Confessions of a GOGing Tapper

There is little doubt, that EA has moved into a new “Era of the Grind.”

One might ask “what is grinding?” To which I would reply, “Hold on…I’ll tell you a soon as I clear all of my Agency Headquarters tasks.”

There are loads of definitions of the word “Grindingm” and some of which are actually clean enough to post here on a family site (I’ll wait, while you go and Google the Urban Dictionary version…).
1.(of a state) oppressive, tedious, and seemingly without end.
“grinding poverty”
2. (of a sound or motion) harsh and grating. “the group’s grinding, ear-splitting guitar”

Yeah…that sounds about right. Tedious tapping, while your phone blows through a symphonic cacophony of sounds.

Oh…and for those of you who looked up the urban dictionary versions…I can assure you that this article will NOT be covering any aspect of THAT kind of grinding.

No…this is all about a combination of definitions #1 and #2, which could be morphed into the REAL definition as it applies to TSTO, which is…
When EA allows their EALPish (EALazyassProgrammers) staff to do longer and longer main events, with shorter and shorter Quest Tasks and Dialogue, leaving us with a series of repetitive actions that slowly but surely move from “playing” the game to having the “game play us.”

Come on. Admit it. You set your timers for a four hour cycle…and are both happy that it is EAsy to “get everything” with a couple of basic tapping actions that take no more than a minute or two, and can actually be accomplished while doing almost anything else (I say almost…because it is still not advised to Grind and Drive. Pull over…it’s only takes a couple of minutes!).

If you are like most TSTO Addicts, when the game calls…you jump, BECAUSE it only takes a couple of minutes. So, yes…I have been “Guilty Of Grinding” (GOG) in situations that could otherwise expose me as a true addict of TSTO, without any real control over my actions.

Here are some recent examples of my own GOGing…and these are just the ones I remember.

At least five instances of being in a meeting with someone and saying, “Oh…hold on…I need to respond to this text…it’s my Mother.”

Now, I know what you are all saying. “How can you lie about your mother like that??”  Well, the fact is, my Mom is 85, and she DOES call me all of the time to help her “fix her Google.”  This means that she can’t log in to get to “the FaceBook” so she can find the picture that my niece posted of the my grand-neice putting baby powder on the dog…so she can print it…several times…and send copies of it to her friends by snail mail. This is only less funny by the fact that this is all true…and happened yesterday. When I asked why she doesn’t just forward the pictures to her friends, she replied “I think it is more personal to send a letter…I don’t like printing out emails…they take too long to print and read.”  But, I digress…

The fact is…until they came up with this new form of Grinding in the Surveillance Post, which requires you to tap wildly, and randomly all over your screen for 20 seconds…pretending that you were just replying to a text, was EAsy.  Now…if you use that excuse, it looks like you are REALLY ANGRY with your mother. And let’s be honest…even someone who has to take 3-5 “Fix my Google” calls a day shouldn’t be THAT angry with his mother.

So, yes, using the “I have to return this text,” routine to GOG, has become a little more dangerous. Especially when you are in the middle of a presentation at your local Rotary Club, and the alarm starts going off (silent vibrating) in your front pocket…and you KNOW you shouldn’t answer it…but also know it will take less than a minute to answer. And so, you decide to “GIVE IN TO THE GOG (GITTGOG) and actually try to complete the Grinding Cycle, WHILE continuing your presentation on the latest activities of “Friends of Buyijja.”

I know. I acted on impulse…not common sense.

This takes the kind of concentration that really far surpasses most athletic achievements, because it requires you to use the “pat your tummy while rubbing your head” exercise that was fun when you were kid (you can also do the ADVANCED version of rub your tummy left-handed while tapping your head right handed) a kind of brain over physical reaction.

This actual GOG event was at the EXPERT GOG LEVEL (don’t try this at home without supervision) and  required technical skills,  some “sleight of hand” and a whole lot of luck.

Here’s the play-byplay.

As my cell phone alarm began buzzing (and the buzzer on the iPhone 6s+ is REALLY obvious when wedged into your front pants pocket), I was in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation on the drought conditions in the village we sponsor in Buyijja. I didn’t panic.  I kept talking, but did the “Turn and Look At The Screen” move, to emphasize and draw attention to what I was talking about (all of the best Ted Talks presenters use this one).  As I turned, I reached into my pocket, and simultaneously hit the button to turn off the alarm, and set the phone on the lectern in front of me.

Now, turning back to the crowd, I appeared to reach for my computer to jog the next slide, but in fact was doing that with the mouse in my left hand, as I tapped the TSTO icon on my phone with my right hand.  It takes a couple of seconds to open, including another tap to get through the log-in…but I didn’t miss a beat.

Now this is where it gets tricky.  A ROOKIE GOGer would not be able to do the 13-15 taps it takes to clear the Security Center of tasks, and then start the next 4-hour cycle, without ALSO instinctively tapping the mouse/PowerPoint slide controller 15 times at the same time ( I do NOT recommend this when giving a presentation, unless you mistakenly had random pictures “of a personal nature” inserted into your Power Point and need to cycle through them). But, no worries…I am completely ambidextrous due to guitar and piano training that requires one hand to do something while the other does something completely different. But, I admittedly DID do it in time to a Beat…tapping 12 times with my right hand quickly, while shuffling through 3 slides of the kids gathering water, on the “Downbeat” of what turned out to be three, 4/4 measures.  (Are you starting to see why my wife doesn’t ask me “how did your day go?” anymore?).

So…GOG Part One was EAsy.  But now…the damnable part II of the 4-hour Grind…Doing the Drone Surveillance and clearing the bad guys in 20 seconds was looming.

I knew I had a section of the presentation coming up that was going to make this one EAsy. But, I was still about a minute away.  I launched into the “Why we Give” part of the Uganda presentation…keeping an eye on my phone to make sure it didn’t go into “sleep mode” and require another log-in.  I got up to the “many ways that people can donate”…and finally…victory was mine! I got to the part where I play the music video of my wife’s class singing the song I wrote about Buyijja…and I knew that all eyes were on the screen as the kids sang, and video of the kids in the Buyijja School singing “Peace, Hope, Love” melted their hearts. I looked down at my phone, grabbed it, and did the “Mad/Crazy/Tapping the Screen Wildly” bit required to get 30-40 bad guys…put the phone back in my pocket and turned to the crowd, just as I was finishing….as I struggled to wipe the smug smile from my face.

GOGing…like a PRO.

Yes…there was one lady in the front row who gave me a “what in the hell are you doing” look, who was at just the right angle to see what I was doing to my phone. But, hey…there were like 75 people in the room…and I figured if she was bold enough to ASK what I was doing, I’d just tell her that my Mom was texting me about “the Google” and I lost it.

Look. I’m not proud of my GOGing. It just is what it is. And we GOG because we “WANT EVERYTHING.”  Hell…I don’t even remember what the prizes are anymore. I just know that I’m going to grab my phone every 4 hours and tap a for a minute or less (some of these GOG events can be done in less than 30 seconds if you are rEAlly concentrating), and I WILL get everything…whatever that is.

Are aware of your own GOGing?  Is GOGing a part of your daily life?  Have you been able to fight off the urge to go look up the Urban Definition of Grinding?  Do you now want to wash your eyes out with soapy water?

OK. Back to work.  I only have a few more minutes until my phone goes off again.

50 responses to “Confessions of a GOGing Tapper

  1. Why does the agency has still have an icon floating over it, even after I’ve tapped everyone and sent them on their missions?

  2. During the work day, my phone is either in my pants pocket or on the desk in my treatment room (I’m a chiropractor ). More often than not I forget to mute notifications and out of nowhere my staff, or the patient getting treated hears “Visitors! Better put on pants!” or “Push notification”.

    They crack up, and I blame our son for “playing games on my phone” 😉

  3. You say you put your phone in your pocket and the ring is annoying.

    Once upon a time our department secretary told me that she kept her phone in her front pocket so that was always accessible if someone called her.

    I, innocently, asked her if she set it to ring or vibrate.

    We are still friends.

  4. Your post are great. I am guilty of this as well. It is funny when you do this and so do your three kids at the dinner table all trying to be secret about it then suddenly realize what we were all actually doing!

    • Josephine Kick@$$

      We had that problem at Sunday morning family breakfast. Now it’s no phones at the table for that meal 😊 Funny, I was just as guilty, my son & I would text funny pics to each other from across the table 😂😂😂

  5. Nice song Patric – Mirembe, Suubi, and Kwagala to you.

  6. lmao yesterday while reading this, thinking this could never happen to me, since I usually only tap mornings and evenings, not during working hours. Until I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the loo and, still half asleep, took my pad along to reset the jobs and the scan. Major GOG moment…

    • OMG! I did that this morning. O:dark-thirty awoken by trying to cough up a lung bc I have bronchitis and went to use the bathroom and took my tablet with me. And I must say, going to the loo seems much posher than how we say it in the States.

      • lol – I am not british, but I suspect that posh people don’t go to the loo. Not in those words, at least 😉

        And I hope you feel better soon!

      • Josephine Kick@$$

        Oh yes, we do have some colorful ways to express the need to/describe the whole process of, elimination 😂 I don’t think this is the appropriate place for me to list… ugh, was just thinking of a few terms. On to the next subject please 😂😂😂😂

  7. Josephine Kick@$$

    😂😂😂 Shame on you, using your mother as an excuse when hiding your addiction! Next time abruptly excuse yourself to the restroom mumbling something about diverticulitis. 😊 Great read, I hope your presentation was as successful as your GOGing 😂

  8. The ultimate in grinding has to be going from 1.4 Billion to 2.0 Billion in Springfield Heights. So far, it has been about a year of constant tapping and clearing and putting into storage. I am only about 25 Million away (about a week) then … I am done!

  9. Agent P, is that your idea of a covert operation? You should have quote unquote silenced that woman.–M 😉

  10. i can tap my head and rub my belly with either hand as well.

  11. Oh, I thought this would have something to do with

    That’s just as bad.

  12. I just unlocked James Bont and he is voiced like Sean Connery. Simply Hilarious! I am also loving the screaming caterpillar and the 3 nerds. I usually play TSTO with the sound off 90% of the time but this event’s music and all of the new sound bytes will decrease that percentage dramatically!

  13. I don’t usually read the article from You all… just the ones “should You spend donuts…..” …. but after reading Yours…. i think i will take the time to read them now…. thanks for the chuckles…..

  14. I’m taking a short vacation, unfortunately somewhere there is no Wifi or cell phone signal! I hate when that happens in the middle of these events!!!

  15. ordinarilybob

    LOL Patric, that was great! I appreciate the condition and wish you best of luck in your addiction.

    I don’t set alarms for my grinding… I just get in my event resets at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before bed. Those events are roughly 4-6hrs apart. I’m just about to get Dentz, which is a couple days ahead of the Calendar, so this is working for me. Of course, I’m a premium player with all those extra characters, which I’m sure helps.

  16. Seriously the best thing I’ve read on the internet today! Thanks for the laugh.

  17. Perhaps a silly question but what is the spawn rate for the Tan Men? Just curious if I’d get more if I cleared them say ever hour as opposed to every 4 hours, or will there be the same amount regardless? I’m behind on this act just looking for ways to catch up.

    • From this recent post:
      “They generate at a rate of 1 every 10 minutes. But, you can’t have more than 15 in your town at a time…with 15 in the bank. You earn 12 Cheap Intel (CI…as in CIA without the A…or the EA….clever huh?). So….in the course of 4 hours, you will have 15 if you don’t log in more than 4 hours (because of the limitation) or 24 if you log in to clear a few. As they won’t spawn more than 1/10 minutes…fretting about keeping the town clear is kinda useless. You will receive a message that looks like this when you “Max Out On Men In Tan” (MOOMIT).

      So…in short…to get the max number of CI, log in to wipe out the MIT at least every four hours…but at least once randomly at the two hour mark to get those in your bank. You’ll know when you have reached MOOMIT when you get the MOOMIT message (MOOMITM).”

    • Check the math post- it’s all there.

  18. I forgot to “GOG” while enjoying Umphrey’s McGee in Milwakee for my birthday this weekend so I’m now behind. I’ll catch up, I’m sure.

  19. It was my birthday over the weekend and I forgot to tap while enjoying my birthday three night umphrey’s mcgee concert so I’m behind. But I woke up at 6am to “catch up” today, so I’ll be all good by the end I’m sure.

  20. Thanks Patric for the hilarious post. I needed a good laugh to help me forget about my craptastic morning. I just got the Screamapillar Fountain and placed it next to Mt. Fuji, so now I’ll continue to giggle every four hours!😆

  21. Just EL O EL OMG…😂😂😂 so funny, love hearing about parents and the Internet too, awesome article Patric.

  22. Very enjoyable read, Patric. Thank you! It’s all too familiar to me too, though I don’t set an alarm anymore; my instincts now tell me to check the game and it’s always just about at the four hour mark. I have been successfully conditioned by EA!

  23. Loved your article, Patric, and I think we dedicated Tappers can all relate to your tale, although we are probably not as masterful at executing it as you are. GOG’ing runs my daily life, especially during events like this one. My family is sadly resigned to waiting to leave home/waiting in the car/waiting in a restaurant/waiting in a store for “just for a minute” so I can re-start my people on their jobs. However, I usually get all of the event rewards, so my/their sacrifice is worth it. 🙂

  24. Certain mornings I have very little time before going out and starting my day, so on those mornings I will be seen at the breakfast table randomly tapping while trying to keep eye contact with those at the table. The trick is being able to look at a focal point between those wanting your attention and the device that truly has your attention.

    I’ve also found for the drone/robots/any mad dash tapping event, its easier to use my whole hand and tap with multiple fingers. I get away with it as its on a tablet and I say I’m typing a note/reminder.

  25. Loved this article, Patric! My internal clock is set for every four hours during these events. Fun, but crazy!

  26. I’m thinking the programmers got tired of all the whining when they tried different things and confused people. Admittedly the number of convoluted tasks seemed unnecessary and amounted to “Jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton” but more creative approaches could be used.

  27. This made me laugh so much Patric😂. I confess to being a sad GOG Tapper. I have my toilet breaks at work to coincide with my town clearing. Why not? If the smokers and vapers can have breaks, so can I. At least mine is not harming my health….or is it? 😂. Thanks for a great read……💜X

  28. Looks like we may have a little less grinding to do . EA has increased the payout of the blue stuff.

    • Didn’t increase the payout..they increase the drop rate. BUT the decreased the amount you get each time. Instead of 2 you get 1, but the increased the drop rate from 10% to 60%. Which also means in Acts 2 and 3 they’ve cut those in half. So honestly, the result is closely to being the same…but you see them more often so people will be happier. But really little-no increase overall.

      • Ok fine but I have definitely seen my total go up quicker than it has been but may just have been lucky. Time will tell.

      • EV is .6 now intead of .2. This will be substantial to the marginal player.

  29. There was a mini update today. So far I saw they added a bonus % on the Globex Balloons. I didn’t see anything else that changed.

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