Hot Diggity D’Oh Premium Dialogue: Deuce

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Hot Dog,  Hot Dog, Hot Doggity Dog! Grab your grease buckets, it’s the arrival of Hot Diggity Dog mini- event has hit our pocket-sized towns!

This mini-event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Deuce is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who will not only help earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at the questline for Deuce, here’s the full dialogue for Deal with the Deuce…

More details on Deuce can be found here

Deal With the Deuce Pt. 1
Deuce starts

Moe: Can I get a Chicago dog with chili on top?
Deuce: Sure thing. You know, maybe there’s more to life than just selling hot dogs, day after day…
Moe: Were you saying that to me or having one of them small existential crises?
Deuce: I’m not sure. All I know is when I was a kid—
Moe: Oh, so you’re just going to launch into it. Okay, fine. But can I have my hot dog first and then you can go on with your story?
Deuce: Here’s your Chicago dog with chili on top. Anyway, like I was saying, when I was a kid I was always told to think big and I think I lost sight of that.
Moe: I’m going to stop you right there. You know, this is all sort of depressing. And I know depressing. But what I’m really tryin’ to say is: maybe you should just quit and do something else with your life.
Deuce: Quit? I never thought of quitting.
Moe: Really? It seems like where you were already heading.
Deuce: I don’t know what I’m going to do for work, but it’s not going to be this! *takes off apron*
Moe: Okay, good for you hot dog guy.
Make Deuce Envision a Non-Hot Dog Career- 4hrs
Deuce: Wow, I guess you need a lot of experience and specific education to get all the cool and high-paying jobs… Maybe I should un-quit the hot dog cart?  Or…I can quickly come up with an idea that will change the food service industry as we know it! I’ve got it! Who’s going to want a plain old hot dog when they can have……a hot dog within another hot dog! I’ll call it the “Hot Dog Dog”!

Deal With the Deuce Pt. 2
Deuce starts

Deuce: Well, every bank closed their doors in my face. Hopefully some rich guy is willing to invest in a sure thing like the “Hot Dog Dog”.
The Rich Texan: No can do, Mister! I know it don’t jive with my rootin-tootin’ personality, but I’m actually a vegan.
Hank Scorpio: A hot dog inside another hot dog… It’s not really evil, is it? The thing is, Deuce, I only invest in evil.
Wolfcastle: I’m the new sponsor of Papa John’s. I can’t invest in your puny hot dog venture.
Mr Costington: Retail stores like Costington’s are getting slaughtered by Amazon! Slaughtered! I’m nearly bankrupt!
Deuce: Well, I don’t know who else I can ask. But I’ll do whatever it takes to secure that seed money.
Cletus: Well, boy howdy. Did I hear you say you’se got money for “seeds”? Cuz I could really use a partner for my tomacco crop. Just need those seeds.
Deuce: Oh, actually…I’m not talking about real seeds, it’s just a term for the initial fundraising money for a business.
Cletus: Don’t matter. I still want ’em.
Make Deuce Follow the Money- 4hrs
Make Cletus Try to Get “Seed” Money- 4hrs
Barney: Sorry, Deuce. Your hot dog idea sounds like a real winner, but my portfolio is tied up in NFTs of Duff memorabilia.
Lenny: And I just put a deposit down on a townhouse.
Deuce: Moe, will you invest?
Moe: Hey, don’t look at me. I’m buried in what they call bury-you-alive-style debt. In fact, that’s my collector at the door as we speak.
Frankie The Squealer: Good afternoon, Szyslak.
Moe: This time can you break my left knee cap? My right one’s still a little tender.
Deuce: Not one single interested investor. I’m screwed.
Burns: Did I hear someone in desperate financial straits that is in need of timely aid?!
Deuce: Yeah.

Deal With the Deuce Pt. 3
Deuce starts

Burns: In preparation for our new business partnership, I’ve had my legal team draw up the necessary documents.
Deuce: Whoa, that’s a big stack of papers. Couldn’t you have just printed them double-sided?
Burns: Sign here…here…here…there. Initial here, here, here, and here. Don’t read that part…and sign there.
Deuce: Okay, I guess we’re partners now.
Burns: *steeples fingers* Yes…partners…
Deuce: Why’d you steeple your fingers when you said that?
Burns: *steeples fingers* I didn’t…partner.
Deuce: Now I definitely have the feeling I’ve been taken advantage of.
Make Deuce Sign His Life Away- 4hrs
Make Burns Point to More Places to Sign- 4hrs
Deuce: I think that’s all of them, Mr. Burns. Every contract, signed and initialed.
Burns: Excellent. Here you go, good sir. One American dollar.
Deuce: A dollar? That’s it? What for?
Burns: If you’ll refer to section forty-seven, sub-section three, addendum two, paragraph four, relating to intellectual property …you’ll see that you have surrendered all rights to the Hot Dog Dog for the sum of one dollar.
Deuce: What?!! I didn’t know it said that!
Burns: Enjoy your one dollar, partner…

Deal With the Deuce Pt. 4
Deuce starts

Deuce: My life is a disaster. I poured everything I had into prototyping the Hot Dog Dog, and now I’ve got nothing.
Burns: The Hot Dog Dog name is trademarked. You owe me a hundred dollars just for saying it.
Deuce: I’ll have to liquidate my hot dog cart just to pay rent this month.
Burns: I own that too.
Deuce: Wait a minute… Liquidate! I can sell all my leftover hot dog grease to the grease recycling plant!
Burns: I’m quite sure I own the grease as well. *checking contract* Wait, no, it’s not here. Smithers! Why is there no clause about me owning his hot dog grease?!
Smithers: Uh…we’ll sue for it, sir.
Burns: See that you do. I can’t have this man thinking he can live a normal life after doing business with Montgomery Burns.
Deuce: *gasp* I’ve got to sell this grease ASAP before some greasy lawyer sues for it to grease Burns’ pocketbook!
Make Deuce Sell Off That Rancid Gold- 4hrs
Deuce: Woohoo! All that grease sold for more than a thousand bucks! And it only took grilling up ten thousand dollars worth of hot dogs to do it!

Deal With the Deuce Pt. 5
Deuce starts

Deuce: Hmm, I don’t think this whole hot dog grease venture is as much of a windfall as I thought.
Cletus: If’n it costs you ten dollars for hot dogs just ta generate one dollar a grease, that’s what mah financial advisor calls un-sus-tain-uh-bul. Just like Brandine’s brief and unfortunate career as a financial advisor. Tell ya what, Deuce. If you need a job, you should join the roadkill clean-up crew with me. The pay ain’t great, but your stewpot will be forever ripe with the highway’s rich bounty.
Deuce: Thank you, but no. With decades of hot dog grilling experience, I’m sure I can find something less…ripe.
Make Deuce Get a Job at the Grease Plant- 4hrs

And that’s it my friends, the Hot Dog premium dialogue.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Deuce? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

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