Springfield Enlightened Act 3 Full Dialogue: Oh Brother, Why Art Thou?

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

As we prepare for Act 4 of the Springfield Enlightened event to start on Tuesday, it’s time to wrap up Act 3 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!

So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Oh Brother, Why Art Thou?…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou? Pt. 1
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Prince Gautama: Why did I get a free ride to a school I didn’t even know existed?
Apu: Reverend Lovejoy, Mayor Quimby, and I have banded together to wreck your sister’s plans here in Springfield. We were hoping you would join us. …now that I say it like that, does it sound to anyone else like we’re the bad guys?
Quimby: Relax. Once the Squishee money starts rolling in again, you won’t care how many children you’ve destroyed. Take it from one who knows.
Apu: Oh, I might have made a mistake.
Prince Gautama: You had me at “bad guys”. What’s the plan?
Quimby: Siddmartha is encouraging the people of Springfield to educate themselves, and we can’t have that.
Lovejoy: Yes, so if you can just absolutely ruin Kathmandu U.
Prince Gautama: I’ll do my best.
Apu: Actually, if you could do your worst. Oh, I sound like a bad guy again.
Siddmartha: So…we meet again, brother.
Prince Gautama: Indeed. I look forward to destroying everything you’ve built in this town.
Siddmartha: You’ll find it’s far more difficult than kicking over building blocks like the last time you pitted your will against mine. Even with those blocks being solid gold and really, really heavy.
Prince Gautama: Then I’ll just have to use something a little larger than my foot.
Siddmartha: Good luck. Once on the path of enlightenment, most never stray.
Prince Gautama: I don’t need luck. I’ve got the elephant of surprise.
Siddmartha: I believe you meant “element”. Plus, there’s no surprise since I’m standing right here. Although that hasn’t worked so far.
Make Siddmartha Look Smug- 4hrs
Make Apu Help the Prince Bring Out the Party Elephant- 4hrs
Collect Koi Fish- x100.
Prince Gautama: Surprise!
Siddmartha: Is that elephant wearing a beer helmet?
Prince Gautama: Yep! And the party’s just getting started. Nobody’s learning anything at Kathmandu U tonight!
Siddmartha: Well, it is Saturday night, so that’s the norm.
Prince Gautama: And tomorrow, too, if tonight goes well.
Siddmartha: On Sunday, sure. But I don’t like the direction of this.

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou? Pt. 2
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Quimby: You’re doing a great job so far, Prince Gautama. But I think you need to spice up your parties a little bit to draw in bigger crowds.
Prince Gautama: What did you have in mind?
Quimby: I find a wet T-shirt contest always livens up a city council meeting, so it might have the same effect on a college party.
Siddmartha: That’s exploitative, sexist, creepy, possibly culturally insensitive…do I need to go on?
Prince Gautama: The answer is always no. But she makes a point. Most of the women at Kathmandu U are from other cultures that don’t usually wear T-shirts.
Quimby: So, let’s make cultural appropriation work in the other direction for a change.
Apu: I’m getting that bad guy feeling again.
Make Prince Gautama Hang Flyers for the Wet Sari Contest- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Rip Down Her Brother’s Flyers – 4hrs
Make Ladies Protest the Contest- 4hrs. x10
Collect Koi Fish- x125.
Prince Gautama: While you’re tearing down my flyers, I have dozens of lackeys spreading them across the town. You’ll never find them all.
Siddmartha: Ugh, how did you get so many followers so quickly?
Prince Gautama: What can I say? There’s a lot of low hanging fruit in massage parlor overflow lines.

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou? Pt. 3
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Siddmartha: Okay, everyone. Now breathe in…and hold…and breathe out.
Homer: Gha – spghlah!
Siddmartha: In that order…
Prince Gautama: Princess Siddmartha, while we test out our leg stretchiness and lung capacity, which is super important, I wanted to ask a question.
Siddmartha: Yes, Prince Gautama?
Prince Gautama: I was wondering…where does Buddhism come down on the consumption of fried dough treats, such as, oh, I dunno, say donuts?
Siddmartha: The consumption of certain confections can cause heedlessness, thus proving a stumbling block toward realization.
Prince Gautama: And the translation into the local tongue?
Siddmartha: We should not fill our bodies with self-indulgences such as spirits, intoxicants, and the copious amounts of sugar found in the aforementioned fried dough.
Wiggum: So…
Prince Gautama: She said no donuts.
Homer: Aahh!
Make Siddmartha Try to Calm Everyone Down- 4hrs
Make Homer Hyperventilate- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Ask if Apple Fritters Count as Donuts- 4hrs
Make Barney Ask Siddmartha to Repeat That List- 4hrs
Make Prince Gautama Cackle From a Distance- 4hrs
Collect Koi Fish- x150.
Wiggum: Okay, but what about maple bars?
Siddmartha: I feel like you guys are focusing too much on—
Frink: Quite. Topologically speaking, a maple bar is not a donut or torus, if you will, but rather, an elongated ellipsoid.
Homer: Does Buddha’s donut ban extend to elongatized ellipsers?

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou? Pt. 4
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Prince Gautama: Announcing my new philosophy, Buddhism with Donuts. All of the Zen with none of the no-donuts.
Marquess Milhouse: And for the first fifty converts, a royal pony!
Siddmartha: You tricked me into condemning donuts just so you could start your own version of Buddhism?
Prince Gautama: Ingenious, right?
Siddmartha: Hey, you can’t give away those ponies! They’re mine!
Marquess Milhouse: I’m just doing what I was told. I’d be happy to stop. I’m pretty sure I’m allergic. *sneezes*
Prince Gautama: I thought your philosophy taught you not to covet worldly possessions?
Siddmartha: Ugh. I hate it when you’re right.
Homer: Donuts and a pony? I must have done something right in a previous life! *meditates* *eats a donut*
Kirk: Wow, Homer looks just like the Buddha. He must be the patron saint of Buddhism with Donuts!
Siddmartha: Buddhism doesn’t have saints!
Kirk: But Buddhism with Donuts does!
Make Siddmartha Check Buddhist Teachings on Fratricide- 4hrs
Make Homer Meditate- 2hrs
Make Prince Gautama Recruit Followers- 2hrs
Make Marquess Milhouse Give Away Siddmartha’s Ponies- 4hrs
Collect Koi Fish- x100.
Homer: *feeds pony a donut* I’ll call you Sprinkles, after my favorite donut. No wait, I’ll call you Raspberry-Filled Powder.
Marquess Milhouse: Do you think it’s okay to feed donuts to horses?
Homer: Of course. Donuts are soul food. Don’t you want the horse to become enlightened?
Marquess Milhouse: Yeah, I guess you’re right. Besides, who am I to argue with the pope of Buddhism with Donuts?
Siddmartha: I don’t even know where to start. Donuts are not soul food. There are no popes in Buddhism. And stop giving away my ponies!

Oh Brother, Why Art Thou? Pt. 5
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Siddmartha: Advisor Frink, I need help. Prince Gautama is stealing all my followers and converting them to his corrupted “Buddhism with Donuts” philosophy. And he’s giving away my ponies!
Advisor Frink: Hoyvin-glavin! That’s terrible. I only see one route that doesn’t resort to some very un-Buddhist behavior.
Siddmartha: And what’s that?
Advisor Frink: Tattle on him.
Siddmartha: Doesn’t that seem a little…childish?
Advisor Frink: Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you two…children?
Siddmartha: Oh yeah. MOM!!!!!!
Make Advisor Frink Cover His Ears- 4hrs
Make Siddmartha Tattle to Queen Gautama- 4hrs
Make Every Mom Come Running- 4hrs. x5
Collect Koi Fish- x150.

And that’s it my friends!  The full dialogue for Act 3 of Springfield Enlightened!

Thoughts on the dialogue? Did you read it live or catch up on it here? What was your favorite part of Act 3? Ready for Act 4 to start? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!