The package arrived in the early hours of morning, with slush and ice still doing their best to make the UPS driver’s life a frozen hell. As there has been a crazy confluence of delayed Christmas deliveries recently, due in part to the horrible weather and an obviously overwhelmed Amazon and UPS/FedEx/US Postal staff (who from what I can tell, mostly work for Amazon these days anyway) I wasn’t surprised to get a delivery this late after the holidays.
Between Christmas, my birthday on New Year’s Day, and our 35th Wedding Anniversary on the 9th, there have been any number of reasons for my overworked UPS guy (who stubbornly wore shorts until the weather dropped into the low 20s), to show up with a package at my “home office.”
But, this one was different. I could sense it from the minute I picked it up. As I touched the box, there was an instant burst of cognition emanating from it that made me realize that my life was going to change for the better. It seemed to glow in the light, with a luminescence that pulsed with a sense of possibilities for the coming year (or perhaps my vision swirled due to the extra 2 cups of coffee and having over-nuked the last of the Christmas cinnamon rolls that had reached a full week past the “best eaten by” label,” that I had consumed minutes before).
Whatever the reason for the halcyon glow, I could tell this was something that was clearly “unexpected” and magical!
I opened the box carefully, and found a miniature “Ralphie”–tongue stuck to a “Welcome to Springfield” sign. So cute!
And attached to it a simple note…
“Welcome to Addicts…You are off of probation.” signed with a red “A” with what appeared to be a Crayola easy-wash marker (no doubt borrowed from Riley’s stash of writing utensils).
I sat in stunned silence, the sound of my beating heart welling up along with a cloud of tears, as I reached up to slowly remove the “Addicts Rookie” hat that had been resting on my head since August.
“It’s over…I made the team,” I muttered out loud, half expecting Ralphie to answer. But I chuckled, knowing that with his tongue frozen to the Springfield sign, it would be a garbled, “Lellcub aborbub” at best.
Five long months. Five months of emptying the coffee cups and sweeping up after the “Addicts Meetings” on Tuesday night. Five months of taking the abusive taunts from those who wished me dumped into the ocean off of Krusty’s Oil Rig” in their Springfields, while I kept my face frozen with the smile of a frat boy taking a paddling during initiation, with a “Thank you sir…may I have another?” teeth-clenched, grimace.
And, there had certainly been more than a few taunts. Most stemmed from those who didn’t understand that my primary role as a newbie, was to write “color” and “filler” in between regular game content posts. The “Please stop writing these rambling, long, horrible, opinionated, terrible, awful, did-I-already-say-long-and rambling?, posts with a CLEAR AGENDA that offends me!” comments were infrequent…but still made me wince.
When I tried to defuse the horrible rancor of the “Wnter/Holiday/Christmas” event, when it threatened to break out into a full-blown war of religions, I gladly became the lightning rod for rebuke, with all sides accusing me of having an agenda, and not being inclusive in their attempts at exclusion during the update (yes…I realize this sounds like it was ambiguous…because it was). But, I put on my Teflon Undies, and clung to the rod, knowing that any hits I took would be deflecting comments from Alissa and the rest of the team. As a rookie initiate, it was my chosen role.
But luckily for me, when the comments were tallied, added to a spreadsheet, and analyzed by an independent team of auditors, those that liked having me back, or at least were willing to put up with me, clearly outweighed the “If you don’t stop letting him post, I will quit reading” sector. (The actual results were 39% Love Patric, 38% like him, but still don’t fully trust him, 22.3% can take or leave Patric, but don’t really know what to make of a guy who confusingly spells his name without the “k”, and .0677999% were in the “I hate everything he stands for, everything he writes, and think he should be shot” sector…although, it’s hard to tell if it is just ONE PERSON who spoofs their email address, because they NEVER use a REAL email address when commenting…cowards that they are!).
But, as my Dad once told me, “if you reach your 60s and you have more real friends than you can count on both hands, you are a truly lucky man.” And, I do.
Let’s face it…this year has sucked in ways that nobody could have predicted. No matter how you take your politics (hopefully with two grains of salt and a healthy heap of the “relaxation beverage” of your choice), we are all left with the residue of an era of divisiveness that has left us all defensive, hair-triggered in response, and unable to tell truth from fiction at almost any level of communication.
And while I still get emails from former readers of TSTOFriends lamenting its demise, it was simply the right time to pull the plug.
In the end, the REAL reason for dismantling TSTOFriends came from sheer and utter fatigue. It wasn’t just the work of posting about the game incessantly, or coming up with ideas to post during “garbage time.” But rather, it was the fatigue that sets in when you realize that you have begun to resent the way the work makes you feel.
It is tiring to be “Cranky” all of the time. There is medical evidence to support the fact that being “Cranky” takes WAY more energy than being nice, forgiving, thoughtful, and positive. And let’s face it…at my age, I don’t need one more reason to feel crappy health-wise.
So, when Alissa and I met in person for the first time, with Riley cooing and smiling between us, it was the final push I needed to stop being “Cranky” and be part of something that had long been a thorn in my side.
It was as if “Mr. Potter” in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” had finally seen the light (and returned the $8K he stole from Uncle Billy) and had decided to join George Bailey in making Bedford Falls the very best it could be. But, of course this analogy only works if I and TSTOFriends was already dominating the TSTO Blogosphere, and Alissa was the little guy, trying to make a point that “doing the right thing, and being happy” is a better way to approach life.
The fact is…Alissa owns it, kids. (Alissa…please turn away from the monitor…I know you hate talking numbers or bragging!). This place is without question, the #1 TSTO blog anywhere. Nothing even comes close. TSTOFriends was #2, but #2 in this case was so far behind in the “stats game,” that you needed a strong set of binoculars to even see us coming up behind. I was fine with that. Really. It was fun being the king of my own ratty fiefdom…and taking jabs at “the Queen of bliss.” Until it wasn’t.
I am a lucky man to be welcomed back to the “team.” There are few times in life when you start with a team, leave in a huff (or a minute and huff), and then are welcomed back to that same team after doing your best to beat the brains out of them. Of course, in my case…most of this was simply self-inflicted wounds. But I digress…
So. Yes…it will be nice to be able to take off the “Rookie hat,” remove the “Addicts Apprentice” arm band, and finally get “key-card access” to the basement (although I’m not sure if I want to go down there, as some folks who do, go MIA).
In the end, I am happy to be the one who writes the stuff that gets a reaction…knowing that statistically, tens of thousands read it…a handful of you comment…and a fraction (again…maybe the same guy?) hate it. I’ll live with those odds.
And now, and for as long as TSTO is around, and I can keep my Teflon undies laundered, I will be part of the Addicts team.
Looking down by my keyboard, next to my “Dad” coffee mug, Ralphie will serve as a constant reminder that even in the worst conditions, it really is best to have a positive, “Bliss Queen” attitude. Being Cranky has it’s place…but that has a completely different domain name.
Right Ralphie?
Part of the team. I like the way that sounds.
And just like the pole and Ralphie…it looks like we’re stuck with one another for a while…(sorry, couldn’t resist).
Way to go Patric!!! Patience is a virtue lol. And that Ralphie statue is so cute. Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more if your blogs, congratulations 😁
Thanks!
Yay! You’re an awesome part of the team
Thanks for bringing us the Wookster!
Oops. WAIT… retract that last comment. I have been informed by a reliable source, it’s symptomsmama, and Wookiemama are not the same people. I’m sure this was confusing to all involved….😵🔨
Congrats, Patric! I have to o admit that I was a bit skeptical at first to see you here. I used to be a Friends reader too (have always enjoyed your writing style and willingness to “go there”) but I have to say that the negativity about this site and its readers finally got to me, and I stopped reading. I can be relatively cranky myself! That said, I tried to keep an open mind when your posts reemerged on Addicts, and I’m glad I did. I appreciate your posts for several reasons, one being that you are not afraid to present a different, sometimes contrarian viewpoint, but now with less acrimony. Huh. That’s kind of a nice tagline, don’t you think? Patric, TSTO writer extraordinaire, now with less acrimony! Life’s too short to hold grudges, especially when everyone involved seems to be a pretty lovely human being. I’m glad that you all were able to come to the same conclusion.
Holyfreakinshirt! You have just stumbled on my new tag line!
“Different, a sometimes contrarian viewpoint, but now with less acrimony.”
Perfect.
Patric, I have to admit I was never a fan of Cranky Old Guy…it often seemed to me to be negativity just for the sake of it. So I mostly just stuck with Addicts. But since Riley got under your skin, I find myself truly enjoying your insightful posts here. Welcome aboard, congrats on your “promotion”, and I look forward to reading your thoughtful and thought provoking articles for a long time to come!
Thanks! Sweet little Riley. Always a smile.
Patric, I also have been quite cranky for a long time. Sometimes on this site. I was forgiven.
I have made it my goal to be much less cranky and try to enjoy life as much as possible. I’ve been to two funerals in the past 30 days. One for a 16 year old and one for an 89 year old. One pointed out that you just never know when. The other made me realize that if I make it to 89, I don’t want to be remembered as that Grumpy guy. Glad your staying.
Good lessons, both.
In the end, we are measured by the joy we bring others…and crankiness begets more crankiness. So… lesson learned.
Congratulations Patric! Welcome to the Team! Ralphie is definitely better than an “electric sex” leg lamp. Now THAT’S a major award!!!
Hey Cranky no more
Me and you have been round the block for a long time now, and I have always loved your posts. We have together through thick and thin, and although I have not always agreed with you, your help with this sometimes confusing game has always been appreciated by me and long may you reign over the insanity of the game that we all love
May you keep yourself and your family safe and well ( I miss the posts of the old communities efforts for the Buriya school).
Xx
Did not know you were on ” probation
“cranky but sure glad you passed.
This site would not be the same without you, I appreciate your sense of humour & look forward to your comments.
Patric, I started reading your words and, for some reason, was hearing Jean Sheperds voice in my head. Then I got to “halcyon glow”, looked up at my mini ” electric sex” leg lamp on the mantle, and broke in to a knowing smile.;)
I love your “welcome to the fold” gift. It seems a World’s Collide moment between BlissCrank, Ralphie/Flick, North/Flag pole. Ahhhh, the insanity is stopped and now all is right in the TSTO blog world. Didn’t realize you were on probation, but congrats on being official!
P.S. Don’t forget to get the keys to the Attic.
The attic is where all the good cheetos are 😉
Nooooo not the attic, Wookiee gets pretty protective of his Cheetos😂😂 I’d stick with the basement & Bunny’s special water😊
Speaking of Wookie and Bunny, where have they been lately? I don’t think I’ve read posts from them in a while!
Check yesterday’s posts
Yep!! There’s their posts!! 😀
Duuuuhh huh!!!
Thanks, Alissa!
Lol no worries. Yesterday was a rare day I didn’t post
😀 I affectionately think “Ying and Yang”. Hmm, that could also be you and Patric, balancing each other! Or I could be talking out of my blow hole (but I don’t think so). 😉
Patric, I am not privy to the cause of the schism (nor do I want to) but may I say how pleased I am that things have been rectified. I am a regular reader and a sometimes poster who has lurked around for 3 odd years and love the Addicts team and the worldwide community that has been created as a result dearly.
So I will take this opportunity to say “Congratulations” on losing the L (learner) plates and being a fully licensed member of the Addicts team.
Patric you have a talent for writing – there’s no doubt about it. Yes, sometimes you can cause a bit of controversy but “you work with what you are given”. I am forever grateful about how appreciative you are of my happiness 😁. Happy 5 months!
Your attitude is infectious. I’ve been to the doctor…there doesn’t seem to be a cure! LOL!
“A bit of controversy” is a good thing now and then…
Congratulations 😊
Really want my own Ralphie, how awesome is that! It was one of the funniest things I’d seen in a long while when I got that task 😆
Well done mate. I really like your work because it is well-written and funny. I wish you luck in all further addicting.
This probably won’t make it through moderation, but that’s OK. I was a very loyal TSTO Friends reader until you started making political comments. I posted an opposing view. Rather than just disagree, you were extremely condescending and hurtful to me. So, I left your site and became a member here.. a kinder, gentler TSTO blog. And… now you’re here. But, I seem to notice a new Patric. Yes, a less cranky Patric. If Alissa can let bygones be bygones, so can I.
Suffice it to say, that I don’t remember the exchange (the advantage of old age and selective memory). But, I suspect that you had it coming!
OK, Kidding. That was a joke. Really…
The actual difference between my old place, and Addicts, is that I never deleted comments…and wasn’t afraid to be aggressive if I was worn out on a topic. Here…well…let’s just say that Alissa pretty much has a zero tolerance for blatantly political posts…and the delete key is our salvation.
I’m not sure what the topic was about…but I can only remember getting torqued up…regarding gun control, which has only gotten worse in recent times. Most likely after the shooting at the elementary school. But, who knows…Cranky…the real cranky…has no place here, and I’m fine with that.
There are loads of places to “discuss” or argue politics or religion…without a TSTO site being drawn into it. So…yes, you are safe here.
Yes, it WAS about guns. But what I don’t understand is why some people can’t be friends with people they disagree with. What a boring world this would be if we all thought alike. My best friend is on the opposite political pole as me.. We have knock down drag out debates..and then we agree to disagree and go shoe shopping. (I can’t see you wearing a pair of Jimmy Choos..). But you get the point. I may disagree with you politically, but I do enjoy your articles.. And btw, your daughter and I are in the same career field and in the same major metropolitan area.
Yours are the words of wisdom, the words of reason, the words few dare to share afraid of being called out as something else, your articles are always written with an exceptional point of view, common sense wich, many lack and is hard to come by, and is done in a way in wich, while you as a reader get some knowledge, can’t help but crack a smile on the occasional joke or reference, and knowing that in the end, is always of some insight and there’s a message hidden there (or written all over from the very title) Patric, I always read everything with your voice (not yours really, my brain automatically gave you a voice) and it reminds me of someone who’s knowledge is of much benefit and is worth learning from … Thank you!!!
Wow…blushing…thanks!
Fine, no more fake email addy’s…
😂
But seriously, it’s good to have you here, I enjoy your posts Patric😊
Aha!!!! I knew if was you!
Kidding…
Glad to be here.
That is a cool toy Patric.
Welcome, Patric! Congrats on surviving your probation 🙂 And as for the 0.0677999%, as Winston Churchill said: “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something sometime in your life.”
Love that!!! Good old Winnie!
I’m glad you are here.
It’s almost as if you’re saying: You all had every right to be apprehensive about my return because I wasn’t very nice to someone whom many of you feel is a very nice human being, and hopefully I have shown sincerity in my desire to contribute to this community.
I think you have. I think I would miss you if you weren’t here anymore.
The Ralph statue is adorable. Congrats.
P.S. I have one account, and this is it. 😉
🙂
Thanks. And you are correct.
Patric – you are a great writer! So creative and entertaining and quite the wordsmith. Plus laugh out loud funny. Have to say I’ve always enjoyed your posts, both here and at TSTOFriends. You always offer lots of kernels of wisdom and naked truth with a keen self-deprecatory humor that I think we can all agree is a trademark of our beloved animated show. So congrats on making it through your probationary period! Just remember, if Alissa ever takes you to task for something, just blame that idiot Tibor. And if you want to take an early lunch, be sure to file whatever you’re working on under R for arrrivederci 🙂
Hahaha! I’ll keep that in mind. And thank you for the kind words…
Yay
There was a vote?
Yea unofficially official. Russia was involved. There was this whole thing..
I hope Russia just liked my like of your funny comment. We know they are watching/reading and have an opinion. But is it: dour acceptance, cold indifference, or fiery repudiation. C’mon, dour acceptance!
Lol every so often I get a funny victory..
Ha!!! I KNEW It! There was something weirdly “hacky” about the .067%ers. I need to do a trace-route on their IP addresses!
LOL…uhm….no. We just tallied up the tenor of the comments. Even some that we had to delete. So yes…the .067% had a voice.
You mean the .067% who are possibly “just ONE PERSON who spoofs their email address, because they NEVER use a REAL email address when commenting…cowards that they are!”?
I don’t know if you’re implying that I fit in that category, because I don’t, because a) I use a real email address (you’ve even sent me an email to it) and have never logged into this site under any other identities than this one and b) I don’t think you should be shot and don’t even hate everything you do.
I actually didn’t see any category in your non-survey survey that reflects what I think, but I don’t really care, as long as you’re not implying that I’m in that .067%, because I wouldn’t want anyone here to think that I’ve been doing anything like that.
So, since I feel like I have a reputation here to maintain, can you (or Alissa) please confirm to the group here that I use a real email address and have never posted here as anyone other than Sandra Shill? I would appreciate that.
Sandra no one was talking about you. He’s joking about the ones who flipped out on him and their comments mostly were trashed.
It’s a funny post. Not controversial. Just meant to be funny.
Thanks for the confirmation. 🙂
👍
LOL…how did I miss this one? Too funny.
No. You are not part of the .067%. You are very careful to use your name and address…so you don’t make the cut.
As to what your “other category” might have been, I can hardly imagine. But suffice it to say, we’ll agree to disagree on loads of things…agree on some…and just ignore other topics which will not be worth discussing beyond a simple, “meh.”
Whatever the case…I’m glad we cleared that one up. I don’t want you expecting to get a “I’m Not One of the .067%” hat or shirt from us. Just know you aren’t in there. You are beyond any clustered generalization, Sandra. You are one of a kind…for sure!
This is a website I voluntarily visit. No one is twisting my arm to make me read the content that doesn’t interest me. But most of the content *does* interest me, and I’m always astounded by how well the Addicts keep up with all that’s going on in the game as well as all the creative designs I see in the Springfield Showoffs. It’s an amazing community of people. But this reconciliation thing, happening in such a divisive year, has simply warmed my heart to the core. If you can do it, we can all do it. Thank you all for everything.
😀 perfect year for reconciliation.
i really had no choice… once you meet Riley, there is no other option~
Are you miss Patty Love, or showing love for Patric? a) Patric, I don’t mistrust you in any way due to the lack of a “k” since I live on the border of “La Belle Provence” and that’s the normal spelling for many of my friends (pssst….there’s lots of “Marc’s” too, LOL, and (b) love for Patric would be Paddy love. Loving Patty would mean you love your female friend Patricia. Just clarifying for those who aren’t from an Irish background. 🙂 (Dear Patty Love – I hope you aren’t offended or hurt by this comment. While true, it’s all meant to be tongue in cheek. Slainte!)
I am truly Patty Love, and it takes a lot more than what you said to offend or hurt me. The fact that you would go there in the first place and then go to such great lengths to explain how you got there and then apologize for potentially hurting or offending me gave me a good laugh! An aside, my best friend is Linda Money, and we always say that I married for Love and she married for Money. Aren’t we *hilarious*???? Lololol
LOL – Too funny I love it!
All that apologizing is the Canadian in me, LOL.
I’m glad you survived the probationary period and process intact. I look forward to more posts from all perspectives, because I see it as the more the merrier (and crankier if you like)
Cranky lives! But…I keep him in the closet most of the time.
Maybe it’s because it was a long work week back from the holidays or maybe it’s because of the exhausting divisiveness that has recently become almost commonplace in our country, but the unity and sentiment behind this post brought a tear to my eye. Welcome aboard (officially), Patric.
Thanks much, Suze! Glad to be here.
Congrats! You are an excellent writer!
Thanks! I enjoy it…
I love that pole and Ralph stick to it Patrick and they are wise words from your dad
He was a wise man. No doubt about it.
I was apprehensive about your return, but I think it has worked out well.
Glad to know we were both able to “get over it,” and move to a better place.
I know that you appreciated. Shared work makes the load so much easier to carry. By the way I really enjoyed the Wookie’s Christmas popcorn. LOL
It was Soooooo yummy! I was supposed to share and didn’t lol
I told you…the family treats that stuff like crack cocaine. Don’t let the rest of the family know what they are missing, or I’ll be sending it out by the bushel.
Glad you liked it! The Wookster is “on the list,” now.