You came back for more? WOO HOO!!!! Can you feel the romance in the air? I certainly can!
With the holiday event coming to a close on January 14th, a lot of us are just waiting for a return of the Valentine’s Day event and you know that means, right? Yup, I get the chance to dish on some stuff I’d like to see with it. Best part for me is reader pkkao actually asked me to do it. For most of this post, I’ll be abbreviating Valentine’s Day as VD. Covers two reasons, my laziness and how funny I think it is to use that particular abbreviation in conjunction with a “love” holiday.
We covered two great episodes in the last post but wait… there’s more. Sorry that this whole mess comes in two parts but I’m a rambling Wookiee, errr nerd, I mean man. Well, thanks for stopping by, here’s the rest!
Season 22, Episode 13: “The Blue and the Gray”
This episode revolves around Marge and Moe in two storylines that combine in the end. The beginning finds us at Moe’s where he informs us he loves VD. SO much he covers the O in his sign with a heart. How cute… ugh.
“Stir a drop of Jaegermeister into some pink lemonade, slice in some strawberry chap stick, call it cupid’s ambrosia and you can charge up the wazoo.”
Of course we all know Moe would hate VD because he’s a lonely, miserable yeti. He knew his love life was like Sister Act 3… no Whoopi. Moe sees an infomercial for a singles conference promising to turn men from couch potatoes to sex tornados. At the seminar, it is chalk full of the characters we know and love. Also held at the Springfield Airport Motor Lodge.
Dr. Kissing-her informs them all that research shows women make up their mind about men in the first 6.5 seconds? I think I lost them with my initial VD joke. It’s hard to meet girls when your job pays in chickens. (Hint, hint Alissa)
Marge discovers a gray hair in the mirror and goes to her hair stylist. She finds out shes been “grayer than a Seattle Cinco de Mayo for years” and the dye fumes have been wiping it from her mind. It’s a battle of the blue and gray and her stylist is Gaybraham Lincoln.
Moe’s story line includes Homer acting as his wingman (a proud tradition including Val Kilmer and Wedge Antilles). Classic wingman strategies Homer employs: jumping on the grenade and talk blocking.
Marge’s part revolves around her deciding to go gray completely with her hair. This results in all sorts of problems including Homer not liking it but not wanting to say anything, Bart being teased at school, the other wives of Springfield making her feel bad, looking like the old lady on the pickle jar and people mistaking her for being older than she is.
Ralph Wiggum: “Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.”
Poor Marge. Old may not be a four letter word but A-A-R-P certainly is. She turns to her sisters, Patty & Selma, who are of course no help. They tell Marge her hair “committed bluicide”. Big reveal… they didn’t go gray either (although I’ve always thought of their hair as purple), it’s just full of smoke & ash.
Even bigger reveal: Jessica Simpson is Lisa’s cousin.
The end of the episode has Marge hearing about Homer going to clubs (courtesy of his wingman duties) from sexy, younger women who have even adopted his “D’oh” catchprase. Marge goes to the nightclub to confront him but gets in a car wreck and through some funny circumstances, resembles a witch by the time she gets there. In the end of course, Homer loves only Marge, burning broom or no burning broom. She goes back to Blue and so does Homer. Ah…..romance.
One Night Stan’s and/or Club Zipless
Harry Shearers. You gotta love a building honoring a prominent voice in The Simpsons (Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny Leonard, Principal Skinner, Otto Mann and Rainier Wolfcastle) and the co-creator of This is Spinal Tap.
Crazy Cat Lady and Crazy Dog Man. This is just the kind of crazy romance that gives me faith in this fake holiday.
Springfield Grocery Store
Dr. J. Loren Pryor, Springfield Elementary School Psychologist
Season 23, Episode 13: “The Daughter Also Rises”
This last VD episode is another great one. It has a really funny couch gag with The Simpsons family getting a surprise party for their 500th episode. Lisa looks it up in “The Comprehensive 20 Year Simpsons Episode Guide” and tells everyone it’s episode 499. As for the celebration, Moe sums it up nicely. “FOX ain’t doing this again.”NERD NOTE: The 500th Episode opening sequence was way cool and even bigger.
In this episode, Lisa has a romance and Bart and Milhouse become Mythcrackers like the TV show they watch. I think it’s awesome that Adam and Jamie from the show Mythbusters voiced themselves in the spoof. I think it’s only appropriate to share this sage wisdom from Homer about VD.
“We show girls love on Valentine’s Day and they let us blow stuff up on the 4th of July.”
For VD this time, Marge lets Homer go off and do whatever he wants as long as he takes Bart with him. They go to the testoter-zone for some guy time. Lisa and Marge go to a restaurant. While Marge frets over the thousand island spilling into the vinaigrette, Lisa meets a crackhead. Seriously… she saw the boy’s head through a crack.
While Bart and Milhouse debunk all the myths at Springfield Elementary, Lisa is off on romantic dates with her new beau. Eating at the town’s French Restaurant, watching the Running of the Bullies, taking in the scenic sites of the mini-golf course. Nick is so Hemingway-esque. Also, who knew Springfield had so much culture?
Marge isn’t too thrilled with Lisa dividing her attention away from her and tries to discourage the romance. Not to be stymied, Lisa gets advice from Grandpa Simpson who tells her of the ancient romance of Pyramus and Thisbe. They also met through a crack and declared their love under a Mulberry Tree. (They also died as they were the inspiration for Romeo & Juliet and West Side Story for the record.) It’s funny to me to see old Abe make some sense even if it’s telling stories of doomed romance. He even offers this opinion on Marge picking Homer. “There’s a lot of fish in the sea but she picked out a drunken walrus.”
Grandpa helps Lisa run off with Nick to steal a kiss under a tree on Mulberry Island. Lisa is all ready for the kiss but changes her mind after being dissuaded by Hemingway’s first two ex-wives and his stuffed marlin. It’s a good thing too because Nick isn’t really the guy Lisa thought he was (even if he is voiced by Michael Cera who makes me laugh).
McBain VD Billboard
Le Petit Apetit (A French Restaurant could be awesome among our other ones.)
Awesome Mini-Golf Course
Springfield Retirement Castle Excursion Shuttle
Well… it may have been a lot of words and pictures in two parts but I finally finished. Please post your comments below about your opinions and anything else you’d like to see for Valentine’s Day. TTFN… Wookiee out!
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