Hey there Hoppereenos. Enjoy the new Simpsons Episode all about furry lil creatures? Didn’t get to see it yet? Well no worries, this furry creature is going to break it down for you. Now to hallucinate about millions of fuzzy cute furballs roaming around.
The War Of Art
The episode begins with Lisa dropping “subtle” hints all over that she really wants a Guinea Pig. Like writing it all creepy like on the shower glass, leaving millions of photos all over at the Power Plant, or sending Homer lots of furry lil emojis. Yah…just subtle hints. Lol.
Homer and Marge sit down and try to reason with Lisa. She explains that she REALLY wants a pet now. Not when she is 16. They tell her the ONLY way she will get a pet is if she signs…A CONTRACT??!! I seriously think ALL parents that are “persuaded” to get those spur of the moment pets need to go over and have their kids sign that kind of contract. Lisa of course signs it as fast as she can. Than runs off excited knowing she is going to be getting a Guinea Pig.
Off the family goes to Crystal County (you know, home of the Meth High Fightin’ Tweakers) to get Lisa a pet Guinea Pig. Oh look, it’s our new building we got for free with the tie-in update. The Guinea Pig Rescue And Adoption Center.
Lisa is freaking out over which one to pick. Lots of hair to comb and play with, nibbles so adorable, the pinkest of pink noses. So many piggies, so lil time. Marge begs her to just pick one. She is just intoxicated in furry cuteness and is running back and forth from cage to cage to cage.
What seems like hours later, Lisa is still bouncing around while the family is practically passed out on the couches. Having about all they can stand, the family loads up in the car and goes next door to The Dubya Hotel. Is it bad that she is starting to get on MY nerves and I wanna smack her?
Back to the Rescue the next day. Lisa has FINALLY chosen one. Homer tells everyone to be very very quiet as to not disturb her decision. Of course the Old Lady running the place has to open her big mouth and say, “You sure you want just ONE?” D’OH!!! Before she can answer the question, Homer tosses her and the newly acquired Guinea Pig in the car and drives off as fast as he can.
Lisa spent a lot of time recreating the perfect habitat for her new pet Pokey, that is until Bart points out the lil piggie has already ran away. Lisa frantically looks around the house. Pokey runs across the front room squealing. Bart grabs the fire place tongs and goes after the lil fuzzball, infuriating Lisa. She shoves Bart to the ground before he gets a hold of Pokey. The lil piggie scurries away from the both of them and into a mouse hole in the wall. HEY!! What is this? Tom and Jerry? Where did THAT hole come from? (p.s. Did you know that Kettle Corn is the Heroin of the Farmers Market?)
Pokey finally finds his way through a hole up the middle of the wall, right behind the ever present “Boat Painting” above the couch. Puncturing a hole right through the middle. Marge is a lil upset that their painting was ruined. It made her feel good to know that while they watched TV, there was art going on behind them. Guess it is time to go to a Gallery and buy a new painting.
Or…they could just go to the local Yard Sale and see what they can find. Luckily for them. Van Houten’s seemed to be having one. Marge sees a beautiful Tuscan Style painting and is smitten. She had never seen a painting with a lighthouse on it before. Wait, WHAT??!! REALLY??!! She really doesn’t get out much does she? Luann explains the painting came from Kirk’s bachelor pad. He didn’t have a mirror, so he used the chrome finish as a mirror when he needed to shave.
Marge really wants the painting badly and begs Homer to get it for her. It is only $20. Kirk exclaims he will even throw in the tiny violins. SOLD! They take the painting home and Homer uses the violins to start the fireplace fire. NOOOOOOOO! Poor violins. Of course he also uses the flames to roast some marshmallows while Marge puts the new painting on the wall behind the couch.
Marge really does not like the chrome frame on the new painting. She is more afraid of what things the mirror finish has reflected. So she removes the frame from the painting. Lisa points out there is a signature that the frame was covering. Hope it wasn’t anyone important. Johan Oldenveldt. Who the heck is that? Oh wait, just gotta wait for Lisa to Oogle it and tell us.
Johan lived in Amsterdam & Paris, was a prolific early 20th century naturalist, basically Lisa thinks it was painted by someone famous. You know what that means? Homer doesn’t believe the painting is worth anything. He knows that all expensive art has to contain “nudity… holograms… something terrible happening to Jesus.”
Off they go to Gavelby’s Auction House (Buy art the impulsive, scary way) to get it appraised. The appraiser states it is indeed valuable and could go for up to 100 thousand dollars. Homer quickly tells everyone not to look or touch it. Including Bart, who he doesn’t want wearing out the painting by looking at it.
Marge exclaims the Van Houten’s will be delighted when the Simpsons sell the painting…and split the money with them. Homer just keeps repeating. “WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!” to Marge. (I don’t think he wants to split the money. Lol. Even going as far as writing it in the sky.
Finally Homer and Marge start to talk it out. He explains they bought it. They now can do what ever they want with it. Like hang it over the couch, cut eye holes in it, or sell it for a lot of money…and keep it…for themselves.
Marge and Homer continue to have the conversation continually over the next few days. Trying to figure out what to do. Weighing out the pros and cons. Homer pointing out all the cons of course. So Marge gives in. Tells Homer they will put the painting up for sale and never ever tell the Van Houten’s about it.
Of course they look up to see Milhouse in the Tree House, sucking on his inhaler. They start to bribe him. Like taking him on a shopping spree to ToysBthis. All so he won’t say anything to his Mom & Dad about the painting. (Is that puppy goo goo in the cart?) So they buy him a LOT of toys.
Of course he went right to his Mom & Dad and the Van Houten’s came over to tell off the Simpsons. Asking how they could just hide it from them. They thought they were friends. Not someone who would stab them in the backs. They argue back and forth with the Simpsons and finally leave…draggin Milhouse behind on his heelies.
Marge is NOT happy and tells Homer off. He tries to explain to her about a bank receipt he has kept. He didn’t know who it belonged to, but they had FIVE figures in their account. Homer says with the painting, the Simpsons could have that too. No more living pay check to pay check. Marge could write a check…with TODAY’S date on it.
Must be a slow news day due to even Kent Brockman is getting in on the fiasco. Bringing an inside report on …THE ART OF WAR!! Homer isn’t too worried, no one will see the show. Somebody did as they tossed a rock through the front room window with the demands to, “GIVE BACK THE PAINTING!” When will people learn that threats and demands do not get you anywhere in life other than just being hated.
Rocks continue to fly on through the window that night. The kids start to separate the “For” and “Against” rocks. They are getting more rocks then Christmas Cards.
Of course the entire town gathers at the auction house to await the arrival of the Simpsons and the now infamous painting. The town is split on either side. Those that think the Simpsons “stole” the painting and those that feel the Simpsons are entitled to the money.
Just as the auction begins, a strange woman (Dawn) rushes in telling them to stop as the painting belongs to her. Luann demands Kirk to explain who this mysterious woman is. He just blushes and mumbles, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. She explains Kirk and her used to be friends…with bananafits. Luann again demands Kirk to explain as he said he never say anyone else. He gives the same reaction.
The Auctioneer demands the woman explain. She claims Kirk stole it from her, and she only came forward after seeing it on TV and finding out how valuable it was. Kirk says she is lying due to he bought the painting. So the auction is put on hold until they can determine the real owner.
Luann is so upset about the woman Kirk never told her about and tells him to not bother to come home, so he ends up crashing at the Simpsons. Homer let him stay as he feels he is some how fully responsible for what happened.
Homer attempts to comfort Kirk with some Canadian Duff, Le Duff Beer (avec codeine). And Kirk begins to explain about him and Dawn and the painting. The two of them went to a Vacation Resort Island. Kirk claims he bought the painting there in a cafe, that night she ran off with a para sailing instructor.
He said the only reason she is saying anything is to keep herself in electric cigarettes. He said he would even go back to the cafe where he bought the painting just to prove it, but nothing matters if he can’t get Luann back.
Oh no, Homer has ANOTHER brilliant idea. This can’t end well. He tells Marge his plans to go to Isle Verde, find Cafe Artiste, and prove Kirk’s story. That will make the painting Kirk’s which in turn will make it belong to the Simpsons again. Marge has had enough. The town is divided, their friend’s marriage ruined, and Milhouse…he is playing a dance revolution game with the TV off…for hours. Marge storms off.
Of course Homer doesn’t listen at all and goes to the island anyway. He wants to find out if Kirk’s story is true. So they head to the Cafe’ Artiste Gelato. (Which happens to be right next door to Disco Strupo.) They serve Strupo at the cafe…which the official drink of the island and is made of …WHAT??!!! Formented capers? Ummmm….ewwwwwww? I am not sure how I feel about that. I LOVE capers when added to some dishes, but to drink?
Homer inquires about the painting to the bartender. She remembers the painting as well as selling it to Kirk. Homer is excited that the painting is now HIS. He is interrupted by an older man in the corner of the Cafe. He states Homer knows nothing of “art”. Including the artist that painted the picture they’re fighting over. The man introduces himself as the artist, but his name is Claus. Lisa calls him a forger. He is no forger…he is an ART forger. Lol.
He explains the painting they have was given to the bar owner to pay off his Strupo tab. He points out he has been making forged paintings for years. This does not make Lisa happy at all. She tries to tell him just how much of a fraud he is.
He in turn flips it back on her and tells her she only liked the painting when she assumed someone famous made it. “Beauty is beauty.” No matter who owns his art or where it is in the world…the biggest question is, “Did it move you?” He has her there.
Homer is upset that the painting is now worthless. Claus offers a way to help to make things better. By painting a piece of art for Luann (From Kirk). Homer asks him to toss in a few extra (I hope for Marge).
Kirk gives Luann a portrait of the family and they make up. Homer gives Marge a painting of her beloved “Boat” and she is touched. She hangs it up over the couch. All is well.
Oh wait….what is this? A lil extra at the end. The Origin of Strupo? Wait…WHAT??! Angels WHAT is in there??!! It was originally used to dissolve seagull corpses??!! It causes hallucinations, confusion, and wandering mouth. “Strupo…Lose EVERYTHING!”
Well alrighty then. What a strange strange episode. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. What happened to Pokey? What happened to the forged painting? How do I get my hands on some Strupo? What did YOU think of the episode? Any favorite parts? Sound off in the comments below.
Until next time…
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