Tapped Out Premium Walkthroughs: Queen Helvetica in We’re Not in Equalia Anymore

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Earlier today Gil brought us a royal deal and if you are willing to part with the 175 donuts you’ll be treated to a fun little questline between Queen Helvetica & the citizens of Springfield.  Now let’s take a look at the full dialogue version of Queen Helvetica’s questline for those who have purchased her and need help and for those who won’t be purchasing her but still want to know what happens…

Some questline basics…for those who don’t like Spoilers:
-Questline is 6 total parts.
-You’ll need to build Town Hall and Channel 6 to complete
-Part 2 requires Mayor Quimby and Lisa
-Every other part only requires Lisa

Now let’s get into this dialogue shall we?

queenwritestories5

WARNING Dialogue Spoilers Ahead…

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 1
Lisa starts

Lisa: Hello, Springfield!  It is I, Queen Helvetica, ruler of the Kingdom of Equalia!  Equalia is a land of tolerance and equal rights for all!
Bart: Wait.  If you’re the queen, then it’s not TOTALLY equal, is it?
Lisa: Well, SOMEONE needs to be queen.  You need a government, right?  But my every decree is just and fair.
Bart: “Decree”?  Sheesh, so you’re a dictator?
Lisa: There’s also a legislature.  But they’ve never disagreed with my policies.
Bart: So they just rubberstamp everything you say.  THAT’S not a system ripe for abuse.
Lisa: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUEEN.  OTHERWISE, WHO WEARS THE GOWNS AND TIARAS?  Boys are so dumb.
Make Queen Helvetica Write Stories of Equalia- 1hr, Earns $105, 26xp

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 2
Lisa starts

Lisa: Mayor Quimby, hail from Equalia!  The belessed realm of equality, fairness and acceptance for all.
Mayor Quimby: Mind telling me how you got elected running on such an asinine platform?
Lisa: Well, I’m queen so…no elections.
Quimby: How is a monarchy a land of equality?
Lisa: IT JUST IS, OKAY?  WHY IS EVERYONE SO HUNG UP ON THIS?  Anyway, Springfield could learn much from Equalia.  May I share some of our enlightened policies with you?
Quimby: I’m more interested in you “sharing” the property taxes on that enormous castle.  Which is in Springfield.  The blessed realm of paying your taxes or here come the bulldozers.
Lisa: We have no money in Equalia.  We’re a post-scarcity utopian society.
Mayor Quimby: That’s nice.  Well, I’ve got a castle to rubble-ize.
Lisa: Wait!  Maybe I could sell you some two-nicorns?  It’s a unicorn with two horns.
Mayor Quimby: So it’s a deer.
Lisa: Well, no.  Sort of.
Reach Level 20 and Build Town Hall
Make Queen Helvetica Meet with Mayor Quimby- 12hrs, Earns $1,020, 250xp 

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 3
Lisa starts

Martin: Long live Queen Helvetica!  Ruthless despot of that blessed realm!  The Iron Lady of Tolerance!
Lisa: You should visit Equalia.  Seriously, everybody’s totally happy.
Martin: They’d better be!  Or else!  Am I right, oh Most Beneficent Tyrant?
Lisa: Why can’t I explain this to anyone?
Martin: If you’ve got propaganda to deliver, television is a first-rate medium!
Reach Level 23 and Build Channel 6
Make Queen Helvetica Do an Interview-
4hrs, Earns $260, 70xp
Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman, here, with Queen Helvetica.  Tell us abotu Equalia, Your Majesty.
Lisa: It’s a land of equal rights for–
Brockman: Any juicy gossip about the royal family?  Bring us up to speed on the disgraceful scandals currently besmirching your reign.
Lisa: Uh…
Brockman: You see, America has never known monarchy.  We pretend that makes us better than other nations.  When, in fact, we are consumed with jealousy.  Jealousy of the scrumptious, titillating gossip that even a second-rate royal family vomits forth! So feed the tabloid monster!  How many of your sons are you ashamed of?
Lisa: I’m eight years old.
Brockman: You heard it here first, folks.  A mother at eight!  God, I love depraved royalty.  

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 4
Lisa starts

Lisa: I came to deliver a message of hope and peace, and all they care about is gossip-rag fodder! Sure, I’ve got some great diet tips.  And my great-aunt DID have a torrid affair with an orc in that one story.  But why is that more interesting than the fine points of anti-discrimination laws?  Perhaps I’ll have better luck talking with other children.
Brockman: This just in!  Royal floozy trolls for boy toys!  News at six!
Make Queen Helvetica Speak at Springfield Elementary- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Brockman: Kent Brockman here, with local bully Nelson Muntz.  Nelson, what was your impression of Queen Helvetica’s tour of Springfield Elementary?
Nelson: Kent, my impression was that she was very into me, and wants my junk.
Brockman: And by junk you mean?
Nelson: I have no idea.

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 5
Lisa starts

Lisa: Everyone in this town has a horrible opinion of me!
Moe: Hey Queenie!  Keep your shady regal attitude outta my shady bar!
Lenny: Who’s Equalia’s version of Camilla Parker-Bowles, and why won’t you be nicer to her?
Carl: Are you dating Nelson Muntz?  If so — great catch!
Lisa: I’ve got to get away from them!
Make Queen Helvetica Hide from Paparazzi- 24hrs, Earns $1000, 225xp

We’re Not in Equalia Anymore Pt. 6
Lisa starts

Lisa: I can’t take this place!  Why won’t you leave me alone!?
Lenny: Just wait out the news cycle.  Everyone forgets about everything after one news cycle.  And…done.  There.  You’re yesterday’s news.  Congraulations, whoever you are.
Lisa: Uh, thanks!  So who replaced me in the public consciousness?
Lenny: Some kid on ViewTube who puts metal objects into electrical sockets.  There he is!
Ralph: I’m a miracle I’m still alive!
Lisa: I can always count on you, Ralph Wiggum.
Make Queen Helvetica Listen to the Royal myPod- 12hrs, Earns $600, 150xp 

And that completes Queen Helvetica’s questline!

What did you think of the questline?  Thoughts on the castle and Queen Helvetica?  Have you made the purchase?  Planning on it?  Sound off in the comments below, you know we love hearing from you!

24 responses to “Tapped Out Premium Walkthroughs: Queen Helvetica in We’re Not in Equalia Anymore

  1. I love this whole quest line. I don’t usually purchase things, but princesses are <3 Now Ice Princess Martin and the Queen live together in a small piece of land. I can't help but feel the next update might offer Lisa's friend though, which would be awesome!

  2. Thanks! As soon as I’m done watching the movie I’m watching right now, I’m gonna go watch that episode (which will probably just serve to frustrate me that I can’t afford to buy this!).

  3. Was this made up for the game, or did it come from an episode?

  4. After purchasing the castle, I checked my inventory for my two-nicorn (after the two-nicorn dialogue) and it was no where to be found. I purchased it back during the COC event.

  5. I am not buying the castle, but that dialogue… That is one of the best exchanges i have read on tapped out. Very funny

  6. I didn’t buy the islands, even more glad I didnt now. Did spend money on the twonicorn so it’s kind of annoying that it now comes along with this. I’m pretty much going to stop buying stuff and wait for it to show up cheaper or free at a later date.

    • The Two-Nicorn is a separate purchase from the castle. It’s 70 donuts, which I think is the same price at which it was originally offered.

  7. How do I contact ea if I want to report a fault the christmas lard lad donuts is locked in my gift box even though I have the building

  8. I think it’s cute, I’m glad Lisa is premium with it though, and it’s not like Homer Santa.

  9. What is the 2 horned unicorn you are suppose to be able to find in the build menu? I can’t find it and don’t know if it’s a repeated thing that I already have. My build menu shows no new items. Unless it doesn’t show up till after the 12 hrs of Lisa with Mayor Quimby.

  10. Hi everybody! Okay, is it just me or does it bother anyone else that Lisa’s new princess castle has the same audio as the Barbarian castle? I was expecting a light, frothy crystalline audio clip. Sad face to EA. Happy New Year to all!

    • Not surprised since it should have already been apart of the other castle event, it goes perfectly with the other castle items….

  11. Did Mayor Quimby disappear on anyone else?! I have town hall already but the quest line is telling me to build it! I’m trying all the usual stuff right now (restarting game, uninstalling, etc) but I was hoping someone else had found a solution already or if I need to contact EA.
    I tried building it again but then I lost a whole bunch of other items. I came back in the game to find most of my buildings returned (including my original town hall) while there’s still a new town hall working on its 24hr build. What the heck? This is the first issue I’ve had with the game and finally understand everyone’s frustrations when a glitch messes them up! Any advice out there, tappers?

  12. Not worth $10+ it costs in donuts.

  13. Bluedestroyer82

    I freakin spent 120 Donuts on the islands and now EA gave them for free. Now I cant afford the castles! Thanks a lot, EA

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