Hey Howdy Hey Fit™ Tappers!
You giving your little tap tap tapping fingers a good work out with all this crazy dialogue in the latest Episode Tie-In for Yellow Badge of Cowardge? With all the craziness of the
Frink Friendship Points…or lack there of..yesterday, I didn’t get a chance to post the complete e-tie-in walkthrough for my favorite Addicted Tappers! So you know what they say…there’s no time like the present so let’s get to walking shall we?
As mentioned in the update rundown post Milhouse kicks things off in his quest to not finish last at field day….so let’s see just what this Fit™ thing is all about shall we?
SPOILER WARNING full dialogue below the fold…
Milhouse FTW! Pt. 1
Homer: Hey, it’s what’s-his-name….Glasses McBluehair?
Milhouse: No, Mr. Simpson. My name is–
Homer: Wait, don’t tell me! I totally know you — you’re Lisa’s boyfriend, or girlfriend, or something. Uhhh….Martin?
Milhouse: No, close though.
Homer: Okay, think, Homer. Not Nelson, because he’s cool. God, I wish I was Nelson. Okay, gotta focus….close to Martin…Comic Book Guy?
Milhouse: That’s not a good guess at all.
Homer: Principal Skinner? Duffman? Lard Lad? The Kwik-E-Mart?
Milhouse: My last name is Van Houten.
Are you sure I know you?
Lenny: Hey Homer! Whatcha doin’?
Homer: Just messing with Milhouse to cheer him up. He seemed kind of down.
Carl: Sorry to hear that. What’s up kid? Did future Lisa future divorce future you again?
Milhouse: No, field day is coming up at school and I’ve already go a closet full of last-place trophies in one of those. I don’t know what to do
Lenny: You could rent a storage unit!
Carl: Yea, I bet you could fit a crapload of last-place trophies in one of those.
Lenny: It’s fun solving people’s problems!
Homer: I think Milhouse actually wants to NOT lose.
Lenny: Oh, like win? That’s super-hard.
Carl: I’d seriously give the storage unit some thought.
Homer: Come on, guys – let’s help him win!
Milhouse: Do you guys actually know anything about fitness?
Homer: I know “feel the burn” is a thing. And there’s something called cardio, which is either good or bad. Also electrolytes, maybe?
Carl: Listen to Professor Jack Lalanne over here!
Milhouse: Maybe I should just look up fitness on the internet.
Carl: The inter-what-now?
Milhouse: The internet. It’s where I learned about the civil war, dinosaurs, my parent’s getting divorce, my parents getting back together…the tidal wave approaching Springfield, the assassination of Trotsky–
Homer: They assassinated Trotsky?!
Lenny: There were dinosaurs?!
Milhouse: I’m going to go do an internet search for “rock-hard male bodies”
Carl: Just make sure safe search is on with that one.
Make Milhouse Research Fitness on the Internet– 6hrs, Earns $225, 55xp
Milhouse FTW! Pt. 2
Homer: I think we are really close to helping Morton.
Carl: Totally! You should have kept saying science words.
Homer: I kind of ran out.
Comic Book Guy: Hello, did I hear my name?
Homer: Yeah, like a million lines ago. It’s nothing, it was a joke. Hey, here’s Milhouse now. How did the web surfing go?
Milhouse: Pretty good. The internet is a weird place, but it sure has products to buy. Can I borrow your credit card, Mr. Simpson?
Homer: I don’t see why not. Knock yourself out.
Milhouse: This card says “Todd Flanders”
Homer: Well I’m not going to give you my “Ned Flanders” card! You’re just not ready for that flexible spending limit.
Make Milhouse Order Unnecessary Fitness Gadgets– 4hrs, Earns $175, 45xp
Milhouse: Alright! My stuff is here already. Physical fitness, here I come!
Milhouse FTW! Pt. 3
Fit™ Milhouse starts
Fit™ Milhouse: This outfit is great! It’s like I got a little fitter just putting it on! Now for the most important part of getting in shape… choosing a sports drink.
Sea Captain: YARR! How about a salty treat from the deep to quench that thirst? Allow me to introduce….Captain McAllister’s very own Obesotade!
Fit™ Milhouse: Who’s Captain McAllister?
Sea Captain: That’s me. Sea Captain. Captain McAllister. Same thing. Same guy.
Fit™ Milhouse: I’ve never heard anyone call you Captain McAllister.
Sea Captain: YAR. You’re making this into something it’s not. My last name is McAllister — Captain McAllister, who is a sea captain. I sell a product. It’s effective. You should buy some.
Fit™ Milhouse: Okay, tell me more, Mister McAllister.
Sea Captain: Not Mister, Captain. Mine is the only brine-based sports drink scientifically guaranteed to make you lose weight by peeing out more water than you take in.
Fit™ Milhouse: Even as a naive ten-year-old, I question that as a fitness strategy.
Sea Captain: And how many whales have you killed?
Fit™ Milhouse: Two
Sea Captain: Shiver me timbers, that’s two more than me. Listen my lad, the only question you need to ask yourself is which color you’d prefer. Will it be goat-urine yellow or rigor-mortis blue?
Fit™ Milhouse: If you promise to go away afterwards, I’ll take a gallon of both. And here’s my credit card.
Sea Captain: Ah yes, Todd Flanders. I sold a barrel of grog to your father Ned just yesterday. He’s fatter and balder than I remember, but aren’t we all.
Make Fit™ Milhouse Guzzle Sports Drinks– 12hrs, Earns $420, 100xp
Milhouse FTW! Pt. 4
Fit™ Milhouse starts
Fit™ Milhouse: Now that I’ve brought a bunch of stuff on the internet, guzzled copious amounts of sugary sea water….and been to the hospital for acute kidney failure. I guess I’d better get exercising.
Make Fit™ Milhouse ‘Work It’– 24hrs, Earns $600, 150xp
Fit™ Milhouse: Feel the burn Milhouse! Feel the burn!!
Hey…that WAS a lot of dialogue….
At this point….a little dialogue with Lugash and Fit™ Milhouse will start up…it will start even if you don’t have Lugash in your town…
Fit™ Milhouse: Look who’s talking! You smoke, you drink a bottle of vodka a day…you’ve never see a vegetable, and your heart is mostly transplanted pig valves.
Lugash: How you know these things?
Fit™ Milhouse: They’re written on your brochure and you have them tattooed on your back.
Lugash: That was crazy night. Never drink and redo brochure. When you are ready to stop silly girl moves and become best, come to gym.
Fit™ Milhouse: *gasp* You mean you’re offering to be my own personal trainer?
Lugash: Yes, but for a price. Lugash is premium!
Lugash-sthetics Pt. 1
Milhouse: I’d actually like to look like a STRAIGHT version of Dragomir.
Lugash: Haha, good joke. Never joke about Dragomir again. So, you will come to Lugash’s gym and train until you cry salty tears of joy?
Milhouse: Bring it, chump. You heard me.
Make Lugash Bring Milhouse to Tears- 8hrs, Earns $840, 210xp
Lugash-sthetics Pt. 2
Lugash: The sight of chubby American boy, flabby little legs and soft buttery arms fill Lugash with UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE! Good thing anger management make Lugash more understanding. Lugash use pain management technique, focus on positive reinforcement, avoid more prison time. Instead of pain, Lugash promise you nice home made meal…
Comic Book Guy: Yes, hello, sorry to intrude, but did someone say “meal?” Because I’m a big fan.
Lugash: Get out. See Milhouse, that is what you will become if you not get in shape.
Comic Book Guy: I’m big-boned.
Lugash: You are FAT-boned, and fat everything-elsed. Anger returning, not so managed now. Go away. Enough chit-chat boy slug! Time for your first 10-kilometer sprint!
Milhouse: Kilometer? What’s that? Do you mean mile?
Lugash: NO! LUGASH MEAN KILOMETER! Lugash civilized and only accept metric units of measurement! Now start running before Lugash prod you with fifty-centimeter electric cattle fork!
Make Milhouse Hide from Lugash in Fear– 24hrs, Earns $1,000, 225xp
Lugash-stehtics Pt. 3
Lugash: Oh look! Here is chubby American boy! Why you hide from Lugash when Lugash only mean well?
Milhouse: I’m sorry Lugash. I don’t know what came over me.
Lugash: Liar, you killing time because you no want exercise. Now get to running before old friend cattle prod say hello again!
Make Milhouse Put in Some Honest Effort– x4, 8hrs, Earns $840, 210
Lugash: You doing well! Lugash almost proud That closest Lugash ever get to actual proud. Okay, no rest, do again.
Lugash-stehtics Pt. 4
Milhouse: Lugash’s exercise regime has me looking as ripped as Rip Van Winkle!
Lisa: Didn’t he just sleep for 20 years?
Milhouse: Yes. And that’s why I’ll be turning out the lights when I’m taking ‘the new me’ selfies for posting on Springface.
Make Milhouse Post Selfies to Springface– 1hr, Earns $70, 17xp
And that’s it my friends! Everything is coming up Milhouse in this new Episode tie-in!
What do YOU think of the new Episode tie-in? Thoughts on Fit™ Milhouse? Will you purchase Lugash? Or do you already have him in your Springfield? Sound off in the comments below, you know we LOVE hearing from you!