Hey there Addicts. In this little game of ours, we tend to forget those characters that are few and far between. We get so involved in the game, so into the latest events…that we sometimes forget to pay attention to the little things. The little details that make the Springfield world go around. The thing that seems to be really lacking/missing from Springfield.
What exactly is it I am going on about? What is so terribly important to the game that would draw such attention. WOMEN OF COURSE! To be a bit more specific, The Real Housewives of Springfield (and maybe a home-wrecker too… gotta have the drama aspect in any series, right?).
So keep your eyes on our blog as we take you on a journey into the lives of each of the women currently and NOT currently available in the game.
For this edition, our resident Lady Addicts once again let the fuzzball dish on our newest premium lady. Maybe it is because I’ve stated she’s my favorite and maybe it’s because she inspired an entire contest but regardless, we get to spend time reviewing the one and only Lurleen Lumpkin. Abandoned daughter, country singer reminiscent or Loretta Lynn, alcoholic, B-list celebrity and more. Let’s delve in to her character and see what we can find out.
Our new lady of TSTO first appeared in one of my all-time favorite Simpsons episodes, Colonel Homer (S3:E20). In it, an angry-at-Marge Homer discovers Lurleen waiting tables and singing her songs at the Beer-N-Brawl (look familiar?)
She’s just a down on her luck gal singing about her heartaches like many a country singer has done. She even has a cute little trailer.
Homer becomes her manager and propels her into stardom. Of course, she does try to “bunk” with Homer much to Marge’s dismay but Homer picks his beloved Marjorie in the end. Most character’s stories would end there but not Lurleen. Just one season later, we see her in the Best. Episode. Ever. “Marge vs. the Monorail” (S4:E12).
Kent Brockman: Here’s country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Kent Brockman: What you been up to Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in the ditch.
Kent Brockman: How about that, folks?
So her meteoric rise came with a fall, but have no fear friends… she can’t have fallen too far because just a few episodes later (“Krusty Gets Kancelled”, S4:E22) she was the center square on Springfield Squares! You know… “Live from Springfield Harbor, where the sewage meets the sand…it’s the Springfield Squares!”
Anybody who’s anybody is the center square, right? Just ask Homer in “Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder” (S11:E6). Homer had a short-lived stint in the center after bowling a perfect 300. And speaking of bowling, Lurleen is seen in this same episode with Jacques at Barney’s Bowlarama. Could Marge’s former bowling instructor/temptor be one of Lurleen’s flings?
It’s possible… but also highly possible they’re just on the same bowling team from “Team Homer” (S7:E12) with Mindy Simmons and Princess Kashmir. What a perfect name for the team considering her attempt to seduce hapless Homer.
While we delve into Lurleen’s “love life”, it does seem only fair to show you she apparently has a thing for cons. In “Pranksta Rap” (S16:E9), Lurleen is seen among the single ladies in love with Kirk when he’s a suspected felon. According to Kirk, he gets three square meals AND trailer time with Springfield’s craziest chicks.
Wowza… now that’s salacious. Other notable Lurleen events include gigging in Branson, Missouri (“it’s like Vegas if it was run by Ned Flanders”) in “Bart on the Road” (S7:E20) and a definite stint on unemployment. In “Realty Bites” (S9:E9), she is among the people waiting in line for her check at the Springfield Office of Unemployment. She definitely looks a little down a la the monorail episode. Other notable unemployed Springfielders include Mr. Burns’ son Larry, Jimbo, Kirk and President George H.W. Bush.
Other appearances include flirting with the Movementarian cult in “The Joy of Sect” (S9:E13)… she’s seen at their Welcome Center watching the informational video. She also appears sporadically like in “Homer vs. Dignity” (S12:E5) standing behind Lenny at Costington’s Thanksgiving Parade, in “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind” (S19:E9) at Homer’s surprise party on the Duff Party Liner and in “Coming to Homerica” (S20:E21) where she’s part of the Springfield background again, this time at the completion of the wall to keep out the Ogdenvillians.
So we know she’s a citizen of Springfield, has had ups and downs and like most side-characters, attends many different things, but is that it? For certain, she’s a member of Springfield’s celebrities. When Homer becomes a member of the paparazzi in “Homerazzi” (S18:E16), Lurleen is just one of the many celebrities he snaps a shot of. Lurleen later joins Wolfcastle and other Springfield celebrities in their effort to get back at Homer. She’s later seen on Rainier’s offshore party platform talking to the Rich Texan and his daughter Paris.
I guess her whole life could make sense when you watch “Papa Don’t Leech” (S19:E16). Springfield finds out it’s broke and has to collect unpaid taxes to fix its coffers. Among the swindling deadbeats who owe is our very own Lurleen. She owes $50,000 in back taxes but with penalties, interest and the celebrity resentment tax, she now owes over 12 million. The whole town is after her and it turns out, she’s not only “more wanted than the last petal on a bloomin’ onion”, she lives under a highway overpass. Definitely on one of her lows in this one.
Marge takes pity on her despite their past and takes her in. Lurleen cooks some bbq for the family, but is caught by the police and Judge Snyder orders her to pay $100 a week until her music comes “back in style or becomes appreciated for its camp value.” Sadly, most of Lurleen’s money went to her ex-husbands that strongly resemble Homer. She tries a job with Moe and turns down advances from Carl AND Lenny. “That’s like someone who doesn’t like hamburgers or hot dogs!” What could make her hate men like that?
Insert song about Daddy issues. Marge sets off to find Lurleen’s poppa. He ain’t seen her in 30 years (she’s 34 apparently) and is both a drunk and heroin addict. Anyone seeing a genetic thing going on here? Royce Lumpkin and Lurleen reconcile, get matching t-shirts, and Lurleen starts writing again. Unfortunately, her dad’s a deadbeat and leaves his daughter again only to turn around and sell her latest awesome melody to the Dixie chicks.
Of course Colonel Homer, with the help of Major Marge, steps in to build Lurleen back up. Lurleen confronts her dad and gets a gig opening for the Dixie chicks. She even meets a new man who might just be husband number four. Marge says of all the women that have hit on Homer, she’s her favorite… but if she ever comes near Homer again, she’ll strangle her with her hair extensions. Gotta love Marge.
I think it’s fair to say she does fairly well after this as she’s later seen attending the 38th Annual Springfield Showbiz Awards in “All About Lisa” (S19:E20) looking fit and un-Betty Ford-clinic-ish.
So that’s Lurleen. A de-throned country queen who possibly started her ascent back to the top. The previous height of her career was of course singing “Bunk with me tonight” to Kermit the Frog.
So Lurleen may always have issues because of her pining for Homer. Add to that Daddy issues, sordid inmate loving and alcohol issues. Character faults and unfulfilled love aside, she’s a fun character provided she’s not being a home-wrecker. (NOTE: I may be biased due to remembrance of loving her as a child… I may or may not have also had crushes on Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton.) In our games, Lurleen is available with Level 48 for 140 donuts. I’m sure you know I bought her immediately. Let’s take a gander at her tasks y’all.
|Mail Alimony Cheques||1hr||$105, 26 XP||Kwik-E-Mart|
|Record a Demo||4hrs||$260, 70 XP||Brown House|
|Write a Song||8hrs||$420, 105 XP||Beer-N-Brawl|
|Play Country Guitar||12hrs||$600, 150 XP||Outside Task|
|Barbecue Some Roadkill||24hrs||$1000, 225 XP||Barbecue Grill – Outside Task|
Some of those tasks may make a bit more sense knowing her story. I must admit her questline has me smiling especially the references to SADGASM. Whether voiced by Beverly D’Angelo (of Coal Miner’s Daughter and National Lampoon fame) or the late and great Doris Grau, I am a very happy fuzzball that Lurleen made it into TSTO. (NERD NOTE: Beverly D’Angelo was amazing at the Simpsons Take the Bowl concert. BONUS NERD NOTE: It was D’Angelo’s stellar portrayal of Patsy Cline in the movie about Loretta Lynn that got her the gig as Lurleen. BONUS NERD POINTS: To Bill Rumley, Brian and Miranda for fixing my goof.)
Anywho… that’s about enough for this love letter to a Simpsons side character, don’t you think? What do YOU think of Lurleen? Like her? Hate her? Wish it was a different lady that was brought in the game? If so, who? Sound off in the comments below.
Y’all stay classy and TTFN… Wookiee out!