Northward Bound Full Dialogue: A Fail of Two Cities and Brave New World

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Happy December!  You know what that means?  Christmas is starting now… Although before we can talk Christmas, we need to wrap up the Northward Bound mini-event.  So…

We’re in the final few hours of the Northward Bound mini-event, and now that it’s nearly over it’s time to take a look back at all the fun dialogue from this mini-event…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast!

So here’s a look back at the full dialogue for the main questlines of the Northward Bound mini-event…

Second Fiddle Pt. 1
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Brockman: …with the melting of the polar ice caps and the opening of the Northwest Passage, Canada now has a new shipping lane which will allow its international trade to increase dramatically.
Homer: See, Lisa, climate change isn’t all bad. It’s been good for Canada.
Lisa: Yes, Dad, the impending end of our existence on Earth does have a benefit for Canada. And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer country.
Homer: Pfft. They’ll never be as great as America.
Lisa: But, Dad, technically Canada is in America.
Homer: Since when? I thought Puerto Rico was supposed to be the next state.
Lisa: Canada isn’t a state. It’s in America the same way that Mexico is in America.
Homer: What?! Canada brought Mexico in with it? This is a geographic catastrophe of hemispheric proportions! I must report this to the local authorities.
Make Homer Resent Canada- 6s
Make Lisa Be Happy for Canada- 6s

Second Fiddle Pt. 2
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Homer: Mr. Mayor, we have a problem. It’s Canada.
Quimby: Is she pregnant? It’s not mine. My son and I have the same DNA, I swear.
Homer: I believe you…but Canada is not a woman. It’s the newest threat to our lives and livelihoods. And our newest state.
Quimby: Our newest what—?
Homer: Canada has opened the Northwest Passage and that’s going to jeopardize our position as the number one country in the whole world.
Quimby: I, er, highly doubt that. And even if it’s true, would it be so bad to be number two in the whole world?
Homer: Name one silver medalist, ever.
Quimby: Sure. There was that one guy, uh, what was his name again…
Homer: And don’t forget about the foam finger industry!
Quimby: Dear God, you’re right! We can’t be number two. Think of the bathroom jokes at our expense.
Homer: *titters* I can’t think of anything else now.
Quimby: I’ll call an emergency town meeting. Tell my secretary to make the necessary arrangements. And to sell all my stock in foam finger companies. Wait, what are you doing?
Homer: What all American patriots do when their country is at risk nowadays; dress up like Uncle Sam and yell at strangers.
Make Homer Protest Something About Canada- 6s
Make Quimby Call a Town Meeting- 6s
Quimby: People of Springfield, we are at a crossroads. Canada’s Northwest Passage threatens to make it more important than the U.S.A. Will we stand back and let Canada have its day for a change or will we stand up and fight?
Herman: I say we send those commies to an early grave!
Quimby: To be clear, Canadians are not communists. They’re more socially liberal than us on many issues but—
Herman: Send those social liberals to an early grave!
Quimby: Look, in my experience, most Canadians are nice people who don’t really deserve to be randomly murdered. We just need a response to their opening of the Northwest Passage.
Moe: What about that land to the East of Springfield Heights?
Quimby: What about it?
Moe: Well, I mean…did anyone notice the other day when it suddenly changed a whole bunch? I dunno, seems kinda important is all…
Frink: By my calculations the area surrounding our town has been transformed, with the growing and the expanding and the new landhoiven!
Lisa: New land? That sounds like it’ll free up lots of space for all the buildings and decorations in town.
Grampa: Who cares about that?
Lisa: Don’t you read the forums?!
Grampa: No!
Quimby: The six-year-old girl is right again! We shall embark on a journey and create a new passage, the NorthEAST Passage!
Thank you… But I’m eight.

A Fail of Two Cities Pt. 1
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Connie Appleseed: I’m told that your town needs a guide through the lands to the North.
Homer: Oh great, another Lisa costume.
Lisa: At least it’s not another Homer costume. I think we’ve lost count of how many of those there are.
Homer: What can I say? The people want what the people want.
Connie: I’ll have you know I’m a completely separate character.
Homer: The next thing I know, you’ll have me reading a book and not eating something I love.
Connie: Actually, pioneering doesn’t leave me much time to read, unless it’s a map.
Homer: A Lisa who doesn’t like books?! This changes everything. I will answer your noble call for volunteers to make this deadly trek.
Connie: I wasn’t asking for volunteers. It’s too dangerous to bring outsiders. Also, my name is Connie, not Lisa. And don’t eat buffalo.
Quimby: I’m sorry, little girl, but a resident of Springfield needs to accompany you in order for the town to legally lay claim to the Northeast Passage.
Connie: Fine, but I will not be held responsible for their deaths if they don’t survive the journey.
Quimby: Hmm. In that case, we better send three.
Make Quimby Ask for Volunteers- 4hrs
Make Homer Volunteer- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Volunteer- 4hrs
Make Moe Volunteer- 4hrs
Collect Wagon Wheels-
Did everyone pack supplies like I asked?
Moe: Yep. I got a month’s worth of booze ready for travel.
Homer: And I picked up two family packs from Krusty Burger, which should work out great because these burgers are already a month old!
Wiggum: And I brought all the extra ammo we had in the armory. I hope nothing in Springfield needs shooting while we’re gone.
Connie: That’s it?! What about medicine, water or clothing?
Moe: I said I had a month’s worth of booze.
Wiggum: Look, we all played the computer game simulation of this as kids, and everyone knows that all you need for this trip are bullets. Everything else we’ll just find glowing next to a bush.
Homer: Nature always provides.
Connie: Which way to the general store?
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart? There must be at least one around here. Sometimes there are dozens.

A Fail of Two Cities Pt. 2
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Connie: Help me load up the wagon. That Kwik-E-Mart was well stocked. And the proprietor repeatedly thanked me and asked me to return.
Homer: What is all this stuff?
Connie: This “stuff” is what’s going to keep us alive.
Wiggum: Cool, a dartboard! I didn’t even think about entertainment, good call Connie.
Connie: That’s a spare wagon wheel, not a dartboard.
Moe: And what’s this, more booze? Then why was you giving me a hard time about bringing two barrels of Duff?
Connie: This is whiskey. It’s the closest thing they had to medicine.
Homer: Just what the doctor ordered.
Make Connie Appleseed Embark on the Journey- 4hrs
Make Homer Drink MedicinalWhiskey– 4hrs
Make Wiggum Play Darts with the Spare Axle- 4hrs
Make Moe Serve Drinks- 4hrs
Collect Wagon Wheels- x155
Homer: So, Connie, tell me…is it true that there are donuts growing in them thar hills of the Northeast Passage?
Connie: What? No, that’s absurd.
Homer: But that was the whole reason I volunteered!
Moe: I thought you volunteered to help keep U.S.A. number one?
Homer: Well, yeah. And donuts, too.
Cookie: A hearty meal’ll cure what ails ya.
Homer: Ahh! Who the heck are you?
Connie: That’s Cookie. He’s our chuckwagon cook. I should have introduced you earlier, he mostly stays in the back of the wagon until dinner time.
Cookie: Pleased to meet ya. Now, this is gonna be a long and grueling trip, so who’s up for some grub?
Homer: Me, me! I’ll take a ribeye, medium rare, a lobster tail, and a double portion of fries. And for dessert…how’s your tiramisu?
Cookie: I gots biscuits and I gots beans.
Homer: This is going to be a long and grueling trip.

A Fail of Two Cities Pt. 3
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Cookie: The food, it’s all gone!
Connie: What? That’s impossible!
Moe: Yeah, all I ate was the beans.
Wiggum: *waves hand in front of face* We know.
Homer: And all I ate was the flour.
Connie: That was all the food we had! Those supplies were supposed to last us an entire month!
Wiggum: No problem. *fires shot* I just bagged us a buffalo.
Connie: But…we’re miles from the nearest buffalo herd.
Wiggum: What about the ones pulling our wagon?
Connie: Those are our oxen! And we need two to pull this wagon.
Wiggum: Relax. The one that’s left will pull twice as hard. Now that he’s seen what happened to his buddy.
Make Connie Appleseed Make Do With One Ox- 4hrs
Make Homer Look for More Flour- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Show off His Ox- 4hrs
Make Moe Be Impressed- 4hrs
Connie: Let me get this straight. In just the first week of our journey you ate all our supplies AND you murdered one of our oxen?
Wiggum: I prefer to say “bagged”. It’s much less police-y.
Connie: Well, we have no choice but to turn back and restock at Pone, Pelts and Beyond.
Homer: Oh no, I’m not going back. It’s the Northeast Passage or bust.
Connie: I’m telling you, we’re in no shape to finish this journey in our current state. We should head back and restock.
Homer: Relax, we still have loads of ammo, and if there’s a problem guns can’t fix, I haven’t met it and shot it yet.
One Week Later…
Cookie: Come getcha breakfast, y’all. We’re having ox sausage, huevos oxaleros, and fresh-squeezed Ox-J.
Moe: Ugh, if I gotta eat ox one more time…
Cookie: Gimme a break, city dude. They didn’t teach us a lot of ox recipes at Le Cordon Bleu, Paris.
Connie: Besides, ox meat is healthier for you than beef from a factory farm cow.
Homer: *spits* This is health food?! Yuck, I’d rather starve.

A Fail of Two Cities Pt. 4
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Connie: Look, up ahead! A herd of buffalo! Now, please, just enjoy their majesty before you—
Homer: *shoots rifle*
Connie: So much for majesty.
Homer: They sure die with majesty. *shoots rifle* Bam, got another one!
Wiggum: Nice shootin’, Simpson. But get a load of this. *shoots rifle*
Homer: You killed two with one bullet!
Connie: Why are you both still shooting them? You’ve killed—
Wiggum: Bagged.
Connie: —bagged more than we can eat in a year.
Wiggum: Nobody said anything about eating them. They’re just fun to shoot. *shoots rifle* Majestic!
Make Homer Shoot More Buffalo- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Shoot Even More Buffalo- 4hrs
Make Connie Appleseed Lament Bringing Volunteers- 4hrs
Collect Wagon Wheels- x115

A Fail of Two Cities Pt. 5
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Connie: There’s the bridge to the Northeast Passage. We made it!
Moe: Look across the canyon over there. Are those donuts growing up out of the ground?
Homer: I knew it! There ARE donuts in them thar hills. In your FACE, Connie Applecore!
Wiggum: We discovered a new frontier. Time to celebrate, everyone! Quick — grab a gun and shoot the closest buffalo!
Moe: Hold on, Wiggy, I think you’s gonna have to put a cork in your musket, ’cause it looks like the bridge is out.
Connie: Moe’s right. How are we going to get across?
Wiggum: You leave that to me, little lady. *uses police radio* I’m gonna need the chopper over here at the bridge to the Northeast Passage. Also, a cup of coffee would be great, too. Make it a grande. Over.
Connie: You can’t get a signal out here. We’re in the middle of nowhere.
Wiggum: So, no coffee?
Homer: But, but, the donuts! All-natural donuts! We can’t just leave them there! We have to do something!
Moe: It’s not like we can just jump across. What are we supposed to do?
Homer: I’ve got an idea. Guys, what’s the one thing that’s gotten us out of trouble at every turn on this trip?
Wiggum: The copious amounts of ammo we brought?
Homer: Close. The buffalo! It’s time for nature to provide once more…
Make Connie Appleseed Survey the Area- 4hrs
Make Homer Toss Buffalo Carcasses Into the Canyon- 4hrs
Make Wiggum Think About Coffee- 4hrs
Make Moe Cheer Homer On- 4hrs
Collect Wagon Wheels- x155

Buffalo Bridge
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Connie: What are you doing?!
Homer: Isn’t it obvious? I’m making a buffalo bridge. Though we’re almost out of buffalo and the canyon isn’t nearly full, so clearly nature has its limits.
Connie: Stop! Killing! Buffalo!
Wiggum: This one here was a long-horned sheep, to be fair.
Homer: Yeah, see? We don’t just kill indiscriminately.
Wiggum: That’s right, we kill with plenty of discrimination. No wait, that doesn’t sound good either.
Connie: I have an idea. How about we use conventional tools to, oh, I don’t know, REPAIR the bridge?!
Homer: Sounds like a lot of work.
Connie: Fine. You three just sit here and don’t do anything while I figure this out.
Homer: *moaning* And no killing? Sheesh. The things I do for the sake of all-natural donuts.
Make Homer Pout About Not Killing Buffalo- 4hrs
Make Connie Appleseed Think of a Plan- 4hrs

Brave New World Pt. 1
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Connie: Alright, I think I can fix this bridge with some wood and nails.
Homer: So…who are you?
Connie: I’m Connie Appleseed. Don’t you remember? We took a grueling journey together to get here to the new frontier?
Homer: Umm…
Moe: Homer’s delirious. He’s been living off buffalo meat and T-shirt drippings for a month now. Wait, so have I. Who are you?
Connie: *sigh* Homer, on the other side of this broken bridge, there are donuts.
Homer: Really? Then what are you waiting for?
Connie: Wood and nails.
Wiggum: Where are we going to find wood and nails in the middle of nowhere? Also, who are you?
Moe: Hey, look! Springfield Heights is just over there. I’m sure they’s got a few shops for stuff like that.
Homer: Springfield Heights? I haven’t been there in years. I wonder if they serve buffalo?
Make the Group Find Wood- x15
Make the Group Find Nails- x15

Brave New World Pt. 2
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Moe: Okay, here’s ya wood and nails. Don’t ask where we got it.
Connie: All the wood is stamped with the “SHØP” logo. And half these “nails” are metric Allen wrenches. Did you steal this stuff?
Wiggum: Hey, it’s not stealing if you can’t afford it. Oh wait, maybe it is. Good thing store security didn’t see us. Those guys are mean.
Connie: Well, at least we’ve got the materials needed to repair the bridge. Now, here’s how you fix it…
Homer: You want US to fix it? I thought you were gonna do that.
Connie: No, I’m going to show you how to do it. You’re about to enter a new frontier and you’re going to need to learn some survival basics like this to make it out there.
Homer: Who needs survival basics when you have guns? Remember all the buffalo we shot on the way here?
Connie: Maybe you should try shooting the bridge until it’s fixed.
Homer: Worth a try. *cocks rifle*
Connie: I was being sarcastic! Just take this hammer and nail these boards together..
Homer: First we don’t get to shoot anything, and now we have to do manual labor? Worst. Frontier. Ever.
Make the Group Fix the Bridge– x3, 4hrs

Brave New World Pt. 3
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Connie: We did it! Welcome to the new frontier! Great job, everyone.
Wiggum: And look, there are donuts growing out of the ground!
Homer: Sweet, sweet all-natural donuts…
Moe: Let’s go get ’em before anyone else notices the bridge is fixed.
Connie: Not so fast. It looks like we’ll need to prospect those land tiles before we can reach them.
Homer: Aww, more work? Game designers are monsters.
Connie: We can use this prospector’s shack to acquire the maps we’d need. Once we have enough, we can unlock another land tile.
Make the Group Prospect the New Frontier- 8hrs

Brave New World Pt. 4
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Homer: Wow, this new frontier is great. Donuts as far as the eye can see!
Connie: And look at all of the incredible natural discoveries to be made!
Wiggum: And look at the new buffalo we can shoot!
Moe: And look at all the new land for grazing my illegally imported pandas.
Lisa: *grumble*
Moe: I mean, look at all the new land for grazing buffalo we can shoot!
Connie: *double grumble*
Moe: Hey, I don’t even know why I came on this trip. Lord knows what Barney did to my bar while I was gone.
Make Homer Marvel at all the Donut Veins– 4hrs

And that’s it my friends, the full dialogue for this fun mini-event!

Thoughts on the dialogue? New land? Prizes? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

29 responses to “Northward Bound Full Dialogue: A Fail of Two Cities and Brave New World

  1. I may have missed it, but is anyone else able to do more than 1 character at a time at the prospectors shack? 1 block of frontier land ever 16hrs is a slowwww process!!!

    • When it first unlocked, I think we were given 10 free maps, IIRC, and were, therefore, able to send three characters at once. No reason you couldn’t send more than one character, but you’d have to wait until you had more than one set of three maps earned to do it.

  2. I gotta say I’m loving my beautiful new land and all those rich veins of donuts. (I don’t farm so I get overly excited when I find 17 donuts at a pop. WHEE!) I did splurge my way through the Black Friday deals and Jackpot Realty which gives me the vapors but I (and EA) deserved it.

    Now I’m just waiting for the Christmas event!

  3. Hello everyone. I completed the questline and earned all the prizes before the deadline. I had another questline triggered, I forgot what it’s called, but it was about Hans Moleman eating an apple and getting sick and Lisa taking him to see Dr. Hibbert. All those tasks have been cleared and now I have no tasks left to do. How come the task for repairing the bridge didn’t trigger for me? The new land to be unlocked is still dark and nothing happens when I press the prospecting building in that new land.
    Any help/suggestions are appreciated.
    Thank you!

    • Do you have the Springfield Heights land unlocked, particularly the tile on the Ocean-side of the bridge ??

      If not work on unlocking that, and hopefully the quests will trigger when you get that bit of land.

      If yes I’d suggest you contact EA and ask them for help.

      • I do have Springfield Heights land unlocked. But I don’t know which specific land tile you’re referring to. Also, I’m not sure if it makes a difference, but I don’t have all the available land in Springfield Heights unlocked. Is this a requirement for the new land to be unlocked?

        • Where the gorge is, 3 tiles away from the mountains from the main land map, you should see two ends of a broken bridge.

        • Curses, just posted half a reply again – I explained where the bridge is so here’s the next bit . . .

          On the new land side you’ll also see the new Prospector’s Shack, but the tile you are interested in getting is the last row of Springfield Heights land just the other side of that broken bridge.

          During the mini-event if you’d unlocked that it would definitely have started the quests once you’d got that Connie Appleseed quest pop up.

          What we don’t know is if it will now start as soon as you get that bit of Springfield Heights land or if it will need something extra now. Fingers crossed it either starts anyway or the next update in a few days time sets it up to run when you get that SH land tile.

          Good luck 😊

          • Yes, I understood what you meant afterwards once I looked at my game again. I hadn’t unlocked the land that leads up to the bridge. I had unlocked the necessary tiles and the quest-line automatically triggered. My bridge is now built.
            Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it!


    I really wanted Ian and his car, unfortunately I didn’t have £49 to spare this month, just hope it comes around again when I do have money to spare. 🐞

  5. I think we need some pacifiers for these people….Is anybody ever happy with anything? What a bunch of whining crybabies..give me everything exactly the way I want it!! What is wrong with people?

    • I’ve been doing this a long time, there will always be people complaining (usually different people each time). Can’t please everyone. And usually those that complain are the loudest voices…

  6. The only thing EA got heckled about was the fact I got a 6.0 Load Screen image on my 6.7 Device Screen (it’s beautiful to look at but c’mon! that earns some serious heckling on Facebook and Twitter!) 😅

    Either than that ? If you watch those Saturday Smiles on YouTube,, then you would most definitely agree that this is the Top Evenr for 2021! Tappers even got a Land Expansion (finally!) EA got thanked online (they also got $5 out of me!) 😀👍🏻

    The Prizes were alright (Connie Appleseed is Voiced! that’s like getting a free Premium Character!) and the returning Springfield Frontierland Content is great to have back (it’s the best Decor in this Game App next to Halloween and Egyptian – in my opinion!) I will agree that New Tappers lost an opportunity to Craft it (you needed 🍩’s this time!) but guess what? Nothing was handed to us in the beginning, as New Tappers 9 years ago we had to Grind all day and all night!

    Black Friday Mystery Boxes – these aren’t Event exclusive, but I will quickly say they were more of a Miss than a Hit (for me!) I appreciate what Prior Content I was able to obtain, but there is still Prior Content I don’t have (and that should be made available, because EA lost out on Tappers like me that didn’t care for the 🤖 crap !)

    I will end this by saying that it’s important to mention my preference for Mini Events vs Multi-Act Events (I like a solid Prize track that sticks to an Episode, or a Segment within an Episode vs trying to combine these that tell an Event Story that does not work AND padding that Multi-Act Event with crap Prizes AND yep that Event Format needs to go!!) I’m so glad there was not another 🚗 or 🚁 or ✈️ or crowd (Crap Decor that never should return!) You even had decent Prizes if you spent $49 💵 for that 🪙’s + 🍩’s Deal …. it’s going to be tough to do better than what we just went through Event-wise (I’m very happy with my New content, Prior Content that I got to obtain again, and the Land Expansion is awesome! Maybe we will need another Item Limits Increased, but I’m going to enjoy what I got!) 😊🤘🏻

    • Generous of you to part with 5$….I’m pretty sure you got your money’s worth. Five dollars…..? Do you enjoy this game??….I’m confused….

      • Mike
        Add up what I’ve paid in real 💵’s over 9 years and it comes to over $100 (that $5 was me backing up what I said, “I will take a Land Expansion even if it means having to pay a $5 🍩’s deal!”) nothing to be confused about unless you weren’t here (or you weren’t paying attention).

  7. Nothing will be as ridiculously grinding as Springfield Heights was back in the day. Using donuts, didn’t take me long to unlock the new land, and I had me a new location for my Capital City

    • I am just glad there was no 🎡 to spin and help you didn’t end up with a crap Prizes (may we never ever get a Prize as bad as a 🌭 Cooker Bot, right Alissa? – lol! Tappers need to watch the TSTO ADDICTS YouTube Channel to get that joke!)

      As I mentioned before, the early years of TSTO Events had you Grinding day and night (we wanted the Prizes, we had no I did if anything would be available again, you felt rewarded for your efforts, you had to work with the Characters that were available, and there were times you had a reason to spend real 💵). I am with everyone that enjoyed Springfield Heights when it became available, but regretted the fact that we ran out of space (or ran into an Item Limits problem).

      I hope everyone who was able to unlock Springfield Heights has fun (you got some clever Content to work with). 😊


        The hellish wheel of misfortune! I remember cursing at co-workers that the game was f’n rigged when the got sherry and the priest on first tries… and I got literally a hen’s house of stooopid eggs!!!

        Who know I could just grab them for a few well farmed doughnuts for a yearbook?

        Ah the memories of a Tapped Out gone by.

  8. The new land is ridiculously grindy. Are they serious?


      Extremely, personally I used a lot of Donuts and purchased a lot of it.

    • John,
      Everything is a Grind in the beginning (or it’s expedited with 🍩’s) …. bit, unlocking New Land Tiles is permanently available in the Land Expansion (the ability to do that is not going away).

      Remember, over 9 years ago we had to Grind for all Content (we had no idea it was going to be available again). Don’t let this discourage you from Tapping, just have fun.

    • I don’t mind the grind, really. I do have enuff sprinklies to “discover” ALL the new land. Looks like it can be done with less than 10k doughnuts on average. (Too lazy to study the math)
      I’m in no rush, however.
      Plus, it gives something to do in between events.

  9. Player since launch so I’m maxxed out on everything except patience for the next event. But why oh why can we not move the new river? I love the concept but with all that space I’d prefer to narrow the Wilderness to maybe 1/3rd its size so that I can create a better Springfield Heights that could gradually turn more rural before meeting the river.

    • When you have things unlocked, swap the sides each are at.
      Your wilderness could lead to a beach, much like a tropical island.

    • As long as you’ve unlocked the land on both sides of the mountain you can move the Springfield Heights tunnel further up – you can even place the tunnels so they come out into the gorge !?! 😂🤪😂

      The new land is 25 rows you can use, the old SH is 9 land rows and 1 row of beach and there’s no reason you can’t use that as the Wilderness and all the new land for anything you wanted, as @Repo982 says.

    • We got a Land Expansion + increased Item Limits (those are both welcomed!) and working with a Creek dividing Springfield Heights with the New Frontier is easier to work around (want to talk a major headache? let’s talk about when EA moved the entire Krustyland!)

      I’m sure you’ll figure something out, just have fun Tapping!

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