Super Safi’s Substitute Post – Parenting Quotes

Salutations Simpsons Superfans,

(Today’s post is sponsored by the letter “S”)


With Alissa off for a little while, and me substituting as the head addict, I’ll be throwing in some random posts and hoping the website doesn’t crash on my watch.

For today’s post, here are my favourite The Simpsons quotes about parenting:


Homer: “Son, a woman is a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.



Homer: “Books are useless: I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird” – and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?



Homer: “Well, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.



Bart: “I’m done working. Working is for chumps.

Homer: “Son, I’m proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.



Homer: “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.



Homer: “Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.



Homer: “I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.



Homer: “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.



Homer: “Oh my god, I don’t know jack about my boy! I’m a bad father!

Selma: “You’re also fat!

Homer: “I’m also fat!



Homer: “Ahh, now to spend some quality time away from my family.



Homer: “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.



Homer: “C’mon Marge, we’re a team. It’s ‘uter-us’ not ‘uter-you.’



Bart: “Homer, your half-assed underparenting was much easier to put up with than your half-assed overparenting.

Homer: “But I’m using my whole ass!



Homer: “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.



Homer: “The key to parenting is don’t overthink it. Because overthinking leads to … what were we talking about?



Bart: “Dad, I can’t believe you’re risking MY life to save your own.

Homer: “Son, you’ll understand one day, when you have kids.



Homer: “Marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail.



Edna: “Those two boys of yours weren’t delivered by the stork.
Flanders: “Yes they were. We deliberately chose a Doctor Stork so we could say it without lying.


7) Marge: “We don’t have room for another child.

Homer: “We’ll let Bart sleep in Lisa’s room until he leaves home.

Marge: “Won’t that warp him?

Homer: “It didn’t warp my Uncle Frank.

Marge: “What happened to him?

Homer: “He joined that Cult. I think he’s Mother Shabooboo now.



Homer: “It’s always something isn’t it Lisa? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital to give birth to you and now this!



Homer: “Well, it’s 1 am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.



Homer: “Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That’s how I was raised, and I turned out TV.



Homer: “Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to hate what you hate! And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all.



Homer: “Lisa, come back before everyone finds out what a horrible father I am!



Homer: “Don’t let Krusty’s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!




Which ones did you remember? Which is your favourite? Any other quotes about parenting you prefer? What’s your favourite parenting scene on The Simpsons? Sound off in the comments below. You know we love hearing from you.

8 responses to “Super Safi’s Substitute Post – Parenting Quotes

  1. From the movie. One of my favorites. Makes me laugh every time.

    Todd: I wish Homer was my father.
    Ned: And I wish you didn’t have the devil’s curly hair.
    Todd: (starts crying)

  2. Safi you made my day !!!!
    I liked in no particular order : 1, 2, 7, 9, 10, 20, 21.

    BUT THE BEST ONE WAS : # 6. I can’t stop laughing every time I think about it.
    Thanks for all your hard work..😎

  3. Marge Simpson – “We are not staying at Moe’s! Maggie’s already drunk on the fumes. And she’s a mean drunk!’ 😅

    Marge Simpson – “If someone did eat Bart’s shorts they’d have a tummy full of pocket garbage!” 😂

    Marge Simpson ….. never underestimate the Mother

  4. It could replace #6, which is duplicated as #2. 😁

  5. Homer: It’s always something isn’t it Lisa? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital to give birth to you and now this

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