Christmas 2020 Act 4 Full Dialogue: Stupid vs Sexy

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

First, a reminder, if you missed it…Clash of Creeds is ending TOMORROW, January 13th.  So be sure to finish up prior to the event’s end…

Now on with the exciting conclusion of Clash of Creeds and the Act 4, Stupid vs Sexy, dialogue…

Stupid vs Sexy Pt. 1
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Yahweh: You must be this The Leader I’ve been hearing so much about.
The Leader: In the flesh. What can I do ya for?
Baby Jesus: Yahweh? What are you doing here?
Yahweh: Got summoned, major drag.
Baby Jesus: Tell me about it.
The Leader: You two know each other?
Yahweh: Depends who you ask.
Homer: Well, I hope you’re not here to try to stop The Leader. He’s a good guy. Other than the whippings, but those were well-deserved.
The Leader: We’re just having a good time here, doing surprisingly lucrative manual labor to prepare things for our new home on Blisstonia.
Yahweh: Well, this all seems to be in order. I see no reason why we can’t all coexist.
The Leader: Perhaps we could do more. Have you had a chance to see…my spaceship?
Yahweh: Eh, that’s cool. Not really my thing.
Make Yahweh Play Hacky-Sack With The Leader- 4hrs
Make The Leader Play Hacky-Sack With Yahweh- 4hrs
Make Rabbi Krustofsky Plead With Yahweh for Some Smiting- 4hrs
Make Homer Endure Another Whipping- 4hrs
Collect Candy Canes- x150
Ned: I’m sorry, Marge. We’ve worked our way to the top of the religion ladder. There’s nobody left to pray to.
Marge: Maybe we were praying in the wrong direction.
Ned: It’s a bit unconventional, but I guess we could try asking Satan. Satan is Santa spelled sideways, sort of, right?
Burns: You wished to speak with me?
Marge: Mr. Burns. Your employee, Homer Simpson, has fallen in with a cult! Will you help us?
Burns:  A cult, eh? And what sort of automatons does this cult turn people into?
Marge: Mindless!
Burns: Mmm, that’s the best kind, really. The sentient ones always want to know why you created them, and then they always seem so hurt when you say to make money.

Stupid vs Sexy Pt. 2
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Burns: Smithers, what is the tax status of this cult?
Smithers: Exempt.
Burns: That is worrying. I may no longer be the most evil man in Springfield! Perhaps we should form our own religion.
Smithers: We’d need some sort of belief system, preferably in book form.
Burns: My Rungs of Ruthlessness will be our bible. Commandment One: When in Doubt, Release The Hounds. Commandment Two: Conceal Your Control of the Kerosene Industry Through an Impenetrable Web of Trusts. If we need more commandments we can steal them from Jay G’s 50 Rules of Ruthlessness.
Smithers: Is that really the sort of message we want to send?
Burns: I guess we must be a religion: we’ve already got our Judas.
King Herod: Excuse me, fine chaps. Have you seen a baby around? About yea-high, long golden locks. Insufferably smug face.
Burns: Can’t say that we have, sorry friend.
King Herod: Quite alright. Thanks for your time. Toodles.
Burns: … What a handsome man.
Smithers: Indeed.
Make Mr. Burns Start a Cult-4hrs
Make Smithers Sort Out the Tax Exemption Paperwork- 4hrs
Make King Herod Search for Baby Jesus- 4hrs
Collect Candy Canes- x150
Rabbi Krustofsky: I’m sorry, Yahweh, but now we have the Movementarians, the Burnsentarians, and the Christians to deal with. I tried fire and brimstone with Moses but he’s a book short of a Pentateuch, if you know what I mean. It’s time to bring the chastisement as only you can.
Yahweh: That was the old me. *laughs* I was such a hothead. Plagues of Locusts? Laying waste to Sodom AND Gomorrah? Who was that guy?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Those were your greatest hits! It’s time to dust off the classics.
Yahweh: I prefer to work in mysterious ways now.
Rabbi Krustofsky: Ways that look mysteriously like not working at all.
Yahweh: Don’t push your luck, Rabbi! You want a little of what Nineveh got?
Rabbi Krustofsky: There’s the wrathful Lord who made the Old Testament a ratings hit! They changed the “God” character so much in the New Testament, it was basically a new book. By the way, are you ever going to finish the Bible? It’s been more than 2000 years since the last book. The fans are getting impatient.
Yahweh: I don’t owe the fans anything. I’m living my life. They should try living theirs.

Stupid vs Sexy Pt. 3
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Marge: Can you make Homer come home, Grampa?
Grampa: Are you nuts? I can’t even make him come visit me for an hour! Besides, if I go over there, the next thing you know I’ll be handing out pamphlets in the park. I’m what the Navy doctors called weak-minded! I’ve already been a member of Sailors for Satan, the Order of the Purple Pyramid, and the Harvard Lampoon!
Marge: So many weirdos!
Grampa: Anyhow, you’ve got better ways of persuading him than I do. If I was you, I’d use ’em!
Marge: Maybe there is one more card I could play. A Christmas card, I mean…
Make Marge Buy a Sexy Outfit-4hrs
Make Lisa Accidentally See Marge’s Sexy Outfit- 4hrs
Collect Candy Canes- x150
Lisa: *gasp* Mom, what is this outfit? It seems to be missing the arms, and the legs, and the…upper chest area.
Marge: Oh, uh…you weren’t supposed to see that. But I suppose now is as good a time as any. Lisa, uh…so there are birds and there are bees. And sometimes the birds think the bees are cute, for some reason, and uh…
Lisa: Oh my gosh, Mom, please don’t try to have the birds and the bees talk with me. I’ve lived on the streets of Springfield. I’ve seen things.

Stupid vs Sexy Pt. 4
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Sexy Santa Marge: Oh, Homie… I have something to show you…
The Leader: *gasp* Security! Don’t let him see her outfit!
Homer: Marge? Is that – *drooling*
Sexy Santa Marge: Don’t you want to come back home with me, Homie?
The Leader: Homer, no! You must resist!
Homer: Must…resist…
Make Sexy Santa Marge Try to be Sexy-4hrs
Make Homer Try to Resist- 4hrs
Make The Leader Fire Up the Spaceship as a Distraction- 4hrs
Make Baby Jesus Steal the Spaceship When No One’s Looking- 4hrs
Make Burns Hand Out Burnsentarian Pamphlets- 4hrs
Make Rabbi Krustofsky Demand Yahweh Smite Them All- 4hrs
Make Yahweh Play Some More Hacky-Sack- 4hrs
Make King Herod Overhear the Commotion- 4hrs
Collect Candy Canes- x150
Homer: Must…go with…sexy Santa…
The Leader: Alright, Homer. You brought this on yourself. *whips him*
Homer: Ow! What’s happening? Where am I?
Sexy Santa Marge: Hey, that’s cheating!
The Leader: Oh, and that outfit isn’t?! Security, get her outta here!

Stupid vs Sexy Pt. 5
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The Leader: Homer, you’ve shown some real fortitude today. I think you’re just about ready for the spaceship.
Homer: Woohoo! There’s nothing about this cult that I don’t love!
Patty: Alright, The Leader, we’ve completed our list of complaints to be addressed. First and foremost, we need cable in the rooms. Second and…next foremost, Selma needs a shorter robe.
Selma: These legs gotta breathe under here.
Homer: Oh right, I forgot about them. I want to be any place other than here!
Make Homer Go Home-4hrs
Make Sexy Santa Marge Change Outfits-4hrs
Make Baby Jesus Leave After Two Minutes of Patty- 4hrs
Make Moses Leave After Two Minutes of Selma- 4hrs
Make King Herod Wonder Where Baby Jesus Went- 4hrs
Collect Candy Canes- x175
King Herod: Baby Jesus was here? And you just…let him go?
The Leader: I didn’t LET him go. Baby Jesus choked my guard with his toga and stole my spaceship. If you see him, you can tell him that he’s dead to me. DEAD!
King Herod: Yes…dead…wouldn’t that be nice…mwwaaahahahahaha…
The Leader: I just meant like figuratively.
King Herod: Yes, me too.

The True Meaning of Christmas
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Marge: Oh, Homie, I’m so glad to have you home for Christmas.
Bart: Yeah, Dad. It was so boring around here without you. Not a single thing broke or blew up.
Homer: There’s just nothing like family…
Grampa: *knocking on the door* Can I come in?
Homer: *whispering* Everybody, ssshhh. He’ll go away…
Baby Jesus: Well, I for one am real grateful for you letting me stay here until this whole King Herod thing blows over. Guy really knows how to hold a grudge.
Ned: *through the window* You’re always welcome at my house, Baby Jesus!
Homer: Buzz off, Flanders! He’s our Baby Jesus now!
Marge: Right, now we can all get back to the true meaning of Christmas.
Baby Jesus: Shopping?
Marge: Shopping!

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