Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Earlier today Gil brought us a royal deal and if you are willing to part with the 175 donuts you’ll be treated to a fun little questline between Queen Helvetica & the citizens of Springfield. Now let’s take a look at the full dialogue version of Queen Helvetica’s questline for those who have purchased her and need help and for those who won’t be purchasing her but still want to know what happens…
Some questline basics…for those who don’t like Spoilers:
-Questline is 6 total parts.
-You’ll need to build Town Hall and Channel 6 to complete
-Part 2 requires Mayor Quimby and Lisa
-Every other part only requires Lisa
Now let’s get into this dialogue shall we?
WARNING Dialogue Spoilers Ahead…
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 1
Lisa: Hello, Springfield! It is I, Queen Helvetica, ruler of the Kingdom of Equalia! Equalia is a land of tolerance and equal rights for all!
Bart: Wait. If you’re the queen, then it’s not TOTALLY equal, is it?
Lisa: Well, SOMEONE needs to be queen. You need a government, right? But my every decree is just and fair.
Bart: “Decree”? Sheesh, so you’re a dictator?
Lisa: There’s also a legislature. But they’ve never disagreed with my policies.
Bart: So they just rubberstamp everything you say. THAT’S not a system ripe for abuse.
Lisa: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUEEN. OTHERWISE, WHO WEARS THE GOWNS AND TIARAS? Boys are so dumb.
Make Queen Helvetica Write Stories of Equalia- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 2
Lisa: Mayor Quimby, hail from Equalia! The belessed realm of equality, fairness and acceptance for all.
Mayor Quimby: Mind telling me how you got elected running on such an asinine platform?
Lisa: Well, I’m queen so…no elections.
Quimby: How is a monarchy a land of equality?
Lisa: IT JUST IS, OKAY? WHY IS EVERYONE SO HUNG UP ON THIS? Anyway, Springfield could learn much from Equalia. May I share some of our enlightened policies with you?
Quimby: I’m more interested in you “sharing” the property taxes on that enormous castle. Which is in Springfield. The blessed realm of paying your taxes or here come the bulldozers.
Lisa: We have no money in Equalia. We’re a post-scarcity utopian society.
Mayor Quimby: That’s nice. Well, I’ve got a castle to rubble-ize.
Lisa: Wait! Maybe I could sell you some two-nicorns? It’s a unicorn with two horns.
Mayor Quimby: So it’s a deer.
Lisa: Well, no. Sort of.
Reach Level 20 and Build Town Hall
Make Queen Helvetica Meet with Mayor Quimby- 12hrs, Earns $1,020, 250xp
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 3
Martin: Long live Queen Helvetica! Ruthless despot of that blessed realm! The Iron Lady of Tolerance!
Lisa: You should visit Equalia. Seriously, everybody’s totally happy.
Martin: They’d better be! Or else! Am I right, oh Most Beneficent Tyrant?
Lisa: Why can’t I explain this to anyone?
Martin: If you’ve got propaganda to deliver, television is a first-rate medium!
Reach Level 23 and Build Channel 6
Make Queen Helvetica Do an Interview- 4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman, here, with Queen Helvetica. Tell us abotu Equalia, Your Majesty.
Lisa: It’s a land of equal rights for–
Brockman: Any juicy gossip about the royal family? Bring us up to speed on the disgraceful scandals currently besmirching your reign.
Brockman: You see, America has never known monarchy. We pretend that makes us better than other nations. When, in fact, we are consumed with jealousy. Jealousy of the scrumptious, titillating gossip that even a second-rate royal family vomits forth! So feed the tabloid monster! How many of your sons are you ashamed of?
Lisa: I’m eight years old.
Brockman: You heard it here first, folks. A mother at eight! God, I love depraved royalty.
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 4
Lisa: I came to deliver a message of hope and peace, and all they care about is gossip-rag fodder! Sure, I’ve got some great diet tips. And my great-aunt DID have a torrid affair with an orc in that one story. But why is that more interesting than the fine points of anti-discrimination laws? Perhaps I’ll have better luck talking with other children.
Brockman: This just in! Royal floozy trolls for boy toys! News at six!
Make Queen Helvetica Speak at Springfield Elementary- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Brockman: Kent Brockman here, with local bully Nelson Muntz. Nelson, what was your impression of Queen Helvetica’s tour of Springfield Elementary?
Nelson: Kent, my impression was that she was very into me, and wants my junk.
Brockman: And by junk you mean?
Nelson: I have no idea.
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 5
Lisa: Everyone in this town has a horrible opinion of me!
Moe: Hey Queenie! Keep your shady regal attitude outta my shady bar!
Lenny: Who’s Equalia’s version of Camilla Parker-Bowles, and why won’t you be nicer to her?
Carl: Are you dating Nelson Muntz? If so — great catch!
Lisa: I’ve got to get away from them!
Make Queen Helvetica Hide from Paparazzi- 24hrs, Earns $1000, 225xp
We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 6
Lisa: I can’t take this place! Why won’t you leave me alone!?
Lenny: Just wait out the news cycle. Everyone forgets about everything after one news cycle. And…done. There. You’re yesterday’s news. Congraulations, whoever you are.
Lisa: Uh, thanks! So who replaced me in the public consciousness?
Lenny: Some kid on ViewTube who puts metal objects into electrical sockets. There he is!
Ralph: I’m a miracle I’m still alive!
Lisa: I can always count on you, Ralph Wiggum.
Make Queen Helvetica Listen to the Royal myPod- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
And that completes Queen Helvetica’s questline!
What did you think of the questline? Thoughts on the castle and Queen Helvetica? Have you made the purchase? Planning on it? Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!