TSTO Anonymous: Tourists… why’d it have to be Tourists

Hey howdy hey skyfingers!

With the Destination Springfield Around the World Eventcoming to a close, I figured it wasonce again time for another meeting of TSTO Anonymous. Welcome! What is TSTO Anonymous? Well, it’s our version of a support meeting (said with my tongue in my cheek) that has turned into a nice thing we do occasionally just to give folks a positive message, some silliness, or a place to commiserate. You can find previous meetings here. While these meetings don’t happen as frequently as a fuzzball would like, I can always plug the the Sunday Open Threads as fill-in sessions when I can’t think of topics or life/game stuff is too busy to hold one. Jebus knows you Addicts like to congregate and chat about all sorts of stuff. Anyhoo… it’s time to fire up the simulated coffee pot, prop the door open with a lucky red hat, and get this meeting started. Pull up a chair, grab a Wookiee cookie, and let’s get this show on the road.

TSTO Anonymous

So… the other day I was thinking about this event and smiling at the different tourists in my game infected with the Osaka flu and realizing I really like this event. It’ has been relatively grind-free, included a ton of new land (which I really didn’t need), and lots of new sschtuff that comes from solidly entertaining Simpsons episodes. What could be bad about it?

I was writing a fluff piece about my love for the event and then… I headed off to by job that pays the bills working for a mouse you may know of and was pushing buttons on a ride that has its own version of Uncle Norbert (the real awesome archaeologist) and I heard an animatronic say something chilling as I repeated safety instructions to folks who may or may not have checked their smiles and common sense at the turnstile… “Tourists… why’d it have to be tourists.”


norbert_practice_with_whip_active_1_image_18unlock_touristmale unlock_touristfemale unlock_touristchild

Periodically, we hold a support meeting of sorts where we get to vent about our games and The Simpsons or join together as a positive force for a silly little game in a big serious life. Like the pixels that make up our towns, we share a small part of our bigger picture as a collected group of Addicts. Since it’s been a while… I wondered if I could focus on tourists (the good and bad) and also just give us a funny way to think about our games.

We’re all Tourists in life, right? We’re thrust into a world designed to send us elsewhere and visiting this plane of existence until we end up on a permanent vacation somewhere else. Sure that’s existential and a pessimistic way to look at life, the universe, and everything but other than checking out and just saying “So long and thanks for all the fish.” it’s something to think about. In life, we’re all just visitors passing through. While we persevere through the joys and sadness of reality… we also get to tourist other locales and places or deal with the tourists visiting ours. In some way, most of us are even tourists to our own Springfields and indeed, the very site you’re reading these words at. Egads! So much visiting. But what kind of Tourist are you?

With that idea for a topic, I figured I’d give my thoughts on all the tourists this event gave us and just give some thoughts each one gave me. At the end, I’m curious if any of these rang a bell with y’all. What description best fits your style of touristing. This can be in life, the game, TSTO Addicts, or space-time… whatever. Just a fun way to hold a TSTO Anonymous meeting and really be silly and deal with my own stressors caused by children in rodent ears lol. Let’s get to it…

touristmale_tap_image_5 touristmale_front_walk_image_4

# 1 – Visiting places is tough as evidenced by the sweat stain on your shirt. Or maybe it’s not sweat. It could be grease from a burrito or from the last cantina you visited inhabited by scum and villainy? The sun of various alien locales beats down on you and the floppy hat you brought isn’t quite holding up its end of the $1.99 bargain. At least you wore flip flops. All the better for trekking through coarse, awful sands. Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain. That meh look on your face fits right in with the contrite way you view everything. Worst. Vacation. Ever.


# 2 – Sweat stains constant companion. Location X isn’t as meh as they think it is but that’s because you planned and organized everything. There’s a bathroom on the way to the next show with singing birds and the fanny pack you brought has all the travel essentials required all while taking photographic eveidence of all the “fun” your group is having. Sure you can easily frazzled but it’s all in pursuit of maximizing the visit. If anyone gets lost, you know the meeting spot and resources available. The sun can’t beat you down… your visor defies it to.


# 3 – You’re the kind of person who not only visits a new place but immerses yourself right in like someone named Stockholm. Bring on the cheesy merch from the local vendor even if it makes you look ridiculous. Visiting is all about enjoying every different facet of the location, especially anything recommended by others. People can see how great it is by how you portray it. Even if you look like a Russkie, you are having fun and that’s what matters. Go Springfield!

touristmale_france_tap_image_5 touristmale_france_front_walk_image_4

# 4 – Le sigh. The tragic beauty of this visit represents the spiraling depression of the world economy and your own inner malaise. The true beauty of anywhere is seen in its art and architecture. It’s a shame only you are worthy to adequately document it all on your travel blog. Hipster chic doesn’t define your view but it’s not far off as long as others know they can’t appreciate the certain je ne sais quoi of it all. It’s all too beautiful and sad. Life is bigger than the experience.


# 5 – Everything is better with a bottle of wine. It’s like duct tape and fixes everything. You vacation like Ceasar. Vino, vidi, vici. You take lots of pictures but only so there’s evidence of the inebriated adventure of it all. Your yoga pants made all the trekking that much easier. Your ready to brave the day with your blue blockers and as a bonus, it keeps the bloodshot results of your wine-fueled adventuring hidden. Sure you woke up a little late but there’s a whole nightlife you can enjoy that night. It’s all so to easy to enjoy a vacay. Open bottle to breathe. If it’s not breathing, give it mouth to mouth. It’s either all this or you just couldn’t afford a vacation so you drank until you didn’t remember where you lived.


# 6 – Mmmm…. foreign food. You’re the foodie of the group and will conquer every food challenge a place has to offer. Upon your return, you may not have taken the elevator to the top of building/monument X but you can regale company with the delightful glazed almonds and pizza that was right next to it. Pictures show you with a plate or beverage always near at hand. You like your vacations like you like your pizza… extra cheesy.


# 7 – You’re the sucker. The kind of Fuzzball, errrr, person who gets convinced by the smiling congenial local to take the “authentic” picture in front of a torii gate. It’s all good though because you look cool and will have funny pictures and stories to share with friends. It’s all a great sacrifice to understand the culture. Vacations are meant to be spending sprees on all the cool things to do. Your home is full of the various knick knacks from all your journeys. Like that one time you took karate lessons so your Karate Kid-inspired road trip was a more authentic experience.


# 8 – Quiet and demure. You’re the beautiful traveler. While certain people take pictures in kimonos, you immerse yourself in it all to really get what it’s like to live in the place you’re visiting. You are not so much a tourist as a lost soul finding where you truly belonged. Of utmost importance is a respect for the people and culture it is your privilege to partake in.

touristchild_japan_tap_image_6 touristchild_japan_front_walk_image_4

# 9 Everything is awesome! This place is just like my favorite video game. Action, adventure, hadukens… wait, what do you mean I’m not visiting China? Remember that one time you went to the Middle East and it was just like that scene from the Adventurer does cool things in Asia movie? Life is action-packed and it is your joy to be a part of it. No boring vacations for you. It’s a Pow Bam Bort Blammo journey all the time. Let’s just hope the locale survives your visit to it.


# 10 – The life of the party. Rocking your banana hammock… Speedo kills… cheap thrills. It doesn’t matter where you go as long as you have a blast while doing it. Who cares what you look like? Laughter is the best medicine and you supply the punch lines for people to chuckle at. Party! Toga! Cannon ball! Sure your visiting style may be more about you than the local culture but it’s all in the pursuit of the best time possible.


# 11 – Cool Mom (or Dad). You see the hooligans partying it up and you’re along for the ride but certainly not going to get locked up if things go wrong. Fun is good provided there’s an element of moderation to keep things safe. You’re a balanced explorer. That souvenir or t-shirt might be cool provided it fits in with everything you already have. Vacations are meant to be saved for and enjoyed. It could be a town over or that big dream adventure you saved up for. You’re the respectful traveler everyone hopes will stay at the local budget hotel. You fit in while also maintaining your own wonderful self.

touristchild_brazil_tap_image_4 touristchild_brazil_front_walk_image_2

# 12 – GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLL! It’s all about the sports, the action, the sweat. Competition is the name of the game just don’t forget the sunblock for your nose. Have you ever road tripped to enjoy a sporting event? Heck yes! Being a sports junkie is part of the experience and vacations are all about furthering your love for all things ball/puck/cardio-related. You’re the one who climbs the mountain, hikes the switch-backs, or runs the themed race. Vacations are for mental, physical, and spiritual health.

Wowza… did any of that make sense? If yes… which one most closely represents you? If no… thanks for reading and participating in me describing some people I’ve encountered during my own experiences with churros, height limits, and making the magic. It was cathartic for me. Mostly, thanks for touring this site and being part of the adventure that is TSTO Addicts. Without you, it’s just be us being silly all by ourselves. Hopefully you at least liked seeing images of all the tourists. I’m hoping a few of them can find homes in my town especially the Kimono and Floppy Hat guys.

What are your thoughts? Are you a tourist at all? What’s your favorite place to visit? Got a vacation you’d love to go on? Has the Wookiee lost his senses courtesy of essays and mid-terms? Has this event inspired you to have your own random thoughts about life? Sound off in the comments. We end this meeting as we always do with the TSTO Anonymous Serenity Prayer.

“EA, grant me the serenity to accept the updates I cannot change, the courage to recommend the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

TTFN… Wookiee out!


41 responses to “TSTO Anonymous: Tourists… why’d it have to be Tourists

  1. Not sure I find myself in any of these – more like a mixture of several. Plus, it changes with age. When I was young with too much time and too little money, I just put on my Birkenstocks and the floppy hat, threw a few things in my backpack and boarded a train / plane / automobil to anywhere but here. And if there wasn’t a cheap hostel to be found, somehow I always met someone willing to give me a place to put my sleeping bag. Saw some strange places I probably wouldn’t go to today, but also met a lot of interesting people.
    By now, I don’t have a lot of time to travel, but enough money to plan – and book – ahead. Usually more “touristy” places, visiting famous landmarks. It has become more about the places I visit, rather than the people I meet.


Leave a Reply....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s