Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!
Love is in the air! Although maybe not so much in the Simpsons’ household…
Love and War is the latest event to hit our pocket-sized towns, and it’s an all-out romance novel affair! Also always, loads of dialogue with this one, so be sure to read along to see what happens! And of course, I’ll be posting it as each week wraps up…
Now on with the Act 3 Dialogue…
Heaven and Hell Pt. 1
Marge: What am I going to do? Temperance is falling for Artie. My beloved protagonist is going to end up with the wrong man!
Homer: Yeah, it’s a literary catastrophe. So, what’s for dinner?
Marge: Why are you even here? I told you that I would call YOU when I’m ready to talk.
Homer: I thought you WERE ready.
Marge: When did you think that happened? When you brought me a half-eaten box of chocolates or when you climbed naked into our bedroom window?
Homer: No, like many developments in our marriage, I thought it happened when I was at Moe’s. I better go back and double-check.
Make Marge Think of a Plan- 4hrs
Make Homer Go to Moe’s- 4hrs
Collect Beer Barrels- x115. 4hrs.
Marge: Okay, so writing Cyrus into all this didn’t help anything, but what more can I do? Those two were meant for each other. I suppose I could try to write Cyrus out of the book… A bus comes out of nowhere? A gardening mishap? A garden comes out of nowhere? I have no experience writing myself out of a corner. I need to talk to a professional!
CBG: At your service.
Marge: Not you. I need to talk to Esme Delacroix!
Heaven and Hell Pt. 2
Esme Delacroix: So, Marge, how’s the sequel coming?
Marge: I’ve hit a bit of a snag. My protagonist is about to fall for the wrong man. How can I make her see that she’s making a mistake?
Esme Delacroix: Well, whenever I need to give my heroine a nudge in the right direction, I introduce a new villain. How many scoundrels are in your book?
Marge: Umm, just the one I suppose.
Esme Delacroix: One?! Oh, Marge, remember my rule of scoundrel thumb or “scumb”: A scoundrel a chapter keeps your reader a captor. Just create a new villain who steals your protagonist away, only to be thwarted by your knight in shining armor.
Marge: That’s really good advice! I can never thank you enough.
Esme Delacroix: It’s fine if you just pay my consulting fee.
Marge: Yeah, that’s what I meant when I said I can’t thank you enough.
Make Marge Get Back to Writing – 4hrs
Make Esme Delacroix Collect Her Fee- 4hrs
Collect Beer Barrels- x115. 4hrs.
Marge: Now, I just need to think up a new villain who can turn Cyrus back into the hero! Of course! Captain Mordecai can come back. That’s new! Okay here goes… *types* Captain Mordecai, relentless in his search to track Temperance, stumbles across a small town. After docking his boat, he calls to a local fisherman…
Captain Mordecai: You there! What’s the name of this hell-hole town?
Sea Captain: Yar, ye’ve docked at the bustling port of Springfield. What brings a fine specimen of captainhood like yerself here on this fine afternoon?
Captain Mordecai: I’m looking for some lost property. Perhaps you’ve seen her. About yea-high, easy on the eyes, with yardarm of ocean-blue locks.
Sea Captain: I know who ye be referring tee. Don’t know where she resides but check the dive bar known as Moe’s. Her husband is frequently seen thereabouts.
Captain Mordecai: Husband?! Be he a righteous fightin’ man or a cowardly peewee?
Sea Captain: A pee wee he be.
Captain Mordecai: I see. Tee hee.
Heaven and Hell Pt. 3
Captain Mordecai: Which one of you lousy, soon-to-be-dead, slobgoblins calls himself Homer?
Homer: Ooh, somebody’s in trouble. I’m sure glad my name isn’t — hey wait, that’s my name!
Captain Mordecai: So, you’re the one who stole my wife from me? Not sure what she sees in you. Not much to look at.
Homer: I’ll have you know that women say I’m a LOT to look at.
Captain Mordecai: Enough! Draw your sword. I’m gonna gut you like a fish for laying your hands on Temperance.
Homer: Temperance? Oh, you mean the other Marge. I never touched her.
Captain Mordecai: You mean my Temperance has been faithful to me?
Homer: Uh, well now I didn’t say that.
Captain Mordecai: Then draw yer sword!
Moe: Hold on there, Popeye and Pinkeye. If youse are gonna fight to the death, there’s a two-drink minimum.
Make Homer Catch Captain Mordecai Up – 4hrs
Make Captain Mordecai Listen to Homer– 4hrs
Collect Beer Barrels- x115. 4hrs.
Captain Mordecai: So you’re having trouble with your wife, too?
Homer: Big time. She kicked me out.
Captain Mordecai: Women. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t burn ‘em at the stake. Have you tried showing an interest in something she likes?
Homer: All the time! Marge likes me, and I show a lot of interest in myself.
Captain Mordecai: My Temperance loves whales. So, every so often, I go kill one for her. As a way to show her my love.
Homer: Hmm. Kill a whale for Marge. Are you Japanese?
Heaven and Hell Pt. 4
Marge: Now that Mordecai has been talking about Temperance, he’s primed to find her. Then Cyrus will save the day and Temperance will go back to him. Alright, time to get Captain Mordecai on the move. *types* Captain Mordecai, feeling a renewed sense of purpose, prepares to set off to find Temperance…
Captain Mordecai: Homer, you have filled me with a renewed sense of purpose to find Temperance. Would you care to accompany me on my quest?
Homer: Right after this beer. And one more after that.
Captain Mordecai: What in the blazes?! Barkeep, the woman in the box there…make her louder!
Moe: Yeah, yeah. Keep your sword in its scabbard. *turns up TV volume*
Titania: So if you like what you see, come on down to Knockers. “For the wings”, right? *winks at camera*
Captain Mordecai: By Neptune’s whiskers. She’d make a mighty figurehead on my bow. Is that how maidens dress in this town?
Homer: Welcome to the twentywhateveritis century, Ahab. You should see what they wear in the yoga place down the block. They call them “tights” for a reason.
Captain Mordecai: Is it because they’re tight?
Captain Mordecai: What are we waiting for? Yoga ho!
Make Homer Go to a Yoga Studio – 4hrs
Make Captain Mordecai Follow Homer- 4hrs
Collect Beer Barrels- x155. 4hrs.
Marge: Two can play at this game. *furiously types* Captain Mordecai does NOT go to a yoga studio to ogle women! He turns around and resumes his quest to find Temperance…
Captain Mordecai: Homer, are you sure we shouldn’t resume our quest to find Temperance?
Homer:You were the one who told me to show an interest in the same things that Marge likes…Marge likes yoga, so we’re going to watch yoga, and that’s the ONLY reason we’re going to watch yoga.
Marge: I would argue with him but none of this makes a bit of sense.
Heaven and Hell Pt. 5
Captain Mordecai: So…this is yoga?
Captain Mordecai: Do they mind if we watch?
Homer: Maybe. But how do you explain all the piggy nose-marks on the windows?
Captain Mordecai: They all look like you made them.
Homer: Also, maybe. Either way, I think we better sign up.
Make Homer Take in a Yoga Class- 4hrs
Make Captain Mordecai Ogle Women- 4hrs
Collect Beer Barrels- x195. 4hrs.
Homer: My arms and legs feel so limber. That was great! I can see now why Marge comes here.
Captain Mordecai: I signed up for a year’s membership!
Homer: You were right, Imaginary Weirdo. I have been taking Marge’s needs for granted. Now I need to prove to her I’m willing to change and be a better man.
Captain Mordecai: Magnificent.
Homer: Are you listening to me or staring at the yoga pants again?
Captain Mordecai: Just magnificent.
And this concludes Act 3 of the Love and War Event!
Thoughts on the third Act? Have you finished the prize track? Thoughts on the dialgoue? Excited to see how it all ends in Act 4? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!