Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
As we prepare for Act 2 of Showbiz Showdown to start up tomorrow, it’s time to wrap up Act 1 with a pretty little bow in the form of hilarious dialogue!
So here’s the full dialogue for Dog and Phony Show…just in case you missed it by tappin’ too fast!
A Show Whopper
Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman coming to you live from Polystar Pictures, where the multinational film company has a big announcement!
Polystar Executive: Polystar is bringing Hollywood to Springfield!
Marge: Dear God, no!
Polystar Executive: Don’t worry. Not the crappy part. We want to hear movie ideas…anything you have in your head!
Homer: I have a lot in my head!
Bart: Besides crayons and Q-Tips?
Homer: I’ll pitch my ghost that wins the lottery idea!
Polystar Executive: Note, participation is restricted to children only.
Homer: Stupid Hollywood executives and your family-friendly branding!
Bart: Cool! Polystar Pictures owns the rights to Cosmic Wars AND the Marble Universe. I’ve got a ton of crossover ideas.
Lisa: Crossovers and the superhero genre? Count me out.
Bart: You do know that Polystar Pictures owns the rights to Malibu Stacy, right? They might be up for a Malibu romance. Blech.
Lisa: I’ll get our bikes!
Make Lisa Bike to the Audience Research Site- 6s
Make Bart Bike to the Audience Research Site- 6s
Polystar Executive: Wow, what a turnout! Thanks for coming, everyone. Polystar Pictures would like all your input. So spill…whaddaya want to see in our next movie?
Bart: Epic space fights!
Lisa: Thoughtful dramas!
Nelson: Easy listening musicals!
Nelson: What? I like what I like.
Polystar Executive: Hmm, what if we jam them all together into a dramatic space epic with an original score?
Milhouse: Could it feature the Happy Little Elves?
Polystar Executive: Straight up — no. We want everyone’s ideas except this kid’s. Thank you all for coming. Take one piece of candy and an NDA on your way out.
Dog and Phony Show Pt. 1
Homer: Hey boy, did you pitch my ghost idea?
Bart: Homer, these are bigwig Hollywood execs, they don’t care about your stupid ghosts. They want their next superhero blockbuster.
Lisa: I, for one, am hoping that they try something new. Movies can elevate the human condition and teach us so much.
Bart: Like if Black Voodoo’s claws can cut through titanium?
Lisa: No, like acknowledging the poverty disparity between first and third world countr—
Homer: You bet Black Voodoo’s claws can cut through titanium, they can cut through anything! But Lisa’s right, it’s time we start asking the tough questions. Like does Magnesium Man’s suit use premium gas or regular?
Lisa: If anyone wants me, I’ll be in my room.
Make Homer Ask More Superhero Questions- 4hrs
Make Bart Ask More Superhero Questions – 4hrs
Make Lisa Go to her Room- 4hrs
Collect Film Reels- x115. 4hrs.
Lindsay Naegle: I’ve reviewed the results from your audience research in Springfield and I’ve got four words for you!
Polystar Executive: That’s how my ex-wife announced: “I want a divorce.”
Lindsay Naegle: My four words are: “The Sands of Space”.
Polystar Executive: Krusty’s old Hollywood flick? Why would you bring up that travesty of a film?
Lindsay Naegle: It checks all the boxes. It’s an outer space drama, with a cutting-edge score and we can reboot it into a trilogy.
Polystar Executive: Forget it, I’m not working with that clown again. We don’t own the rights to that picture anyway.
Lindsay Naegle: That’s why we buy Krustylu Studios.
Polystar Executive: Hmm, it has been weeks since I bought a company. It feels weird going that long without crushing someone else’s dream…
Dog and Phony Show Pt. 2
Kent Brockman: …and in a twist that’s rocked the entertainment world, Polystar Pictures has purchased Krustylu Studios.
Polystar Executive: We’re proud to welcome Krustylu into the Polystar family and its many subsidiaries. Krusty is a perfect fit for our family-friendly brand.
Kent Brockman: Aren’t you worried about Krusty’s numerous off-screen affairs and scandals?
Polystar Executive: You mean promotional stunts that keep the world of Krusty relevant.
Lisa: Ugh, another conglomerate buys up another intellectual property.
Bart: Krusty’s not intellectual property. He gets laughs from fart cushions. Now c’mon, we gotta get to his next show.
Lisa: No way. From now on I’m boycotting Polystar Pictures and all of its subsidiaries.
Bart: Does that include the Malibu Stacy universe?
Lisa: …the boycott doesn’t have to happen right away.
Make Bart Go to Krusty’s Show- 4hrs
Make Lisa Go to Krusty’s Show – 4hrs
Collect Film Reels- x115. 4hrs.
Dog and Phony Show Pt. 3
Bart: Great show today, Krusty. But we gotta talk shop. You’re gonna need help negotiating with Polystar Pictures and I’m your man.
Krusty: My man is a kid? I don’t even know you. Pass.
Bart: It’s me, Bart Simpson. I got you exonerated when Sideshow Bob framed you.
Krusty: It’s not ringing any bells.
Bart: I helped convince you to become a television clown again after you faked your own death.
Krusty: Wait a minute…you’re the kid who exposed my tax evasion that led me to faking my own death!
Bart: Bingo! You’ve finally got it. Now let me make sure you get to your meeting with Polystar.
Krusty: I guess I could use an assistant to re-diaper Mr. Teeny between shows… Okay, welcome aboard, whoever you are.
Make Krusty Head to the Polystar Meeting- 4hrs
Make Bart Accompany Krusty – 4hrs
Collect Film Reels- x145. 4hrs.
Polystar Executive: Thanks for coming, Krusty.
Krusty: If you keep sending limos stocked with booze, we can meet anytime you want.
Polystar Executive: I’ll get right to the point. We want to reboot “The Sands of Space”.
Krusty: What a buncha schmucks! That movie was a total flop.
Polystar Executive: Our research shows that after enough time has passed viewers will become nostalgic over anything, even movies they hate.
Krusty: I couldn’t handle watching The Sands of Space die all over again. It’s my baby.
Polystar Executive: We’re prepared to make you a handsome offer to change your mind.
Krusty: Eh, babies are overrated. Keep talking…
Dog and Phony Show Pt. 4
Polystar Executive: …you want a mansion in Waverly Hills, a different sportscar every day of the week… Condor egg omelets prepared at bedside every morning?! Anything else?
Krusty: I’m thinking…
Polystar Executive: I know you’re contractually tied to this movie as its director, but you’re being unreasonable.
Bart: Listen Armani, give my clown what he wants or you don’t get your big Hollywood reboot.
Polystar Executive: Who are you again?
Bart: I’m Krusty’s negotiations assistant, I make sure my client gets everything he deserves.
Polystar Executive: Krusty, you’re letting a kid handle your negotiations?
Krusty: You betcha. This kid plays hardball…and kickball and Wiffle ball. Let’s just say he plays a lot of ball.
Polystar Executive: Fine, fine. So, you’ll come back and direct our reboot?
Krusty: One more thing. I want complete creative control over the project.
Bart: That’s exactly what I was going to demand.
Make Krusty Agree to Direct the Reboot- 4hrs
Make Polystar Executive Iron Out the Deal – 4hrs
Make Bart Negotiate for More Merchandise- 4hrs
Collect Film Reels- x145. 4hrs.
Dog and Phony Show Pt. 5
Polystar Executive: Krusty, I’m really looking forward to our future together. I’d like to contact my people to start the hiring for your crew.
Krusty: Cork your seltzer, I’ll be hiring locally.
Polystar Executive: Locals? Are you sure they have experience?
Krusty: Read my grease-painted lips — I have total creative control! That includes the schlubs on my crew!
Polystar Executive: Sure, your schlubs, whatever. Just reach out if you need anything.
Krusty: You can gimme a lift back to my studio.
Polystar Executive: No problem. I’ll call a cab.
Krusty: No YOU can give me a lift. I’m making you my personal driver.
Polystar Executive: That’s ridiculous. I’m an executive.
Krusty: Actually, it was the kid’s idea.
Bart: *points to the contract* It’s all in the really, really tiny print on this contract that only a kid’s eyes can see.
Make Bart Look for More Ways to Take Advantage- 4hrs
Make Krusty Be Chauffeured – 4hrs
Make Polystar Executive Drive Krusty- 4hrs
Collect Film Reels- x185. 4hrs.
And that’s it my friends, the full Act 1 dialogue for Showbiz Showdown! Ready for what Act 2 has in store?
Thoughts on the questline? Event? Storyline? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!