Christmas 2020 Premium Questline: Baby Jesus

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

In our games, the snow is falling and TSTO is calling yoo hoo!  It’s the most wonderful time of the year Tappers, Christmas in TSTO!  This year is no exception with the 2020 Clash of Creeds Event!

Act 2 of this Event ushered in one new premium character to help navigate this event.  Baby Jesus is an all-new premium character for Springfield, who not only helps earn event currency but also comes with a short questline.

So let’s take a look at Baby Jesus’s questline.  Here’s the full dialogue for WWBJD…

Baby Jesus starts

Cookie Kwan: I’ve almost got the paperwork ready for you. After a few signatures, you’ll be the proud new owner of a beautiful Victorian home. Only two known ghosts in residence.
Baby Jesus: I was really hoping for mid-century modern, but the price was too good. I just hope the needed renovations don’t kill the budget. Tithes are down this month, so I gotta take it easy, you know?
Cookie Kwan: I want to make sure I get this paperwork right. So…is “Baby” your legal first name?
Baby Jesus: *sigh* It’s actually Josh.
Make Baby Jesus Sign Mortgage Papers- 4hrs
Make Cookie Kwan Hand Over the Keys- 4hrs
Cookie Kwan: Okay, that’s the last signature. Here are the keys, garage door opener, pool keycard, and this complimentary refrigerator magnet for using Red Blazer Realty. Number one on the west side. *flashes west side hand signal*
Baby Jesus: Unfortunately, I won’t be able to use the pool. Thanks for the keycard, though.
Cookie Kwan: Oh, right. The whole walking on water thing. That’s a drag.
Baby Jesus: Yeah it really is a lame superpower. Like…it’s never useful. Ever.

Baby Jesus starts

Roscoe: So we’ll go with granite on the island, and the undercabinet lighting will really make it all pop. Oh, and let’s have a look at these blueprints for the breakfast nook.
Baby Jesus: Wow, Roscoe. You really know your stuff. But…don’t you have a whole steel mill to run? Why are you taking contractor gigs?
Roscoe: Yeah…actually I normally don’t. But we in the LGBTQ community are a little concerned about our chances at the afterlife. Was hoping that in exchange you’d be willing to…put in a good word with the big guy?
Baby Jesus: Hmm, if you give me 10% off the renovations then I’ll shoot him a text.
Roscoe: *gasp*
Baby Jesus: Haha, I’m just messing with you. 5%.
Make Baby Jesus Shoot God a Text- 4hrs
Make Roscoe Have Demo Day- 4hrs

Baby Jesus starts

Roscoe: Alright, time to get these old pipes out. We’ll need to shut off the water first.
Baby Jesus: Uh, I think the shutoff valve is in the basement. It’s down these stairs. *turns on basement light*
Barney: AAAAHHH!!!!! *belch*
Baby Jesus: What the — are you squatting in my basement?
Barney: Mostly standing and lying down. I was living at the Bowlarama but my uncle kicked me out. You drop ONE case of mustard on the lane… You don’t mind if I stay here a little longer, do you? I can pay you, just not with money.
Baby Jesus: What about myrrh? Do you have any myrrh?
Roscoe: I could use a plumbing assistant. Barney, you know how to use a plunger?
Barney: Boy do I! How do you think I pay Moe back for all the drinks? Plunging the toilet at the bar, and accounting services. *belch*
Make Baby Jesus Bring Down Some Fresh Linens- 4hrs
Make Barney Plunge Out the Old Plumbing- 4hrs
Make Roscoe Apprentice Barney- 4hrs
Barney: And so you see, Baby Jesus, that’s why you want to make sure to save your receipts and itemize all the renovation costs on your taxes.
Baby Jesus: Oh, I see. And to think, before today I didn’t even know what a standard deduction was!
Barney: I know, right? *belch* Roscoe, beer me!

Baby Jesus starts

Baby Jesus: *answers door* Yes?
Gil: Oh boy, is this your lucky day. This here is Dr. Gil’s All-Porpoise Cleaning Solution. The best around for every surface in your house.
Baby Jesus: You mean all-purpose.
Gil: No, sir. Dr. Gil’s is the world’s first cleaning spray made entirely of porpoise byproducts. It’s the blubber that really dissolves the grime.
Baby Jesus: Right, uh…you know I think we’re good. Full up on cleaning supplies.
Gil: Ah, c’mon will ya? Ol’ Gil only needs to sell seven more of these puppies and he’ll have enough for a hot meal and a place to stay tonight. Can you help a guy out?
Baby Jesus: You need a place to stay, huh? Tell me…how’s your tilework?
Make Baby Jesus Make Up a Room for Gil- 4hrs
Bob Terwilliger: Baby Jesus, where did you want this chandelier hung?
Baby Jesus: Talk to Kirk, he’s got all the lighting details. And make sure you’re using the energy-efficient LEDs, okay? Doing great, Bob. Glad to have you here.
Hugh Jass: Thanks again for letting me stay here and help with the renovations. It really has been a lifesaver.
Baby Jesus: What can I say, Hugh. You’ve been a huge asset.

Baby Jesus starts

Otto: *construction noises* Watch out, heavy load coming through!
Sea Captain: Yarr, who took my paintbrush?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Sir? The Baby Jesus Home Renovation Union President would like a word.
Baby Jesus: Gimme a break. Those people again?!
Make Baby Jesus Get on the Horn With the Union- 4hrs
Make Otto Refinish the Floors- 4hrs
Make Sea Captain Paint a Hallway Pirate Mural- 4hrs
Make Squeaky Voice Teen Track Worker Hours- 4hrs
Make Sideshow Bob Wire the Recessed Lighting- 4hrs
Make Kirk Redo His Crappy Tilework- 4hrs
Make Hugh Jass Build a Huge Ash Banister- 4hrs
Make Barney Fix Drywall Holes From Angry Punches- 4hrs
Make Roscoe Install Wainscoting in the Breakfast Nook- 4hrs
Fireman Homer: Alright, that’s enough. I’m shutting this operation down.
Baby Jesus: Shutting us down?! Chip and Joanna wouldn’t stand for this, and neither will I!
Fireman Homer: You are officially in violation of local fire code uh…seven-three…niner…clause B-7. Too many people living in a house with not enough fire extinguishers.
Baby Jesus: Uh-huh. Anything I can do to…make this all go away?
Fireman Homer: Baby Jesus…are you trying to bribe me?
Baby Jesus: …no?
Fireman Homer: Ah, dang. I really could’ve used the money. I don’t get paid enough for this volunteer gig.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Uh, Mr. Simpson? Your wife is on the phone. She sounds mad.
Fireman Homer: *gasp* Does she look mad too? That’s the double whammy combo. Baby Jesus, you gotta hide me!
Baby Jesus: I think you know my price.
Fireman Homer: Thirty pieces of silver?
Baby Jesus: Eesh, somebody went to church this week.
Fireman Homer: I dozed off once or twice, but I remembered that silver part.
Baby Jesus: Eh, sorta. C’mon, the basement is right through here. You okay with the top bunk?
Barney: Homer, we’re gonna be roomies?! *belch*

And this concludes Baby Jesus’s questline.

Thoughts on the event?  Did you buy Baby Jesus? Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

One response to “Christmas 2020 Premium Questline: Baby Jesus

  1. Kudos to the Writers (this was a funny Questline) …. Happy Festivus (December 23rd) get out your Comic Book Guy Festivus Character Skin ! 🎀☺️👍🏻

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