Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Let’s face it, we’re all waiting for something big to happen in our pocket-sized Springfields. While we’re waiting EA dropped a premium teaser on us, one full of a lot of hissing. Yes, Ms. Claws has arrived in Springfield seeking good boys and girls to throw catnip at and bad boys and girls to scratch the crap out of.
So now, let’s all enjoy the full questline version for Ms. Claws shall we…
Claws Out Pt. 1
Ms. Claws: *hisssss*
Lisa: Ms. Abernathy? Is that you? Why are you dressed up like Santa?
Cletus: Careful, little one! That there is Ms. Claws. You be nice or them felines will take your eye!
Lisa: Okay, I’m game. Who, or what, is Ms. Claws?
Make Cletus Tell the Story of Ms. Claws- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Cletus: Every year at Hissmasstime, Ms. Claws leaves her secret shack at the West Pole and flies around the world, spreading anxiety and unease. She gives catnip to the good girls and boys, and claws the bad ones right in the face!
Lisa: And who makes the catnip? Does she have elves, like Santa?
Cletus: No. Orcs. A big pile of ‘em. High as a mountain. The orc pile spends all year making catnip, then they spend Hissmass Day in furious breeding. It’s perfectly logical, when you thinks about it.
Claws Out Pt. 2
Ms. Claws: *purrr*
Lisa: So where is Mr. Claws while all this is happening?
Cletus: Guarding the homestead. Mr. Claws sits on the porch, shotgun in his lap, ready to blast Santa Claus if’n he starts any mischief. The Clauses and the Clawses have been feudin’ for years. Santa and his kin got sore at the Clawses over a land deal what went bad. Whole generations of Clauses and Clawses have been wiped out. And there’s nothin’ the Sheriff of Holiday County can do about it, if he values his skin.
Lisa: What a beautiful holiday tale.
Make Ms. Claws Make Cats Festive- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
Lisa: Aw. So cute! Seeing those cats so festive makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Cletus: Don’t let your guard down on Hissmass, or you’ll be face-scratched for sure!
Claws Out Pt. 3
Ms. Claws: *rowr*?
Lisa: What is she asking me?
Cletus: Ms. Claws is askin’ if’n you’ve been good or bad. Whether she’s gonna leave you with some nice catnip, or with face welts that never heal.
Lisa: I’m scared.
Cletus: Now yer gettin’ in the Hissmass spirit!
Ms. Claws: *purrr*
Make Ms.Claws Give Out Catnip- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
Lisa: Phew. Thanks for the catnip, Ms. Claws! Anxious Hissmass to you!
Ms. Claws: *hands Flanders catnip*
Ned: Why, thank you, Crazy Cat Lady-arino!
Ms. Claws: *hands Marge catnip*
Marge: Is it Hissmass already? The year just flew by!
Ms. Claws: *hands Moe catnip*
Moe: If I’m on the “Good” list, you seriously need to rework your scoring system.
Claws Out Pt. 4
Ms. Claws: *licks hands contentedly*
Lisa: Wow! I guess Springfield is just packed with “Good” people. It seems like everyone is getting catnip this year.
Cletus: Naw, Ms. Claws just likes to do all the “Bad” folk at once. Cats scratch better when they work themselves into a frenzy.
Ms. Claws: *gutteral growling sound*
Cletus: Here it comes!
Make Ms. Claws Give Out Cat Scratches- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Burns: Smithers! What are all these mangy felines doing here! *shoo*
Ms. Claws: *gutteral growling sound holds up cat that claws Mr. Burns in the face*
Burns: *shrieks* Smithers! I’ve been mauled!
Cletus: Maybe now you’ll let the magic of Hissmass into your heart!
Burns: Hmm. Doubtful.
Claws Out Pt. 5
Ms. Claws: *hisss*
Lisa: I guess we’ve all learned the true meaning of Hissmass.
Cletus: And that is?
Lisa: A magical crazy lady can show up at any time and sic her cats on you, for reasons that are clear only to her.
Cletus: Now you understand. And it’s time to bid Ms. Claws farewell.
Lisa: Hissmass is already over? Ms. Claws is going to turn back into Ms. Abernathy?
Cletus: No! She’s gonna fly the cat sleigh through the night sky.
Make Ms. Claws Drive the Cat Sleigh- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Cletus: Anxious Hissmass, Ms. Claws! Have fun spreading your bloodcurdling message to boys and girls everywhere!
Lisa: Anxious Hissmass! I promise I’ll never sleep soundly again!
Ms. Claws: *purrr*
And that’s it my friends, Anxious Hissmass to all and to all a restless night!
Thoughts on Ms. Claws’ questline? Dialogue? What do you think the Christmas event will bring? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!