Stonecutters Walkthrough: Full Dialogue Recap

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we near the final hours for Stonecutters we thought it might be fun to take a look back at the dialogue of the main Stonecutter questline.  Sometimes tapping can be fast and you might miss out on a line or two of dialogue, and that’s where these full dialogue walkthroughs come in.  They’ll bring you the lines and jokes you might have missed while you were tapping through!

So now let’s relive all the fun of the Stonecutters from the start shall we?


Game of Stones Pt.1
Homer autostarts

Homer: What?! Moe ran out of beer?!  Impossible !  That’s like Miley Cyrus running out of tongue posses!  Apu, two cases of your cheapest beer!  Nothing fancy, just something to make me woozy and bloated.
Apu: I would love to sell you dangerous quantities of alcohol.  Especially since you always stumble back later for snackcakes, loto tickets and those adult diaper wipes.   But all the bottles of alcohol in my store mysteriously exploded.  And the walls behind the alcohol have mysteriously developed baseball bat dents.
Homer:  So there’s no booze in this whole town?  Oh God!  I’ll be forced to face life sober!  None of my ideas will seem brilliant!  George Lopez won’t be funny at all!
Hooded Figure: Psst, I know how you could have enough alcohol to ruining TWO livers…
Homer:  I’ll do anything you say, hooded figure I just met!
Hooded Figure: Re-build the Stonecutter Lodge!
Homer: That’s right!  They had a microbrewery, champagne fountain and bourbon jacuzzi!
Hooded Figure: Yes, The Stonecutters invented alcoholism as a way to control “cool people”.
Homer: And for that, I am forever grateful.  I shall build the What-cha-ma-callit Lodge!
Build the Stonecutter Lodge- $2,000, 16hr build
Goal Complete Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt.2
Homer starts

Homer: Number 1?  YOU were the hooded figure?  But I thought you quite the stonecutters to form the No Homers Club?
Number 1: Regrettable, the No Homers lost their clubhouse in the nuclear super-accident.
Homer: I don’t know how many times I’m gonna have to say this but: Sor-ry!
Number 1: Yes, well, I’d like to be a Stonecutter again.
Homer: Okay, but you have to do what I say.  The birthmark on my butt says I’m your leader.
Number 1: I prefer to think of it as your upper thigh.
Homer: Do what you gotta do
At this point you’ll unlock number 908 Homer…for free
Make Number 908 Be the Chosen One– 4hrs earns $190, 45xp
Goal Complete Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt.3
Number 1 starts

Number 1: Hey Everyone!  Look at The Sacred Texts!  I never noticed this part here, scrawled in purple crayon!  “In the event of a nuclear meltdown, the NEW leader shall be he who holds the sacred purple crayon!”  Oh look, I have it right here!
Homer:  I don’t know…that crayon looks more like a deep plum,
Number 1: It also says Homer gets to keep the title of “Chosen One” and the fancy hat and…uh…this “Doors of Europe” Calendar.
Homer: Woohoo!  It’s a deal!  There’s a bunch of unused months on this!
Number 1, you may be the leader of The Stonecutters but these days all of us take our orders from…The Sky Finger.  The Sky Finger places all our buildings and sends us on our jobs.  Often while he’s supposed be to working no less.
Number 1:  Well, I shan’t be doing this Sky Finger’s bidding.  Sky Finger!  Obey MY command!  “open-bracket COLLECT underscore FROM underscore HOUSES close-bracket”
Collect from 5 houses (must be houses)
Homer: How did you learn the code to make the Sky Finger do THAT?!
Number 1: *shrug* I know a lot of nerds.
Goal Complete Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 4
Number 1 starts

Number 1: Stonecutters!  It’s time to step forward in our march toward Global Domination!  Let us read now from the ancient prophecy to learn what must be done.

HINT: All kids in Springfield now have a new job you can use to complete Number 1’s task!
Solve Number 1’s Task
Homer: What?! How would that help you conquer the world?
Number 1: When young brains freeze, it causes an insatiable appetite for following orders.
Homer: *gasp* You are more eveil than I imagined.  Fortunately, our kids are too smart for that.  They’d never fall for -!
Lisa: Hmmm, I suddenly really want to drink a Squishee.
Homer: *screams*

Game of Stones Pt. 5
Number 1 Auto-starts after you’ve won the parchment 

Number 1: Now carefully and thoughtfully place the Sacred Parchment.  It is the most hallowed artifact of The Stonecutters.  More essential to us than the fragment of the cross, the holy folder of take-out menus and the rack for our pool-table.
Place the Sacred Parchment
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 6
Number 1 Auto-starts after you’ve won the Chest of Sacred Artifacts 

Number 1: There is no better opiate of the masses than shiny, new trinkets.  This chest of artifacts will distract attention from our darkest machinations.  Like jingling car keys when giving a baby a shot.
Place the Chest of Sacred Artifacts
Number 908:  Ooo, let see what’s in our treasure chest!  Holy hand grenade…ring with writing on it that makes me want to punch people….used shroud with some bearded dudes face burned in…*moans* There’s nothing good in here!  This jeweled cup is too wide for drinking.  Still, I guess I an use it.
Lisa: Oh my God!  I think that’s the Holy Grail!
Number 908: Now it’s Daddy’s ice cream bowl.
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 7
Skinner starts

Number 1: Number 600…
Number 600: That’s my number, don’t wear it out! Heh, heh.
Number 1: I need the membership to come together for a very important meeting.  I want you to make an announcement and then stand by the bar to make sure no one gets too drunk.
Number 600: That’s exactly what I do every day at school!
Number 1: Don’t be glib.  It doesn’t work for you.
Number 600: I was just thinking the same thing
Reach Level 10 and Build Willie’s Shack
Make Number 908 Attend a Secret Meeting
 (Homer) 8hrs, Earns $300, 70xp
Make Number 36 Attend a Secret Meeting (Krusty)– 8hrs, Earns $300, 70xp
Make Number 600 Attend a Secret Meeting (Skinner)– 8hrs, Earns $300, 70xp
Make Number 85 Attend a Secret Meeting (Willie)– 8hrs, Earns $300, 70xp
Number 1: My brothers in stone, it is good to see you all once again assembled in this lodge.  The Springfield Stonecutters are growing in power.  The time has come to use our strength to take over the Shelbyville Chapter…and then the WORLD!

Game of Stones Pt. 8
Mr. Burns auto-starts

Number 29: These Stonecutter meetings are so stressful.  No one cowers in my presence.  People make eye contact.  Lenny actually said, “How’s it goin’?” to me.  And because he outranks me I was compelled to tell him!  I don’t know how you non-riches handle the nobody-ness of it all.
Smithers: We’re used to it, sir.  Shall I prepare the relaxation pool?
Number 29: Yes.  A little dip will do me good.
Reach Level 11 and Build the Cooling Towers
Place the Money Pool
Make Number 29 Take a Dip in the Money Pool- 4hrs, Earns $190, 45p
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 9
Homer starts

Number 1: Number 908, we would like to honor you for re-building our beloved lodge.
Number 908: I would say that you guys shouldn’t have…but i think you really probably should.
Number 1: Attach the Stone of Triumph to the Chosen One!
Number 908: D’oh!
Build the Stone of Triumph (it’s in your inventory.  Just place it in Springfield, no building time required)
Make Number 908 Wear the Stone of Triumph (Homer)– 10hrs, Earns $400, 90xp
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 1
Lisa starts

Lisa: Dad? What have you been up to lately?
Homer: Well, I certainly haven’t been helping a madman brainwash the world, if that’s what you’re insinuating.
Lisa: Hmm, the townspeople have been acting very strange lately.  This look s like a job for Lisa Simpson Meddling Kid!
Make Lisa Look for Clues- 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Lisa: This is interesting: some sort of…stone.  It’s edges are straight as if it had been…cut.  And there’s something etched onto the surface.  I’ve seen this symbol before, but where?
Marge: Lisa?  You know you’re talking to yourself, right?
Lisa: Yes, I’m figuring out a mystery!
Marge: Oh, that’s find then.  The doctor says as long as you KNOW there’s no one there, you’re still considered normal.
Lisa: ….
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 10
#908, Homer, Starts 

Number 1: Now we begin our siege of the Shelbyville Chapter.  We will sneak into their Lodge, steal their booze then frame the Shelbyville chapter’s leader for the crime.  Homer, do you think you can handle this?
Number 908: Sure, I’m pretty stealthy when I’m not dragging around a rock.
Make Number 908 Steal Liquor from Shelbyville Stonecutters-10hrs Earns $400, 90xp
Number 908: Mizzion Accompwished!  Permission to say: *hic*
Number 1: Homer!  You’re back?  But where is all the liquor you were supposed to steal?
Number 908: I’ve cleverly hidden it all *hic* in my, whacha-call, liver. Shhh *wink*
Number 1: How on earth could you drink that much alcohol?!
Number 908: I’ll tell you the secret, c’mere….I need to go to a hospital now.  Bye-bye.  Blackie-outie….
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 11
Auto-start after Stonecutter Table is Won

Number 1: At last, the Stonecutter table!  It looks as glorious as it once-wait, what’s this?  “Homer Rules!” Number 908, did you write on our beautiful table?
Number 908: Well, I am the Chosen One, so I do kind of rule…
Number 1: Sand it off.  And then place it.  We’ve got some singing to do!
Place the Stonecutter Table (check inventory)
Make Number 908 Sing the Stonecutter Song (Homer)- 12hrs, Earns
Make Number 36 Sing the Stonecutter Song (Krusty)– 12hrs, Earns
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

Game of Stones Pt. 12
Auto-starts when you’ve won the final Prize Satan’s Anvil 

Number 1: To ensure our continued success, we’ve commissioned a monument to honor the dark lord!  Behold, Satan’s Anvil!
Number 908: What?!  So the Stonecutters are actually a secret satanist society?
Number 1: Actaully no.  I’m afraid of satan – gives me the heebie jeebies.  I just think it would look really badass to have a 120 foot stone devil in our courtyard.
Number 908: Amen!  Looking cool is my religion, too!

Place Satan’s Anvil (check your inventory)
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 2
Lisa starts

Lisa: I need to find out more about this symbol.  This calls for a trip to the library.  And while I’m there,  I’ll see if they got that new translation of War and Peace.  I mean, a girl’s got to have some fun!
Reach Level 12 and Build the Springfield Library
Make Lisa Research the Symbol– 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp
 Strange.  This symbol pops up at turning points in American History.  Here it is at a pilgrim settlement.  Here it is at the Battle of Gettysburg.  Here it is when the Real Housewife, Nene, got cast on an actual TV show and– *gasp* Dad?! What are you doing int he library?!
Homer: Uh…I’m certainly not reading this giant book about witchcraft and Masonic Lodges!  I’ll just put this back on the bottom shelf….
Lisa: Dad!  When you bend over, your pants slide down and the whole library can see your butt cr– OH MY GOD!  Your birthmark!  It’s the symbol!
Homer: I call it my Stonecutter mark.
Lisa: The Stonecutters!  Of course!  Now I just have to figure out– Dad, please!  Pull your pants up and your shirt down.
Homer: Aw, you sound just like your mother.
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 3
Lisa starts

Lisa: Bart, I need you to break into the Stonecutter Lodge.  It’s illegal and Mom and Dad can’t know about it.
Bart: You had me at “it’s illegal.”
Lisa: Great.  We’ll do it after Mom and Dad fall asleep.
Bart: You’re coming?  This better not be one of those things that’s supposed to make us “bond” as brother and sister.
Lisa: No!  I swear this is just about committing a crime!  Although, I can’t guarantee that I won’t feel closer to you after it’s all done.
Bart: If you do, keep it to yourself.
Reach Level 12 and Build Bart’s Treehouse
Make Bart Steal Stonecutter Documents- 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Make Lisa Steal Stonecutter Documents- 12hrs, Earns $420,
Lisa: Good, we’ve photographed all their secret files.  Let’s get out of here.
Bart: Right after I finish this sandwich…
Lisa: No! That’s just stealing!  We’re not going to – Ooh, is that Portobello mushrooms and hummus?  Well, seeing as how we’ve already broken and entered…Gimme that!
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 4
Lisa starts

Lisa: Okay, we’ve completed our little caper, now comes the fun part: Reading through the documents and analyzing the data!
Bart: Yes. That does sound fun. I’ll read in my room.  With the sound of a very loud video game to cover the noise of all my, you know, analyzing.
Make Lisa Deduce the Stonecutter Plot– 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Make Bart “Help” Lisa- 24hrs, Earns $600,
Lisa: Bart!  I’ve figured it out.  The leader of The Stonecutters is keeping all the people of Springfield distracted with inane tasks!
Bart: Huh?  Sorry, I wasn’t listening– I was Paintballing in the Brown House.
Lisa: Well, while you and everyone else are pre-occupied, Number 1 is going to pass a law that gives control of Springfield to The Stonecutters!
Bart: Holy cats!  We saved the town!  High-five, Sister!  Dang!  We are so good at figuring out crap!
Lisa: WE?  All you did was shoot Nerf darts at my door and sent me videos of yourself farting.  I’m taking the credit for this one!
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt 5
Bart starts

Bart: I’ll show Lisa she can’t take all the credit just ’cause she did all the work.  Hey, Number 1!  I’m the son of a Stonecutter.  Doesn’t that automatically make me a Stonecutter, too?
Number 1: Listen, little boy, the rules have become somewhat fluid since the dawning of the magic purple crayon.   And soon, I alone will decide who is “automatically” anything.
Bart: Not after my sister tells the town about your stupid law-changing plan!
Number 1: She knows about that?  Find out what else your sister knows.  After all, you are automatically one of us, right, Lil Stonecutter?
Make Bart Spy on Lisa– 24hrs, $600, 150xp
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems and 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 6
Bart starts

Bart: Number 1, Lisa is planning a big rally! She’s made a bunch of Anti-Stonecutters signs!
Number 1: Pfft.  A semi-satanic lodge with absolute power can’t be taken down by hand-drawn signs!
Bart: They’re not hand-drawn.  She printed them on her computer and glued them to really sturdy cardboard.
Number 1: Oh. Okay, those you’re going to have to destroy.  They sound like they would really “pop.”
Bart: I don’t know.  That seems kind of mean.
Number 1: Come now, Bart, have you any idea the benefits of powerful friends?  You could trade in Milhouse for a sidekick who is every bit as subservient but less asthmatic and not afraid of birds.
Bart: It’s like you overheard my birthday wish.
Make Bart Sabotage Lisa’s Plan– 8hrs, Earns $275, 70xp
Lisa: Bart!  What are you doing?  Why are you throwing paint-filled water-balloons at my signs?
Bart: I didn’t enjoy doing this, Lisa…Well, the ones I threw from the roof did look pretty cool when they exploded.  But I had to betray you in order to achieve a higher goal…Betraying Milhouse.
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp 

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 7
Bart starts

Bart: I did what you wanted.  Now give me my Stonecutter outfit and new sidekick.
Number 1: Yes, yes, you’ll receive all membership materials when you turn 21 and are able to actually be in the lodge.
Bart: No fair!  It’ll take forever just to turn 11.  I’m never going to turn 21!
Number 1: A lodge is no place for a child.  We serve alcohol and occasionally our servers dance out of their blouses.
Bart: Fine.  I’ll see myself out. Through your secret archives!
Number 1: That’s the long way out, but suit yourself.
Make Bart Plot Revenge on Stonecutters– 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 8
Lisa starts

Lisa: What do you want, Bart?  Are you here to paint-balloon my saxophone?
Bart: I’m here to apologize.  And to give you information to help you take down The Stonecutters.
Lisa: I’m not sure I accept your apology.   But I will accept your information.  What’cha got?
Make Bart Share Plans with Lisa– 24hrs, $1200, 300xp
Bart: The Stonecutters don’t allow women and children to join…
Lisa:…so all we have to do is get women and children to vote against the Stonecutter law!  That’s brilliant!
Bart: I was going to say we build an “adult-man-killing”-robot.  But your idea sounds less messy….and more possible.
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 9
Lisa starts

Lisa: Unfortunately, there aren’t many women and children in Springfield since the explosion.  And most of them are Premium characters.
Bart: No worries.  We have plenty of disguises.  All the women and kids can vote a bunch of times!
Lisa: That’s one of those ideas that is so stupid it just might work.
Bart: I get those a lot!
Reach Level 20 and Build the Town Hall
Make Women and Children Vote Against Stonecutter Law
– x20, 8hrs.  Non-Premium Earns $275, 70xp, Premium Earns $420, 105xp.
Quimby: The proposition has failed by a landslide!
Number 1: What?!  But then all our plans have been thwarted!!!!  We have underestimated the political influence of child-sized pirates and the bearded women who wipe their faces.
Completed Task Earns 100 Emblems 10xp

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 10
Lisa starts

Lisa: We managed to keep those power-hungry wolves at bay.  But how can we remain vigilant when we’re constantly distracted by texts, celebrity nip slips and electronic candy?
2014-06-03 22.36.23

EA: Please ignore the previous message.  Everything is fine.  Never stop playing.  Here are some donuts to squelch any doubt.

2014-06-03 22.37.05


What did YOU think of the Stonecutter dialogue?  Were you surprised by the 20 donut finish?  Any part of the dialogue you missed out on that you’re happy to see here?  Are you ready to see the update go?  Or will you miss it?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we LOVE hearing from you!

14 responses to “Stonecutters Walkthrough: Full Dialogue Recap

  1. CapCityGoofball

    I loved this event! Especially since it was based on one of my all time favorite episodes! I also liked the format better since it was the tried and true reward formula on hard work instead of on chance. The dialog was very funny too, and I’m glad to have some great outdoor tasks.

  2. I want to be able to finish it. I only just got kenny and carl. Id would love to get all of the stonencutter items. Ive put in so much time and effort into this event. I think if I had 1 more week I could finish it. It wouldn’t be the first time each extended an event.

  3. I’m pretty bummed, actually. I’m level 20, but my quests haven’t caught up yet, so I have no Town Hall and can’t complete the final Stonecutter quest and won’t be able to get the 20 donuts. It’s pretty frustrating. I checked and I’ve got about 4-5 other quests that have to complete before town hall will trigger. It’s irritating to say the least.

  4. I really enjoyed this event, but I’m ready for the update now. It’s 15:00hrs here and still no update yet for android!

  5. Only 300 emblems away from Satans Anvil… not sure if I’ll make it…
    Kicking myself for missing one of Number 1’s tasks.

    I’m fairly new to the game, so I’m not sure how things generally work at the end of an event.

    I’ve got a question for you TSTO Addicts…

    The Chest of Sacred Artifacts, and the Pyramids generate emblems. Will this continue after the event ends, or will they become just decorations?

    Is the Secret Bonus emblem mission reoccurring?
    Is there a chance that that mission will continue after the event?

    If the mission is reoccurring after the event, is it possible to build a ‘donut farm’ by stocking up on pyramids and chests?

    Has anyone seen anything like that happen in the game before?

    • The Emblems are currency for the Event. Once it is gone, so will the Emblems be too.

    • My experience so far has been after events, items and buildings that produced a different kind of currency — Stonecutter emblems, Xmas presents or whatever — always convert to producing just money/XP after the event is over.

  6. Great event! Thanks for all your guidance as always!

  7. I LOVED this event. Best by far in the almost 2 years I’ve been playing. EA really took our suggestions and created a great event!! Thank you EA, Most importantly THANK YOU TSTO staff!! You guys ROCK as always! Thanks for all you guys/gals/wookies do!!

  8. It’s definitely been enjoyable, and stress free (easy to get all the prizes in time) but it’s time for something new now!

  9. Is there a chance that Number 1 might not be a NPC as he could be found on the Town Census or is it just for the event. It would be awesome for him to have tasks.

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