The Kidz Aren’t Alright: Janey Powell

Do you hear that? Me either. It is so nice and quiet and… OH NO!! Spoke to soon! Here comes the kids! D’OH!!

In this little game of ours, there are so many fun characters we get to tap daily.  Here at Addicts, we love doing character profiles for all of them and have a blast bringing you the Real Housewives and Mad Men of Springfield.  But does anyone think of the children besides Helen Lovejoy?  It can’t be easy growing up in a town as eccentric as Springfield.  SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Well, we thought of the children, decided that the kids aren’t alright and figured it was time someone took them out of the time-out chair so we can give you an idea of what it’s like Growing Up Springfield.

Nothing like a Pog to make some of us remember our childhoods.  In our newest addition to the character posts, we’ll be detailing the amazing children of Springfield.  We are all “kids at heart” here at TSTO Addicts so we thought it’d be fun to bring you yet more information about the kiddos.  For our inaugural edition of what we’re calling “The Kidz Aren’t Alright”, I thought it’d be fun to talk about one of the kids we don’t have in our game yet.  I’m speaking of the one, the only… Janine “Janey” Powell.

Best friend, tattle tale, Malibu Stacy appreciator, fearer of spiders, jump roper, nose licker… you know… one of those children of Springfield we see so much but often don’t pay attention to.  She’s basically in most scenes at Springfield Elementary and considered by most to be Lisa Simpson’s best friend.  Well, kind of a friend, or not, hmmmm…  maybe it can best be summed up by Lisa’s own words.

“With friends like her, who needs acquaintances?”

Kind of complicated to try and define the relationship of an 8-year-old.  I always think of her as Lisa’s friend because let’s face it, little girls disagree and waver back and forth over the lines of friendship.  I’ve certainly seen this with my own daughters.  She’s definitely one of Lisa’s classmates and if a group of children are seen in the Best. Show. Ever. you most likely will see Janey.  For the sake of brevity, I went through a lot of the appearances I could remember and picked out some that I felt defined her character and/or made me laugh.  This was really hard to do because for every episode I’m going to mention, I skipped at least one.  She’s seriously in so many.

Janey’s first appearance in the show is early on in the series.  Some folks say it is in “Bart the General” (S1:E5) but the only Janey in this episode is clearly white.  I guess you could pick out one of the random African American girls seen in shots but that’s called racism dear readers and I won’t stand for it.  Besides… all we have to do is wait one whole episode (“Moaning Lisa”, S1:E6) and the real Janey is right there in Mr. Largo’s band class sitting next to Lisa as she crazy bee-bops her way through Our Country Tis of Thee.  She’s also seen sitting next to Lisa during lunch and is a more than willing participant in the food fight Bart starts.

“Dancin’ Homer” (S2:E5) – seen in the crowd of Lisa’s acquaintances as she’s saying goodbye before moving to Capital City.  The goodbye might have been harder if they’d all actually gotten to know each other better.

“Itchy & Scratchy & Marge” (S2:E9) – After Itchy & Scratchy are cancelled, the children of Springfield are forced to play outdoors.  What follows is an amazing sequence of all the children playing to Beethoven’s 6th Symphony. During it, we see Janey jumping rope.

“Lisa’s Substitute” (S2:E19) – Laugh out loud funny when Janey tells Miss Hoover that psychosomatic means “she was faking it.”  We also learn Janey’s one talent is to touch her nose with her tongue

“Radio Bart” (S3:E13) – What are sweet little girls without jump rope chants.  When Bart falls down the well and doesn’t get anything close to the sympathy of Timmy O’Toole, Janey and Wanda sing this ditty while jumping rope.

“One plus one plus three is five./Little Bart Simpson’s buried alive./He’s so neat./He’s so sweet./Now the rats have Bart to eat.”

“Separate Vocations” (S3:E18) – This episode is so strange because Bart becomes great at being a hall monitor and Lisa starts slacking in school; all because of a silly career aptitude test telling Lisa her destiny is being a “homemaker”.  Janey asks Lisa if she wants to quiz her on her vowels but Lisa is so upset she’s”about ready to chuck the whole stinkin’ alphabet.”

“Treehouse of Horror IV” (S5:E5) – In the “Bart Simpson’s Dracula” segment of this episode, we see Janey in the group of schoolchildren vampires outside Lisa’s window.

“Bart’s Girlfriend” (S6:E7) – When Bart goes to Sunday school to try and impress Jessica Lovejoy, we find Janey in the class along with Ralph and Martin. I guess we know her parents are at least as religious as Homer and I guess Bart forgot he should’ve gone to the 4^th grader class.

“Lisa’s Date with Density” (S8:E7) – Oh the remembrances of children saying “Wookiee likes (insert name here)”.  We get some of this funniness courtesy of Lisa’s crush on Nelson but does Janey have a crush on Milhouse too?  Seems like it.

“My Sister, My Sitter” (S8:E17) – Janey and Lisa actually hanging together reading The Babysitter Twins.  The two books seen are The Formula Formula and The President’s Baby Is Missing.  Important to note that this reading inspires Lisa’s disastrous babysitting gig for Bart later in the episode.

“Grade School Confidential” (S8:E19) – Skinner’s a new man after starting a fling with Mrs. K.  We hear Janey’s name as Skinner cheerfully greets kids.

“Good morning, students.  Way to go there, Wendell.  There’s Ralph – he knows the score.  Jimbo, how’s that hat today?  Janey, Janey, bo-faney!”

“Bart Star” (S9:E6) – Janey was a member of Springfield’s peewee football team but is promptly cut when Homer takes over as coach along with Wendell, Rudy and Steven.  Stupid Flanders was obviously more progressive as a coach.

“Grift of the Magi” (S11:E9) – Just a quick blip of Janey but when Lindsey Naegle is asking Lisa’s class for name for toys, Janey’s suggestion in Mr. Fun.  Next time you hate on a funzo… think of her.

“Bye, Bye Nerdie” (S12:E16) – Kids can be so mean when new kids show up to school but do y’all remember Francine?  Now she was a bully I’d be afraid of.  Not that I think it would have mattered but Francine was certainly ostracized for being new when she arrived at Springfield Elementary.  This is what Janey said on the first day: “Those shoes look Canadian.”  Is that even an insult?

“The Lastest Gun in the West” (S13:E12) – another quick shot of Janey but I love it because it shows Lisa gossiping with Janey like a normal little girl.

“You know that new baby brother Ralph’s been bragging about?  It’s just a pine cone!”

“Little Girl in the Big Ten” (S13:E20) – just another one of the girls in the gymnastics scene with Brunella.  Later in the episode, she’s one of the children taunting Lisa for being too cool for elementary kids.  I love how each child says their piece and then rolls down the hill.

“Old Yeller Belly” (S14:E19) – Bart secret club spies Janey having tea with Lisa, Sherri & Terri.  “If I understand the female mind, and I do, they’re plotting against us.”  Possibly one of the Best. Bart lines. Ever.

“Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays” (S15:E8) – This one is notable because Janey’s mom is mentioned.  Apparently Marge managed to get Roofi tickets fair and square while keeping her dignity. Mrs. Powell did not.

“Milhouse Doesn’t Live Here Any More” (S15:E12) – Once again on the playground, we hear her taunting Lisa and Bart for hanging out together.  Janey just likes to tease I suppose.

“The Monkey Suit” (S17:E21) – This episode is great.  Seeing Flanders get all hot and bothered over the evolution display at the Springfield Museum of Natural History is hilarious.  The result is Ned gets creationism added into the education at Springfield Elementary.  What better way to get through to kids than an educational video showing Charles Darwin drunk.

Lisa: “This is slander!  Darwin was one of the greatest minds of all time!

Janey: “Then why is he making out with Satan?”

“Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times” (S18:E11) – When Milhouse goes on his rampage with the Get-back-inator, his list of every one who has ever hurt him includes Skinner, Kearney, Wendell, Sherri, Terri, Chuck, Becky, Richard, Rod, Todd, Uter, Ralph, Jimbo, Nana, Dolph, Cosine, Martin, Database, Nelson, Willie, Louis and Janey.  There’s also two obscured names which might read Mom and Dad.  Jebus knows LuAnne and Kirk have put that kid through some stuff including combining their DNA.

“Little Orphan Millie” (S19:E6) – Lisa and Janey having a tea party outdoors, spiders erupt from the center of the blanket, Janey faints

“Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words” (S20:E6) – Among her other talents, Janey sells cupcakes.

“The Fool Monty” (S22:E6) – This appearance would probably be missed if you weren’t a nerd like me who freeze-frames episodes when doing posts.  In the crowd scene waiting for the Housecat Flu vaccine, we see Janey standing in line with a man I presume is the elusive Mr. Powell.

“Black-Eyed, Please” (S24:E15) – Janey is really afraid of spiders.  Reminds me of a lot of ladies in my life as she stands on her school desk to avoid them.  To her credit though, the other kids were frightened as well.

“Whiskey Business” (S24:E19) – Lisa and Janey are seen at the Jazz Hole where Bleeding Gums Murphy performs as a hologram.

So those are the Janey appearances I culled for your reading entertainment. Janey is just one of those quintessential kids in Springfield.  In TSTO, she’s actually been mentioned in some of the more recent dialogue.  Admittedly, I’ve been working on this post about her since TSTO had guinea pigs.

Could she be on her way to the game?  Did EA purposely misspell her name?What do you think about Janey?  Do you agree with me that she needs to be in TSTO very soon? Did I exclude an appearance you love?  Got another kiddo you’d rather have?  (hoping for a rally for Uter lol)  Sound off below… you know we love hearing from ya.

Well, keep on tapa-tapa-tapping and all that good stuff.  TTFN… Wookiee out!