Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
As we prepare for Act 3 of the Springfield Enlightened event to start on Sunday, it’s time to wrap up Act 2 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!
So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Om Is Where the Heart Is…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…
Om Is Where the Heart Is Pt. 1
Siddmartha: Excuse me, I’m looking for a quiet place to meditate and focus on my Zen. Would you happen to know of anywhere?
Ned: Whenever I’ve got a yen for some Zen, I find the First Church of Springfield serves up a heapin’ helpin’ of solitude.
Siddmartha: I don’t mean to offend, but I find churches distracting…
Ned: Well, since you seem to be some kind of devil-worshiping pagan, perhaps you’d prefer a nice séance circle? Maybe a cauldron to make your Buddha brew?
Siddmartha: First off, if I did make Buddha brew, which I do not, then I would call it “Brewda”. Secondly, you seem to be confusing Buddhism with witchcraft. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Wiccan.
Ned: *gasp* That’s Wiccan talk! Spare my children and be gone Wiccan!
Make Siddmartha Try to Regain Her Cool- 4hrs
Make Ned Hide the Boys- 4hrs
Make Lisa Catch Up to Siddmartha- 4hrs
Collect Rock Stacks- x200.
Lisa : Don’t mind Flanders. He’s a nice guy if you don’t get him started on religion. Unfortunately, he’s a classic self-starter.
Siddmartha: *sigh* Noted. Do you know of a good place to meditate around here?
Lisa Hmm…the public library is pretty empty at this time of…always. And the vegan buffet is quiet. If it isn’t out of business. Oh wait, you could sit under the Bodhi tree!
Siddmartha: You have a Bodhi tree in Springfield?
Lisa: We will in about four seconds!
Om Is Where the Heart Is Pt. 2
Siddmartha: The spiritual energy from this tree is incredible. I can already feel my spirit settling into a state of zen.
Gil: Step right up to the Crazy Princess Viewing Area! Just five dollars, folks!
Siddmartha: Ugh, great. Capitalism. Hey, shouldn’t I get a cut? No, no. Focus, Siddmartha.
Gil: Folks, for an extra five dollars you get to approach and try to distract her, so she loses her focus!
King Gautama: Ooh, fun. It’s like the guards at Buckingham Palace. Can I use a stick?
King Gautama: Hi, honey! I paid five dollars to support your tree protest.
Siddmartha: Ugh, Dad. I’m not protesting! I’m meditating! *closes eyes* No more interruptions. No more interruptions.
Gil: Oh, dear God, a bear has wandered out of the woods! Everyone, finish paying me and then flee for your lives! Or…fifty bucks to fight the bear.
King Gautama: Do you take traveler’s checks? Or discourses on transcendence?
Gil: Wait, the bear is heading toward the princess. Place your bets on whether she survives!
Meditating Bear: Ommm…
Moe: Whaaa? Is that bear meditating?
Gil: Uh…step right up, folks, to the Crazy Meditating Bear Viewing Area! Only twenty-five dollars!
Siddmartha: Heh heh. How very zen.
Make Siddmartha Achieve Enlightenment- 4hrs
Make King Gautama Support Siddmartha’s Tree Protest Thing- 4hrs
Make Moe Consider Poking the Bear- 4hrs
Make Homer Cut In Line to View the Crazy Princess- 4hrs
Collect Rock Stacks- x125
Martin: She controls even the beasts of the land! Surely, she is the savior foretold by the prophecy!
Siddmartha: Woah, wait, what? No! There’s no prophecy. I’m not a savior.
Moe: That’s just what a savior would say!
Siddmartha: What you witnessed here today was the power of enlightenment. Seek inner peace, and you, too, can have this.
Kirk: We can control the wild animals and use them against those who harmed us in high school?!
Siddmartha: Oh, for Buddha’s sake.
Moe: Best twenty bucks I ever spent!
Gil: You still owe me five.
Moe: Hey, get with the Zen, man or I’ll Karma your ass.
Om Is Where the Heart Is Pt. 3
Lenny: Wow, seeing that meditating bear really got the town into Buddhism.
Carl: Yeah, I’ve never seen people so friendly, and relaxed, and using so much incense.
Lisa: All of my usual meditation spots are packed. Unfortunately, because of bear attacks, so are the emergency rooms.
Carl: Yeah, Siddmartha, you should probably tell people to stop taunting wild animals.
Siddmartha: A small price to pay for enlightenment. Isn’t it wonderful seeing so many people strive for it, though?
Lenny: Yeah, seeing everyone on the Buddhist path is nice and all, but it feels like something is missing.
Siddmartha: The overwhelming urge to numb your existence with self-destructive behaviors?
Lenny: No, I definitely still have that.
Lisa: It’s the feeling of moral superiority.
Lenny: That’s it! I barely knew it was there until it was gone.
Siddmartha: You should be celebrating! We travel this path to seek enlightenment and help others find it as well.
Lisa: I know. But I’ve been trying to reform Springfield my whole life and you managed it in a couple of days.
Carl: Don’t be jealous. What are you, in your mid-twenties? There’s still time.
Lisa: I’m eight years old! And I’m not jealous. Jealousy is not on the path to enlightenment.
Siddmartha: Well said, Lisa. Although, from my current state of enlightenment, you do seem kinda jealous.
Lenny: C’mon, Carl, let’s check on the bear.
Make Lisa Hide Her Jealousy- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Bask in the Glow of Enlightenment- 4hrs
Make Lenny Go Check on the Bear- 4hrs
Make Carl Go Check on the Bear- 4hrs
Collect Rock Stacks- x140.
Om Is Where the Heart Is Pt. 4
Bart: Apu, my man. I’ll take a Squishee, a bag of purple zingers, and some sugar shockers.
Apu: Oh, yes Mr. Bart, sir. Thank you so much for patronizing my establishment. It is most welcome and appreciated.
Bart: You feeling okay? You called me MISTER Bart.
Apu: Oh, yes. I am sorry, but the Kwik-E-Mart is just not doing so well these days. You are the only person who has purchased anything all day.
Bart: But this place is packed.
Apu: That’s just the overflow line to get a massage at Madame and Masseur next door.
Quimby: I’ve never seen it backed up all the way to the jerky aisle! This Buddhism thing is ruining the town!
Siddmartha: Have you tried embracing the tenets of Buddhism yourselves?
Apu: I’m Hindu.
Quimby: And I’m a hedonist.
Siddmartha: It takes all kinds.
Bart: Well, I just stopped in for a sugar fix on my way to church, so I’ll be on my way. I can’t wait to see how worked up Reverend Lovejoy is over this Buddhism stuff.
Apu: That sounds more fun than not selling anything here. I will come too.
Quimby: Ugh, the line just got longer somehow! I’ll come, too.
Bart: So we’re all going to the church then?
Siddmartha: I’m not! … Maybe I should tag along, just in case people have questions about Buddhism.
Make Bart Go to Church- 4hrs
Make Mayor Quimby Go to Church- 4hrs
Make Apu Go to Church- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Tag Along to Explain Buddhism- 4hrs
Collect Rock Stacks- x125.
Lovejoy: And he who worships false idols shall be cast into Hell to burn for eternity.
Bart: Lovejoy is really spittin’ fire and crappin’ brimstone today.
Lisa: I don’t know what good it’s going to do. There’s almost nobody here.
Lovejoy: And those who get all new-agey while sitting criss-cross applesauce shall surely face the wrath of God.
Siddmartha: That feels oddly specific.
Apu: He’s preaching to the choir. In fact, he’s ONLY preaching to the choir. There’s no one else here.
Barney: Man, this sermon is really misaligning my chi. Time for some incense and a massage.
Quimby: And there goes the choir. We have to do something about this.
Lovejoy: I agree. Buddhism is destroying what this town was founded on. The spirit of Christianity.
Apu: And consumerism.
Quimby: And massages with short lines.
Lovejoy: All in favor of banding together to destroy this scourge once and for all?
Siddmartha: You realize I’m sitting right here?
Apu: Yes, but you don’t get a vote.
Siddmartha: That doesn’t seem fair.
Quimby: Welcome to voting in this country.
Om Is Where the Heart Is Pt. 5
Quimby: A good scandal can bring down a movement in a New York minute. Except in New York. There it takes longer.
Apu: But this Siddmartha girl is so virtuous. We’ll never be able to link a scandal to her.
Quimby: Well…she has a brother.
Apu: That was easy.
Lovejoy: How do we get this brother to come to Springfield?
Quimby: We could offer him a scholarship to Kathmandu U.
Apu: I hear it’s not the party school it used to be.
Siddmartha: You men are plotting the downfall of my movement, and I’m still standing here.
Quimby: Well now whose fault is that?
Siddmartha: Fine, I’m going!
Apu: So, it is decided? We are on a crusade to crush this little girl?
Quimby: Ooh, yeah let’s not talk about crushing children. For PR purposes, let’s just call it…quelling the enlightenment uprising.
Lovejoy: I would also avoid the use of the word crusade. How about calling it a “campaign”?
Quimby: Those cost too much. Maybe a “quest objective”?
Apu: Too inside. Let’s call it a “coalition”.
Lovejoy: Bingo! Now, excuse me, I have to set up the church for bingo.
Make Apu Form a Coalition- 4hrs
Make Mayor Quimby Form a Coalition- 4hrs
Make Reverend Lovejoy Form a Coalition- 4hrs
Make Bart Observe the Forming of a Coalition- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Storm Off- 4hrs
Collect Rock Stacks- x125.
Siddmartha: And so then they said that they’re going to bring my brother to town!
Advisor Frink: Prince Gautama is on his way? Oh, that does not bode well. He hates you with every fiber of his being.
Siddmartha: Yes, I know.
Advisor Frink: Like remember on your birthday when you invited all the cool girls from your class and you wore that new dress but then the Prince pushed your face into your birthday cake and you were covered in icing with the frosting and the smearing and hoyvin…
Siddmartha: I said I know!
And that’s it my friends! The full dialogue for Act 2 of Springfield Enlightened!
Thoughts on the dialogue? Did you read it live or catch up on it here? What was your favorite part of Act 2? Ready for Act 3 to start? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!