Tapped Out Walkthrough: Level 34 Chalmers

Good Morning Tappers!
Level 34 is here!  As many of you already know, Lisa gets things started.  Now let’s get right into Level 34:

“SKINNERRRR?!”Pt. 1
After tapping on Lisa

Lisa: Principal Skinner? Have you ever thought about what comes after all this?
Skinner: Do you mean the afterlife? Yes, I’ve got it all figured out. Heaven will be me and mother sitting in comfy recliners, and I have control of the TV remote. Hell is the same, but she gets to pick the shows.
Lisa: No, I meant what comes after we kids graduate from Springfield Elementary. We need a high school!
Build Springfield High School-24hr build

Keep Skinner free when complete
New Character Unlock!

“SKINNERRRR?!” Pt. 2
After tapping Skinner

Skinner: When you have only one school in town, you only need a principal to run it. But with two schools, we’ll need a…a….superintendent.
Chalmers: And poof, like magic, here I am.
Make Chalmers Shout at “SKINNERRR!”-1hr

“SKINNERRRR?!” Pt. 3
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I see you’re performing your duties to your usual high standard of sickening incompetence.
Skinner: Thank you, sir. As you can see, we still only have a handful of students at Springfield Elementary. It’s lovely.
Chalmers: Yes. I’d almost forgotten how peaceful it is when the entire student body gets blown to Kingdom Come. We’ll have to do it more often. But for now, let’s roll up our sleeves and get educating! We’ll start with the foundation of any strong liberal arts education—standardized test-taking.
Make Chalmers Administer a Science Test-4hrs
Keep Skinner free when complete
Chalmers: Seymour, these test scores are abominable! In science, we got the lowest aggregate score ever recorded!
Skinner: It could be argued that, by establishing a new worst, we have in fact made a major contribution to science.
Chalmers: It could be so argued by an idiot.
Skinner: But my point stands.
Chalmers: This is unacceptable, Skinner! Get out of my office while I think on what to do about this!

Night At The Knowledgeum Pt. 1
After tapping Skinner

Skinner: It’s not my fault these idiot kids don’t know the difference between the decay rate of a top quark and a W boson. I’ve provided them with the hands-off rote memorization of atomic numbers that young brains crave. And still they don’t learn!
Lisa: Maybe we could try something a little more interactive. Do you remember the Springfield Knowledgeum?
Skinner: How could I forget it? I once dropped a twenty dollar bill there, and I couldn’t find it. It was one of the formative experiences of my adult life.
Build the Knowledgeum- 36hrs

Night At The Knowledgeum Pt. 2
After tapping Lisa

Lisa: This is truly amazing.  I feel like I am surrounded by knowledge, cradled in the bosom of learning!
Skinner: I would echo your sentiment, but if I say the word “bosom” around a child, I could lose my job.
Lisa: Let’s split up.  Remember– we’re looking for ways to make science fun for kids.
Skinner: Or, barring that, some sort of kid-shaped automation that is good at science tests.  Or, barring that, let’s try to determine if there are any job openins in their janitorial team.  And if so, if they’d be interested in someone like me.

Make Lisa Spend the Night at the Knowledgeum-12hrs
Make Skinner Spend the Night at the Knowledgeum-12hrs

Night At The Knowledgeum Pt. 3
After tapping Lisa

Lisa: I think I know how to revitalize the science curriculum.  Let’s do what this place does, and show that science is fun!
Skinner: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lisa.  “Science Is fun?” I have a Masters in Education, young lady.  And one of the things I learned in graduate school is that science is boring and, to use a technical term, sucky.  Even Einstein knew science was a total snooze-fest!  Probably.  I mean, he was super-smart, so he must’ve known that.
Lisa: I’m telling you—follow my advice, and Springfield Elementary will be filled with budding scientists in no time.
Make Lisa Fix the Science Curriculum-12hrs
Make Skinner Fix the Science Curriculum-12 hrs
Keep Chalmers free when complete

“SKINNERRRR?!” Pt. 4
After tapping Skinner

Skinner: Um, Superintendent Chalmers?
Chalmers: Can’t you see I’m busy?  I’m trying to determine the most painful, humiliating way to fire you.  What I have so far is good, but it doesn’t really “sing” yet, you know?
Skinner: Yes, of course.  But I think the children should be retested now that they’ve learned how fun science can be.
Chalmers: “Science is fun?”  That very notion goes against centuries of Western thought.  I’ll admit it—I’m intrigued.
Make Chalmers Administer a Science Test-4hrs
Chalmers:  Well, look at that.  The kids’ test scores are up.  Way up!  I’m talking “satisfactory” up!  Well done, Seymour!
Skinner: Thank you, sir.  Although I have to admit, I had help.
Chalmers: Yes, yes, well all assumed that.

High School Low Pt. 1
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Look at this!  Improved test scores have earned me a citation from Town Hall, “in recognition of exemplary performance.”  You did all the work, Skinner, and I got all the credit!  It’s every bureaucrat’s dream!
Skinner: And it’s every toadying lickspittle’s dream to make his boss’s dream come true!  Congratulations!
Make Chalmers Visit Town Hall– 8hrs
Keep Quimby free when complete

High School Low Pt. 2
After tapping Quimby

Quimby: In recognition of your fine work turning around Springfield Elementary, Superintendent Chalmers, you are hereby promoted to Intendent of Springfield High School.
Chalmers: Thank you, Mr. Mayor.  Two questions: one, how is going from “Superintendent” to “Indendent” a promotion; and two, are you aware that Intendent is a made-up word?
Quimby: I oughta be, I made it up!  It means a “principal,” but where the town doesn’t have the money to hire a principal because of widespread corruption that is in no way the mayor’s fault.
Chalmers: I got into education because I wanted to cut art budgets, not have contact with children!  I won’t last a day!
Make Chalmers Intend Springfield High School-12hrs
Chalmers starts the next part

High School Low Pt. 3
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Great Scot, Skinner! I had no idea the students of today had grown so soft. They’re like pampered veal calves, but with an even less promising future. Heads always buried in their smart phones and tablets…What could they possibly be doing?
 
Skinner: They generally use them to play time-wasting, potential-draining “freemium” video games. Or at least they did until that fateful day when the game they were playing asked them how old they were, and they all had to stop.
Chalmers: I won’t stand for it! I’m going to turn these kids into rugged, won’t-take-no-for-an-answer individualists if it kills me! We’ll start with mandatory, 5:00AM calisthenics!
Build the All Night Gymif you haven’t already. Came with Level 31 update…Finally a use for it!
Make Chalmers Lead Calisthenics– 4hrs

High School Low Pt. 4
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Participation in my morning calisthenics program is at 0%.
Skinner: Look on the bright side. That’s a lot higher than any of us expected sir. “Any of us” being people educated in Springfield public schools, who due to years of poor math instruction, don’t understand how percentages work.
Chalmers: I’ve got to think of something. I always do my best thinking when I’m in the wilderness, honing my manly skills by surviving off the land.
Place a Camp Fire-$2,600
Make Chalmers Survive Off the Land-24hrs

High School Low Pt. 5
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Did you realize, Seymour, that physical education in this school includes classes in “Badminton” and “Golf?” No wonder these children are all blobs of goo.

Skinner: The kids do enjoy badminton. They get to say “shuttlecock” a lot. (MB’s Note: Adults like saying it too…still cracks me up!)
Chalmers: You’re not supposed to enjoy sports! Sports should push you to the brink of death, leave you utterly spent, heaving desperate gasps between blood-speckled coughs, asking yourself “Why, God, why am I so weak?” From now on, the only sport here is Greco-Roman wrestling! And matches don’t stop until both students are crying!
Make Chalmers Intend Springfield High School-12hrs

High School Low Pt. 6
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Starting today, all Springfield High School students will participate in the following classes: Leadership, Mountaineering, Rough-Riding, Big Game Hunting, Celestial Navigation…Tourniquet Making, Foraging, Turst Busting, Manliness…Orienteering, Bare-Knuckle Brawling, Big Game Hunting II: Perspectives in Taxidermy, Chivalry…American Expansionism, Knife Sharpening, Knife Making, Knife Throwing, and Deep Jungle Exploration. If you have any questions, keep them to yourselves. That is all!
Make Chalmers Intend Springfield High School-12hrs
Keep Groundskeeper Willie free when complete

High School Low Pt. 7
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Groundskeeper Willie! I wonder if you’d have time to build a caber-toss field at Springfield High.
Groundskeeper Willie: But the noble Scottish sport of caber tossing was banned in Springfield years ago, on account of its being incredibly hazardous and generally pointless.
Chalmers: We’re bringing it back! I’ll not send a single student off to college who isn’t adept at heaving a tree truck end-over-end so that it lands as close to a “twelve o’clock” position as possible. It would be un-American to do so!
Willie: I think I’m going to cry.
Make Willie Build a Caber Toss Field– 4hrs (sadly this isn’t an outdoor task, Willie will go inside the HS for this one)
Keep Chalmers, Legs & Louie free when complete

High School Low Pt. 8
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: Corpulent Anthony!
Fat Tony: Yes?
Chalmers: My students are cowards! I want you to send some of your toughest enforces into my school, and push them around until they learn to stand up for themselves. You’re welcome to keep any lunch money that the weaker ones fork over.
Fat Tony: What a shockingly wrong-headed education initiative. However, no grown-up bully can say “no” to lunch money.
Make Legs Intimidate Students– 24hrs
Make Louie Intimidate Students- 24hrs
Keep Chalmers free when complete

High School Low Pt. 9
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: I’ve done it. I’ve molded these blubber-wrapped vidiots into capable young Americans. Who are shockingly ignorant of literature, but still. I think I should reward myself with a little “me time.”
Make Chalmers Lead Calisthenics-4hrs

High School Low Pt. 10
After tapping Chalmers

Chalmers: I’ve got another invitation to Town Hall. Wonder what it could be for this time? Maybe they’ve got a special commendation for me! 
Make Chalmers Visit Town Hall– 8hrs
Quimby: You idiot! You’ve transformed this town’s kids into self-reliant, confident individualists. What do you have to say for yourself?
Chalmers: Uh…you’re welcome?
Quimby: No! You don’t get it, do you? Do you think I’ve allowed this town’s schools to fall apart by accident? That I didn’t INTEND for every class to receive poorer education than the one before?
Chalmers: But why would you do that?
Quimby: Because stupid people vote for incumbents! You start churning out free thinkers, me and every other incumbent in this declining country is doomed! THEN where will be all be? You are hereby demoted from Intendent to Superintendent. Now get out of my sight!

High School Low Pt. 11
After tapping Chalmers
Chalmers: I’ve failed. And relegated the children of Springfield to a life of ignorance and laziness. It’s times like this when the only thing that can cheer me up is partaking in an activity that is a playful pun on my beloved catchphrase.
Place a Minnow Pond-$4,500
Make Chalmers Catch Some “DINNERRRR?!”-8hrs

And with that level 34 is complete!

Without using donuts Level 34 should take you just under 9 days to complete. A little bit better than level 33, which might mean would could see level 35 and/or a Halloween event next Friday (September 6th).

Either way enjoy level 34 tappers, I know I did!

Happy Tapping!