Red Alert Premium Dialogue: Joe

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Red Alert in Springfield! A Nuclear Missile is heading straight for Springfield unless we can stop it, as the arrival of Red Alert has hit our pocket-sized towns!

This mini-event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Joe is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Joe, here’s the full dialogue for Loving is Half the Battle…

More details on Joe can be found here

Loving is Half the Battle Pt. 1
Joe starts

Joe: Stacy? Is that you?
Stacy Lovell: Oh, uh…hi, Joe. What a lovely surprise. I’d love to catch up about our failed marriage, but my Tinder date’s supposed to show up at any moment.
Joe: Weird. MY Tinder date’s supposed to be here too. Her name is Fiona.
Stacy Lovell: Ummmm…you wouldn’t happen to be “Aaron”, would you?
Joe: You said in your profile you were twenty-six!
Stacy Lovell: You said in your profile you were a kung fu master!
Make Joe Practice His Kung Fu Grip- 4hrs
Make Stacy Lovell Delete Her Tinder Account Again- 4hrs
Joe: Well now that we’re both here, should we just have the date?
Stacy Lovell: Only if we keep pretending you own two beach houses, “one for each day of the weekend”.

Loving is Half the Battle Pt. 2
Joe starts

Joe: See, this isn’t so bad. How ’bout we get back together?
Stacy Lovell: It would never work. We have different love languages: mine is acts of service, yours is words of affirmation.
Joe: What do those phrases even mean? Can anyone actually explain “love languages” in a way that makes sense?
Stacy Lovell: Let me try. Love languages…is something for women to say to get guys to stop hitting on them.
Joe: Makes sense.
Make Joe Split Logs as an Act of Service- 4hrs
Make Stacy Lovell Say Log Splitting Affirmation- 4hrs
Joe: I should write a book centered around a few vague general phrases that people can interpret however they want and apply to whatever failings they perceive in their relationships.
Stacy Lovell: I bet Gary Chapman has a beach house for each day of the weekend.

Loving is Half the Battle Pt. 3
Joe starts

Joe: So what’s the latest with the Malibu Stacy dolls?
Stacy Lovell: I’m not really involved with that line anymore, but I’m working on a new doll: Northridge Stacy. She’s a five-times divorced forty-something who’s been priced out of Malibu.
Joe: I can definitely see the possibilities. Like five different wedding gowns.
Stacy Lovell: Along with five different business suits for the alimony negotiations. And dolls of each of her seventy-five cats.
Make Joe Pre-Order Northridge Stacy- 4hrs
Make Stacy Lovell Remind Joe to Pick Up Cat Litter- 4hrs
Joe: Maybe you can make a doll of Northridge Stacy’s ex-husband who rekindles the romance with her.
Stacy Lovell: Ooooh, I like it! I can also make accessories like the studio apartment the ex-husband lives in with his four roommates.
Joe: THREE roommates. And one of their mothers.

Loving is Half the Battle Pt. 4
Joe starts

Joe: Okay, fine, I get it. I have no chance with you.
Stacy Lovell: Actually, I wouldn’t say that.
Joe: You’re finally remembering what you liked about me?
Stacy Lovell: No, my high school reunion’s coming up, and I’m desperate to avoid the shame of going alone.
Joe: So you’re asking me to go with you?!
Stacy Lovell: Technically, I’m asking “Aaron”.
Make Stacy Lovell Reserve Two Rooms for Reunion Weekend- 4hrs
Make Joe Memorize Fake Biography Stacy Wrote- 4hrs
Stacy Lovell: So far I’d call this reunion a success! Not one of my friends has suspected I’m single. Thanks, Aaron!
Joe: No problem. I just wish I’d been told in advance I’d have to wear stilts.
Stacy Lovell: Shut up and have another stuffed mushroom.

And that’s it my friends, the Red Alert premium dialogue.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Joe? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

3 responses to “Red Alert Premium Dialogue: Joe

  1. No kidding….-37 on my way out this morning. Days/nights like these in Northern Maine…gotta get up at 2-3am to start the car for 15-20 mins….just to make sure it starts at 7am. Never got above -5 today. Oh….and still have plenty of snow as well…in my game too. If anyone else is interested this unbelievable cold…about 25 years ago, we would actually plug in our cars at night to keep the engine block warm. It’s also annoying when you get ready to leave in the morning and it was so cold you lost air pressure in 1 or 2 of your tires. So don’t complain about snow or cold around me….there…I vented.

  2. Does anyone else have snow? I thought it was supposed to go away with the last update.

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