Thank Grog It’s Firday,
So…let me get this straight. The first line in the new “mini-event” that we got this week was, “Happy New Year!!” And that came on the 15th of January.
Then, Lisa sets the whole event up with the comment, “There’s no telling who we could be if we just kept our New Year’s Resolutions” (I’m paraphrasing…but that was the gist of it).
So…from the top…EA is two weeks late with the New Year, with an event that introduces FUTURE dopplegangers of the characters that already have the most skins…and we are supposed to celebrate?
Surprisingly… I AM celebrating.
Because there WAS an update.
Being the old, pragmatic, crankyoldguy that I am, I honestly didn’t expect one. I had this sinking feeling that took me back to last year, when we had the “Grandpa of All Lulls” (and that is a lot of lulling…Grandpas don’t do much to begin with), and went weeks without any update or content.
So, I’ll just start by telling EA “Thanks!” for keeping the game alive in the new decade. And NO…I don’t want to debate the whole “the next decade starts in 2021” routine…because the math is not worth it. I need a new start. I need a new decade. I need a new lots of things (no politics!), and I want it to start being new, right now. Which is why waiting until the 15th seems counterproductive to a “New Year,” when it actually started more than two weeks ago. But, I digress…
Getting back to the update...anyone who has read my posts in the past, knows I hate it when EA messes with the time/space by having tons of the same characters, from different eras, occupying the same town at the same time.
But, there is an even bigger reason…the whole thing is ridiculously confusing!
Most of this event involves characters from the episode, “Future-Drama,” S16E15). As the “WIKI” describes the episode…
While walking through Springfield, Bart and Lisa childishly squabble over who is “gay for Moleman” (Yes….this was a different era)- fighting, they roll into Professor Frink’s basement. He welcomes them, saying that his new astrology machine told him they would come to his house, and he goes on to show them a film of how life will be in their final days of high school, eight years in the future.
Bart and Lisa are graduating. Lisa is doing this two years early, and is bound for Yale. She goes to the prom with a muscular, emotional Milhouse, having only agreed to this after he saved her from a house fire that he caused. Bart is in love with a blond girl, Jenda; after the prom, Bart proposes to Jenda, but she turns him down and ends their relationship, because she doesn’t believe he can provide for her.
As a reward, (for saving him from Robo-Snake) Burns offers to send Bart to Yale with his scholarship, which was previously promised to Lisa. Believing it will impress Jenda enough to take him back, Bart accepts. When Lisa finds out at their graduation, she becomes furious with Bart. Meanwhile, in the audience, Homer fights Krusty, whom Marge is now dating.
Jenda does indeed take Bart back, now that he has the scholarship. Meanwhile Lisa, dejected, decides to settle for Milhouse. While walking with Jenda, Bart finds Professor Frink’s house, and uses the astrology machine to see what the post-2013 future holds for Lisa and Milhouse: they live a nowhere marriage and Milhouse sells all his bone marrow just to pay the electric bill, which still isn’t enough. Bart rushes away to save Lisa from life with Milhouse, and gives her the scholarship.
Jenda dumps Bart again, and he decides he wants a girl who loves him for himself. In the present, Frink tells Bart he will find that special girl… one minute before he dies at the age of 83. Meanwhile, Homer has won back Marge’s heart by getting beaten up by Krusty.
I don’t know who writes the synopses…but, I give them credit for trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense. This is writing on drugs…just silly.
But, wait…this mini-event is ALSO based on the episode “Holidays of Future Passed” (S23E9) which is even MORE convoluted in how the past/future/present is messed about with.
Homer and the kids head to the Cryogenic Facility to find Abraham Simpson who was frozen here until a cure for a disease he had was found. The cure had been found but no one told him because cryogenics was cheaper than a home for him.
Homer teaches Bart’s kids that they should love their father and even though he seems bad now, they will grow up to realize that they love him a lot. Bart then comes and makes up with his kids and they all go home.
Ahhh….so sweet…even though again, it makes no sense. Unless you are Grandpa…who never gets any respect!
And trust me…I saved you paragraph upon paragraph of descriptions of this episode. My rule of thumb…is that if you have to spend pages explaining a basic premise...the premise stinks.
And speaking of not making sense…the new characters in our game, “Retired Homer” and “Empty Nest Marge,” don’t look any different than the regular, younger versions. Marge’s hair is barely a grayer shade of blue…and Homer has a bad back. Big woop.
But let’s not stop there. (Even though I’m sure you wish I would…).
The writing and lack of continuity in the mini-event is horrible, petty and mean spirited (I hate it when they make Marge a bad mother).
But lazier, and more annoying, they have Lisa as PRESIDENT LISA…suddenly reverting to some sort of horrible, selfish “teen version” who likes to skateboard (not an outside task of course). COME ON!!!!!!!!
I could go on and on (and already have…of course) about how I dislike the whole premise. But, for me, it is the fact that we will now, once again, have a bunch of “FUTURE Characters” roaming around at the same time as characters that may or may not have actually created the reality that would have introduced the characters.
You can’t say the the future is “President Lisa” and then simply ignore the character. And worse…you can’t have different version of Bart…and wife that he MAY or MAY NOT ACTUALLY EVER MEET…along with versions of the kids they have together…
Here’s the deal folks. While there may be alternate universes where actions and choices can produce different outcomes (this is in fact a theory), they CAN’T exist int he same space/time.
In other words…the choices you make this instant…can/will change everything that happens after that choice. If you go back and change even the slightest action, it can/will change everything in the future.
CASE IN POINT.
On March 4, 1980 (yes 40 years ago), I called a friend to see if she wanted to go out to a bar and hang out for a bit. She agreed, but said said she only had an hour or so, because she had to work that night. I told her, “Hey…no worries…we can do it some other time.” But, she insisted. We went to a local watering hole, frequented by people we both knew. After an hour, just as I was getting up to leave with my friend, a beautiful blonde, who knew my friend, introduced herself to me. We haven’t been apart since that night...and we had three daughters together (in addition to the two I had before we met), and 7 grandkids (so far).
None of this would have happened had my friend decided to just stay home. None. Of. It.
So…we have Bad Bart, Good Bart, Married Lisa, President Lisa, and different kids of different ages, wandering around with countless versions of Homer and Marge…and sometimes on Mars???
I’m not buying it. And I didn’t buy it…even though I have the donuts.
Add to this…they still didn’t increase the Item Limits…so I have no inclination to put anything new in my town…especially a bunch of weird “space stuff,” that really can’t go anywhere IN town. So…yes…I rushed…to get by them…stored the garbage…and will play the game “normally” to get the “Jiff and Skippy,” who may or may not exist in any reality! (but do make me crave a PBJ).
Oh…and take note EA…increasing the time for a task, and increasing how many “bits” you have to collect to get a prize, does NOT make the game more interesting or more playable. It just stretches out the boredom.
Enough silliness…sheesh! So many great characters we don’t have yet…along with great story lines…and they choose this? Pfffffftttt….
But again…I am happy that we have an update. But, that’s about where it ends.