Holiday Whodunnit Act 3 Full Dialogue: Ho-ho-d’oh

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we prepare for Act 4 of the Holiday Whodunnit event to start next week, it’s time to wrap up Act 3 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!

So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Ho-ho-d’oh…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

Ho-ho-d’oh Pt. 1
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Elf Moe: Marge, where’s Homer been? Revenue is so low in his absence. Plus, with Barney in the drunk tank the past month… You should stop by and support your local business every so often.
Marge: I’d come more often if you had some more wine options besides “Twist Off White” and “Box Red”.
Elf Moe: Then why don’t you try some of my famous fresh pickled eggnog? If this eggnog wasn’t so delicious, I’d be mad.
Lisa: Enough with the small talk, Moe. We’re investigating the attack on Santa. Tell us where you were and what happened.
Elf Moe: I got nothing to do with it. I was here the whole night. Anybody who told you different has a date with a butcher’s knife.
Lisa: We just need to know if Snake was in here that night.
Elf Moe:Oh, yeah. He stopped in for a beer. Even let me keep half the till when he robbed me, on account of Christmas spirit.
Marge: How does every suspect in town have an alibi?! At least for the specific crime we’re investigating.
Elf Moe: More eggnog?
Answer Christmas Trivia- x1
Make Marge Have a Sip of Eggnog – 4hrs
Make Lisa Have a Non-alcoholic Nog – 4hrs
Make Moe Dilute the Eggnog With Water – 4hrs
Collect Ornaments– x150. 4hrs.
Marge: This has been a total bust. *hiccup* We’re never gonna find Satan’s attacker.
Lisa: You mean…Santa’s attacker?
Marge: *hiccup* What did I say? Stan’s attacker?
Lisa: Nothing, Watson.

Ho-ho-d’oh Pt. 2
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Bart: Dad, don’t you think you should be keeping an eye on Maggie?
Homer: Uh, I’m pretty sure your Mom has her.
Bart: Uh, I’m pretty sure you gave Maggie to the Gnome-in-the-Home earlier so you could go sabotage people’s sleighs.
Gnome In The Home: *holding Maggie* This really isn’t in my job description.
Maggie: *scared sucking noises*
Homer: Jeez, if Gnome-in-the-Home is gonna sponsor the race, then that means doing whatever is required.
Gnome In The Home: I don’t think that’s what the word sponsorship means. Plus, I have rides to give in the Gnome-in-the-Home Dome.
Homer: Go on, Maggie. Go with the scary clown elf man into the creepy dark dome.
Answer Christmas Trivia- x1
Make Maggie Ride the Gnome-in-the-Home Dome – 4hrs
Make Gnome-in-the-Home Give Rides – 4hrs
Make Homer Sabotage Sleighs– 4hrs
Make Bart Keep an Eye on Maggie, to Be Safe- 4hrs
Collect Ornaments– x125. 4hrs.
Gnome In The Home: Alright, you’re gonna have to take your kid back now.
Homer: You’re shirking your duties?
Gnome In The Home: I checked with the corporate office, and the park ranger to go over the sponsorship contract, and confirmed that babysitting is not included.
Homer: You’ll never work in this town again, kid! Now take off that head so I can see who you are! And pummel you!
Gnome In The Home: *runs away*
Homer: Stupid Gnome! Yeah, keep running.
Bart: You didn’t wanna get Maggie back first?
Homer: Aah!

Ho-ho-d’oh Pt. 3
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Mary Tannenbaum: Can you say that again? It was so creepy, I want to make sure we get a good cut.
Burns: Certainly. *clears throat* I’m only doing this because I want the hearts of all the little children.
Smithers: He means he wants to be the new Santa in order to WIN the hearts of the children.
Mary Tannenbaum: Yeah, but that’s not what he said. I think we have all we need here.
Smithers: Is your show gonna paint Mr. Burns as the benevolent billionaire or the evil Santa slayer?
Mary Tannenbaum: Whoa, it’s not our job to give an opinion. We merely show the facts of the case, and let the viewer decide that Burns is obviously the culprit.
Answer Christmas Trivia- x1
Make Mary Tannenbaum Suggest Wild Theories – 4hrs
Make Burns Do Some More Takes– 4hrs
Make Smithers Call Blue-Haired Lawyer – 4hrs
Collect Ornaments– x150. 4hrs.
Mary Tannenbaum: Alright, that’s a scene people. Let’s pack it up and head to the summit for some establishing shots with ominous voice-over.
Herb Tannenbaum: You’re pretty good at this. In fact, if I was a betting tree, I’d think the most likely culprit was the filmmaker who stands to gain everything from this case.
Mary Tannenbaum: Keep your mouth shut or I’ll turn you into a box of toothpicks.
Homer: Wow, you two are bickering like an old married couple. Oh, is that how you’re related?
Herb Tannenbaum: We’re not related!

Ho-ho-d’oh Pt. 4
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Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did Sideshow Mel’s sleigh just FLY?!
Bart: Yeah, there have been sleighs flying around all over. Did you seriously just notice that?
Homer: I lost my vertical peripheral vision when I drank that case of expired Four Lokos that one time.
Bart: That’s why I got us some rocket fuel for the snowmobile, so we could compete.
Homer: I already have nitrous, you dumb-dumb. And anyway, it won’t even be enough to win. Burns said he was using magic.
Bart: You want to steal some magic from Burns instead of using the rocket fuel?
Homer: No, I want to steal magic from Burns, use the nitrous I already have, and then use all the rocket fuel and see where it takes me.
Bart: Replacement Santa here we come.
Answer Christmas Trivia- x1
Make Bart Steal a Magic Bone From Burns’ Sleigh – 4hrs
Make Homer Draw Schematics on a Fast Food Napkin – 4hrs
Collect Ornaments– x150. 4hrs.
Bart: Are you sure we should test the sleigh by driving off a cliff?
Homer: We need to give the magic time to kick in before we hit the ground. That’s just science, boy.

Ho-ho-d’oh Pt. 5
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Lisa: Dr. Hibbert? You wanted us to come by?
Dr Hibbert: Oh, Lisa, Marge. Thanks for coming in. I was hoping you could take Santa for an outing. He’s annoying the crap out of me.
Santa Claus: Lisa! You gotta help me. They’re trying to poison me with the pudding!
Lisa: Santa, you’re awake! Why didn’t anyone let me know?
Dr Hibbert: Well, you’re not his emergency contact. Someone named “Blitzen” is — stupid name, but I believe it.
Santa Claus: For the first time in my life, I can finally see clearly. *whispers* They’re controlling me with all the flowers in here.
Lisa: Doctor, is he okay?
Dr Hibbert: *chuckles* I’m fairly certain he’s not. These scans show an object lodged deep in his brain from that hit to the head he took.
Marge: And you want us to take him for an outing?
Dr Hibbert: I suppose we could try to remove it first.
Santa Claus: Lisa! Don’t let ‘em mess with my brain! I use that almost every day.
Answer Christmas Trivia- x1
Make Santa Spout Conspiracy Theories – 4hrs
Make Dr. Hibbert Take Santa to Surgery – 4hrs
Make Lisa Watch the Surgery From the Gallery – 4hrs
Make Marge Get Snacks From the Cafeteria- 4hrs
Collect Ornaments– x175. 4hrs.
Lisa: Doc, was the surgery a success?
Dr Hibbert: Indeed. He won’t have to worry about having children anymore. *chuckles* Oh, you’re talking about Santa. Yes, I was able to dislodge the object from his brain. No idea what it was though. I’ve sent it to the lab for analysis.
Marge: Oh, that’s such a relief. He just needs to rest and recuperate now.
Dr Hibbert:No, he’s still being very annoying. I need you to take him for that outing immediately.
Santa Claus: I hear there’s a race on Mt. Useful in my honor!
Lisa: Uh, okay. But let’s take it slow. You just came out of a major surgery.
Dr Hibbert: Okay, but not too slow. He’s REALLY getting on my nerves.

And that’s it my friends, the full dialogue for Act 3 of Holiday Whodunnit!

Thoughts on Act 3? Dialogue? How do you think the story will wrap up in Act 3? Any ideas on who attacked Santa? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!