State of Despair Premium Questline: Judge Harm

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

After a week hiatus, we finally have some new content in Springfield!  A new mini-event went live in our games…State of Despair.   New event means new premium characters in our stores, and they generally come loaded with their own interesting questline.

With the State of Despair mini-event arrives Judge Harm.  A no-nonsense Judge, complete with her own entertaining questline.  Let’s take a look at the full dialogue questline for Judge Harm, and see just what happens when we get into Harm’s way

Into Harm’s Way Pt. 1
Judge Harm starts

Squeaky Voice Teen: All rise for the honorable Judge Constance Harm!
Judge Harm: Rise higher! Use the provided step stools! Yes, that’s the stuff. You may now be seated. Before we begin adjudication, Defendant, is there anything you would like to say to the court?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Judge Harm: Order! Order in the court! Do you have a reply, Plaintiff?
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Judge Harm: Bailiff, I know toddlers are fully capable of representing themselves in court. But babies?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Court orders. You’re too harsh on adults and too mean for children. We are hoping Baby Court will be just right for you.
Make Judge Harm Sternly Contemplate Babies- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
Judge Harm: Sorry, I don’t have baby fever. Just dengue, yellow, and cat-scratch.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Judge Harm: Dancing baby? Nah, still feel nothing.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Judge Harm: Now there’s a baby after my own withered heart. Let’s hear your case, Plaintiff.

Into Harm’s Way Pt. 2
Judge Harm starts

Judge Harm: Where are the babies’ lawyers? There should be one behind each snack table.
Lisa: Maggie! There you are. How did you get yourself arrested?
Bart: Aw, baby court. This brings back memories.
Judge Harm: You two tiny adults. You will be these itsy-bitsy adults’ lawyers. I hope for their sake you’ve passed the bar.
Bart: I’ve snuck into a bar. Does that count?
Make Judge Harm Assign Lawyers to the Case- 4hrs, $260, 70xp
Judge Harm: Children, I’ve written down everything you need to know about being a lawyer on this card.
Lisa: It just says – “Settle.” Hmm…
Judge Harm: I can tell that you have the moral compass of a defense attorney. You shall defend Maggie. Now you, sir, how do you feel about recklessly wielding your disproportionate amount of power and determining people’s fates on a whim?
Bart: Sounds like my dream job!
Judge Harm: Prosecutor it is! You’re hired!

Into Harm’s Way Pt. 3
Judge Harm starts

Judge Harm: What are these babies’ crimes? Except the obvious ones of being on an airplane or eating in public.
Squeaky Voice Teen: I saw these two babies fighting over a lollipop. I turned my head for one moment and then poof the candy was gone and Baby Gerald was crying.
Judge Harm: That’s proof enough for me. Guilty!
Lisa: Objection your honor!
Judge Harm: But I already banged my gavel! It’s the second best part of my job, after Meatball Mondays.
Lisa: My client has the right to plead her case! And to change her diaper.
Judge Harm: Fine. Bailiff, assist in changing the defendant’s diaper. I’d help, but I’ve got important work to do.
Make Judge Harm Sharpen Pencils- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
Judge Harm: Alright Maggie, if that’s your real name, let’s hear your side of the crime.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: My client says that while she was in the park, both she and Baby Gerald found an unattended lollipop, which they then fought over.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Bart: Objection! My client says that he saw the lollipop first. It’s a classic finders keepers scenario.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: Everyone knows that finders keepers is predicated on touch, not sight. Maggie touched the lolly first. She is the finder, ergo the keeper.
Judge Harm: This would make some riveting daytime TV. But what happened to the lollipop?

Into Harm’s Way Pt. 4
Judge Harm starts

Judge Harm: Unless we produce this contested property, I can’t make my ruling. Wait a minute! I’ve got it! Babies stick out your tongues. Drat. They’re just tongue color.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: Oh! Maggie says Mr. Burns was in the park. Maybe he saw who stole the lollipop!
Judge Harm: It’s subpoena time!
Bart: Wow, the court lets you have balloons and sparklers?
Judge Harm: I have to pay for it out of pocket, but it’s worth it!
Make Judge Harm Hand Out Subpoenas- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Lisa: I call to the stand Montgomery Burns. Mr. Burns, who stole the lollipop in the park?
Mr. Burns: Oh, candy gets stolen from a baby and now everyone looks toward the town’s only known baby candy thief. Is there no justice?
Bart: Permission to treat this witness as hostile?
Judge Harm: Granted.
Bart: Show us the lolly, you old dirt bag! Or Bobo gets it.
Mr. Burns: Nooo! It wasn’t me. I swear. I was at a benefit to save the ocean from the whales.
Judge Harm: Mr. Burns, I’ve just been informed that you have threatened to start a lengthy and expensive judicial impeachment campaign. Unrelated, you are free to go.

Into Harm’s Way Pt. 5
Judge Harm starts

Judge Harm: I guess we’re back to that classic conundrum: who’s the guiltier baby?
Bart: Not so fast, your honor. There was one more person in that park that day.
Lisa: Is Bart figuring out something before me?
Bart: There was also–
Squeaky Voice Teen: I confess, I stole the lollypop from the babies. I wanted to feel like a big man but now I want MY mommy. *dramatically weeps into a soggy handkerchief*
Bart: Aw, you ruined my dramatic reveal.
Judge Harm:: Another inside job, another case closed. Maybe I should do a better job vetting my employees…But I must say, I’ve grown fond of these babies. Maybe one day I’ll become an aunt and occasionally send age-inappropriate gifts to my niece. But today, I will keep my kindness to the sentencing.
Make Judge Harm Pass a Lenient Sentence- 24hrs, Earns $1000, 225xp
Judge Harm: In the case of Maggie Simpson vs. Baby Gerald, I find the Bailiff guilty of willful candy theft. I hearby sentence you community service: free babysitting to all who need it. Including these two – where are their parents?
Quimby: Judge Constance Harm, may I call you Constance?
Judge Harm: No.
Quimby: I like your style. Bitter on the outside, but also bitter on the inside. Like a solid 90% dark chocolate bar. Are you interested in a promotion?
Judge Harm: Finally, yes!
Quimby: I’m moving you to Critter Court. The only all-animal court this side of the Mississippi. Whichever side that might be.

Young at Heart Pt. 1
Judge Harms starts

Judge Harm: I sentence you to four weeks of Pinterest parenting.
Homer: I can’t create that much whimsy! I wouldn’t even know how to Bento a box!
Judge Harm: Perhaps you’ll think twice before bouncing all the castle out of that bounce castle.
Homer: You shouldn’t be allowed to operate a business in America if you aren’t prepared for an obese man.
Judge Harm: The law is the law and I’m not above it. Except when I’m on an airplane – then it’s sky law.
Make Homer Create Magical Memories- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Bart: Dad, get me another grilled cheese in the shape of Texas.
Lisa: Dad, where’s my hand-sewn beautifully designed Arbor Day costume?
Marge: And what about that indoor trellis with distressed beams and paper flowers for our family portraits?
Homer: Ugh, this punishment combines my three least favorite things: effort, parenting, and documenting.

Young at Heart Pt. 2
Judge Harms starts

Homer: Maggie, you won’t judge me if I don’t make your childhood perfect. Because you still love me no matter what.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Homer: A bejeweled pacifier? Are you sure I can’t just give you candy?
Judge Harm: You better make that candy from scratch or it’s jail for you!
Homer: *sigh* I’ll get out the glue gun and sequins.
Make Homer Bejewel- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Homer: Children have it too good these days. Nobody doted on me and I turned out fine.
Lisa: Dad, do you think you’ll get unstuck from the doorway soon? I need to use the bathroom.
Homer: Daddy has to wait until he panic sweats off some weight, sweetie. Use the sink

And this concludes the premium questline for Judge Harm…the only premium addition to the State of Despair mini-event.

Thoughts on the questlines?  Did you buy Judge Harm?  Thoughts on the dialogue? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

3 responses to “State of Despair Premium Questline: Judge Harm

  1. Thanks a lot Alissa! I enjoyed the questline 🙂

  2. JUDGE HARM: Oh, I can’t resist that look.
    You remind me of me when I was a little boy.
    BART: Your Honor, it’s not easy being my parents.
    I’m always screwing up in school and getting in trouble with the law.
    But if I grow up to be a halfway-decent person, I know it’ll be because of my mom and dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will.
    LISA: (SNIFF) That’s my brother.
    SNAKE: Um, did she say she used to be a dude?

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