Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Well as the 4th of July Event comes to a close we thought now would be a fun time to take a look back at the dialogue you may have missed from the event while tapping.
Now, what’s the 4th of July with out a little reminder of the movie Independence Day? As we see the return of Kang this 4th of July…
So now enough delay…let’s get to walking shall we?
Monetization Liberation Pt. 1
Homer starts (Auto)
Homer: It’s the 4th of July! Time to grab my secret stash of illegal fireworks from their hiding place!
Lisa: You kept a box of fireworks hidden behind the basement furnace?
Homer: Yes, but, see, I put this this heavy can of gasoline on top of the box, so that if any ka-booms happened, the explodey parts wouldn’t be able to get out. Safe!
Lisa: You’re a nuclear safety engineer, right?
Homer: …*Long Pause* Yes.
Lisa: You had to think about that a long time.
Homer: I did. Anyway, time to “inspect” some of these little guys in the backyard! Ka-boom!
Make Homer “Safety Inspect” Fireworks- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Lisa: You’re not really “inspecting” those fireworks so much as you are “lighting them with a match held in your teeth.”
Homer: That’s how the pros do it. Anyway, the only way to properly test fireworks is to set off so many the sky shines like a beacon!
Kang: …a beacon that is easily noticeable by any Class IX Rigellian Battle Cruisers that happen to be passing through your pathetic solar system!
Monetization Liberation Pt. 2
Kang: It’s Kang! Not all Rigellians look alike, you know. That’s super-insulting. Super-duper-times-infinity insulting, oh tiny human intellect!
Lisa: Sorry. Kind of sensitive about that, aren’t you?
Kang: Silence! *Long Pause* Please. Just because your vile species is about to be death-rayed out of existence, that’s no reason for me to be rude. So, please be silent, you insignificant worm.
Lisa: You’re going to destroy our planet? Why?
Kang: That series of explosions you just sent up is Intergalactic Signal Light Morse Code for “please obliterate my irrelevant planet immediately.”
Lisa: We take it back! Dad, tell the nice alien we take it back! Dad?
Make Lisa Try to Solve the Latest Crisis- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Make Homer Play Happy Little Elves- 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
At this point, if you don’t already have him, you’ll be awarded Kang for Free…
Monetization Liberation Pt. 3
Homer: Huh? Oh, sorry, sweetie. I was just playing the “Happy Little Elves” game on my phone. It’s super-addictive.
Kang: I know, right? So good…
Homer: I didn’t realize aliens played it too!
Kang: It just came out in the Palm O.S. app store two days ago. For some reason, we always get stuff late.
Lisa: Uh, maybe because nobody still uses Palm phones.
Kang: All on Rigel use Palm! Palm is the superior form of mobile telephony! All hail Palm! Now I must use my Palm to program in the coordinates for the death ray strike! Prepare to perish!
Make Kang Activate the Death Ray- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Monetization Liberation Pt. 4
Kang: Okay, Kang. Time to program that death ray. Work, work, work. Hmm… maybe just a few minutes with the Happy Little Elves game first. Just a quick visit to my town. Then, I’ll get some serious work done.
Homer: Look at Kang’s town! He’s been playing just two days, and it’s already way cooler than mine! He must be spending a fortune! And spending lots of money to rush builds is a form of cheating. Er, but not when you do it, Sky Finger. Go on splashing that cash.
Make Homer Trash Talk a Fellow Gamer- 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Kang: What’s this? A message from a fellow Happy Little Elves player? Wow. That is… a whole lot of misspelled profanity.
Monetization Liberation Pt. 5
Kang: How dare you question my spending habits, human spendthrift! Now I will program my death ray to wipe your kind from the galaxy!
Homer: Weren’t you supposed to do that hours ago?
Kang: I know! But this holiday event demands the constant attention of my vastly superior intelligence! Blast these mobile games!
Homer: Hey! If we’re elf-friends we can gift each other berries to get through the event faster! I can’t seem to buy them anymore.
Marge: I had to put the parental locks on. You kept maxing out the credit cards!
Make Homer Friend Request Kang- 4hrs, Earns $110, 27xp
Homer: Look, Lisa! Kang friended me! You remember Kang, right?
Lisa: Big green guy? About to murder you and everyone you love?
Frink: Great glayvin! If Kang friended Homer, there may be a way to use the connection to hack into the Rigellian Master Computer!
Lisa: You mean, like they did in “Independence Day?” Wasn’t that the dumbest plot point in an already-dumb movie?
Frink: It certainly was! I hope it works as implausibly for us as it did for them!
Monetization Liberation Pt. 6
Frink: Good news! I have cloned Homer’s account to every mobile device in Springfield! And loaded them all with elf berries. If we all spam Kang’s phone with elf berries, we can crash the alien computer network!
Lisa: Quick, everyone! Execute this idiotic plan that was devised by lazy writers who have absolutely no clue how computers work! They’re unwillingness to come up with a more believable twist to this story may just save us all!
Make Springfielders Send Kang Elf Berries- x10 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp Freemium and $260, 70xp Premium.
Kang: What’s this? An influx of elf berries! I’ll use them to buy more gold, usurious exchange rate be damned!
Monetization Liberation Pt. 7
Kang: Great Krandor’s tentacles! The influx of elf berries has overloaded my entire system! Not that that makes any sense whatsoever!
Lisa: Look, Kang’s UFO is falling from the sky!
Homer: Woo-hoo! We did it! Now to do the only thing Americans still do well: channel all our rage at illegal aliens.
Quimby: Hold on, now. There’s some paperwork involved in kicking aliens out of the country. Shouldn’t require more than fifteen years or so.
Kang: Foolish humans! It was my plan all along to get trapped here by your painfully slow bureaucracy. Also, I’m going to take all your jobs! We Rigellians work cheap! And with all these elf berries, I shall dominate your Happy Little Elf leaderboards for all time!!!!
Make Kang 8-Hour Evil Laugh- 8hrs, Earns $420, 105xp
At the completion of the quest….
And with that 4th of July 2015 is complete!
If run from start to finish, with out using donuts, it should take you 40 hours to complete!
What are your thoughts on the 4th of July update? Are you excited they added more fireworks back to the game? How about the Independence Day movie references? Sound off in the comments below, you know we LOVE hearing from you!