Diary of a Wookiee: Pointlessness with a Point

WARNING: Completely random fiction follows the continue reading link. Readers are warned they may be no better for having read what follows.  For the point of the pointlessness, scroll past all the words in italics.  You may still be no better off though.  Just saying, you’ve been warned.

Strange things were afoot at the Springfield Circle K.  Homer walked along the town’s shops and contemplated more weirdness than he’d seen since he’d eaten that Guatemalan Insanity Pepper and spoke to a space coyote that sounded just like Johnny Cash.  

First, Flanders had started referring to Springfield as Wookieetown, then folks had started refusing to go indoors and constantly did strange things in the streets and now… CBG had a girlfriend/wife/jealous Asian somebody muttering about his hand holding with Agnes Skinner.

Curiouser and curiouser.  Just what the heck was going on in Homie’s beloved hometown.  Granted things always had been a little weird with buildings changing places and Marge’s sudden penchant for casting spells over at Cletus’, but this new strangeness defied Homer’s imagination.  Mr. Sparkle had resurfaced.  

Homer had enjoyed going to the Kwik-E-Mart with Kumiko Nakamura when she first appeared.  Sure she thought of Springfield as the Saddest Town in America but knowing that Springfield was the Little Town That Can’t and Won’t was just part of being a Springfieldianite.

Little Town that Can't and Won't

Springfield would always be as sad or happy as its residents wanted it to be.  Having a new minority in the town made Homer happy.  Sure she was yellow just like almost everyone else but Homer believed people had the right to feel special.  Sure sometimes that special came with asterisks around it but that’s just how life is.

Homer kept plodding along, past the Knowledgeum and other museums towards the swanky riverwalk area that had opened by the Squidport.  He really needed to talk to Bart’s comic vendor about all that hand-holding with Skinner’s mom.  Kumiko was a much better catch.  Homer remembered the first day he’d met her.  She remarked how he resembled Mr. Sparkle and Homer was all to happy to use some of the Japanese he knew to impress her.  He wasn’t quite sure how to feel that drinking it was a popular form of Suicide though.

He was completely prepared to forget about it when suddenly billboards for the detergent had popped up in town.  Why would the big guy upstairs want to remind him of people killing themselves with a product resembling him?  It seemed Homer could not get away from it.  He tried to get Fat Tony to de-construct them, discussed sending it to another dimension with Frink, burning them down with the bullies, but all had admitted there was nothing to be done short of praying.

Homer Praying

So Homer prayed.  That’s the same thing as drinking at Moe’s, right?  It must be because it seemed to have worked.  Not only had the suicide reminders suddenly vanished, but it seemed like everything had gone backwards in time.  Convinced Frink had actually done this (although he vehemently denied playing with the space-time continuum), the billboards had vanished.

That’s when the grumbling from above had begun.  Homer had heard some of the hub bub about his town being name Wookieetown but the growls and gurgles from the heavens were unnerving.  Sure he’d made a joke at Chewbacca’s expense a time or two but could his god actually be a Wookiee?  The idea of constantly living life while avoiding having his arms ripped out was much worse than reminders of Japanese seppuku by detergent.  For almost a solid month, Homer heard these sounds and lived in fear.  While the residents of town prepared for Valentines, Homer just hoped the thunder above was just some auditory hallucination.

Not cool to go about one’s daily business while the heavens sounded like all the best moments from Star Wars.  Homer was at a loss.  How could answered prayer not be a good thing?  How to fix things became Homer’s new obssession. He decided it might actually be necessary to contact his friends Colin and Wayne at the EA cult.  The furry skyfinger had to be appeased or he’d never get any peace.

Fix Things

A couple quick emails and Homer’s waiting game had begun.  The growls continued but patience had to be a virtue.  Homer knew getting drunk might bide the time.  It always worked for everything else.

Homer sat at the bar drinking the new arrival, “Duff Stuff” when an exultant “Woo Hoo” resounded throughout the town at a near deafening decibel level.  Homer rushed outside only to find that the billboards had returned.  So weird.  Homer didn’t even want to know what it was all about.  Who are Colin and Wayne anyways?  Sounds like people some fiction writer just created to push a silly story along.  Oh well… better to just keep being himself and stumble drunkenly while playing on his myPad.

What’s up heart breakers?  Apologies for the weird TSTO Fiction but just felt like typing up some words this morning about my latest little saga with EA.  Basics are that EA fixed my game crashtastrophe a month ago by setting my beloved game back in time.  (Where we’re going we don’t need roads.)  The result was I lost two Mr. Sparkle billboards in the process.  Figured I’d let y’all know that EA came through and finally gave me back my decorations.  Took several e-mails and follow up but they came through.  Also gave me a funny story and compliments about my town.

My name is Colin and I am an EA Specialist, who has been reviewing your case regarding your problem in The Simpsons Tapped Out.  I would like to apologize for the delay in responding to you. I was sorry to hear that two of your billboards went missing during the recent rollback, but never fear, billboards are easily replaced.So i got together with Mayor Quimby and the city has come together to find your lost billboards. We rented a truck and you should now find them sitting in your inventory. There may be a scratch or two on them as the driver turned out to be Barney Gumble, who may or may not have crashed en route to your inventory. Either way, the Mayor has made it perfectly clear that the city will not be held liable 😉

Please let us know if there is anything else we can help with!

My name is Wayne and I am now your personal Games Specialist who has received your case. Thanks so much for getting back to us Joey. I can see you were speaking to Colin one of my colleagues. I am very sorry due to a technical issue the two Mr. Sparkle Billboards were not restored correctly.I am extremely happy to say I have been able to restore your missing items to you this time and they are located in your inventory between Monkey Bars and Newspaper Dispenser. You should be able to see them the next time you log into your town.

I hope you are having a good day and I must say I was very impressed when I was looking at your town. I wish I had enough free time to build my town up like that.

Please accept my deepest apology for any inconvenience caused by this issue. Should you need further help with this or have any other queries please reply to this mail and I’ll do my best to assist further.

Moral of the pointless fiction: If you have a problem that you can’t fix yourself, contact EA and stay on top of it.  They really will help you out even if it is an exercise in patience.  Homer worrying about the sepukku is just his penance for looking like a fishbulb.  Not sure EA is prepared for the therapy bills anyways. They could always give us Dr. Marvin Monroe for future requirements, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Homer Facepalm

The true point is I get all the issues people experience and feel your pain.  Just like Homer and Adipose, I’ve facepalmed a time or two.  Squeaky wheels get grease and while it may take a little time, EA is interested in helping their customers.  I could have spent the last month complaining but left all those Wookiee roars for my poor town.  No need to bore y’all with more than my usual randomness.  Anywho… thank you to Colin and Wayne.   You’re now TSTO Fiction famous! Wookieetown is much better for your efforts.

“Pointless” ramble and fiction done.  TTFN… Wookiee out!

Previous rambles about this chapter of my life: crastastrophe and “resolution”.

All original art and content © Up All Night, LLC and TSTOAddicts.com
All Screen Shots of Game Graphics & Dialogue and Game Graphics from files ™ and © EA, Gracie Films and FOX

18 responses to “Diary of a Wookiee: Pointlessness with a Point

  1. I got a hankering to watch back to the future for some reason…

  2. Random question. But has anybody else made brandine give birth to the spudkler brood? I speed up the 90 day task 3 times to get them all!!

    Happy tapping wookie!
    Nice post btw! 👍

    • In my A town i’m going to try and wait out the 90 days….doubt i’ll make it but we’ll see lol. In my B town I’ve sped it up on all 3 🙂

  3. I keep hoping for Dr Marvin Monroe… (deep sigh)

  4. Wonderful spin on a story of patience and tip of the hat to EA for getting your inventory proper!

  5. Ooh, does EA really restore lost items following a roll back? I best get emailing again lol

  6. You know Wookie…there are trained professions out there that could help you with this condition…and there are bartenders…lol

  7. Man, i gotta tell ya i love your ramblings and i am very happy for you that EA got you up and running again. If you have room, i’d love to be your neighboreeno! Again Congrats and thank you EA for helping a fellow Tapper!

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