Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
It’s update time in Springfield! And after 8 years of TSTO, we’re finally tackling Black History Month! No time like the present for EA, huh? What’s in store for us this time? Well, we’re tasked with finding out the history of Dr. Hibbert, Carl, Lou, and the Simpson Family! Loads of dialogue with this one, so be sure to read along to see what happens! And of course, I’ll be posting it as each week wraps up.
From the Mouth of Abes Pt. 1
Quimby: Officer Lou, please accept this medal of honor… or bravery… or something. I can’t read the font.
Wiggum: Hey, I was there too!
Quimby: Here is a coupon for five percent off all kazoos at King Toot’s.
Wiggum: *impressed noise*
Quimby: Well, we’ve honored our hero for Black History Month. My job here is done. I’m going to Cabo.
Grampa: Hold it right there! I happen to know a great Black Springfieldian who deserves to be honored.
Quimby: For the last time, Disco Stu is not black. I believe he is Armenian.
Grampa: I’m talking about my ancestor, Virgil Simpson, ya idjit!
Homer: Sorry. He’s a little senile. I assure you, no Simpson ever did anything great.
Grampa: He invented an old timey pastry called wheel cakes, or as we know them today – donuts!
Homer: *gasp* Everyone shut up and listen to the story of the greatest man who ever lived!
Make Everyone Listen to Grampa- x3.
Collect Jelly Donuts- x350.
Grampa: Virgil was a man of many talents. Fiddle player, singer, pastry chef, and occasional moonshiner. But he felt his talents weren’t appreciated on the plantation of Colonel Wainwright Burns, on account of the non-existent pay and all. So he scrammed himself outta there with the help of the ladies from the Simpson family; Eliza and Mabel.
Lisa: Abolitionist women in my family. How exciting!
Grampa: Simpson women are always the salt of the earth. Whereas the Simpson men are usually the fat of the land.
Homer: Is that a fat joke at my expense?
Grampa: Not at all, son. *whispers to Lisa* They’re stupid too.
From the Mouth of Abes Pt. 2
Grampa: With Colonel Burns looking for him, Virgil and Mabel ran away from the South, and traveled north via the Underground Railroad, or as it’s known today, the New York City Subway System.
Lisa: Grampa, that’s not what that is!
Grampa: Who’s telling this story, short stuff? You or me?
Lisa: You are.
Grampa: I am? Why didn’t anybody tell me! Where was I?
Lisa: The Underground Railroad.
Grampa: Right. Virgil and Mabel were about to take the two train to the four, five all the way to freedom. But he got waylaid in a small town and met some circus folk who promised to hide them from the law.
Make Abe Simpson Point Out the Route on a NYC Subway Map–4hrs
Collect Jelly Donuts- x375. Opera Krusty: Look pal, you can hide here with us. But you’re gonna have to blend in a little better.
Virgil Simpson:You want me to put on white face to look like a clown? Isn’t that a little offensive to white people? And clowns?
Bart: I don’t remember Virgil joining the circus.
Homer: Quiet boy! I want your Grampa to get to the good part. A borderline erotic description of those fried wheel cakes.
From the Mouth of Abes Pt. 3
Grampa: As I was saying, Virgil joined the circus and traveled with them, performing as their clown MC.
Bart: MC like a rapper?
Grampa: It stands for Master of Ceremonies!
Virgil Simpson: Fellas and ladies / Old folks and babies / Hold onto your seats / Cuz this show is ca-razy!
Bart: Are you sure he wasn’t a rapper?
Grampa: He might’ve invented rap music. I dunno.
Bart: I bet he also fought robots. It’s Virgil Simpson vs. Crematorium Bot! In a fight for the Intergalactic Time Travel Championship Belt!
Grampa: Stop hijacking my dadgum flashback!
Make Bart Doodle Crematorium Bot–4hrs
Collect Jelly Donuts- x375.
Grampa: Eventually, Virgil and Mabel had to leave the circus because the fuzz was hot on their tail.
Homer: Enough about your hot tail fuzz, old man! Get to the donuts!
Grampa: I’m getting to the meaty parts, fatty. Slow your roll!
Homer: Mmmmm… fatty, meaty parts on a roll.
Grampa: Anywho, Virgil and Mabel were hiding out in an abandoned laudanum factory, and starving.
Mabel Simpson: If we don’t eat soon, I just might faint. And where would I do it? There’s not a fainting couch in sight!
Virgil Simpson: I searched around this factory and found us a little flour, yeast, molasses, butter, shortening, milk, and two lightly beaten eggs. Maybe I can make us something.
From the Mouth of Abes Pt. 4
Mabel Simpson: Mmmm! These so-called wheel cakes are delicious! Who knew food could have a hole in it? What a world!
Virgil Simpson: Indeed. I hope to open up a store and share my wheel cakes with the world someday. Perhaps when racism has been defeated after this Civil War. Or we can just go do it in Canada now.
Mabel Simpson: O Canada! *kisses*
Grampa: And when they kissed, it sounded like this. *kissing noises*
Make Marge Tell Grampa to Cool It With the Sound Effects–4hrs
Collect Jelly Donuts- x400.
Marge: You can leave out some details. There are children listening.
Grampa: They gotta learn sometime. Where do you think you come from, boy?
Bart: Reverend Lovejoy said the bowels of hell.
Grampa: Sounds about right!
From the Mouth of Abes Pt. 5
Grampa: So Virgil and Mabel made it to Canada, where he was a free man. They got married, and had a little boy. My great-great-grandfather, Abraham Simpson. Virgil spent the rest of his days revolutionizing the donut game.
Virgil Simpson: I finally did it. I’ve found a way to put jam inside of the wheel cake. Now, you can rot twice as many teeth at once.
Make Homer Crave Jelly Donuts–4hrs
Collect Jelly Donuts- x475.
Grampa: …and the rest is history.
Lisa: Oh, Dad. Are you moved by the tale of your ancestor’s heroism?
Homer: No. I’m sad that there aren’t donuts here for me to eat right now. Why is life so cruel?
Thoughts on the Act 4 dialogue? The storyline for the event as a whole? Ready for what’s next? Think EA will raise the item limits with the next event? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!