Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
As we prepare for Act 2 of the Rise of the Robots event to start tomorrow, it’s time to wrap up Act 1 with a pretty little bow…in the form of the hilarious dialogue!
So here’s a look at the full dialogue for Robo-Mania…just in case you missed it by tapping too fast…
Dance With Robots
Announcer 1: Robot Rumble is back and it’s going to be more troubling than ever!
Announcer 2: We’ve got new gears, increased battery life, and added pain circuits so robots will feel every drill bit and saw tooth.
Announcer 1: And we’re going to be auditioning fan-built bots here in Springfield next week!
Announcer 2: Get those circular saw blades from the garage and wake your dads up from their naps! You could be the next Robot Rumble Star!
Bart: Hey homer, how would you like to spend some time together where I pretend to appreciate and respect you?
Homer: Hmm, there’s a first time for everything. but I’m busy, so no.
Bart: BUT DAD!
Lisa: I thought it was very sweet the way you dressed up as Bart’s robot, Chief Knockahomer, and fought in the Robot Rumble for him before so he wouldn’t think you’re a failure as a father.
Homer: Yeah, but those other robots almost killed me! and that was before i would have to add a concussion circuit.
Lisa: Dad, you were already getting concussions when you fought before.
Bart: Yea, now the robots can get ’em too, so it’s finally a fair fight!
Homer: Oooh, I do like a fair fight…
Make Bart Try to Talk Homer Into Fighting Again- 6s
Make Homer Consider Fighting Again– 6s
Announcer 1: One last thing i should mention is that the robots are going to be way more stabby, too!
Announcer 2: they’re going to stab harder, faster, and deeper…and like it more!
Homer: You’re on your own, boy!
Bart: aw man! what am i gonna do now?
Lisa: Maybe there’s a way you can still bring Chief Knockahomer back to “life”…
Robo-Mania Pt. 1
Lisa: You know, Database and those guys are into robots. I bet they could help you turn Chief Knockahomer into a real robot this time.
Bart: Aw man, the nerds? I hate hanging around those guys. They smell weird. I can’t put my finger on what it is.
Lisa: We prefer the term Academic-Americans, and that smell is fear.
Bart: Fear of what?
Lisa: Bullies, B’s on tests, bench-warming splinters, and that’s just the Bs.
Bart: The list is alphabetical?
Lisa: Alphanumerical, actually. It’s a clever system combining alphabetical order with Scrabble value points…
Bart: You’re being boring!
Lisa: Amazing. That was the next fear on the list!
Bart: How can we find these Nerdulonic-Americans and see if they’ll help us build a rumble-ready robot?
Lisa: Just follow your nose! You weren’t wrong about the smell.
Collect Wrenches- x115
Make Bart Look for Nerds- 4hrs
Make Lisa Help Look for Nerds- 4hrs
Bart: I can’t find those nerds anywhere!
Lisa: That’s because you just rode your skateboard around for four hours! Four hours exactly…which is oddly specific, now that I think about it.
Bart: Right, and you timing me wasn’t weird at all. So did you find the nerds?
Lisa: No, but I do have one last place to try…
Robo-Mania Pt. 2
Lisa: And here we are!
Bart: Prodigy Barn? What is this, Sheets, Shirts & Sundries for nerds?
Lisa: Do you want a functional robot or not? Look, you see? They’re already working on robots now.
Cosine Tangent: Indeed we are! Observe: the new pinnacle in robot technology!
Bart: It’s just walking. That’s lame.
Database: While clutching its textbooks to its chest in classic nerd style — and avoiding eye contact in a range of 360 degrees!
Lewis: And look what happens when you give it a “flat tire”: It auto-cringes, rights itself, and mumbles an apology!
Martin: Suck eggs, Boston Dynamics!
Bart: LAME. But you know what’s cool? Robots that can fight!
Martin: *gasp* But building fighting robots would violate the code of robot ethics we all swore to uphold!
Cosine: Yes, we’ve found that the use of violence inevitably results in said violence being used on use.
Bart: Right. And you all must have signed this lame code of ethics AFTER you helped me build the Wedgie-Matic 6000.
Lewis: I knew that would come back to bite us.
Collect Wrenches- x155
Make Bart Convince Nerds to Build Fighting Robots- 3hrs
Make Lisa Try to Helo Bart Convince Nerds- 3hrs
Make Nerds Demand Favors in Return- x3. 3hrs.
Martin: Three acknowledgments and unlimited Cosmic Wars references. That is our final offer.
Bart: What kind of references are we talking about?
Database: Quotes like “These are not the cyberbots you’re seeking!”
Cosine: “Scumbaggio Fired Second!”
Martin: “Duke! We are your uncles!”
Robo-Mania Pt. 3
Mr. Burns: I hear that these “scrapping automatons” are all the rage about town!
Smithers: Well, yes sir. With the plebeians. But don’t you think you’re above that?
Mr. Burns: Piffle! Mechanical pugilists are a time-honored tradition. I myself went three rounds against a Pneumatic Irishman while I was at Yale. Afterwards, we sang the night away at Morries and he stole my sweater. I must acquire a mechano-bot capable of teaching these Stove-pipe Stovers who’s Johnny on the Quad!
Smithers: Anticipating your every Dickensian whim as ever, I have already purchased one and here it is!
Homer: I got your thingy here…
Mr. Burns: Smithers, that slap-dash simulacrum is devoid of even the slightest semblance of humanity!
Smithers: That’s Homer Simpson, one of your…
Mr. Burns: Yes, yes, we’ve had quite enough of that one haven’t we?
Smithers: Yes, sir. Your robot is the mechanical bear he’s pushing.
Mr. Burns: Ah, so just a robot bear, you say?
Smithers: It is the most fearsome killer robot on the face of the earth, sir.
Mr. Burns: And yet I’m disappointed. Curious. Have him put it in the corner, where it will remind me of my disappointment in you, Smithers.
Homer: I just need you to sign here, here, and initial here.
Mr. Burns: Why is it coming towards us?
Homer: Maybe I shouldn’t have used the controlled as a clipboard.
Collect Wrenches- x115
Make Homer Accidentally Break Control Unit- 2hrs
Make Burns Flee Bear Robot Rampage– 2hrs
Make Smithers Flee Bear Robot Rampage– 2hrs
Smithers: I’m sorry, sir. The bear robot is a disaster.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Have it delivered to the break room first thing Monday morning. And have the results filmed for one of those new computer talkies the kids are into these days.
Robo-Mania Pt. 4
Martin: Huzzah, my fellow cybernauts!
Nelson: Big deal, we all have fighting robots now.
Cosine: What? How?
Kearney: They sell them now at the Blazing Topic store in the outlet mall.
Dolph: Across from the anime t-shirts, next to the lame 70s bands t-shirts.
Nelson: Mine pounds nerds for lunch money.
Database: Which makes it indistinguishable from a human bully.
Martin: Behold, fellows! The Turing test has been satisfied for Artificial Unintelligence — a development both thrilling and alarming!
Cosine: Let us respond as we would to their human counterparts and run away!
Collect Wrenches- x155
Make Bart Ditch Nerds-1hr
Make Bullies Bully Using Robots– x3, 1hr
Make Nerds Flee Robots– x3, 1hr
Cosine: My humiliation is identical to what I have experienced at the hands of human bullies. What a time to be a nerd!
Bart: Guys, just finish rebuilding Chief Knockahomer and I’ll get revenge on all their robots for you!
Martin: Revenge IS a classic motivator…
Robo-Mania Pt. 5
Martin: We’re almost finished constructing your metallic myrmidon — now we just need a CPU to manage its higher cognitive functions.
Database: Your metal fighting thingy needs a computer brain thingy.
Bart: Oh, that makes sense. How about this old myPod Shuffle?
Lewis: Wait, you expect us to build a sophisticated combat AI into outdated Mapple Computers technology?
Bart: … Yes?
Cosine: Eh, we’ve done more with less.
Collect Wrenches- x195
Make Bart Supply myPod Shuffle for Robot Brain- 4hrs
Make Nerds Rebuild Chief Knockahomer- 4hrs
Martin: Sweet Asimov’s sideburns! It’s alive! I’ve always wanted to say that.
Bart: Chief Knockahomer? Buddy?
Chief Knockahomer- Acknowledged. I am online and ready for combat. Because she told me to WALK THIS WAY! WALK THIS WAY!
Database: Uh…okay. Bart, where did you get that myPod that we used to power Chief Knockahomer’s central processor?
Bart: Found it on the bus. Pretty sure it was Otto’s.
And that’s it my friends! The full dialogue for Act 1 of Rise of the Robots!
Thoughts on the dialogue? Did you read it live or catch up on it here? What was your favorite part of Act 1? Ready for Act 2 to start? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!
Act 1’s strengths can be continued into Act 2 if EA learns from last year’s Wrestlers Event mistakes (ie a wrestling ring but no wrestlers in it!) and makes sure we have 🤖 Characters who rumble in an Arena (I think I see this happening, but that’s only if Springfield survives the 🤖 takeover – nerds to the rescue?). 😉
Act 2 has some Zeppelin lyrics!
Caught it! Nice reference!