Hoover Consider Converting to Hinduism- 4hrs
Make The Master Conduct Market Research- 4hrs
The Master: Interesting. So you love the Buddha statues and hate being vegetarian? That makes almost a hundred people with the same answer.
Skinner: Yep. Meat and idolatry. I believe those are both mentioned in the Springfield city charter.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich Pt. 2
The Master starts

Apu: Welcome to my humble store, Master. What have I done to deserve a visit from the Kwik-E-Mart CEO himself?
The Master: As you know, the second goal of Kwik-E-Mart, after profit, is to spread the Hindu faith. Preferably in a profitable way.
Apu: Yes. I must admit, it is going badly. All people can talk about these days is Buddhism.
The Master: Well, I’m here to help with that. My market research team did some, uh…market research, and it seems that most people like Buddhism for the Buddha statues and dislike its promotion of vegetarianism.
Apu: Though the Hindu faith also typically promotes respect for all life and tends to lend itself to vegetarianism.
The Master: Yes, but we’re less obnoxious about it.
Apu: So, how does that help us?
The Master: We are going to start selling fried chicken sandwiches and include a statue of Ganesh with every order.
Apu: But the only chicken we carry are these frozen nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.
The Master: That will work.
Apu: Oh wait, the ingredients on these say they’re that they’re made out of armadillo and ostrich byproduct.
The Master: That’s fine. If people think its meat, they’ll eat it.
Apu: Of course, a longstanding Kwik-E-Mart tradition.
Make Apu Create a “Chicken” Sandwich– 4hrs
Make The Master Give Out Samples and Ganesh Statues– 4hrs
Apu: Why did you choose a chicken sandwich?
The Master: Muslims and Jews don’t eat pork and Hindus don’t eat beef. But if there’s one thing almost everyone in the world agrees on, it’s that chicken sandwiches are frickin’ delicious.
Apu: Master, according to this data, restaurants that sell chicken sandwiches are more popular if they close on Sunday.
The Master: I’m not falling for your ploy to get a day off. Go sell sandwiches!

Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich Pt. 3
The Master starts

The Master: The sandwich is selling well.
Apu: Yes, there has been a line around the block for three days, but now everyone in town is introducing a chicken sandwich.
The Master: Then we’ll have to innovate. Add five cents worth of spicy curry sauce and charge an extra dollar for the spicy curry version.
Apu: The demand will be impossible. My children alone will order dozens of sandwiches a day!
The Master: Innovation time.
Make Apu Spice Up the Chicken Sandwich– 4hrs
Make The Master Solve the Distribution Problem– 4hrs
Apu: That T-shirt cannon really gets those sandwiches moving.
The Master: It’s great fun, too. People are so obsessed with the sandwiches, they don’t even mind occasionally getting a black eye. HEADS UP! *floompf*

Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich Pt. 4
The Master starts

Apu: Master, we’re running low on chicken product alternative. At this rate, we’ll run out in a couple of days.
The Master: Limit the customers to two sandwiches per order to allow the supply chain to catch up.
Apu: Very well. But we have another, more serious problem. We are actually making less profit now than we were before the chicken sandwiches.
The Master: How? We got a deep discount on the T-shirt cannon from my brother who works for the NBA.
Apu: It’s the Ganesh statues, sir. They are eating into our profits.
The Master: *gasp* But profits are our number one goal!
Apu: That’s what I was going to say!
Make Apu Enforce a Two Sandwich Limit– 4hrs
Make The Master Weigh Religion Versus Profit– 4hrs
The Master: Apu, I’ve decided we should stop giving away the Ganesh statues.
Apu: Nooooooo!!!!!!
The Master: Why are you surprised? We talked about this already. They’re destroying our profit margins.
Apu: Sorry, I was responding to the robber.
Snake: I appreciate the enthusiasm. Now put all the money in the bag.
The Master: Sir, can I interest you in a chicken sandwich as well?
Snake: I’ll take three.
The Master: Limit two.
Snake: Fine. In the bag.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Sandwich Pt. 5
The Master starts

Apu: Master, the sandwich limit has increased demand. Even with daily resupplies, we are selling out in just a few hours. Soon we will be out entirely.
The Master: I have already sourced an alternative chicken product. You can supplement with actual chicken. Well, 15% of it is. The other 85% is water. Got a heck of a deal on it.
Apu: Master, how many animals are dying every day in the name of Kwik-E-Mart profits? Does this truly please Ganesh?
The Master: I asked and Ganesh said it’s fine. Got a big thumbs up. I mean hooves up.
Apu: Elephants don’t have hooves, they have toenails. If you had actually asked Ganesh then you would know this!
The Master: Oh yeah? Well Ganesh told me that I should fire you!
Apu: *gasp*
Make The Master Contemplate Firing Apu– 4hrs
Make Apu Stand His Ground– 4hrs
The Master: You’re right, Apu. I think I have strayed from the true path. We do care for the plight of all beings. That includes both chickens and employees.
Apu: Thank you, Master.
The Master: Besides, I think we can play up the scarcity angle on social media. When the sandwiches come back for a limited time, we’ll sell more than ever!
Apu: And can we close on Sunday?
The Master: Don’t start.

And that’s it my friends, the full stories behind King Gautama and The Master!

Thoughts on the event so far?  Have you purchased either King Gautama or The Master? Or both? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!