Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Earlier today I posted the finer details of the “cash only” items that hit our games just before Christmas. Breaking down the ins, outs, questlines and tasks for each item. And now I’m back with the full dialogue questlines for both Jebediah Springfield and Shelbyville Manhattan.
Both characters come with full questlines with some really funny dialogue. So if you missed something or just want to read what these two had to say, here’s your chance.
I give you the Founders…
Going from least expensive to most, we’ll start with Shelbyville:
The Manhattan Project Pt. 1
Shelbyville: Good lord, where am I? And what is this ugly city?
Homer: You’re in Springfield, Mister… uh…
Shelbyville: Manhattan. Shelbyville Manhattan.
Homer: *gasp* I know you! You’re the guy who invented Manhattan Clam Chowder!
Lisa: No, Dad, he’s the man who founded Shelbyville.
Homer: Oh. Is Shelbyville Clam Chowder the creamy kind or the red kind?
Shelbyville: Speaking of red and creamy, I could go for a little female companionship. Are any of my attractive cousins around?
Homer: Now now, Lisa. Who are we to judge the racist and sexist ways of the past.
Lisa: Fine. I’ll take you to see your cousins. But first you have to let me interview you for the school newspaper.
Shelbyville: Fine. What’s the subject of your article — American heroes?
Lisa: No — a recently discovered caveman.
Make Lisa Interview Shelbyville Manhattan for the School Newspaper- 8hrs, Earns $840, 210xp (Requires Shelbyville)
Make Lisa Take Shelbyville to See His Cousins- 12hrs, Earns $1,200, 300xp (Requires Shelbyville)
Shelbyville: You tricked me! You took me to a cemetery to see my cousins’ GRAVES!
Lisa: And yet you still tried to kiss them.
The Manhattan Project Pt. 2
Shelbyville: I’ve got to find a suitable bride…You there! Where did you find that girl you’re always kissing who’s also always kissing everyone else?
Squeaky Voiced Teen: What?! Shauna’s cheating on me?
Shauna: We met in high school.
Shelbyville: “High school?” Very well, to “high school” I go!
Wiggum: Hold it right there! You’re not setting foot in that school, creep! Can’t you read the sign? “No Trespassing”.
Shelbyville: No I cannot.
Wiggum: There is nothing sadder than adult illiteracy. We’ve got to do the responsible thing: get this deviant adult into that school!Reach Level 12 and Build the Springfield Library
Make Shelbyville Manhattan Go to High School to Become Literate- 24hrs, Earns $1,000, 225xp
Shelbyville: The best part of learning about indoor plumbing is giving swirlies to freshmen.
The Manhattan Project Pt. 3
Lisa: If you’re going to live here, you’ll need to get with the times. No modern woman would go for such a brute.
Shelbyville: What difference does her opinion make? I’ll just club her over the head and force her to marry me.
Lisa: Okay, even back in your time, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t acceptable. We’re going to the library so you can read up on contemporary culture.
Shelbyville: How am I supposed to do that? I don’t know how to read.
CBG: Um, hello? Don’t you know there’s a whole genre of movies of guys being frozen and then thawed out in the future?
Lisa: What’s your point?
CBG: My point is that these movies always contain a montage of the character catching up on all the stuff they missed.
Reach Level 13 and Build Android Dungeon
Make Shelbyville Watch-Guy-Frozen-And-Thawed-Out-In-The-Future-Movies- 24hrs, Earns $1,000, 225xp
Shelbyville: I’m completely caught up on modern life. The only thing I didn’t understand was the appeal of Pauly Shore…
The Manhattan Project Pt. 4
Shelbyville: Now that I’m a modern man, I can start dating, but the idea of dating an unrelated person disgusts me. I hope I’ve made that abundantly clear. If only there was a surefire way to find out if someone was related to me.
Frink: Actually, there is. It’s called DNA testing. All you have to do is get people to let you swab the inside of their cheek, and I can test their DNA in my laborator — BLURGHGH! Get your finger out of my mouth! You’re supposed to use a COTTON SWAB to take the sample!
Shelbyville: Hey, you’re the scientist. I’m just a guy who likes putting my finger in other people’s mouths.
Make Shelbyville Manhattan Swab Mouths for DNA Samples- 4hrs, Earns $260, 7xp
Make Springfielders Get Swabbed- x10. 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp Freemium and $105, 26xp Premium
Frink: The results are in: I’m sorry, but you have NO LIVING RELATIVES.
Frink: Also, you tested positive for Male Pattern Baldness.
The Manhattan Project Pt. 5
Shelbyville: Well, the dream is over. I’ll just have to settle for a non-cousin “normy”.
Miss Hoover: I’m sorry, I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but did you just say you were thinking of settling? You know, I sort of have a thing for guys who are out of other options. The name’s Miss Hoover.
Shelbyville: *sigh* If only your last name was Manhattan, I’d be all up in that. Wait a minute! Your name isn’t Manhattan, but what if MINE was Hoover! Do you have any uncles?
Miss Hover: Yes, why?
Make Shelbyville Get Adopted by Miss Hoover’s Uncle So They Are Cousins- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
Shelbyville: Well, it surely was a long road to get here, but I’ve never felt more in love!
Miss Hoover: I love you too, Shelby, but do you have to bring your gun to bed?
Shelbyville: Stop trying to control me and my gun! I think we should see other people.
And now a look at the Founder of Springfield…
Small World Problems Pt. 1
Jebediah Springfield starts
Jeb: Hm. I don’t know where I am but it sure smells familiar.
Martin: Wow! What an honor to meet our fair city’s namesake!
Jeb: Ah, so this is my beloved Springfield! So much has changed, yet so much is the same. I see the Wagon Wheel Fire is still going.
Homer: Oh, it’s actually a Tire Fire now. That’s what gives the sunset such a beautiful glow and why we’re all lightheaded all the time.
Jeb: Wow, rubber tires?! Such advances you’ve made! Well, thanks for keeping the place in order. I suppose I’ll take my rightful place as mayor now.
Quimby: Er, uh, hold on a second there, hoss. We already have a mayor, and I was elected by the citizens of this town… some of them still living.
Jeb: Then… what am I to do? Surely you won’t turn me out onto the street! That’d be like abandoning a soldier after he returns from war!
Make Jebediah Springfield Sleep Behind the Kwik-E-Mart- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Small World Problems Pt. 2
Jebediah Springfield starts
Jeb: Is this my life now? That of a destitute beggar? I wish I’d never been born and founded this town and named it after myself!
Martin: It pains my ears to hear an idol of mine speak with such glower. Especially one who is known for his silver tongue!
Jeb: You’re right, chubby little boy! That tongue will be my salvation.
Martin: How heroic! You’ll win your fortune using only your skills of oration!
Jeb: No, I meant it literally.
Make Jebediah Springfield Sell His Silver Tongue- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
Jeb: This new rubber tongue made out of recycled Tire Fire tires is actually a lot better than that old silver one. I don’t lisp anymore when I say phrases like “The silver in my old tongue was slowly poisoning me.”
Small World Problems Pt. 3
Jebediah Springfield starts
Jeb: Now that I’ve got some walking around money, I think I’ll do some walking around. Springfield Tire Fire… Springfield Retirement Castle… Springfield Box Factory… Springfield Spring & Field… my name’s all over this town.
Martin: Now you know the pride our citizenry feels each and every day!
Jeb: I don’t feel pride — I feel ripped off! They’re using my name and likeness on every sign! I’m going to use my precious tongue money to hire a lawyer and sue this craphole town. It’s my name and I want a taste of the action!
Make Jebediah Springfield Sue Springfield for Copyright Infringement- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
BHL: I’ve never seen a client purposely be held in contempt of court so he had a place to sleep at night, but you won the case! You now get royalties whenever your name or image is used.
Small World Problems Pt. 4
Jebediah Springfield starts
Jeb: Now to collect what’s coming to me.
Martin: Will you be reinvesting your money in the community?
Jeb: Ha! Don’t make me laugh! Seriously, don’t make me laugh. I’m 250 years old and my lungs are very brittle. I shouldn’t even be walking right now.
Make Jebediah Springfield Collect His Likeness Royalties- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
Jeb: What the?! I OWE people money! The Springfield Police Department is in the red, Springfield Elementary has debts all over town… And the Springfield Shopper Building is just made of stacked up old newspapers! Curse the name Springfield! I should’ve stuck with the name Hans Sprungfeld!
And now here’s the dialogue from some of the random side quests that will popup after you’ve finished the questlines…
If you purchase both Jeb and Shelbyville..and finish their questlines, you’ll see these appear:
Act of Agression
Shelbyville: So… are we… ghosts?
Jeb: I don’t rightly know. Perhaps this is heaven?
Shelbyville: Pfff! Heaven?! That is a hearty laugh, sir! This place is a dung heap!
Jeb: It’s not that bad!
Shelbyville: Says the guy it’s named after. I’ll give you purgatory MAYBE, but heaven? I don’t think so. This is hell.
Jeb: I’ll send you to hell!
Make Jebediah Springfield Quarrel- 4hrs, Earns $520, 140xp (Requires Shelbyville)
Shelbyville: I’m too old to quarrel.
Jeb: You’re right, this is hell…
When this is complete you’ll launch..
It’s What You Do With It
Jeb: Must we always quarrel?
Shelbyville: No we mustn’t! Now put up your fists!
Jeb: I thought we buried the hatchet those many years ago.
Shelbyville: Yes, where did we bury that hatchet. I would love to kill you with it.
Make the Founders Search for their Buried Hatchet- 4hrs, Earns $520, 140xp
Shelbyville: We should have marked where we buried it.
Jeb: I guess we’ll just have to find a different hatchet, bury that, and agree to be friends.
And finally, if you already own George Washington (or buy him at any time in the future) and purchase Jeb you’ll see this questline…
We Meet At Least
George Washington starts
George: Well, if it isn’t my lifelong nemesis, old What’s-His-Face.
Jeb: You know my name, George! It’s Jebediah Springfield. Perhaps you noticed this city is named after me.
George: Pff, a “city.” I’ve got a whole STATE named after me. And some universities, the capital, Denzel…
Jeb: I doubt they’d be so eager to name things after you if they knew your deep dark secret…That it wasn’t YOU who chopped down your fabled cherry tree — it was ME!
George: But I was covering for you, you jerk!
Jeb: And then you lied about not being able to tell a lie — that’s twice as bad!
George: Curse you, Jebediah! The next thing I chop down will be you!
Make Jebediah Springfield Hide from George Washington- 10hrs, Earns $525, 135xp (Requires George Washington)
And that my friends completes the questlines!
What are your thoughts on the Founders questline dialogue? Have you purchased them yet? Planning on it? Did the dialogue crack you up? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!