Love and War Premium Dialogue: Captain Mordecai and Titania

Hey Howdy Hey Tappers!

Love is in the air!  Although maybe not so much in the Simpsons’ household…
Love and War is the latest event to hit our pocket-sized towns, and it’s an all-out romance novel affair!

The third ct of this event ushered in two new premium characters.  Once to help with the event and the other as a Gil deal.  Both Captain Mordecai and Titania come with full questlines.

So let’s take a look at the questlines for both the Captain and Titania…


More details on Captain Mordecai can be found here

Hands Off Pt. 1
Captain Mordecai starts

Captain Mordecai: Where is this? Am I in uncharted waters? Hmm…must be. I can hear the sirens calling to me from that building. What does it say? “Classy Girls Strip Club”. This bears closer inspection…
Make Captain Mordecai Check Out the Strip Club- 4hrs
Captain Mordecai: This isn’t uncharted waters. It’s heaven!
Mrs. Muntz: Hey sailor, have we met?
Captain Mordecai: I’m a captain but I’d be happy to pay good coin of the realm to make your acquaintance.
Mrs. Muntz: You’re speaking my language, mister.
Captain Mordecai: Captain.
Mrs. Muntz: Why don’t you buy me a drink?
Captain Mordecai: Very well. Waiter, two steins of your finest mead!

Hands Off Pt. 2
Captain Mordecai starts

Mrs. Muntz: How ‘bout you and me get a little more… intimate.
Captain Mordecai: You read my mind.
Mrs. Muntz: *puts out hand* It’s fifty to get started.
Captain Mordecai: Fifty doubloons?! Why, that’s robbery on the high seas! And I should know since I regularly rob on the high seas.
Mrs. Muntz: Uh, I don’t think we take doubloons. Is that some kind of bitcoin?
Captain Mordecai: Some of my coins have been bit, yes.
Mrs. Muntz: Security! Code Red! This one’s outta green!
Make Captain Mordecai Get Kicked Out- 4hrs
Captain Mordecai: You win this one, Classy Girls Strip Club. But you will rue the day that I can once again afford cannonballs! All that unrequited carousing has left me famished… The Frying Dutchman, eh? I don’t much care for the Dutch, but I’m hungry enough to stomach some snert and rookworst.

Hands Off Pt. 3
Captain Mordecai starts

Captain Mordecai: You can fry fish?! This place just gets better and better.
Sea Captain: Argh, ye be likin’ the food at my humble establishment, says ye?
Captain Mordecai: Are you kidding? This is the greatest manmade achievement since the invention of plunder!
Sea Captain: That be most gracious of ye to say. So, is that your fine-looking vessel I see docked outside?
Captain Mordecai: Look with yer eyes, not with your hook, “Captain”. If that’s yer real commission.
Sea Captain: That lass is the finest ship figurehead this lonely man has seen in a lifetime.
Captain Mordecai: Don’t get any ideas. She’s all mine. In fact, I think it’s time I discuss the evening’s plan with her.
Make Captain Mordecai Make Out With a Ship Figurehead- 4hrs

Hands Off Pt. 4
Captain Mordecai starts

Sea Captain: Well, it seems ye be about done with yer meal. And how will ye be paying this evening?
Captain Mordecai: *hands over a doubloon*
Sea Captain: A doubloon? I haven’t seen one of these since I still had two good sea legs! But it’s insufficient as to pay yer bill.
Captain Mordecai: Well that’s all I’ve got.
Sea Captain: Begging yer pardon, sir, but that’s not exactly ALL ye got now, is it?
Captain Mordecai: Just what are you proposing?
Sea Captain: Of all the seas I’ve sailed and all the lands I’ve lubbed, your figurehead be the fairest.
Captain Mordecai: ‘Tis true. I plundered her good and proper.
Sea Captain: So then she’ll understand a fair trade…
Make Captain Mordecai Listen to an Indecent Proposal- 4hrs
Make Sea Captain Profess His Love for the Figurehead- 4hrs
Captain Mordecai: So, it’s a sea race you want, eh?
Sea Captain: Correct. If ye win, it’s all ye can eat. But if I win, I get the lovely lady’s hand.
Captain Mordecai: She doesn’t have hands.
Sea Captain: I know. It’s not her hands I want.

Hands Off Pt. 5
Captain Mordecai starts

Sea Captain: Now remember the rules. The winner of this regatta be the first ship to unmoor and skim their vessel to the lighthouse and back. Do ye understand?
Captain Mordecai: I wasn’t skiffed yesterday.
Sea Captain: Sally forth!
Make Captain Mordecai Easily Win the Race- 4hrs
Make Sea Captain Remember He’s Racing in a Houseboat- 4hrs
Captain Mordecai: Hah! What an idiot. You barely left the dock by the time I won the race.
Sea Captain: Alas, the divine beauty of yer lady had me entranced. Like the call of a siren, I was mad with desire and paid no attention to the fact I was racing in a tugboat.
Captain Mordecai: Spare me yer alibis and fry me up another batch of long necks and clam bellies. We’re going on a deep, deep dive.


More details on Titania can be found here

Peak Performance Pt. 1
Titania starts

Titania: I love my job! Pouring beer and making hardworking men happy!
Buck McCoy: Don’t kid yourself, missy. We’re not that hardworking and we pretty much all drink from the bottle.
Bumblebee Man: Sí. Es verdad.
Titania: But…but…everyone here loves me! And I get most of the beer into the mug most of the time. If I’m not actually good at my job, why do you all come here?
Cregg Demon: Uh, we like to come here for the… sights.
Titania: Like all the memorabilia on the walls?
Bumblebee Man: Sí. Es verdad.
Make Titania Mope About Life- 4hrs

Peak Performance Pt. 2
Titania starts

Titania: Maybe I can make myself a better beer-tender.
Duffman: Hey, babe! You were runner up for Beer-Tender of the Year last year. Spend some time with me, and maybe you can win it all this time!
Titania: I did “spend some time” with you last time, and you weren’t any help at all! Or did you forget that?
Duffman: Duffman forgets a lot of things. Oh yeah!
Titania: Well forget you! I can win it all on my own if I just work hard enough.
Duffman: Now don’t get huffy. It’s risky for a one-joke character. Take it from me.
Make Titania Practice Drunk Tossing- 4hrs

Peak Performance Pt. 3
Titania starts

Akira : Welcome to the Happy Sumo! How may I help you?
Titania: I need help learning to toss drunks. You know karate fu, right?
Akira: Whoa! That’s racist. First of all, KUNG fu is Chinese and karate is from Japan. And just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I know martial arts! But yes, I can teach you karate.
Make Titania Learn Martial Arts- 4hrs
Make Akira Try to Teach Karate and Cultural Awareness- 4hrs
Akira: Lesson one: You must learn to focus on your center of gravity.
Titania: And where is that?
Akira: For most people, just below the belly button. For you it may be a little, uh, higher.

Peak Performance Pt. 4
Titania starts

Titania: Why is becoming a better beer-tender so hard?
Lisa: Maybe beer-tending isn’t really your calling. Maybe, like a caterpillar, you just need the proper nutrition and time to emerge as a beautiful butterfly!
Titania: I don’t understand any of that but I do like butterflies! What do I need to do?
Lisa: Follow me to the library.
Titania: I went there once, but I got thrown out for dancing on the table by one of the bouncers.
Lisa: They’re called “librarians”.
Make Titania Try to Get Smart- 8hrs
Make Lisa Encourage Titania to Read- 8hrs
Titania: Ugh, trying to be smart is so hard! Now I understand why we always made fun of nerds in school.
Lisa: At least a trip to the library taught you something.

Peak Performance Pt. 5
Titania starts

Titania: Hey guys, I’m back.
Buck McCoy: We missed your, uh, smile.
Titania: Really? Because you guys never actually look at my face.
Bumblebee Man: No es verdad.
Titania: You haven’t looked at it yet.
Cregg Demon: I was distracted by that crowd that just came in.
Akira: Right this way everyone! This is her!
Titania: Akira? Who are all these people?
Akira: Mostly annoying racists who come to my restaurant wanting me to teach them martial arts. I told them to come see my star pupil in action. I thought it might cheer you up.
Titania: Oh my gosh, that is so sweet! Should I start by throwing out this goth creep?
Cregg Demon: Hey!
Akira: Maybe start by pouring some beer.
Make Titania Pour Drinks for New Fans- 4hrs
Titania: Thank you, Akira! This really built my confidence.
Akira: You’re welcome. Perhaps after work you could come by my place for some sushi?
Titania: No thanks. My self-esteem isn’t THAT low.
Akira: Ouch. The student has become the master.

And that’s it my friends, the details on Captain Mordecai and Titania’s questlines!

Thoughts on the questlines?  Did you buy Captain Mordecai or Titania? Sound off below, you know we love hearing from you!

One thought on “Love and War Premium Dialogue: Captain Mordecai and Titania

  1. Captain Mordecai – more rewarding because this new Premium Character is voiced

    Titania – amusing because you remember certain Characters introduced during The Simpsons a looooooong time ago..

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