How does the Addicterino choose their way to tap
When thoughts of TSTO happen as tablets they do slap
They comment on a blog sometimes, some grumble, some exclaim,
What character? what traits? what names would describe their game play?
Well hello there Addicterinos! How the heck are you on this foine Friday? So, once again it has been a while since we had a meeting of TSTO Anonymous and right about now it’s about that time. Valentine’s Day in real life is over (hopefully it was good for all) and the VD event is nearing what a lot of us hope is its completion (but not before every addict gets the Tunnel).
Whenever I’m thinking about ideas for these mettings, I first go off and read about addiction. Let me just say, that’s some depressing stuff. As blue as all that info is though, it brings me such joy that this site is full of addicts and still a happy place. Sure some of that happiness is a little manic or strange (let’s face it… some tappers just don’t get us), but all in all we somehow together (meaning every last tapping finger that graces these pages) have created a positive place where we can all be us.
So cool… totes magotes even. Y’all are cray cray adorbs (all of that said in my best Darth Vader voice). So for today’s meeting, I wonder, just WHO…. ARE… YOU?
SO WHO ARE YOU? Other folks have gone so far as to identify all of us as completists vs realists vs fascists vs hackers. I don’t get it. Labels aren’t really my thing. I like to think we tap more like the pixellated characters we love to bonk on the head (think bunny foo foo). Sure we all have our own personal budgets and ideas about what we want in the game but this isn’t a site about divisiveness. It’s a community of addicted TSTO tappers, dare I say a family even?
Have no fear, this is no big psychological survey of readers where we try to find your inner child and any underlying pathologic behavior. It’s really as simple as which Simpsons character you identify with as you tap. I’ll outline some of my ideas and then YOU get to vote at the end. Cool beans? So let’s all turn our lenses inward and figure this out. Ask yourself, “If I was a four-fingered yellow character from the Best. Show. Ever. Who would I be?”
Lisa – You have a social agenda. Whether folks listen to you or not, you will have your say about all things TSTO. You’re smart, maybe even a little too smart for your own good. When tapping, you look out for all the plants and animals and want your personal “Mother Springfield” to be as beautiful and fair as possible. Now when is EA giving you that windmill to reduce your town’s reliance on Rich Texan oil and Burns’ nuclear energy?
Bart – You have a devil may care attitude when it comes to your game. Your goal is to create as much chaos as possible in every town you can. Thanks to EA you finally have the Noiseland Video Arcade to frequent and Apu fears your arrival every day. You are El Barto… bring on the graffiti!
Homer – This is a game? Ok, you may be a little clueless sometimes but at least you’re happy. Maybe you’re a little irresponsible at times with your game play but everything works out in the end. You find yourself tapping drunk but the folks at the bar are at least there by your side for support. If you gotta tpa… it’s best done the SMRT way.
Marge – Your family is addicted. You see things that could be fixed or behaviours that could be corrected but the important thing is others happiness. You don’t mind when the game sometimes seems like a chore because chores get done and then you can read whatever you want to.
Comic Book Guy – Worst. Game. Ever. Nerd snark is the name of your game. Sure, sometimes you laugh at the dialogue but if it was your game it would be so much better. Some might call you a troll but those same people don’t even know the difference between a hobbit, elf, troll or ogre.
Frink – Not only do you know how the game can be improved, you’ve done it and Good Glayven is your game amazing. All the donuts and gizmos and the tapping… yowza… Now if you could only decipher the donut theory for the space-time continuum and linear delusionality.
Smithers – You love the game in your own secret way. Sure Mr. EA might be the boss some people have nightmares about but you are fiercely devoted and will go on with whatever the next agenda is. Your flamboyant secretly with your true love for all things TSTO.
Cletus – What be that there boxy device folks get all grimey with their nose-picking fingers. Sure looks mighty purdy and flat-like for eating some possum. Maybe you’ll try yer hand at some of that playing but not before that finger gets put to some better uses.
Otto – Whoa…. This whole thing looks much better after puffing on a candy cane. Look at all the beautiful colors and shapes. The game is about the journey, not the rules. You don’t need a license to play this do you?
Barney – Drunks don’t let drunks tap alone. Has that wheel stopped spinning for anyone else yet? After blundering through your game, you need a nap and a tylenol.
Burns – You have a secret evil plan to become as rich as possible. The end is all that matters, forget the means. Whether it’s hiding nuclear waste or shooting a baby or two, in the end you will be the most powerful and wealthy tapper of all. Not sure who will die first, you or the game but it doesn;t matter as long as the levels are EXCELLENT.
Bumblebee Man – TSTO es muy bueno. Sure English isn’t your first language, but it’s not about the words, it’s about the fun. Plus, every one knows other countries speak and read English better than its native speakers.
Duffman – This game is a party… OH YEAH! Sure it may have led to an estranged daughter but you’re the king of those getting down in the tapping department. Your winning smile makes others enjoy themselves too.
Krusty – Shoot sidekicks out of cannons, walk monkeys, build new rides, smoke fat cigars and do everything to excess? Who cares as long as the kids are laughing and you’re getting paid? Anyone know a good line over at Springfield Downs?
Milhouse – Please somebody notice me. Some days playing the game makes you feel breathless or beaten up by the bullies once more. Has anyone noticed your lastest re-design? No matter what, you know one day the game is going to come up you.
Willy – You like living in your own little shack behind the school. More time to do the things you want to do plus it’s pretty great cursing at the game in Scottish. If there’s a task that needs done, you’re the guy we can count on. Thankfully it’s not Halloween though… stupid axes to the back.
Apu – Sure the game has shot you in the chest a time or two but duty to the work is important. You’ll be around as long as there is a Kwik-E-Mart that will have you. Sometimes you’re getting robbed, but sometimes it’s 100% syrup squishes. Thank you, come again.
Snake – Righteous. You like to go fast in the game with the top down and the wind blowing through your bitchin’ hair. Some people think you’re just a thug but they don’t see the inner genius of your awesomeness.
Nelson – This game will be the way you want it to be even if you have to beat it into submission. There are some things you are really in love with but expressing love is for the weak. Those that don’t run with the bullies, get trampled.
Martin – Sure some people might pick on your graceful style of play but you know you’re ever so smart and in touch with your inner being. As for TSTO? Excelsior! The bullies can’t get you if you hide in the nerd lair. Who needs to tap all day when there’s a good read a click away.
Well, there’s some ideas. Have a character you’re just like when you tap that I didn’t list? That’s what the other block in the poll is for. Sound off in the comments with why you’re like one of the tappers listed or like one I didn’t get to.
Thanks for using some of your precious time for the latest meeting. Have any ideas for future topics? Like these semi-monthly get-togethers? Think/know I’ve lost my marbles? Got anything you want to share? We end each meeting with the TSTO Anon Serenity Prayer.
“EA, grant me the serenity to accept the updates I cannot change, the courage to recommend the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Thanks for stopping by. TTFN… Wookiee out!
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All Screen Shots of Game Graphics & Dialogue and Game Graphics from files ™ and © EA, Gracie Films and FOX