Cirque du Springfield Act 3 Premium Dialogue: Human Donkey and the Bearded Lady

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

The circus has arrived in Springfield!  Well…three of them have arrived!  Looking for a freak show? The Burnsum and Bailey Circus is here! Traditional circus?  Ding-A-Ling Bros at your service!  Feeling fancy? Then Cirque de Puree is for you.  But which one will reign supreme?  It’s up to you to find out in the latest event in TSTO…Cirque du Springfield!

Act 3 of this circus event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event and one new character as part of the Gil “Deal”.  The Human Donkey is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.  While the Bearded Lady, part of Gil’s latest “Deal”, won’t help earn currency but does come with a funny questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for the Human Donkey and Bearded Lady…

More details on the Human Donkey can be found here

All Work and No Pay Pt. 1
The Human Donkey starts

Burnsum: Step right up but avert your eyes! For I give you…The Human Donkey!
The Human Donkey: Hee-haw!
Sherri and Terri: Eagh! It’s hideous!
Burnsum: Even worse, kids. The Human Donkey has razor sharp teeth!
The Human Donkey: What? No, I don’t. I wore a retainer for five years!
Burnsum: *whispering* Keep braying! It’s all part of the show. Throw your allowance, children! The monster is scared of your money!
The Human Donkey: Aw, come on. This is degrading.
Burnsum: *whispering strongly* HEE HAW AGAIN!
The Human Donkey: *sigh* Hee-haw!
Sherri and Terri: Aaahhh!!!! Keep it away! Don’t let it get us! *throws money*
Make The Human Donkey Lose All Respect for Himself- 4hrs
Make Burnsum Pick Up the Money Off the Ground- 4hrs
The Human Donkey: Burnsum, I need a raise.
Burnsum: I’m already giving you an extra half handful of daily hay!
The Human Donkey: I demand hazard pay for all the rotten tomatoes and eggs that get thrown at me!
Burnsum: Complaining about free food being given to you? Your generation is so entitled.  Fine. I’ll agree to a raise of ten cents a day.
The Human Donkey: Ten cents? I’m a donkey, not a mule.
Burnsum: Ten cents is more than generous. Unless you’d rather be an unemployed donkey?

All Work and No Pay Pt. 2
The Human Donkey starts

The Human Donkey: C’mon, everybody. If we unionize we can really stick it to Burnsum. We’ll all finally get what we deserve!
Homer: I don’t need a union. I already get what I want by threatening Burnsum with my enormous muscles.
Marguerite: And I get what I want by unleashing my feminine wiles.
Human Snail Guy: And I can always use my snail trail to slime Burnsum into submission.
The Human Donkey: I like everything but the slime guy’s suggestion.
Make The Human Donkey Protest for Better Working Conditions- 4hrs
Make Strongman Homer Threaten Burnsum With His Muscles- 4hrs
Make Marguerite Use Her Feminine Wiles on Burnsum- 4hrs
The Human Donkey: Burnsum, we’ve formed a union so you can’t push us around anymore.
Burnsum: Unions are made to be busted. Strongman?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Burnsum?
Burnsum: Beat this donkey into submission and I’ll double your wages for the year.
Homer: You got it!
The Human Donkey: What? Doubling his wage will cost more than just meeting the union demands!
Burnsum: It’s not about the money. It’s about the busting.

All Work and No Pay Pt. 3
The Human Donkey starts

The Human Donkey: That’s it, Burnsum. If you won’t give in to our demands, you’ll run this freak show without me. I quit!
Burnsum: Boo-hoo! What ever will I do without my little donkey boy making me five cents an hour?!
The Human Donkey: Exactly. You’re through in this town without me.
Burnsum: Puh-lease. I’ll replace you so fast your head will spin. Unless your head DOES spin because that would be freaky great.
The Human Donkey: It only spins toward the exit door!
Burnsum: Just go. This town is full of freaks. Like Ralph the Bubble Brain Boy or…hey you! Pineapple Head Girl! You’re hired!
Lisa: Pineapple…starfruit…It pays better than my allowance. So…okay.
Make The Human Donkey Apply at Krusty Burger- 4hrs
Make Burnsum Interview Freaks- 4hrs
Make Lisa Debut as Pineapple Head Girl- 4hrs

And details on the Bearded Lady can be found here…

Hair and Pride Pt. 1
Bearded Lady starts

Julio: Oh my goodness, look at that fabulous beard! What’s your secret, baby?
The Bearded Lady: No secret. I guess I just inherited it from my mother. You’d scream if you saw the mutton chops on that lady.
Julio: Such wonderful sheen! It’s so lustrous.
The Bearded Lady:  You’re too kind. But it’s all natural.
Julio: While most of us have to oil, and condition, and blow dry, and oil again to even HOPE for a sheen like that. That settles it. You are the new spokeswoman for Curl Up and Dye. Follow me.
The Bearded Lady: Really? Uh, okay. But I need to get cleaned up.
Julio: No need, you already look magnificent.
The Bearded Lady: The circus just ended and I’m still covered in donkey hair and lion slobber.
Julio: Oh, I thought it was beard mousse. I smell it now. Okay, I’ll meet you there.
Make The Bearded Lady Clean Her Beard- 8hrs
Make Julio Head to Curl Up and Dye- 8hrs

Hair and Pride Pt. 2
Bearded Lady starts

Julio: Your attention, everyone! I’d like you to meet the new spokeswoman for Curl Up and Dye!
Mysterious Waylon: My God, her beard is to die for! How do you do it?
Grady: It must be beard wax. Is it Dr. Archibald’s Beard Balm?
Patty: Does smoking help bring out the sheen? If so, light me up!
The Bearded Lady: I’ve never felt more accepted and appreciated. I’ll answer all your questions.
Julio: No time for Q&A. Blow it and show it, girl!
The Bearded Lady:  You want me to show you how I style my beard?
Julio: Don’t stop at one style. Let’s see them all!
Mysterious Waylon: I’m taking notes!
Make The Bearded Lady Style Her Beard- 4hrs
Make Mysterious Waylon Take Notes- 4hrs
Make Julio DJ the Styling Session- 4hrs

Hair and Pride Pt. 3
Bearded Lady starts

Julio: The LGBTB community adores you! FYI: the second B is for bearded.
The Bearded Lady: Because of my facial hair styling techniques?
Julio: Because you’re not ashamed of who you are! Now come on, you have public appearances as the new spokeswoman for Curl Up and Dye.
The Bearded Lady: But the circus starts in an hour. I need to go do that.
Julio: I know. The circus is your first promo.When you stick your head inside the lion’s mouth, just say “I don’t want to die! Unless I’m dyeing my beard at Curl Up and Dye. Open daily until 9pm.”
Make The Bearded Lady Stick Her Head in a Lion’s Mouth – 4hrs
Make Julio Watch the Circus for His Promo – 4hrs

And that’s it my friends, the Act 3 premium dialogue!

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy the premiums? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

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