Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Now that the Summer Games mini-event is wrapping up (ends tomorrow), it’s time to take a look back at the dialogue for the event, just in case you missed any of it from tapping too fast!
Here’s a look at the full dialogue version of Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast…
Summer Fun & Games
Quimby: Aw, I’m missing my favorite summer activities: the rallies, the ribbon cuttings, the close distance affairs…
Miss Springfield: At least we have summer sports to look forward to.
Kent Brockman: And this just in, the 2020 International Summer Games have been canceled due to health concerns. In other news, I will continue to broadcast from my closet for the foreseeable future.
Quimby: If I offer Springfield to host the Summer Games, my popularity will skyrocket!
Miss Springfield: The Summer Games, here?! But Springfield’s a dump!
Quimby: A dump with four taxpayer-funded NFL stadiums.
Make Quimby Bring the Summer Games to Springfield- 1hr
Quimby: So, er, uh, we have a bunch of stadiums — just no parking structures, concessions, public transportation, or space to house the world’s countries.
Summer Games Chairman: If we made it work in Athens, we can make it work anywhere.
Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast Pt. 1
Quimby: See? Springfield’s not so bad…
Summer Games Chairman: This city couldn’t host a bar mitzvah, let alone an international sporting event!
Quimby: Oh, it’s just a little messy…
Summer Games Chairman: These streets are littered with stray cats and Mardi Gras beads!
Crazy Cat Lady: My cats!
Mrs Muntz: My beads!
Summer Games Chairman: You — Sea Captain Guy! Shanghai a crew of sailors and scrub Springfield from port to starboard.
Sea Captain: Arr, I was about to sail away and ride out the end times…but, sure.
Summer Games Chairman: And you — Comic Book Guy! Gather your nerds and restore Springfield to “mint condition”.
CBG: Nerds assemble! Well, don’t get too close.
Make Homer Lounge While Others Clean- 4hrs
Make Springfielders Scrub and Polish Streets– x5. 4hrs.
Make Children Wash Windows- x5. 4hrs
Collect Cheap Trophies- x105 . 4hrs.
Summer Games Chairman: Pretty clean, but there’s something missing that all international sporting events require…a country’s worth of small children dancing in unison. *pointing* You kids — dance!
Milhouse: Okay! But which dance?
Martin: Since school went online, we’ve all learned like three hundred TikTok dances!
Summer Games Chairman: Hmm, show me a “Renegade” and then transition to a “Savage”.
DancingChildren: *TikTok dancing noises*
Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast Pt. 2
Kent Brockman: It seems as if the International Summer Games will be missing the “international” as every world government is declining to come to Springfield.
Sakatumi: Springfield? Hard pass.
Mexican Duffman: ¡Ay! ¡No!
Cayman Island Banker: Our health experts are keen on us maintaining our longstanding policy of “Springfield-Distancing”.
Summer Games Chairman: The moment you secure housing for the fencing teams, they pull the rug out from under you. Well, it’s been real, Springfield.
Quimby: Wait, we don’t need the rest of the world! America always wins the Summer Games anyway. We’ll make it USA versus USA!
Homer: U-S-A! U-S-A!
Quimby: We’ll be the host city of the most patriotic sporting competition ever! Well, at least the most patriotic for us.
Nelson: Not so fast, Freedom Fries! Litovia is here to compete!
Jimbo: Litovia ’til I die!
Summer Games Chairman: Litovia’s not a country. Do you even have a constitution?
Nelson: Article one: punch people who ask questions. *punches Chairman*
Summer Games Chairman: I commend your spirit. You can compete.
Make Homer Rally Springfielders Against Litovians- 6hrs
Make Springfielders Volunteer to Compete in Games- 4hrs
Collect Cheap Trophies- x140 . 4hrs.
Moe: I’m in! The U-S of A ain’t rolling over for a bunch of…what are youse? Europeans?
Jimbo: Aren’t we all? *coughs* I mean, we’re Litovians and we’re going to destroy you like the third-rate country you so desperately want to become!
Moe: America may not be the superpower the world turns to anymore, but in terms of sports…
Barney: Remember the Titans!
Lenny: We are Marshall!
Carl: Miracle on Ice!
Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast Pt. 3
Summer Games Chairman: It’s been a challenge coming up with events that allow the competitors to stay a safe distance apart.
Quimby: It doesn’t matter what the events are, as long as we beat those pesky Litovians.
Summer Games Chairman: Well, so far the Litovians have the edge in singles tennis, timed-solitaire, and lawn darts.
Ralph: I’m a statistic!
Quimby: Our All-Springfield American team isn’t winning???
Summer Games Chairman: Well, last place is still the silver trophy.
Quimby: We need to figure out what things only Springfielders are better at.
Summer Games Chairman: Pre-existing conditions?
Make Homer Beat Litovians in Sports Mascot Dance Off- 4hrs
Make Barney Lose to Litovians in Bowling- 4hrs
Make Flanders Beat Litovians in Horseshoes- 4hrs
Collect Cheap Trophies- x175 . 4hrs.
Quimby: Well, we were making up good ground on the Litovians until Barney lost in the bowling finals.
Homer: But Barney throws strikes for breakfast!
Barney: Those Litovians put crème de menthe in my bowling bag. Who told them mint-flavored alcohol is my kryptonite?
Jimbo: Another great victory for Litovia. So Lit!
Homer: By Abraham Lincoln’s Lincoln Logs, I will destroy these Litovians!
Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast Pt. 4
Kent Brockman: We are now in the final stretch of the games: cornhole, Dance Dance Revolution, and lotto scratchers.
Summer Games Chairman: The whole world is watching — it was either this or sitting through that Michael Jordan “documentary” for the 4th time.
Quimby: We Springfielders have to be like Mike and destroy the Litovians like he destroyed Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, some guy named Clyde, Isiah Thomas, and that poisoned pizza.
Summer Games Chairman: I don’t know, these Litovians are tough competitors. They keep bullying all the refs. My best one quit after they gave him a “swirly”.
Lisa: Hmm, swirlies… I’m going to look into these so-called Litovians. Something’s off about them…
Make Lisa Investigate the Litovians- 4hrs
Make Moe Beat the Litovians in Rock, Paper, Scissors- 2hrs
Make Homer Beat the Litovians in Cornhole- 2hrs
Make Carl Beat the Litovians in Lotto Scratchers- 1hr
Collect Cheap Trophies- x210. 4hrs.
Homer: Woohoo! I cornholed the Litovians!
Moe: Scissors as a first move? Stupid Litovians. Rock is the American way!
Carl: *holding lotto ticket* I get to keep the million dollars! I’m moving back to Iceland!
Homer: U-S-A! U-S-A!
Carl: ICE-LAND! ICE-LAND!
Summer Sportin’, Had Me a Blast Pt. 5
Kent Brockman: It all comes down to this, sports fans! The gold trophy count between Litovia and the USA is tied at fifteen apiece…The final event of Springfield-Rules Tetherball will separate glorious gold from sorrowful silver!
Homer: Okay boy, you’re representing us on the world stage. Don’t lose and make America look any dumber.
Bart: Relax! I got this. No way these weirdo Litovians know “Springfield Rules”.
Make Bart Lose to the Litovians in Tetherball- 4hrs
Make Homer Watch Bart Lose at Tetherball- 4hrs
Collect Cheap Trophies- x210 . 4hrs.
Homer: NOOOOO! Bart! How could you lose?!
Bart: That was illegal! You double-hit!
Jimbo: “Double-hits” are allowed if following a “triple-half-spinny”.
Bart: You know about triple-half-spinnies? That’s impossible! Who taught you “Springfield Rules”?!
Lisa: No one taught them! They’re Springfielders! That’s Jimbo — and that one is Nelson!
Homer: The bullies moved to Litovia?
Summer Games Chairman: There’s no such thing as Litovia. It’s made up! The integrity of this two-country international competition is ruined!
Homer: You Litovians betrayed our country? And for what? Glory? Cheap trophies? Your own Wikipedia page?
Nelson: It was a political protest. America sucks!
Jimbo: Yeah, Americans used to be LIT! Now we just sit around day-trading on Robinhood.
Summer Games Chairman: True…however, since the Litovian team is not actually from the made-up place of Litovia…they are disqualified! The United States wins!
Nelson: You’re getting a swirly! *flushes toilet*
Summer Games Chairman: This place IS worse than Athens!
Quimby: I declare this the end of the International Summer Games! Our Eternal Tire Fire Flame can now be extinguished!
Homer: U-S-A! U-S-A!
Game But Not Forgotten
Quimby: Well, the Summer Games turned out to be a rousing success!
Summer Games Chairman: Maybe for you. I can’t wait to leave this vile place.
Quimby: Er-uh…that’s not how things work around here. Once you’re unlocked you’re here forever.
Summer Games Chairman: Well, at least give me a job — a role in your administration as a reward for making the Games a success.
Quimby: Oh don’t worry, I have the perfect job for you.
Make Homer Celebrate- 2hrs
Summer Games Chairman: Become your city street sweeper?
Quimby: Times are tough, and you really did a good job cleaning this place up.
Summer Games Chairman: Well, try cleaning this up! Here’s your bill for hosting the games.
Quimby: That’s a lot of zeroes! Reopen the airport — I’ve got to get out of here!
Sea Captain: You can sail away from the apocalypse with me. Also, debts can’t be collected on international waters.
And that’s it my friends! All there is to the Summer Games 2020 mini-event main questline.
Thoughts on the mini-event? Dialogue? Prizes? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!