Diary of a Wookiee: Thoughts About “The Order”

Hey, howdy, hello, guten tag, ohio and more friends!

This Stonecutter event really has been a blast so far. EA went back to the tried and true format for all of us and I haven’t had to hear one person complain about Vegas odds, Whells or crappy decorations they don’t want. Seems EA weathered a potential storm and all is right in TSTO Land. Or is it? (CUE THE SPOOKY MUSIC).  It’s time to listen to what the game tells me to do.

You ever get that feeling when things are great that something ominous is lurking on the horizon. You know… that “the kids have been awful quiet for too long” feeling. Well, this got me wondering and while I was playing the game, collecting emblems, spying on friends and enjoying all thing Stonecuttery, I noticed those other robed fellas in town.  Of course, they were explained in the game.

Well that clears it all up, right?  Not for this fuzzball.  I knew about The Stonecutters but was hazy about any Order so I went off to split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth just like the good Stonecutter I am.

In the Simpsons, the word order usually comes with the phrase restraining in front of it or references to the Stonecutters.  Of course, people order food at Krusty Burger and other establishments but where’s the secret robed menaces when I need to find them.  There were those black robed mutants in “The Homega Man” segment of Treehouse of Horror VIII (S9:E4) but that has to do with the freakmobile.

Hmmm… gotta dig further and avoid Illuminati or Mason items.  Here are some things I know aren’t connected to The Order:

Pretty sure this has nothing to do with the 2003 Horror Film Starring Heath Ledger – Carolinguan priests investigate an alleged Sin Eater. As far as movies go, this one didn’t completely stink and I know there have to be a few Heath fans here. Nothing will ever top his Joker performance for me but if you haven’t seen it, take this post as a good reason to use up an hour or two not tapping or better yet tapping AND watching.  The Order doesn’t appear to be about religion but I’ll let you decide.

Definitely not the 2015 video game entitled The Order:1886 for PS4. That’s future gaming stuff about stuff from the past.  We gotta concentrate on the present.

It is also hopefully not connected to the most violent and notorious domestic terrorist group of the 1980s. The info about this organization is actually quite frightening. They’ve certainly received enough press on their own so Oogle it if you must know more.

To lighten up the mood (at least for me), The Order is also most likely not the Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo although it’d be cool if it was. The Flintstones were actually the most financially successful animated sitcom before The Simpsons made their debut. If you don’t know about Fred and Barney’s secret club, you’re certainly missing out. An acquaintance of mine actually became the Worshipful Master of his Masonic Lodge and we all called him the Grand Poobah. He even was made his own Water Buffalo hat.  I figure it’s not these guys because they’d all wear blue robes.

Other orders I don’t think our TSTO faction is are The Order of the Arrow, The Order of the Bath, The Order of St. Benedict, The Order of Melchidezek, The Order of the Phoenix or the Order of a Large Baja Blast at Taco Bell.

Anywho… enough about what it isn’t. Let’s discuss my fuzzy theories of which I have two.

You had to know I would point out that The Order could possibly be The Jedi Order. Whenever I tap on one of the robed characters and he disappears a la Obi Wan Kenobi… my fanboy flag flies in my heart. Now I wonder if we are making them more powerful than we can imagine whenever we strike them down.

Is Springfield due for an overabundance of omniscient Force Ghosts to rival our Stonecutters?

Another idea comes from way back during Halloween 2013.  Maybe the Order has been in our town the whole time. Do y’all remember the quests connected with The First Church of Lard Lad? I know disbelievers will point out those cultees wear white robes but funny things have been afoot at my “Church” since Halloween.

That looks like a serious mystical area.  If those guys participated in the blood sacrifices I’ve been dreading, who’s to say they might not have crimson robes now. You know… one secret order would not be too happy with a different one suddenly appearing.

Or even worse, The Lard Ladders discovered Jedi powers.  Free throat hugs for everyone!

Ok… I’m officially spooked but if they are Jedis, we should be good to go. Nothing bad ever happens with them, right? Well, ultimately up to you to decide what’s going on with these mysterious opponents to the Stonecutters. All I can say is whether you squish them or not… you’ve been warned. I’m off to find wherever Alissa stored those foil hats.

TTFN… Wookiee out!