Red Alert Full Dialogue: Panic at the Silo

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

It’s officially the last day of the Red Alert mini-event, it ends tomorrow (February 2nd) at 9am ET.  So make sure you finish it up so you don’t miss out! As we always do when an event winds down, it’s now time to take a look at the hilarious dialogue for this event…just in case you missed it by tapping to fast.

So here’s the full dialogue for the Red Alert mini-event main questline…

Duck and Wonder
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Raid Siren: AROOGA! AROOGA!
Marge: What’s that alarm that’s going off?
Homer: I think it means the next Squid Game is about to start! Sorry Marge, but I’m only teaming up with men.
Lisa: Actually I just got a text alert from Springfield. It says there’s an incoming nuclear missile! It’s kinda weird they added the googly eyes emoji.
Marge: How long do we have?
Lisa: The alert says thirty minutes.
Marge: Isn’t that a long time for a missile to hit?
Lisa: Things tend to take a long time in games with premium currency…
Maka Lisa Count to Three– 6s
Make Homer Find Men to Join His Squid Game Team– 6s
Lisa: Just twenty-eight minutes until the missile hits!
Ned: Oh no! Has anyone else checked their phone? This is horrible!
Marge: We already heard about the nuclear missile.
Ned: What nuclear missile? I’m talking about the voicemail I got that my car warranty is expiring!

Panic at the Silo Pt. 1
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Bart: So are we supposed to evacuate?
Quimby: No, please shelter in place! We need to keep the roads clear so I can deploy my mobile command center and monitor the explosion from as far away as possible.
Marge: So there’s no one here who will actually help us?
The General: Have no fear, the military is always here! As long as those sweet appropriations bills keep rolling in.
Make Springfielders Be Impressed by The General– x5. 1hr
Make Milhouse Bugle Reveille to Welcome The General- 3hrs
Make Quimby Break Speeding Laws Driving Out of Town– 4hrs
Collect Air Raid Sirens-  x155.  4hrs.
The General: Hello Springfielders! I am The General, and I’ve been sent to oversee the military response to the missile.
Carl: Oh cool! You’re gonna shoot down the missile with that trillion-dollar anti-missile system I always read about in the papers, but we never actually see!
The General:Sorry, not going to see it this time either.
Frink: Because the missile was fired from a location the anti-missile system doesn’t cover?
The General: More like because we never built any anti-missile system.
Frink: What?!
Carl: So where’d the money go?
The General: Can I interest any of you in a free commemorative 24 karat gold Leon Panetta bobblehead?

Panic at the Silo Pt. 2
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Herman: Like I’ve been telling you for years: the government’s not gonna protect you, you gotta protect yourself!
Skinner: We’re safe. Mother made me line our basement with tin foil.
Herman: I’m talking about the incoming missile! Do you want to survive to live out your days in a post-apocalyptic wasteland? Then you need…the Withstandinator.
Homer: Wow, that’s a pretty sweet bomb shelter! How much?
Herman: Priced to sell — only slightly more than a Richard Mille watch.
Homer: I think we’re gonna have to look for an alternative means of survival.
Lisa: Lord help me. I’m logging onto the InfoWars store.
Make Lisa Block Pop-up Ads for Male Supplements– 2hrs
Make Herman Pitch the Withstandinator to Springfielders- 4hrs
Collect Air Raid Sirens-  x155.  4hrs.
Smithers: As much as I hated to, I just sold my Richard Mille watch. So I’ll take the Withstandinator, please.
Herman: Sorry, just sold it.
Smithers: To whom?
Burns: I forgot to ask when purchasing, but do you have a rewards card?
Smithers: Mr. Burns? I would’ve thought you already had a bomb shelter!
Burns: I do. But I’d rather not trust my life to a product sold by the InfoWars store.

Panic at the Silo Pt. 3
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Stacy Lovell: Joe! What are you doing here?
Joe: I know we haven’t spoken since the divorce, but with the missile approaching, I was thinking maybe we could spend our final moments doing something fun!
CBG: Why are we stopping if snacks aren’t involved?
Joe: Come with us, baby! I’ve got the honeymoon suite reserved at the Mountaintop Command Post. It’ll be fun…
Stacy Lovell: Get in line. You’re the third of my five ex-husbands to contact me about “spending our final moments doing something fun” in the last ten minutes.
Dr. Colossus: Hey Stacy! I know we haven’t spoken since the divorce, but with the nuclear missile approaching, I was thinking maybe we could spend our final moments doing something fun! You know, like test-firing the “Colossal Ray Gun”?
Stacy Lovell: I need to be more selective about who I marry.
Make Springfielders Become Too Exhausted to Follow Joe– x5. 1hr
Make Stacy Lovell Update Her Match.com Profile- 6hrs
Make Joe Cancel The Honeymoon Suite– 6hrs
Collect Air Raid Sirens-  x115.  4hrs.
CBG: *gasp* Too…much…walk!
Barney: *wheeze* Can’t…make it. Mountain…too tall.
Joe: But we’re not even to the mountain yet!

Panic at the Silo Pt. 4
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Marge: The missile’s getting closer!
Lisa: What are we gonna do?
Homer: Don’t worry, I’ve built us a missile shelter! Who says the patriarchy is dead?
Bart: Uh, Dad, that shelter is a cardboard refrigerator box.
Homer: Apparently SOMEONE is unfamiliar with the property tax ordinance that any backyard structure made of concrete counts as a “livable space” and adds to your taxable square footage.
Lisa: This shelter doesn’t even have a toilet.
Homer: “Livable space”.
Marge: Or an air supply.
Homer: “Livable space”.
Bart: Or an entrance.
Homer: D’oh!
Make Homer Cut Out an Entrance for the Shelter– 2hrs
Collect Air Raid Sirens-  x115.  4hrs.
Wiggum: So you’re saying a man stole your new refrigerator?
Ned: No, he stole the BOX!
Wiggum: So you have your new refrigerator?
Ned: Not so “new” without the box!
Wiggum: Look, there’s a nuclear missile coming, I really don’t have time for this.
Ned: Easy for you to say. YOU don’t have to shoot this week’s video for “Ned’s Appliance Unboxings” channel with a boxless refrigerator!

Panic at the Silo Pt. 5
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The General: Springfield residents, form a single file line and follow me!
Marge: Finally, someone’s going to save us!
The General: Not save you, but the next best thing: let you watch your enemies get annihilated after they’ve annihilated you! I present to you the previously classified Springfield missile silo.
Bart: Why’s it empty?
The General: What the—?!? Lemme check the missile logs…well, this is embarrassing. Apparently we rented out the missile to Richard Branson this morning so he could fly higher than Jeff Bezos.
Frink: So we’re not in danger after all? The missile headed for Springfield is just Richard Branson returning it?
The General: No, Richard Branson appears to have changed the course of the missile to splash down in the Thames.
Make The General Cuss Up a Storm- 2hrs
Make Springfielders Celebrate Being Alive- x5. 4hrs
Collect Air Raid Sirens-  x200.  4hrs.
The General: Good news, everyone! We were able to remotely deactivate the missile via the Find My Missile app. The threat is now over.
Marge: Phew! For a moment there I was really worried Springfield would be wiped out again!
Homer: Would’ve been great.
Marge: Great? Why?
Homer: So we could film a new opening cut scene that doesn’t make me look like a moron! “Don’t worry about the opening cut scene,” they said. “The game won’t last longer than a few months,” they said. “Barely anyone will even see the scene,” they said. That was 2012. 2012!

The Day After…Nothing Happened
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Quimby: General, as a token of our gratitude for your service to Springfield, I hereby present you with a key fob to the city.
The General: Um, thanks. It’s so…small.
Milhouse: Could you hold it up? None of us in the crowd can see it.
Wiggum: What happened to the keys to the city we used to give out?
Quimby: That’s ancient technology! This will be much easier for him to use.
Marge: You do realize that keys to the city are ceremonial, right?
Ned: Hey! The lights in my house just flashed twice and now I’m locked out!
Make The General Accidentally Set Off Ned’s Home Alarm- 1hr
Make Quimby Cancel Order for More Honorary Key Fobs- 1hr
Marge: Thanks for your help, General! Come back and visit us in Springfield soon!
The General: Oh, I’m not leaving yet. I’m sticking around to do some recruitment.
Marge: Nice. Where are you staying?
The General: I’ll probably just let myself in and stay on your couch. Could you leave me some towels?

And there you have it my friends, the full dialogue for the Red Alert mini-event!

Final thoughts on the event?  Dialogue? Which prize was your favorite?  What do you think we’ll see next?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!