Let’s start with the fact that I realize that the content of this post may offend some of you. Some of you are hardcore supporters of EA and everything they do. Some of you are hardcore KEM miners who can/will buy anything, just because you can. And some of you are women, who hate seeing men objectify certain parts of the female anatomy.
Thinking about it…this post might offend ALL of the above-mentioned categories of players. But, hear me out. I think I have some of the most valid reasons ever for passing on a Premium Buy, that most people (knowing my sadly “dirty old man” aversion to cartoon women in this game) may be shocked (or not, after I explain it) to read here. I’m not proud of it…but it is…as they say…what it is!
Here are the THREE primary reasons I didn’t buy this combo…
1. Enough with the sexual/phallic decorations already, EA!
Nobody is fooled by the “storage tanks” at the nuke plant, or the less-than-disguised way the Observatory thrusts and refracts. And, if you look around, even casually…you’ll see breasts and phallic parts all over Springfield. Most are FAR more clever than a couple of dirt mountains…lazily named “curvaceous cave!”
2. She’s Clearly Modeled After an AWFUL movie!!
The Mid-60s were a time when Hollywood could/would put almost anything out that was a bit tawdry, in lieu of anything resembling a logical script, or good acting. A perfect example of that is a little gem called, “One Years Million BC.” Forget any semblance of actual science (this movie had cave people wandering freely with myriad dinosaurs from prehistoric periods separated by millions of years), there was only one reason (or perhaps we should say two) that made this movie a box-0ffice hit)…Rachel Welch’s assets…that were famously covered (barely) by saber-tooth tiger fur.
This movie ( which only gets 5.3 stars on IMDB, and 35% popcorn on Rotten Tomatoes) is only memorable as the film that launched Raquel into the stratosphere (of exploitation appearances) revealing both of her “acting talents” regularly on TV guest appearances, and more horrible movies.
Let’s be honest…if there was a plot at all, it was all in the poster.
Or the “publicity stills” from the movie… which make her look a tad less than “Paleolithic”…the era from which she would have been 1 Million BC ago (give or take 2,000 years).
Let’s face it…forgetting all of the science (and even religious beliefs) for a bit…it is clear what made this movie work. Boobs…
Which brings us to the MAIN REASON I’m NOT Buying this Premium Combo…
3. What did you do with Booberella’s Boobs?????
As I have written about in the past, Booberella is based on Elvira…who had cleavage that could make even the “Walking Dead” take pause. Booberella…even the Simpson-ized/TSTO version has plenty of “V” in her v-necks.
So….WHAT HAPPENED HERE???
Did they put poor Booberella on the Paleo Diet? Did the lack of modern processed sugar and carbohydrates starve her poor body to the point of “chestal-emaciation?” And she’s sun-bathing????? No. Sorry…Mindy Sunbathes. WHO DID THIS ART??? What do you have against BOOBS?????
If you were going to copy Raquel…there were SO many options!! You could have her “Lunging at a brontosaurus!” Or “Slap fighting with a T-Rex” (those tiny arms flailing would have been hilarious). Or even just standing…legs and arms splayed (like the movie shots) and call it, “Stand rigid in fear)…or something like that. But, no… we sunbathe (what’s left of our shrunken body) and make fire???? UGH!! Do you not remember that her regular character is “BURNED AT THE STAKE!!!!” To quote Frankenstein’s monster, “Fire…BAD!!”
Sorry. As much as I love women in the game…especially scantily clothed women…reducing the value (and size) of Booberalla’s finest assets is simply unconscionable!