Thank Grog It’s Firday!
Once again, I am writing this early, as I will actually be in Alaska the day you are reading this…Friday…which may be Saturday for some…but because of the header, is mostly Friday…except when it isn’t, like today.
That last paragraph makes about as much sense as this event. Perhaps EA is going to figure out a way to pull it together somehow with the dialogue. But, it is going to take a rope the size of a galaxy, and a giant Holy Lion to pull together.
And, frankly, I think this a case of “jumping the shark” in TSTO that is both troubling and was likely born out of the same kind of staff meeting that the original “Jump the Shark,” episode came from.
Not familiar with the term? Read on…
So…for those who are not of a certain age, or “hip to the lingo” of media critics, “Jump the Shark” comes from an episode of the show “Happy Days” when Fonzie actually jumped a shark on water skis. And yes…that is as ridiculous as it sounds. It has become a term reflecting when a show is so out of ideas, that it swerves into the preposterous out of desperation.
For all of you who are rolling your eyes with the “Here, he goes again with the end of the game talk,” I will remind you that Happy Days went on for years after that, and that the episode had HUGE ratings. So…maybe it is a compliment to call this event the “Jump the Shark” event. Or not.
The reason I am suspect…is that when I read the “Insider Info” that EA sent us, I kept looking at the story line (which does include Moe by the way as it progresses), along with the prizes/premium items that are being offered, and came to the conclusion that the writers and the actual game programmers forgot to get together on this one.
There is a thread…even if it is so thin you can barely see it…to tie this thing together. I won’t reveal it all here. But, suffice it to say, that the Zoo aspect, and Moe, along with a ton of weird creatures, are at the heart of the story line, as much as a story line exists. In face…this event would make more sense if it was named, “TSTO GUMBO.” So many disparate parts brought together by a common theme…they are animals. We’ll to quote the Elephant Man…”I am not an animal…” But, I do feel like one sometimes…like a kitten moving wherever our master points the laser pointer…without questioning. But, I digress…
It’s like the animators and the programmers couldn’t settle on a single episode from which to pull the content, and so they started passing around a giant bottle of “Fireball” (cinnamon whiskey for the uninitiated) and throwing out ideas. And by the end, anything that looked like a zoo animal, or from the jungle, or even remotely kinda khaki, was thrown in to give them enough content to fill their Premium offerings, and Prize Tracks. And when that didn’t work, those who had consumed more than their fair share of Fireball, (and perhaps had taken some psychedelic mushrooms on top of the Fireball), simply made up weird beasts that fit the event…or didn’t…but were jammed in, anyway.
Random doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Azzlan (who is supposed to be Azlan from the “Chronicals of Narnia” where he represents the symbol of Jesus), is sitting with Bart, looking into a Holy Light, as Homer taps. Beautiful imagery, that has absolutely nothing to do with the actual event.
In fact…Azzlan is a premium item in this update, and comes with the “Serfson’s House” which is from the episode where they are all back in medieval times, and Azzlan visits Marge because her mother is dying, and he tries, but is rebuffed, to convert her to Christianity. (The Serfsons E1S29). Why is he here???? Because he is a lion…and zoos have lions. Or maybe…it’s because like TSTO, he represents being resurrected from the dead. Or not… Pass the FireBall.
But, it gets better. Let’s continue the zoological profiling with the “Anything Khaki.” We have (and yes…I am looking ahead and kinda teasing/spoiling) no fewer than four (including a returning) unrelated Khakis in the game…and only one has anything to do with a zoo.
Joan Bushwell – from the “Simpson’s Safari”…but is based on a cross between Jane Goodall and Joan Embery from the San Diego zoo (who by the way is back, after recovering from a stroke…the news of which broke my
heart). Loves me some Joan!
Perfect. Nothing says a nice cohesive update like this bunch. Pass the Fireball!
But, where is MOE?? Where is the Ark? Where is the story Arc?
Well…if you haven’t gotten there yet, Moe is recruited to steal rare animals for the zoo…but it doesn’t work out…and in Act II Doctor Hibbert is recruited to…
Oh. Wait. We can’t talk about Act II yet, because our NDA with EA says we can’t, (even though a certain hacker/poster/blogger has posted all of the information for the entire update on something that rhymes with “Stickie”). Pass the Fireball!
All I am going to say, is that this event gets so random in the storyline, that almost any possible animal, safari character, random jungle decoration, and even a handful of very random RELIGIOUS characters (can you say Rosh Hashanah?) and even another freakin’ “Time Traveler Homer” character all appear, so you HAVE to be drunk to try and make sense of it. Pass the Fireball!
In fact…by act three, there are so many random, silly, made-up animals and characters, that you start wishing that it was Homer on water skis, jumping the shark tank. Why not? That makes as much sense as some of the stuff we have coming down the “zoological poop shoot,” that is this event.
I’m fine with those who are “having fun.” Cool. Happy for you.
But, for me, adding almost countless, random, “animal” decorations (especially when they only bumped the item limits by 100…) is just a futile waste of grind.
And…come on…just a tad bit EALPish…don’t you think? How many of the same enclosures and animals do we want to “craft” even though they don’t call it crafting. The really puts the L in ELPISH (Lazy). Enjoying your summer off EA?
But, I know that most of you will continue to do so. And most of you will find a way to make sense of a huge zoo, that is now perched in the “GIGANTIC SPRINGFIELD AMUSEMENT AREA” that now threatens to make our towns so top-heavy with amusement parks, that they should succeed from Springfield proper and form their own state. And, whatever I write won’t make much sense to you.
I am gonna coast. And most likely just wait for Sarah Wiggum…and maybe buy a couple of decorations, including “Old Faithless” which I missed the first time it was offered. And I’ll just kinda plop what I “win” onto bare dirt, because I don’t have enough items left under my Item Limit Cap to do much of anything else.
(HOWEVER…IT HAS BEEN RAISED to 1700 items…so that is something).
Ooops! There I go again…breaking the NDA covenant and revealing what has already been revealed…as way of proving that EA has “Jumped the Whale” this time, and is laughing at us.
Well…at least the Three Eyed Whale comes from an actual episode (Future-Drama, S16E15) so there’s that. And while it has nothing to do with a zoo…or an ark…or Moe…or the jungle, the writers and programmers can justify it’s inclusion in this event, because it’s an animal.
This Fireball! She makes as much sense as most of the rest of the content in this event, and should be a character in the game at this point (and is an actual costume you can buy online).
And, at only 666 donuts, she is a real bargain!
Pass the Fireball… I have to jump a whale!